Namjoo remained silent.

It hurt looking at her that way, so he let his eyes drift toward the table top. He hated himself. He hated that they were like this.

“I still want to fight for you,” Jongin said, “but it’s difficult right now. I wanted you here so we can try to fix us, but it’s not working the way I want it to. We keep arguing, we get angry for no reason; we lie and keep hurting each other. We’re just suffocating each other. We can’t keep going like this. It’s not what a marriage is, not the kind of life I want with you. If you want some time alone, I’ll let you go.”

He looked up upon Namjoo’s sniffle and found her crying despairingly into the palm of her hands. And he swore that in this entire lifetime, the only person who could ever make him cry was her.

~~~~~  

Namjoo left just like that. Again. In the middle of the night after kissing Jaegeun goodbye.

It was quiet again, almost meaningless to even return home those days after work. He gave the message through Secretary Hong that Namjoo wouldn’t need to come into his office anymore. She was to do what she came here to do, work alongside Kyung. And Jongin knew that he wouldn’t be seeing her around.

He began dreading work again.

For a long week he neither saw nor heard from Namjoo, almost as if she were dead again. He yearned for information about her but knew that if pushed it, he would break the tiny thread of their connection.

~~~~~

Friday morning after staring off into space at his desk there was a knock on his door. He turned when the door opened to find the front receptionist poking her head in.

“Goo Yeji is here.”

Jongin merely grumbled underneath his breath. A flat second later the woman walked in in disturbingly steep heels. Getting up from his seat to greet her Jongin pushed the door close then followed her to the sitting area.

“Your little wife’s not here today?” Yeji asked looking around.

“Why are you here?”

“I just wanted to see how the two of you are doing,” Yeji mused walking around as if she’d never been there before. Jongin’s eyes followed her warily. “Did Namjoo pass on the little gift I gave her?”   

Jongin’s brows twitched.

Crossing her arms she turned to look at him, “Is that a yes or no?”

Jongin wanted to lash out at her but restrained himself. Handing Namjoo those documents was just like handing him those documents about her debt two years ago. That was why they had broken up. That was why they ended up like this.

“You know what, Yeji?” Jongin said after a brief moment of silence. “I feel sorry for you; that you didn’t have the chance to get married or find the right person to be with. I really felt for you when you shared your story with me. It was a cruel thing what your fiancé did to you. I’m starting to think it’s not me you want, but what I have with Namjoo that you desire. The idea of it, the moments, and the essence of our relationship, because I do love her.

“But Namjoo’s not like him. She may have hurt me but that’s only a part of it, it’s not even the whole story. You can laugh and say that we’re still not the same, but I don’t care about that. Feelings change, love changes, the world is always changing. All I can do is try to keep up with it and I know that no matter what, I’ll still love her the same. And I know that Namjoo and I still have something to hold onto, and I’m doing that right now. I’m holding on, I’m waiting because I believe in her.

“If you want to know, we’re not breaking up. If Chairman Goo ever needs to justify himself, he can do it at my father’s grave. Sorry you’ve wasted your time on me. Please leave.”

~~~~~

Namjoo had opted to go to Joohwan’s, hide out there for a few days until she recovered from her bout, but she would be a nuisance to his little family. They were happy and didn’t need someone like her to bring the mood down. She was unable to go to Kyung’s, so it was the apartment she ended up going to.

First thing in the morning Secretary Hong made a call to her that she would no longer need to go in to work but report to Kyung. She had started doing that. Work was good and slow and helped deprive her mind of other thoughts, but returning to the solace of the apartment was quite different. It was very quiet. The bed was cold and she spent most nights unable to sleep; often times pacing around the apartment, stopping to stare out the window.

For a week she let her mind wander and her heart rest. She missed company but having her own space did help clean out the clog in her mind. The fog that had settled was starting to clear and she could almost breathe normally again. Her chest wasn’t so heavy.

All was left was to bring a smile back to her face. Maybe more than that.

Two weeks went by just like that, with her mind running aimlessly. Namjoo finally sat down one Saturday afternoon to dwell on the things she should have thought over earlier, only her heart hadn’t been able to handle. Now she felt stronger, more able, and braver and ready for what she hadn’t been prepared for. Once evening fell she grabbed her bag and left the apartment.

~~~~~

“Hi,” Joohwan greeted at the doorway. “What are you doing here at this time?”

Namjoo made sure to smile at him then held up the bag of beer she’d come with, “Can we have a few drinks in the back? Promise it won’t take long.”

“Yes, lets,” he eagerly nodded. After grabbing a couple of chairs stored inside they were out in the backyard admiring the stars above.

“So what’s going on?” Joohwan wondered. “Does my brother-in-law actually let his wife out this late at night?”

He tried smiling to help with the humor but it faded when he saw that it was hard for her to give the laugh she was supposed to give.

Instead of waiting for him to ask what was wrong Namjoo told, “I’m not with him right now. Don’t worry. I’ll go back soon.”

She kind of wished they had a bonfire going. Listening to some wood cracking underneath the heat of the fire would sound nice right now, calming and like background music.

“Joohwan,” her heart throbbed as she called his name and thought about their mother. They had grown up, just the two of them so alone; sticking through thick and thin together and always making sure that the other would never be left behind. There were too many ups and downs they never spoke about anymore. Not even a book would be able to tell all their difficulties. Nothing and no one in this whole world could ever replace the bond they shared. She loved him so much. Her brother was all she’d ever had and it felt like she had the whole world even when she didn’t. She was always a winner because of him.

When he looked at her she went on, “Lets forgive her.”

“Who?”

Namjoo blinked a few times then quietly said, “Our mom.”

Silence.

Lifting her eyes up she found him looking at her with incredulous disbelief. All heavy emotions poured down on her like a bucket and Namjoo fought tears again. Clearly it still wasn’t over.

“Lets let it go,” Namjoo croaked. “I’m starting to realize that by being angry at her, by telling everyone she’s dead, and by telling ourselves we loathe her we’re only making it more difficult. It’s already been very hard. Lets not make it harder. Hwan, our mom, she never forgot about us.”

Joohwan shook his head in denial, “That’s not true. It’s a lie.”

“Could she have forgotten us when we never forgot her? Hwan, mom is old now. Not like what you remember,” Namjoo’s heart broke. “Before it’s too late, lets go see her and forgive her. That’s all we have to do. Don’t you want Yejun to meet her? Yejun should at least meet our mom, at least once, don’t you think? Just for one day, let mom be her grandma.”

His frown grew deeper. “Why are you like this?”

Namjoo barely choked on her words, “I want to be happy. I want to be able to go back home smiling, but I can’t do that if we can’t forgive her. How can I be at peace when I hate Jongin’s mother?” Namjoo openly cried and begged, “Just one day. Lets have our mother back before we let her go.”

~~~~~

Whether it was because she’d shed tears in front of Joohwan for the first time or because he, too, wanted to have someone to call mom again, he was here with her. Namjoo had long come to accept the painful fact that their mother was now a part of Jongin’s family tree, and would no longer exist as their mother. Sometimes circumstances made things so twisted, changes couldn’t simply be made without destroying everything and starting over. Jongin’s father was no longer alive to mend what he’d started, and Namjoo didn’t have the heart to go through all the trouble to put the broken pieces together. She was tired now. The mere fact that her mother was still around was better than nothing and she could live with that. Namjoo could trust in the fact that Joohwan knew her heart.

Her younger brother squeezed her arm when they approached the front steps. She had cried for a long time to him yesterday about her misery that she couldn’t wait to be back where her heart was. Leaning forward Namjoo glanced at Yejun who was tucked safely in his other arm with fist in .

The door opened for them and she led him inside. Very quietly Joohwan followed her in. Right about now Jaegeun would be at school and Jongin at work. The house would belong to them.

“The Madam is in her room. Her health has been very frail these days. Please don’t talk too long.” the housekeeper cautioned them before disappearing down the hall.

“Is she…very sick?” Joohwan quietly asked after settling Yejun down and handed her a toy he’d brought along.

“I don’t know,” Namjoo softly murmured.

A few minutes later Hunmi appeared down the hallway with her long dress swaying prettily at her feet. When she recognized them she immediately halted at the entryway. Her eyes first landed on Joohwan then on her, the children she didn’t think she had the chance to see again. Namjoo watched her face break before covering with both hands to hold back a wail.

Namjoo felt her lips move with difficulty before finally saying, “We’re here, mom.”

Tears gushed out at the speed of light when the elder woman rushed over to hug them. Namjoo didn’t hold back from burying herself into her mother’s embrace and shook harder as she cried, finally accepting the truth as it was.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Namjoo sobbed pulling her mother closer as if with one loose grip she might lose her again. It had been so long since she had touched mother’s hair, smelled mother’s scent, or held her close. All the regrets and desire came crumbling down in that instant and nothing mattered. “Mom. Mom. Mom.”

Their reunion was spent crying and apologizing. The tears shed made up of all the bruised wounds they had individually carried throughout the years. Each tear drop carrying a different story every time it dropped. No day, since their father died, had their small family of three felt so whole.

“Look at you,” her mother cried, both their heads. Nodding her head, acknowledging the fact they had survived without mother’s warm hand she said with voice cracking, “You’ve grown so well. My children.”

“I brought my daughter. Do you want to see her?” Joohwan asked. Lifting Yejun up from the ground he bounced her up in his arms before turning her to face their mother. “Yejun, this is your grandma. It’s your grandma…” it was all he managed before breaking into tears again. His heart was breaking all over again and she couldn’t watch. Namjoo was forced to bite her lower lip in order not to start sobbing hysterically.

Long ago their mother had left them to fulfill the duty of Jongin’s deceased mother. This time around they were letting their mother go. To never be able to call someone my mother again was achingly painful.

“Why? Why are you crying like that?” their mother asked confused, her tone distraught between crying out again and lighting up. She grabbed Joohwan’s hand before looking at Namjoo with arousing concern in her watery eyes.

Reaching over for Yejun Namjoo settled the baby onto the floor and turned to their mother. “Mom,” her voice trembled, “before you’re our mother, you are your own person. It has always been like that and will always be like that. I…” Namjoo in a deep, shaky breath, “mom can’t be in two places at the same time. It doesn’t matter what’s already happened or what will happen. You already belong here, so for one day…just today…be our mom, Namjoo and Joohwan’s mom.”

There was a painful blank in her mother’s stare before she squeezed her eyes shut and nodded in understanding. This wasn’t about repairing or replacing what was lost. It was merely about accepting and moving on.

It was all they could do.

They continuously shed tears and thankfully, some laughter as they sat together sharing stories about growing up. And for a while it did feel like they were reminiscing good old times with their old mother, sharing joy and knowledge, and learning about the experiences that had molded each person’s character. For some time they listened to their mother’s wisdom and held back tears when they ate mother’s home cooked meal. Not before long, night fell.

Namjoo retreated to Jongin’s room after the tearful goodbye to Joohwan who kept looking back as he walked away. She spent the few minutes crying to herself in bed before eventually knocking out.    

~~~~~

Jongin expected the usual monotone silence when he returned home. To his surprise, the lights were dimmed out and his mother was sitting on the living room couch cradling Jaegeun in her arms. She looked exhausted but was glowing with contentment. He noticed her unusually swollen eyes were streaked with red.

“Are you ok?” he worried. “Should I call the doctor?”

The woman shook her head with a dainty smile while her hand repeatedly landed against Jaegeun’s arm with gentle movements. “I’m ok.”

“Then…why…” Jongin began uncertain with what to really ask. His mother seemed abnormal in a way he couldn’t explain.

“I’m just happy.” She continued smiling. “I have all of you, and it makes me happy.” Breathlessly smiling she said, “Go on. Namjoo is waiting for you.”

Jongin’s eyes lit up at the mere mention of Namjoo. “She’s here?”

His mother nodded. “Hurry on. Don’t worry about me.”

Jongin glanced down at Jaegeun and quickly spun around as if Namjoo might magically appear behind him. Without a moment’s waste he hurried down the hallway toward his bedroom. Flinging the door open he hurried in, ready to scream her name. His voice died in his throat when he spotted her sleeping peacefully on his bed as if she belonged there all along.

Quietly closing the door he slowed his pace and walked over toward her. This was real. Namjoo was real.

She was here.

For some unfathomable reason he was so touched just by seeing her he could have shed tears right there and then. Instead, he leaned over the bed to leave a soft peck on her cheek. Namjoo barely moved, so he did it again and again until she finally budged. A smile sprouted across his lips instantly when she turned to look up at him.

Jongin had never felt so alive before.

“Hi,” he softly breathed and moved back to allow her space to get up.

“Hey,” Namjoo said in turn. Settling down beside her, Jongin strictly locked his eyes on her. He needed to soak in the sight of her before she might go missing again. His heart lurched forward when Namjoo touched the side of his face with her hand and leaned forward to kiss him, stealing his breath away.

“I’m sorry and I’m grateful. Lets keep fighting and arguing. Lets keep doing things together, because being with you makes me happy. You make me happy.”

“Yea?” he smiled, unable to turn away from her eyes.

“Yea,” she nodded.

“I missed you.”

Jongin expected her to say the same in turn but instead he heard, “I love you.”

He ended up giggling giddily before closing the gap between them to kiss her hard.

***Well you ever heard the saying "Sometimes people need to fall apart before falling back together?" Sometimes we need our own space in order to cool off before being able to think about things clearly. That's just how it is sometimes. People don't just 'simply work things out' or else all problems would be easily solved. People complicate things. That's humanity, because we are difficult people. KaiJoo are just mere representations of that. Their relationship had issues, they had personal problems and they just made it all the more difficult to handle.

***I totally did not plan this chapter this way. I actually planned to have Namjoo's mother withdraw herself from Jongin's family tree in order to return to being mother to Namjoo and Joohwan, but then I felt this way works better. You might not agree with me but I feel that some things aren't so easily changed. In this case, Hunmi being Jongin's mother. I wrote Namjoo's dialogue that way the previous chapter because it's truth that Jongin knows her mother more than she does, that's where the unfairness stems from, why Namjoo's so miserable and why she feels so betrayed by everything. Namjoo and her brother no longer know their mother enough to have her back as mother. It's not that simple. They can't just have her back and rebuild everything they've lost, because Namjoo and Joohwan have grown up already. They can't pretend that they have known each other all this while even when they want to be together. Namjoo and Joohwan are no longer children nor do they need a mother to look after them, because both of them are married and have started going their own paths. It's bittersweet. Writing this made me really sad. Think about it in depth. 

***Next chapter is the Last Stop!!