~~~~~

Two days went by since she last saw Jongin. Ten times he called her both days, leaving messages in her voicemail. The one time he did come see her at Mr. Pizza she hid at the back after telling a co-worker to tell him she hadn’t come in for work.

“I went to your work, they said you didn’t go in today. Can I come over? Call me back.” “I want to see you. When is a good time? Namjoo…I miss you.”

When he called again she didn’t pick up but sat quietly in her room watching the clock tick by. At the notion that getting closer to him would bring her mother back into her world, she immediately hated even the idea of being near him. When she left work she took a different route home. Now her days were longer and gloomier compared to the days she saw Jongin. When she walked into her hostel something would always seem amiss and she would coax herself to sleep by playing music in her old CD player.

The longer the days went the more lost she felt. The scheme she’d started was slowly shattering. Everything that had seemed so perfect was no longer perfect. Nothing was any longer in place.

~~~~~

Exams hit Jongin hard that week. He could neither concentrate nor focus. Every time he tried his eyes drifted to his phone and he’d reach for it without meaning to. Of the numerous messages he’d sent Namjoo she didn’t read or send any back, even if she did read them. 

He missed her. He wanted to talk with her about what his father had told him. He wanted to know her feelings about it because he was both scared and uncertain about it all. With his situation, adapting to his environment might become difficult for Namjoo and many times he might not be there for her. Jongin wanted to tell Namjoo all these things before bringing up the topic of marriage again. But Namjoo never picked her phone up. It all left him pondering over whether he’d done something to upset her.

When she hugged him at the park that day she’d seemed disappointed and sad, kind of quiet in a lonesome manner but he had been too troubled to really see it. Did she feel neglected?

~~~~~

Almost a week went by. Namjoo was suffocating but did not know how to release it. That Saturday when her twelve hour shift came to an end she was called up to the counter. Someone wanted to meet her. If it was Jongin she would tell him they were over, but it wasn’t.

Some woman who seemed misplaced in their restaurant stood on the other side of the counter, eyeing her with sharply lined eyes heavily shadowed in bronze. Her long dark lashes curled into the air as she smiled and Namjoo noticed the Coach bag hanging off her arm.

“Hi,” the woman greeted her. “It took me quite a while to find you, quite unusual for someone so simple.”

Namjoo’s eyes zoomed in on the woman. “Who are you?”

“Come out,” she gestured her head toward the door before turning to walk out. Namjoo frowned before following her. When outside, Namjoo watched her walk toward a nearby bench to sit down and with no choice, followed this unknown woman in order to find out what kind of due she might owe her.

“I’m Goo Yeji.” She introduced herself. “Has Jongin told you about me?”

My god, Namjoo barely wanted to scream. Why Jongin again?!

Namjoo tried to think back to anything he might have mentioned about a woman before replying, “I don’t think he has.”

She looked a little disappointed, a little amused with a smile pressing her lips. “Then, I guess you’re about to find out.” The femine woman crossed her legs. “Mine and Jongin’s father have been friends and business partners for quite a while. They’re hoping Jongin and I can get married.”

This time Namjoo traced her eyes over the beautiful woman and gently clenched her teeth together. Was that why his father had brought up marriage the past weekend? Because Jongin was pre-destined to marry this chick?

Namjoo looked away bitterly. “So?”

Yeji scoffed. “Don’t you get it?”

“I think you’re the one who doesn’t get it,” Namjoo jumped to her feet, suddenly impatient. “It’s better you drive your mini car and go back home than talk to someone like me.”

Swiveling on her heels she began walking away slowly picking up her pace. Once around the corner she began running all the way back to the hostel despite how her exhausted feet throbbed. A swirl of emotions peaked inside her and gripping hands into a fist she didn’t stop until she was in the sanctity of her hostel. Once inside, she hurled herself onto her bed curling up under her blanket.

Damn Jongin. He could go get married for all she cared!

Pulling the blanket over her head she clamped her eyes shut and waited for sleep. When she woke up hours later it was dark outside. Unable to sleep anymore she got up and went into the kitchen in search of food only to find out all she had was noodles, and she wasn’t in the mood for that. Quietly standing there in the kitchen she turned to look around her quiet hostel and recalled that this was where Jongin first kissed her.

Catching herself she quickly shook her head. She didn’t want to think of him anymore, but he kept creeping into her mind. Groaning she slapped both sides of her face as she walked away. A few minutes later she was standing on the street feeding on spicy rice cakes, eating until she felt full enough to go for a long walk.

It was late into the night, a little chilly but peaceful. There were others among her and every one of them looked mixed up in their own businesses. She felt stupidly envious. Exhaling loudly she tucked her hands into the pocket of her sweater and started back home, only to come to a slow pause when she recognized Jongin standing outside the hostel building. When he noticed her he sidestepped away from it. Something uncalled for lurked up from her chest to and she looked away.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “I just thought I’d feel a little closer to you if I came here. I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

Namjoo stood there quietly. Somehow, when she saw him she saw her mother too. It pained her. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything for however long they stood there. Tell him that his mom was the woman who’d birthed her? Was she crazy? There was no way she would ever let anyone know that she had a mother. That woman was dead. Dead!

“How have you been?” he softly wondered. “I had exams this week. They were a little difficult.”

She didn’t comment.

“Namjoo,” he called out.

Namjoo suddenly wanted to lash out. It was as if she’d taken the same medicine his father had been taking that made him so moody. She didn’t want to hear her name coming from his lips.

“What do you think of me?” he asked. “Can you see us still together, say, three years from now?”

Namjoo lifted her eyes to him, wondering what kind of nonsense he was going on about.

“If you come to me it might be a little difficult. A lot of my relatives are narrow-minded adults, raised spoiled and pampered. They look down on anyone out of our crowd,” Jongin said. “There will be a lot of gossip and your feelings might get hurt. There might also be times I can’t be around to protect you. Is that…ok with you?”  

“Are you asking to break up?” she impulsively asked. “Good, then lets do that.”

His brow inched together. “Namjoo…”

She turned to look away from those eyes that stirred her heart for some damn reason. “I’m tired. I’m going in.”

The moment she took a step toward the doors his quick steps forward stopped her and he desperately breathed, “Don’t go. I…I really missed you. I don’t want to lose you.”

Something fierce tugged her heart and she could feel the affectionate warmth, just like the kind she’d felt when he first wrapped his arm around her. For once she didn’t brood over how he was innocently expressing his feelings for her or how he was falling for her plan. She could feel that for some reason, he really did care about her. All the troublesome times she had seemed to float away as the wind brushed past.

She fought to keep shut but the feeling was so strong she blurted, “I miss you too.” Tears splashed down her face when she looked at him. Goddamn, she’d been so lonely without him these days she didn’t know how she was still standing.

“I don’t care what anyone says.” She grumbled. “Because they don’t know me.” Recalling his sadness from the other day she said, “And you don’t have to be jealous of Joohwan. I’ll protect you instead, so you don’t have to worry about me and do what you want. I’ll let you make your own choices.”  

Jongin stared at her first taken aback then broke out into a soft, gentle, and happy smile. “Then, Namjoo, will you marry me?”

Ashamed after exposing herself she merely stared with her heart trembling in a way she never knew it could. Everything seemed to be working mechanically as if set to be that way – the words flowing from and the way Jongin acted toward her. All of it unexplainable and so out of tune from what she had actually wanted.

The very second he opened his arms up for her she raced forward, bumping into his broad chest and hugged him. As if to make up for the torture the past few days she held him tight, burying her face against his shoulder to take in a whiff of him. Jongin planted his hand at the back of her head to hold her, his other arm wrapped securely around her.

~~~~~

When she awoke the next morning bliss was all she could feel. Begging to be released early from work for the very first time she raced down the road to find Jongin waiting on campus for her. He was doing some research today and he was going to give her a tour of the library while searching for materials.

Holding tightly onto her hand he led her into the large library filled with nothing but the scent of old and new books alike. On the fourth floor after discovering a podium with historical records on it Namjoo began flipping through the pages while Jongin busied himself with the search of a book. About a minute or two passed by before she felt him shove aside the historical records and place a thick book down instead.

“Lets look at this instead,” he suggested standing behind her and with both arms around her, began flipping through the picture book. Scoffing, Namjoo turned to look at him with her heart thumping between her ribs.

“Pay attention.” He said and tapped the book. When she turned to look at the faded colors on the pages he linked his chin over her shoulder and leaned his head against her as they admired the illustrations in quiet. Every now and then she could feel his hair bristling against the side of her face and felt like going crazy because he was so close.

From that second on Namjoo knew that despite everything else, she really did want him.

When he thought no one was looking he would lean in to kiss her. As their lips touched and sealed and he hugged her, it felt like they were stating a commitment to continue walking together, one step at a time; that no matter how uncertain and afraid he was with what might happen, she would be there to hold his hand. A married life with this and Jongin sounded like the very kind of perfect life she had been praying to receive.

That weekend Jongin finally introduced her to the last of his immediate family, Jaegeun, the cute four-year-old. As they walked along the park the nephew would break up their entwined hands and walk in the middle.

“You’re supposed to walk on this side,” Jongin held his empty right hand out.

“I want to hold Uncle’s girlfriend’s hand,” he proclaimed. “It’s soft and smells good.” Then he looked up at her, “You smell good like my mom.”

“Jaegeun,” Jongin lightly scolded. “What did I tell you to call her?”

“But she does!” he retaliated and tugged on her hand, peering up at her with those big eyes of his. “I don’t have a mommy. Can you be my mommy?”

Flustered, all Namjoo could manage was laugh. Then looking at Jongin she commented, “He’s cute.”

“Ew!” Jaegeun crooned. “Uncle’s making the eye.” and quickly slapped both hands over his eyes to cover them. “Don’t kiss!”

Jongin rolled his eyes and Namjoo giggled. Rubbing his tiny head as Jongin pulled them over to the shade Jongin said, “Want ice cream?”

“I do!” Jaegeun’s arm shot up into the air.

“You?” he glanced at her and she nodded with a smile to receive his in turn.

Playfully tapping her cheek with a finger he said quickly before leaving, “Don’t smile too much.”

Namjoo’s heart fluttered as she watched him go and glanced down when Jaegeun tugged her hand. He grinned up at her.

“Do you love my uncle?” the little boy innocently asked.

Bending down to his level Namjoo asked, “Do you think I can?”

He nodded, “I think you already love him. You look at him like this.” The little boy blinked his eyes furiously making Namjoo break out into a round of giggles.

“Do I?”

Nodding again he went on, “I think uncle loves you too. He looks at you like this.” He imitated Jongin by blinking his eyes slowly and intensely. “And he always talks about you.”

“Yea?” Namjoo felt excited. “What does he say?”

“That he’s marrying you because he likes you so, so much!”

“How much?”

“This much!” Jaegeun encircled his hand up and over his head.

Lightly pinching his cheek she commented, “You’re a smooth talker.”

Smiling firmly he swayed his shoulders, “So, uncle’s girlfriend, when you marry my uncle will you live with us?”

It occurred to Namjoo that she hadn’t really thought about it. “We’ll see.”

“What does that mean?”

“Perhaps I will.”

“Yay!” he shouted. “Then you can play with me! Grandma’s always busy, so no one plays with me.”

Grandma…Jongin’s mom… The light in Namjoo’s eyes dimmed at the mention of her. Lately she’d been so engrossed with Jongin she hadn’t spared that woman a second thought.

“What are you two gossiping about?” Jongin interrupted when he returned with their cones.

“Nothing,” Namjoo straightened up when he handed the cone to her. “Thanks.”

“What?” he asked upon noticing her blank gaze.

Shaking her head she lied, “It’s nothing.” Noting that he didn’t have an ice cream himself she asked, “Where’s yours? I have some extra change…” her sentence was cut off when he leaned in to take a bite out of hers.

“We’re going to share.” He proudly stated. Namjoo stared up at him absurdly.

“No one shares ice cream!” she declared.

“We do now,” he grinned wrapping an arm around her and leaned in to take another bite. Namjoo screeched and screamed, and rubbed it all over his mouth before he released her as laughter emptied out.

“Now it looks disgusting, thanks a lot,” she muttered biting the tip of the cone off and let out a shout when he pecked her cheek, leaving behind the cream plastered on her face. “Your nephew is here!”

“So?” he asked. “He won’t notice. He’s too focused on his ice cream.” With hand on her waist he kissed the cream off. “Happy?” he asked after kissing her lips. Their eyes locked and she uncontrollably smiled.

“You know what?” he went on after an ensuing minute. “I think ice cream tastes better this way.”

Namjoo snorted before kissing him then moved away, “Ok, enough. There are children here.”

~~~~~

“I’ve told you many times! Of course I handed all your money to those kids! I spend it all on their foods and clothes like you asked me! Now stop calling!” the female on the other screamed before hanging up, leaving Hunmi alone with the dreadful dead tone.

Slamming the phone down she groaned and buried her face into her hands. She was frustrated. Hyeja wasn’t giving her an answer, wouldn’t tell her where Namjoo or Joohwan were. She couldn’t figure out what had happened to them. All the money she’d sent them, just what exactly had that woman been using it for? All this time when she believed her children had been – were under good care, had it been a lie?!

“Hunmi!” Kwanhoon called out for her.

Shoving her frustration to the back of her mind the woman scurried from the room to the man’s bedroom. “Refill my water. It’s done.”

She glanced at the jar of water on the night table, grabbed it and swiftly walked out. After refilling it she walked back into the room and refilled the empty glass at the side. Handing it to the man she watched him gulp it down, droning over how carefree he was now that he was in bed all day.

Sitting down curious, she asked, “About Jongin…will you really let him marry that girl?”

“He can’t be stopped,” the man huffed.

“Please let them,” Hunmi persuaded with her usual gentleness. “Jongin’s…never been so happy before, his heart would break if you didn’t give them your blessings. I like her too. I believe she’ll be able to stand by Jongin’s side.”

“What is with you?” he wondered. “You weren’t interested in it from the beginning.”

“Because,” the woman went on then looked at the man who had bought her in, “that girl is my daughter.”