Chanyeol walked her home instead that afternoon and bid her farewell at the front entrance. It was quiet and boring – nothing she wasn’t used to – but Namjoo couldn’t nap during the full hour she spent on her bed after making it home. Her mind was running despite her ability to keep it empty.

So she was the very first person Jongin liked. Namjoo mused over the fact. Should she feel bad for taking advantage of someone so innocent? But if his feelings were true for her it wouldn’t matter what she did because he believed in her. Was she just too cunning or was there something else in the picture she was missing?

Highly amused with the entire situation Namjoo smiled to herself. Anyway, it didn’t matter. If Chanyeol was right she should be glad, not having second thoughts. Jongin was a good catch and all she needed. Now if only she could stop dwelling over trivial matters and sleep instead, but the second her eyes closed a knock had them springing open.

Sitting up, the first person Namjoo could think about was that nuisance Kyung. She wanted to ignore him and pretend she wasn’t in. A second after deciding that if she didn’t go, he would only keep knocking further disturbing her peace.

“Alright, I’m coming,” she called out with clear annoyance in her tone as she shuffled toward the door. The second she opened it a bombshell cracked open over her head.

Jongin timidly smiled back. “Hey,” he quietly greeted, “can I come in?”

She hadn’t expected to see him after his no-show today, so his sudden appearance was both unexpected and an eye-opener. Stepping back she let him in, noticing that he’d brought his backpack with him and wondered if he’d been caught up in something. Closing the door behind her she glanced at him and hurried to clear off the tiny table in the room she used for many purposes.

“Sorry, it’s messy,” Namjoo hurriedly excused. “You can sit down wherever.”

Setting his bag down he quietly sat on the floor to much of her surprise. For a rich kid like him she’d expected him to have grown up pampered with comfort preferring the couch to the floor. Taken aback by him Namjoo found herself dumbfounded.

Jongin spoke before she could think of something to say. “Um…if it’s not much trouble…can I eat something?”

Her brows shot up in thunderstruck and instinctively turned to look at the time. It was nearly 7PM.

“You skipped lunch?” she asked without thinking and felt an irritation seep through her, reminded of the days when Joohwan skipped meals just to save the few dollars she’d given him. Then she instinctively started lecturing him, “It’s bad for your stomach. Don’t you know it’s important to always eat on time? You can damage your stomach, even get ulcer…”

Namjoo stopped when he laughed giddily and turned embarrassed after catching herself. “I mean…” she looked away flabbergasted.

Raising her younger brother had made looking after him an obnoxious habit of hers. She couldn’t believe she just blurted it all out. What if she looked unattractive, unappealing in front of Jongin? If she turned him off things would never work out between them.

“I know. Thanks.” He smiled up at her.

She turned blank and repeated confused, “Thanks?”

Jongin nodded. “For worrying.”

Awkwardly laughing Namjoo reached up to touch her hair, “I don’t have much of a variety of food. Only some cup noodles and eggs.”

“I like noodles.”

Namjoo stared at him silently appalled by his simple nature and turned to walk away. A rich person eating noodles certainly did not fit the picture in her mind. She had pictured a variety of side dishes and two main meals freshly cooked sitting on the wide table in front of him. But a cup noodle?

Where exactly had Jongin come from?

She slightly glanced back at him to see him taking out a textbook and other supply from his backpack. Once she set the water out to boil on the stove she joined him, sitting adjacent to him to observe. He was scribbling notes down and highlighting things out of his textbook. It reminded her much of the days when she watched Joohwan leaning over his table to study while she cleaned and cooked.

“You make marks in the book?” she asked. Joohwan had never made a mark in his books because he’d rented all of them.

“It’s mine so it doesn’t matter,” Jongin replied.

“Really?” Namjoo commented, impressed. “The book must’ve been expensive.”

“It was. I’m giving it away to a junior after I graduate since I won’t need it.”

Her brow shot up. “That’s nice of you.”

She would have died out of happiness if Joohwan had received a textbook from an upperclassman.

“It looks complicated. You must be smart.” She said.

“I’m not that smart,” he rebuffed her comment then looked at her, “want to try it?”

“What?” she asked surprised and felt him scoot closer. No less than a second later he pushed the highlighter into her hand. Her body closed in on the table when he linked his arm around her and gently wrapped his other hand around the one holding the highlighter.

“I’m just highlighting terms and important indications, like this…” he slowly explained, his voice near her ear. Namjoo watched the pen a yellow shade over the words, her hand sharing movement with his while remaining bound in the security of his arm.

This was…utterly strange but warm.

Out of the corner of her eye she stole a glance at his concentrated expression. Her eyes drifted toward the extended arm then to the hand around hers. She felt wrapped up cozily in a blanket. Jongin was warm like he was made out of a sheep’s wool to provide the best comfort during cold winters.

Her heart strangely fluttered. She had never been held like this by anyone before. Always alone, always hardworking by herself and no one had noticed when she silently waited for them to. The essence of something invisible brushed her heart, touching it indignantly.

It was nice and affectionate.

But no. She wasn’t looking for love. Love which couldn’t provide her the financial security she needed. Jongin’s wallet would give that to her. She didn’t need to form a relationship with anyone right now. Reminded of how her mother gave up on them even after she’d loved her much as an obedient and devoted daughter, Namjoo forced herself to grasp onto reality.

Love isn’t important. What she had now was important.

“I should go check on the water,” she excused and rose to her feet to hastily walk away. Opening the cupboard she pulled out a bag of noodles and grasped it tightly.

Wake up, she snapped to herself.

~~~~~

Disappointed that Namjoo had left so quickly he turned to watch her stand by the stove busying herself with preparing the noodles for him. It had felt superbly nice, holding her like that. Jongin had wanted to prolong the moment.

Now he wondered if he’d made her uncomfortable. Forcing his attention away from her he turned back to the book without any attention on it. As the words in the book flashed before his eyes, all he could think about was not going back home.

Namjoo’s hostel was the only place he could think of rather than his friend Chanyeol’s. Other than the only good friend, he wanted to see Namjoo more than anything today. Before the night ended he wanted to be with her so he had come. Regardless whether he’d interrupted her evening he was apologetic, but all he wanted was some sanctity away from his nagging father who would ask about Chairman Goo’s daughter. By now everyone would know she’d come to see him.

In his entire life he’d never dated anyone like this before. A woman who lived bravely by herself after seeing her brother happily find the love of his life and settling down. A woman who spoke proudly of her younger brother and boasted about him like she was his mother; that regardless of how hard she worked as a simple wage earner she hadn’t complained about it. Someone independent who made a living off of her own efforts rather than rely on her father who was her bank.

If he had been born simple without a golden spoon in his mouth he deemed he might have cherished life more than he did now. Instead of bending under his father’s authority and giving everything up to inherit a company he did not need, he would rather toil day and night exhaustingly while living how he wanted. To choose his destined partner on his own will and to do everything in his own power instead of relying on powerful networks for a free ticket.

Glancing behind him to look at the picture of Namjoo and her brother he thought about how lucky the younger brother was, to be taken care of by someone so dutiful. He greatly missed Shinae, his armor.

Jongin returned to reality when Namjoo’s footsteps neared and she set down the bowl of noodles onto the table. Closing his book he pushed it aside and watched her hand him a pair of chopsticks.

“Where’s yours?” he asked when she sat down on the other end.

“I already ate,” Namjoo replied.

“Didn’t you say two people should eat together regardless?” he wondered. “It’s not right to eat in front of someone else and not share. Isn’t it?”

She blinked and stared before breaking out into a laugh. “Fine.”

The second she rose to he reached out to hold her wrist and said, “It’s ok, just sit.”

“I should go get my own bowl if I want to eat.” She said sitting back down.

“Forget it, it’s ok.” Jongin watched her frown and sneakily smiled to himself before stirring the fresh noodles in the pot. Lifting up a coil of noodles he held it to her. “You first.”

Namjoo shot her eyes toward the noodles then to him questionably.

“We’ll share,” he happily suggested then gestured it toward her again.

The corner of her lips automatically jerked up both embarrassed and shy. “We don’t have to…”

“I want to,” he cut her off and watched her look at him hesitantly. He urged the food toward her again. Finally leaning forward she opened to take the food and he carefully lifted the rest of the noodles out of the bowl, even beat her to reaching over to wipe the pending drops of broth that landed on her chin.    

When Namjoo glanced at him wide-eyed he only grinned joyously before leaning over to quickly stuff himself. They ate together like that until the bowl was drained. Jongin didn’t think he’d ever been so satisfied or full before.

“I’ll help you wash the dishes,” he offered following her to the sink.

“There’s not even that much,” Namjoo brushed him off but he managed to squeeze between her and the counter. When Namjoo glanced up at him he happily smiled and watched her turn away with a frown to focus on scrubbing.

“You must end up doing everything since you live on your own,” he started.

“I’m used to it.” she answered.

“Can I help you from now on?” he asked and turned when she abruptly looked him, taken by surprise. Smiling again he said, “I can do a lot actually. My mom taught me to always clean after myself, so that way I’ll learn to live diligently.”

“Your mom…sounds interesting,” Namjoo commented after he took the pot out of her hands to rinse.

“She is.” He said. “She’s very different from my spoiled Aunt. They’re the same age, but my mom looks and feels older.”

Namjoo glanced at him curiously.

“So,” he went on, “if you do anything in the future, even the simplest things like just doing your laundry or scrubbing your bathroom, let me know. I’ll do it with you.”

Namjoo broke out into laughter, the kind that told him he must be joking and she was highly amused.

“Really,” he added with a depth of seriousness and watched her expression turn somber. Namjoo looked away almost uncomfortably before glancing back at him.

“They’re just petty tasks,” she turned away and set the last of the utensils into his side of the sink. “But thanks.”

As he rinsed the last of the dishes he wondered if she was reflecting his insecurity back at him. That he might not like her enough to stand up bravely, straight and tall in front of Chairman Goo and his daughter and his father for the sake of their relationship. That she, herself, could not trust anyone’s words. To have raised her brother alone in this cruel world without relying on anyone, Namjoo knew better than to take just anyone’s words for granted. He was that person because he, too, could not be sure about his future with just anyone. Namjoo could not trust him because he couldn’t trust himself.

Was he really ready to commit himself to her, to what they had right now?

“Anyway, I know we’ll still see each other after this. At our next date, make it or else your girlfriend will be very sorry. My father can be pretty scary.”

Could he really protect Namjoo?

Jongin turned when Namjoo handed him a sheet of paper towel to dry his hands. Quietly taking it from her he wiped his hands dry while further soaking in his thoughts.

“The garbage is underneath the sink,” Namjoo told him and started saying something he could not hear as she started turning away.

Did he really like her? How much did he like her? Was he really serious about her?

Without thinking he reached out to grab her arm and wheel her around. “Namjoo.”

She looked up at him surprised. “What?”

He had been impulsive that day when she confessed to him. There had been something about her he couldn’t let go of. And yet, here she was, the only one he’d thought of coming to after Goo Yeji had troubled his thoughts.

What did it mean?

With no such thing as a warning he abruptly leaned in to take her lips in his and withdrew with his heart battering against his chest. Their eyes locked and he noted the dumbstruck gaze in her eyes before closing his eyes to kiss her again. Drawing his hands around her face to better angle her head back he further kissed her with pleasure seeping through his body. Namjoo eventually grasped onto the sleeves of his shirt before replying to his lips. Moments later he hugged her closer, suddenly confident that he could and he would stand brave and tall.

~~~~~

Namjoo awoke hours later in the dark of her room with her face snuggled against Jongin’s shirt and instinctively sniffed out the musky smell of his shirt. They were crammed together on her twin bed somehow getting there after an intense makeout session. None of it she could explain.

She could feel his arm underneath her head and their feet brushing underneath the blanket. Moving her head back she glanced up but could not make out his face in the dark of her room. At least she’d successfully gotten her nap, though not in the way she’d expected. And she was sweating an awful lot. Her shirt was uncomfortably glued to her skin. All she could think about while laying there on her side was how nice a cold shower sounded.

Jongin slightly shifted, forcing her to close her eyes. After a minute of listening to his calm breathing she finally crept out of bed and walked out of the room, closing the door after her. The sky was dark outside her window. Barely 4AM.

Namjoo’s jaw merely dropped at the revelation and wondered if she was crazy enough to keep a man over at her place this late. Grumbling to herself she walked into the bathroom, urged to brush her teeth to get rid of the noodles she could still taste. Turning the lights on she paused in front of the sink and snatched her toothbrush. While scrubbing her teeth furiously she glanced up into the mirror at herself. The movement of her hands slowly stopped as her eyes landed on her face.

It was finally kicking in hard that Jongin had kissed her so passionately. His lips had mounted hers, traveled over her face. She could still feel those tender lips of his against her chin before climbing back up to her lower lips to nibble and . And he’d hugged her so closely she merely melted with him.

Her face reddened and she resumed brushing her teeth harder before rinsing and splashing her face with cold water. Kyung and Joohwan would murder Jongin if they found out about tonight. Namjoo could no less believe what had happened either when she stepped out and breathed a sigh of relief that Jongin was still asleep.

“I’m crazy, crazy,” Namjoo gently pounded her forehead with her palm.

Noticing how his stuff was still out on her table she walked toward it and sat down irked with curiosity. She’d never gone to college and had always mused over what high education textbooks were really about. There had never been enough time for her to stick her head into Joohwan’s books.

Pulling Jongin’s thick book toward her she flipped open to the first page then toward the glossary, surprised with how many chapters there were. Minutes passed by without her being aware as she started skimming through the book, finally amazed with all the information someone had spent numerous hours typing.

“You were up?” she glanced up to see Jongin walking out of her bedroom and felt heat intensify her body neck down. God, the embarrassment of looking at someone after merely eating them out was too much for her.

Looking away shyly she muttered, “Oh…yea.”

Then as comfortably as ever he sat down next to her. “Reading?”

Namjoo quickly nodded struck even harder with embarrassment and hoped her face was not turning red. After a moment of silence she moved her eyes toward the corner of her lids to find him looking at her, and hesitantly turned. Instead of his eyes she first took note of that striking but gentle smile on his lips, conveying his gleeful emotions. Then her eyes drifted up and she felt like she was finally looking at him for the first time.  

***Egh! My heart! It fluttered too much.