It’s been a good few weeks since what happened that day at the amusement park. Things seamlessly went back to normal between Jimin and me. He went back to treating me as just as a good friend, and I made sure to not lead him on in any sort of way, but there were still these moments.

Moments where I just knew that things weren’t quite what they used to be. Things would never completely go back to normal, but that wasn’t what I expected to happen either. Things could not revert back just because Jimin and I wanted it to.

It would take time, but gradually Jimin began to smile at me again and there was no hidden feelings behind it.

“Your birthday is tomorrow isn’t it?”

It was another day on clean up duty and Jimin had suddenly brought up my birthday. I tried to answer him as briefly as possible. “Yeah.” My voice was curt.

Jimin ignored the way my tone of voice tried to end the conversation there. He continued wiping away at the mirrors in the dance studio. “Well, I have known Jungkook for a while and he has terrible memory. He even forgets his own birthday sometimes so you should maybe think of discreetly reminding him.”

“I didn’t tell him about my birthday.” I tried to be as casual as possible, like if it wasn’t really a big deal.

But really it was. It wasn’t that I wanted to celebrate with him and hoped that maybe I could play the nonchalant, “I don’t care about my birthday” girlfriend card.

I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday at all.

He stopped cleaning to turn and look at me organizing the studio. “What do you mean you didn’t tell him? How do you expect him to know if you don’t tell him?”

I shrugged and tried my best to not meet eyes with him. Jimin was just the type to be able to see when there was something wrong. “It’s fine. I don’t really celebrate my birthday anyways.”

This just made him watch me more carefully. I tried to look as normal as possible while his eyes studied me, but he seemed to understand that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore so he dropped the subject.

Thankfully, we went back to doing our cleaning silently. By the time we finished I flashed him a smile to reassure him that everything was fine.

Looking the part was a lot easier than acting the part.   

This happened to me every time my birthday came around. I stopped celebrating and usually would just lock myself in for that single day and close off as many outside links as I could.

The next day came and as I woke up for the first time that day my birthday was the last thing on my mind because every year my birthday took the back seat.

Today wasn’t my birthday. It was the anniversary of Kyung’s death.

Throughout the day flashes of my older brother’s funeral was on repeat in my mind like a song on the radio that continued to drill into you and made you feel things you didn’t want to.

I expected the day of his funeral to be raining because all of the funerals on television usually was accompanied by rain or thunder, but that day was sunny and hot like no other.

Ironically that was Kyung’s favorite type of weather.

“Lia are you listening to me?” Minyoon shook my arm from next to me. Class hadn’t started yet.

“I’m sorry what did you say?” She rolled her eyes, but then smiled. “I was telling you happy birthday and that I don’t have a present for you right now since I’m short on money, but to expect a gift.”

I nodded my head robotically, but tried my best to give her a genuine smile. “Thanks, and don’t worry about a gift.”

She shook her head. “I’m getting you a gift.” Her eyes than glanced in the other direction. “By the way did you tell Jungkook today was your birthday? What are your guys’ plans? Come on give me all the juicy details.”

In an attempt to keep things light hearted I laughed. “There are no juicy details to spare.” My attempt failed epically though.  

Minyoon’s smile dropped. “You didn’t tell him?” I shrugged her off. “No I didn’t. It’s fine it is just another day of the year.”

This made her nearly explode. Minyoon was the type to strongly believe in the celebration of birthdays. “You are so stupid! How could you not?!”

My eyes slid over to him where he sat silently playing with the pencil on his desk trying to balance the tip on his index finger out of boredom.

Jungkook was the only person that made me want to be selfish when I shouldn’t be. And today I didn’t deserve to be selfish.

An understanding came over Minyoon. She grabbed onto my arm almost as if she was trying to bring me back to the here and now, and out of the past. “Lia, what happened wasn’t your fault.”

Minyoon was the only person I had told about what happened before I came to this school. Other than her only Jungkook knew my secret, which I had yet to find out how he learned of my brother’s death.

But, only Minyoon knew today was the day he died and how it happened.

I pulled my arm out of her hand’s grasp. My voice was stiff. “No, it was my fault and you know it.”

She opened to say something in return, but then the first teacher of the day came in and luckily ended our conversation there. I wasn’t sure how much longer I would have been able to talk with her about it.

The rest of the day continued, and I began to worry that maybe Minyoon would tell Jungkook herself that it was my birthday. Though Jungkook didn’t act any different. It was just like any other day and that was the way I wanted it to stay.

We all sat during lunch. “Come on I told you I was sorry!” V was shaking Suga’s arm, but Suga completely ignored him.

“Ah do you guys hear anything? I hear something, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.” Jhope jumped into the teasing game.

He rubbed his ear as if it were sore or something. “It’s like a buzzing sound right?” Suga snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah that’s it. Like an annoying buzzing sound.”

V pouted then went on to sit back down next to Minyoon. “You guys are so mean it’s not like I meant to spill water on you.”

Minyoon hooked her arm through his. “Don’t worry about them Taehyung. They’re just trying to poke fun at you.”

Jhope smiled and reached across the table to lightly nudge V. “Yeah, we’re just joking don’t take it seriously.” Suga scoffed. “I wasn’t joking.”

“Stop being that way. You’re going to get more grey hair if you hold so many grudges.” Jungkook shoved Suga ever so slightly with his elbow. 

The bantering continued with Suga proclaiming that he was never being serious and that we all take him too seriously, but I wasn’t paying much attention.

I couldn’t help correlate everything to a past memory that I didn’t want to relive, but kept getting lost in.

My eyes were looking off in the distance, but I wasn’t really looking at anything. All I could see was the memories of my brother and me. It was funny how a single day could dictate all of my focus and feelings.

“What are you thinking about?” Jungkook had slipped his hand into mine from underneath the table and he lowered his head to whisper in my ear.

Stupid Lia why do you have to be so obvious? I squeezed his hand and smiled at him. Any way to reassure him that everything was fine. “Nothing much. Just zoning out.”

His eyes were on me, but it was almost like his eyes were digging for something more. He saw what was on the surface, but I don’t think he believed what he saw.

The tips of his finger were sending electric shocks through my body as his eyes looked deeply into mine, searching for the truth. A truth I very well wanted to keep buried as far from him as possible.

I wasn’t sure how much of the truth he already knew. If anything he knew my brother was dead, but unless he already knew I wanted to keep the rest of the past locked away.

Looking at him I didn’t want to risk losing the way his eyes stared back at mine as if they knew everything about who I was.

“Ew can you guys go get a room or something?” Suga gagged as if he were about to throw up then scooted away from us.

Jungkook smiled at Suga just to piss him off then casually looked back to me. “Maybe we should just skip math and take this back to my room.”

His words made my cheeks flare. Everyone else on the other hand gasped all of their eyes widened in shock.

Before anyone could say anything Jungkook raised his hands in defense. “I was just kidding!” The bell then rang and we all had to go back to class.

After what happened at the amuse