Myungsoo’s eyes watered when he saw her handwriting. His knees trembled and he collapsed on the floor. He missed her so much. He smelled the letter and it had her scent. He opened the envelope, leaned his back on the wall and read the letter

“Dear Myungsoo, Dear love, Dear Romeo,

It has been a while since you left. I think you hate me, do you? I am lost and scared; terrified that I might lose you. Woohyun oppa said that you feel like I am distant from you. I know I was and I tried to stop it but I couldn’t. How can I not be distant when I’m always thinking about you? I’m always missing you even when I am holding your hand. You would sure ask me how I could miss you when you were there. Well, I have been asking myself the same question. How can one suffer from the absence of someone who is present? I thought I was going crazy till I came across this novel where the protagonist suffered from the absence of her lover who was next to her. The writer said one could suffer from the absence of a person when there is a notion of that person’s departure. That is when I realized what was going on with me. I missed you because I thought you would leave me.

 I know you’re wondering why I would think of that. I will tell you what I hid from you since the pregnancy. A few weeks after I found out about the pregnancy I had this nightmare where I lost you. I kept seeing it every night till a few days before I lost the baby. Then you had the accident and I was wrecked. It made me think of the nightmare and replay it in my mind. Instead of appreciating your existence I was thinking about you leaving. I worried about what the future was holding for us. I was scared. I had these stupid ideas. One of them is that if I had a baby, I would lose you. I thought you were the price I would pay for the baby and you know that I could never afford losing you. Have you ever thought how much you mean to me? I also wondered what you would do if I died. Would you love someone else? Would you remember me? Or would you forget about me? How long would you cry and mourn my death? As much as it hurts to write this I would want you to move on quickly. I wouldn’t want you to cry or be sad. I want you to remember the happy times we shared and smile. I want you to see our photos and laugh. I will always watch over you.”

Tears were falling non-stop from myungsoo’s eye