Summer 2013

The AC was broken. Though three weeks had passed since it stopped working, none of the members seemed to care enough to call a repairman; they were just too busy.

Nights were the worst. The dorm was sweltering and it was near impossible to fall asleep. Windows couldn’t be opened because of missing screens. If the heat wasn’t bad enough, all sorts of insects from outside would be even worse. So, they kept portable fans in each bedroom.

Sehun wasn’t fond of the summer heat or portable fans. Being a dancer, the maknae had no problem with sweating when physical activity was involved. However, if he was just lying in bed with sweat dripping down his face, he couldn’t stand it. As for the fan in his room, regardless of the setting, it was much too loud for his taste. He didn’t want to complain. So when the others were asleep, he snuck out of the dorm and walked to the dance studio. If EXO’s dorm was the Sahara Desert, then the studio was the North Pole. It was so cold that Sehun had to bring a sweatshirt and pants, but he loved it.

His trips to the studio weren’t just for cooling off; Sehun put in extra practice for his solo performance to “It’s You” by Duck Sauce. He was a perfectionist. The dance looked flawless, just as it had for weeks. However, it didn’t feel flawless. Sehun thought he wasn’t prepared enough to perform on stage, despite being able to dance blindfolded and end in the exact same spot every time he practiced. Heck, he could play the song on rewind and perform the entire dance backwards. But it wasn’t enough to convince himself that he mastered the dance.

Luhan disagreed.

Sehun wasn’t the only one chased out of the dorm by the heat. For the last three weeks, Luhan spent almost every night at the dance studio. He always left the dorm fifteen minutes after the maknae. The two hadn’t crossed paths yet  because Luhan stayed in the studio room down the hall from Sehun. The elder knew how hard the other was working to prepare for his solo performance. Luhan didn’t want to bother him, so he kept to himself and let Sehun practice undisturbed.

To Luhan, not disturbing Sehun meant secretly watching the other dance through a window in the door.

Sehun’s concentration was like a wall of steel. Once he was focused, he was entirely focused. This would explain why he never saw Luhan peeking through the little window in the studio room’s door. This was a plus for Luhan, because he was able to see all of Sehun’s practices from start to finish. And no matter how many times he watched the other move around the dance floor, he never ceased to be amazed by the maknae’s talent.

There was something magical about the way Sehun moved. Luhan’s breath got stuck in his throat from watching the sway of the other’s arms and the rolling of his hips. Sehun wasn’t just dancing to the music piece in the background, he was creating art of his own. Fluid movements and light footwork had Luhan’s head spinning. Sehun exuded an overall dominating presence in the studio; he owned the dance floor and he would own the stage.

Luhan was captivated by the other’s talent. But it wasn’t just that. Though Sehun wore an icy, stone-cold expression, his eyes told a completely different story.  There was a childlike glee in his dark orbs that shined brighter than all the lights in the bright studio. It was obvious how much the other loved to perform. All his feelings, all his passion was evident in his dancing. That’s what got Luhan’s heart thumping, or maybe it was the bass in the music, at least that’s what he hoped the feeling was. But whatever it was, there was no denying that Luhan felt something whenever he watched Sehun dance.

Luhan was a gifted dancer as well, but in his mind, he was nowhere near Sehun’s level. Maybe he was being too modest, but despite the amount of experience he had over the other, he thought the maknae’s dancing was infinitely better than his.

He did feel jealous over Sehun’s tall and slim, yet toned physique. The younger was incredulously tall, with long legs that seemed to go on for miles. His arms were muscled and strong. His broad shoulders and delicate clavicles were a work of art. And his abdomen was toned and absolutely beautiful, especially when his shirt was off and drops of sweat rolled down his chest. Though Sehun would protest, Luhan thought he was beautiful. His face, his body, his dancing. He was beautiful all in all and there was no denying that.

So Luhan told himself that besides avoiding the heat of the dorm, the only other reason he went to the studio was to admire Sehun’s dancing. He told himself that this was normal, just one idol learning from another. He told himself that if it were Kai or Lay or anyone else, he would be interested in watching them practice as well. Luhan told himself that he was just providing support from afar and that going inside the studio to watch would only distract the younger from his dancing.

But in the end, he couldn’t escape the heat. The tingles of warmth that danced down his spine, the thudding of his heart, the way his breath got stuck in his throat whenever he watched the younger perform, those feelings were far beyond admiration; his feelings were the proof of longing. And this longing didn’t stop when he left the studio. It continued in the early hours of the morning when all the other members were still fast asleep. With his door locked, the lights turned off, one hand covering his mouth, and the other down his pants, Luhan longed for Sehun all the more. He’d fall asleep, boxers sticky, heart racing, and silent moans of Sehun’s name on his lips. Luhan knew that deep down, he wouldn’t be feeling this way if it was Kai or Lay or anyone else dancing in that studio. He wasn’t supporting Sehun from afar; he was sneaking around and staring.

There was nothing normal about his behavior and Luhan knew it.

However, that didn’t stop him from lusting over Sehun all night long. When he couldn’t sleep, it was because thoughts of the younger kept him up. It wasn’t just that he desired Sehun’s body, Luhan admired so much more than that. He loved the way the younger looked up to him. Sehun’s excitement of being around Luhan was something that the older male had never experienced before. He was so pure and innocent. Just because Sehun was tall and had mature looks, there was no denying he was still a child at heart.

For the majority of his life, Luhan was surrounded by those the same age as him or older. He was uncomfortable with younger people. He’d always felt that he couldn’t understand them. Back in China, the younger people he knew were always trying to act older than their real ages. They were all in such a hurry to grow up. Luhan on the other hand, was afraid to get older. Why couldn’t everyone just enjoy time in the present? Why couldn’t they enjoy their current lives?

Sehun was different. He wasn’t rushing to grow up. Though he had the maturity of an adult (at times, but not always), Sehun always carried an air of child-like innocence. Maybe it was because he was the youngest of the group, or maybe because he hadn’t experienced much in life yet. Whatever it was, Luhan felt himself drawn to Sehun’s character.

He was so pure.

Yes he was very, very annoying at times, but he was the purest person Luhan had ever met.

Luhan wanted nothing more than to protect Sehun and take care of him. He knew how much Sehun idolized him. Thus, Luhan found himself striving to put his best foot forward and become the ideal role model for the younger. He wanted to be a good influence and hoped that Sehun thought of him as one.

Luhan hoped that Sehun’s innocence would never go away.

Luhan would mentally kick himself, realizing that his dirty thoughts about the younger contradicted his wish for Sehun to remain pure. In his mind, Sehun was this beautiful, y, boy who took his breath away and made his pants feel tight. In person, Sehun was someone who Luhan cared so much about. He would do anything to protect Sehun and make him happy. Sehun made his heart feel warm and full. The line between Luhan’s two versions of Sehun was extremely thin.

He had to be careful around the younger. Luhan knew his thoughts were dangerous. He was Sehun’s role model. He couldn’t let the other see how dark and dirty his mind was. But it was hard. It was confusing for Luhan. He couldn’t understand how it was possible to care for someone so much, but at the same time desire them to the point of madness.

Everyone knew how much he cared for the younger boy. And Luhan hoped that was all they knew. No one, especially Sehun could ever know the other side of Luhan’s  feelings towards EXO’s maknae. He wouldn’t let those feelings get in the way of their relationship.

“You look tired, Luhan hyung,” said the maknae while taking a sip of his chocolate milk. Sehun set the glass down and yawned.

Said hyung, who was nodding off over a bowl of cereal, snapped awake after hearing the other’s words. Please don’t blush. Please don’t blush. Luhan screamed on the inside, praying that the tell-tale shade of pink wouldn’t show up on his cheeks. He cleared his throat.

He’d spent the night fantasizing about Sehun’s most recent dance practice.

“Uh...couldn’t sleep.” Luhan mumbled and lied, stirring around the soggy cornflakes in his bowl. He glanced up at the other and instantly regretted that choice.

Sehun was stretching, head thrown back and arms above his head. His very tight t-shirt rode up, revealing Sehun’s very toned abdominal muscles.

Luhan choked on his spit. How could a 19 year-old boy have such a banging body? Luhan’s eyes lingered on the dips of Sehun’s hip bones. He imagined tracing his fingertips along Sehun’s smooth, milky white skin.

“Jeez,” Sehun groaned after finishing his stretched. He adjusted his shirt and got up from the table. Luhan’s stares went unnoticed by him. “It’s only 8am, but it’s hot as balls in here,” the maknae complained.

You make my balls feel hot. Luhan screamed inside his head. His eyes followed Sehun’s perky behind as the younger walked over to the window. 

Sehun froze in his steps. “Hyung?” Sehun asked, his voice tinged with confusion. “What did you say about your balls?” He turned around, eyebrows raised and cheeks flushed the lightest shade of pink.

Was Luhan mistaken, or was Sehun blushing? But never mind that, Luhan couldn’t believe his ears. There was a lump in his throat and the kitchen suddenly felt 100 degrees hotter. Did he accidentally say his not so innocent thoughts about Sehun out loud? Luhan began to panic. He could felt stress sweat building up on his forehead

“Luhan hyung?” Sehun asked again. He was unsure if he heard Luhan correctly. However, the maknae was certain that Luhan said something about his balls. Was his hyung okay? Luhan never talked about things like that.  Maybe the summer’s heat was getting to him.

Luhan’s heart felt as if it was beating 500 miles an hour. He was terrified. Sehun heard him.

The sweat began to drip down Luhan’s face. He wanted to scream and hide because of how ashamed he was, but he was stuck to his seat, frozen in fear. He was a ert, a dirty, nasty ert. Sehun would never look at him the same way again.

Good-bye late night marathons of k-dramas. Farewell to the sweet smiles Sehun would give him during practices and performances. So long to those wonderful bubble tea dates they had together.

Luhan started to hyperventilate. I’m the worst. I’m the worst. I’m the worst. His face was hot from both embarrassment and shame. He was sweating buckets and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest.

“Hyung, I think you should lay down,” Sehun said softly. He walked over the the older and helped Luhan out of his chair.

“W-what?” Luhan stuttered. He felt faint. His head was spinning; he was so embarrassed that he felt close to throwing up, despite not taking a bite of his breakfast.

Sehun guided his hyung from the kitchen into the hallway with all the EXO members’ bedrooms. Since his room was closer to the kitchen, Sehun decided to bring Luhan there. The older male was so overwhelmed with embarrassment that he couldn’t comprehend what was happening. His vision was blurry and his mind was filled with thoughts of shame.

Sehun listened as Luhan muttered unintelligible words, a few of which sounded like apologies and Mandarin cuss words. He was worried about his hyung. After gently laying Luhan down in his bed, Sehun the small electric fan on his desk. He made sure it was at an angle that would help cool the older down.

“I’ll be right back,” Sehun murmured, fingers brushing Luhan’s sweaty hair away from his face. He rushed to the kitchen and brought back a bottle of water. The maknae sat down next to Luhan.  

“Sorry, Sehun-ah…” Luhan whispered, turning his head away from the younger. His face was still warm with embarrassment. I’m such an idiot. He thought. 

Sehun laughed. “Are...are your balls okay?” He asked sweetly.

Luhan felt his heart pinch. My beautiful, innocent angel.

Sehun gently reached for Luhan’s face. He turned the older’s head to face him. Luhan breathed in sharply when his eyes met the maknae’s. The younger male was blushing too.

“You know,” Sehun said shyly. “It’s normal for balls to get sweaty and uncomfortable when the weather is this warm…” Sehun wanted to slap himself. He felt so stupid for saying that, but he knew Luhan was embarrassed. He just wanted to make his hyung feel better.

Luhan laughed at the tone of Sehun’s voice and asked, “Are your balls okay?”

The maknae blushed more and nodded. “Yes...they’re fine…”

The two males stared at each other in silence for a few moments and then erupted  in laughter at the same time. They realized how ridiculous of a turn their conversation took. Sehun held his stomach as he laughed. Luhan’s eyes crinkled up into slits and his lips curled into a smile.

Luhan felt relieved that they were laughing off the entire situation. In this instance, he was very thankful for Sehun’s innocence. The younger’s laugh was so sweet and bright. Luhan’s heart felt almost as warm as his cheeks.

“Have you been sleeping alright, Luhan hyung?” Sehun asked, after their laughing ceased. He laid down next to the older male, hands tucked behind his head.

Luhan felt nervous. He didn’t want to lie to the other, but lying was the only thing he could do to keep from exposing himself. Luhan sighed. He didn’t have to lie to Sehun completely. He could just tell the maknae a half truth.

“The summer heat is too much for me,” Luhan told Sehun. The words tasted bitter on his tongue. The summer heat was nothing compared to the heat he felt from watching Sehun dance.

“You should get more rest. You’ll get heat exhaustion.”

“Sehun-ah, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

“You better take care of yourself, hyung. Or else…” Sehun rolled off his back and got on top of Luhan, his hands on either side of the older’s head and his legs straddling his hyung’s thighs.

Luhan felt so damn hot.  

Alarm bells began to ring in his head. 

“Or else…” Sehun repeated, lowering his face down to Luhan’s ear. “I won’t forgive you,” he whispered, his warm breath tickling Luhan's skin. 

~~~~~~

it's been too long, my friends. hunhan in the next chapter.