Park Chanyeol lived by two rules for the longest time.

1. Feelings are best left unspoken until they are forgotten.

Through the course of his life, Chanyeol had never been one to make the first move. Even when he found himself in a relationship with a girl, he was always approached first. It wasn’t that he lacked the knowledge for flirting. He simply did not try. Chanyeol had always been afraid of making a fool out of himself; to Chanyeol, being extremely clumsy and awkward was bad enough (it was even worse when he was flustered).

It always made sense for him to lay low and wait for an opportunity to present itself. Romantic opportunities were anything but rare for someone like Chanyeol. With dazzling goods looks and a charming attitude, both males and females were drawn to Chanyeol as if he were a magnet. However, he always seemed to be the only one unaware of this.

Chanyeol had always underestimated himself, especially in the looks department. It took a while for him to realize that others weren’t just staring at him because he was awkwardly tall, or because of that weird eye-twitch he had. Despite his looks, the boy did not understand why others were drawn to him.

    2. It’s better to suppress one’s desires rather than to act out on them.

The fear of rejection was a harsh reality that Chanyeol preferred not to face. He did not want to harbor unrealistic expectations and false hope. Chanyeol did not like being disappointed. There were times that he let himself fall, nearly head over heels in love with a partner. However, he never invested in the relationship more than he had to. Doing this resulted in less heart break when the partner had lost interest in him or he realized that he no longer had feelings for the other.

As much as he would want to give himself completely to another individual, Chanyeol held himself back. One only had so much love to give. The more you care, the more you have to lose. It wasn’t that Chanyeol didn’t try in relationships. He was extremely guarded whenever it came to matters of the heart.

But then Byun Baekhyun came along.

Chanyeol completely lost himself. All of his inhibitions were thrown out the window the moment he locked gazes with Baekhyun’s beautiful, droopy, chocolate-colored eyes. It was if all time had stopped. He was frozen in the moment, all breath taken from his lungs, and heart pausing in his chest, before picking up its pace and beating ten times faster than the norm. Chanyeol had never wanted someone so badly in his entire life. He felt as if his, mind, body, heart, and the entirety of his being yearned for Byun Baekhyun.

His was shaken to the core, soul ignited with longing for another,  who he was convinced was the missing piece to the puzzle that was Park Chanyeol. He wouldn’t be complete until Byun Baekhyun was his. Chanyeol never believed in love at first sight. The case was the same with Baekhyun. It wasn’t love; it was destiny.

Chanyeol couldn’t help but believe that the stars had aligned perfectly and the universe’s blueprint of his life and Byun Baekhyun’s were undoubtedly connected by fate. Byun Baekhyun was his soul mate. A tumult of emotions hit Chanyeol, washing over him in  wave of warmth and realization.  It was meant to be and he could tell, just from one look into the other’s eyes.

Byun Baekhyun became the breath in Chanyeol’s lungs. He was Chanyeol’s pulse and the blood that pumped through his veins. They were meant to find each other. They were born to be together. How else could they have gotten along so easily from the beginning? Within five minutes of meeting that had become friends. Among all the members in EXO, the pair had the closest relationship. They were attached at the hip, partners in crime, inseparable. If Chanyeol was present, so was Baekhyun.

After their initial meeting, Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel that he’d known Baekhyun for his entire life. Or maybe they’d met in a previous life; they were soulmates, destined to find each other in every life that they were reborn into. Call him crazy, but Chanyeol believed it. Never in his life had he felt the way about someone the way he yearned for Baekhyun. Without Byun Baekhyun, Park Chanyeol could not exist wholly.

Perhaps Chanyeol hadn’t understood love until he met Baekhyun. But he quickly came to understand the pain that came with unrequited love. The pain of a one sided love with his completely heteroual male best friend. Said heteroual male best friend also had a very gigantic, very heteroual crush on a female. Kim Taeyeon.

Chanyeol had fallen, crashed, and burned. He came second to Taeyeon in Baekhyun’s heart. Chanyeol was only the best friend and nothing more. Not a soulmate. Not a destined lover. None of that. Perhaps the stars were wrong. Maybe the universe had decided to screw with him. Or maybe, Chanyeol was just crazy for thinking all of those things.

Through the doubt, one thing was for sure; Chanyeol was in love with Baekhyun. It didn’t matter that Baekhyun had eyes for another. That didn’t stop Chanyeol from loving him. It was the kind of love that made Baekhyun’s name taste sweet on his lips. It was the kind of love that made everything in the world seem so much more beautiful. The skies were bluer, the sunsets warmer, and the stars brighter in Chanyeol’s eyes. It was the kind of love that resulted in Chanyeol filling a collection of notebooks with lyrics and poems inspired by Baekhyun.  It was the kind of love that made Chanyeol giddy inside and had him smiling like an idiot from just standing next to the object of his affections.  It was the kind of love that made Chanyeol wanted to stand in the center of the stage at concerts and proclaim his feelings to everyone who was present. He wanted the world to know how much he loved Baekhyun.

However, he’d never mentioned how he felt to the other. How could he? Why should he be greedy for more, when he already had so much? Chanyeol was lucky enough to meet the beautiful creature that was Byun Baekhyun. He was even luckier to have befriended the other. Chanyeol just couldn’t ruin what they had by throwing his feelings at Baekhyun.

On a drunken night, Baekhyun had confessed his undying love for Taeyeon to Chanyeol. It should have been a big red stop sign for the giant. However, the sign hadn’t been big enough. Chanyeol was head over heels in love. Not even the barrier of Baekhyun being completely heteroual and having a heteroual crush on Taeyeon could stop him. Baekhyun was his sunlight and Chanyeol was blinded by love.

He knew D.O thought it started somewhere between those blanket fort camp outs and couch cuddles. D.O was wrong. Chanyeol loved Baekhyun from the very first moment he laid eyes on him. Every fiber of his being screamed with longing for the other. He needed Baekhyun. He needed to be with him. Baekhyun was his….

...best friend. It would be an understatement to say that Chanyeol was heartbroken when Taeyeon and Baekhyun went official. He didn’t leave his room for a week. The excuse that he was deathly sick seemed to cut it for the other members. There was no faking his red eyes, hoarse throat, and croaky voice. The dark circles beneath his eyes were as prominent as they’d ever been. His face had been startlingly pale, hollow cheeks, and dull, sunken eyes.

Chanyeol hadn’t slept, eaten, or showered since Baekhyun came home and announced that he was dating Taeyeon. He locked himself in his room. He laid curled on his bed for days, clutching a pillow to his chest and pressing his face into it to muffle his cries. It was as if Baekhyun had held Chanyeol’s heart of glass and carelessly let it slip through his fingers. Chanyeol’s fragile heart shattered upon impact with the ground. There had been nothing left but pieces of broken glass.

It was wrong to be upset about Baekhyun’s happiness. If he loved Baekhyun, he should always want the other to be happy. But it just hurt so much to know that Baekhyun only had one person in his heart, a person who was not Chanyeol. It hurt to know that Taeyeon would be the one to kiss Baekhyun’s beautiful lips. He couldn’t stand the thought that she would be closer to Baekhyun than him. She would get to hold his hand, and run her fingers over his face. She would get to whisper that she loved him in between kisses, in the early morning, and late at night. And Baekhyun would return those “I love you’s”. Taeyeon would get to know Baekhyun more, maybe even surpassing Chanyeol’s knowledge of the other.

Taeyeon would get to make him smile his dazzling smile. She’d get to hear his adorable laugh and learn that the action would leave his his cheeks tinted pink and eyes on the brink of tears. The girl would hear the cute little yelping sounds Baekhyun always made before he fell asleep. She’d learn the feeling of his body pressed against hers whenever they’d embrace and miss his warmth once he let go. She’d notice that cherry-flavored anything was Baekhyun favorite. Taeyeon would probably catch on quickly to Baekhyun’s habit of forgetting to tie his shoelaces (Chanyeol always had to do it for him to make sure that the other wouldn’t trip and hurt himself). She’d probably also take up the job of wiping away the crumbs on Baekhyun’s face that he always seemed to miss after a meal (Chanyeol would do this for the other as well).

Jealousy hurt like a . Though Chanyeol was definitely jealous of Taeyeon, he did not think of her as a nor thought ill of her in any way. It was more upsetting to know that he was being replaced by her. But there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t compete with someone who was better than him. Taeyeon had more experience in the entertainment industry. With experience came skill, and she far better at singing and dancing than Chanyeol. She was older and smarter. She was beautiful, and not just in front of the cameras. Taeyeon was like a Disney princess; she was kind, caring, warm, lovely and everything a man could want. But what separated Chanyeol from Taeyeon the most, was the fact that Taeyeon was a girl. It made perfect sense for the female Kim Taeyeon, to be in a relationship with the heteroual Byun Baekhyun.

The thought of sabotaging their relationship had crossed his mind at one point, but he could never do that to Baekhyun. He needed to be happy for his friend, not upset over the other’s happiness. Chanyeol need to accept the fact that Baekhyun would most likely never be his. Baekhyun was straight; Chanyeol was biual. Chanyeol loved Baekhyun; Baekhyun loved Taeyeon. Chanyeol was Baekhyun’s best friend; Taeyeon was Baekhyun’s girlfriend. He was hurting, but Baekhyun was happier than he’d ever seen the other before.

The point of loving someone is to want them to always be happy no matter what, right? Despite the hurt you might have to go through, you would always feel better knowing that your loved one was happy. Their happiness was yours, along with their sadness.

Chanyeol would never be able to call Baekhyun his, no matter how much he longed for the other. But if Taeyeon made Baekhyun happy, it was fine. Chanyeol would never want to see Baekhyun upset. So as long as BaekYeon was together, Chanyeol wouldn’t have to worry about the other’s happiness. He would be happy for Baekhyun, even if it was the source of all his sadness and heartbreak. Baekhyun’s happiness came first before anything else.

Byun Baekhyun was the reason why Chanyeol established his third rule.

3. One must never want someone or something that they cannot have.

Baekhyun was too far out of reach for Chanyeol.

A thousand emotions rushed through Chanyeol when Baekhyun kissed him back at the concert. However, none were more prominent than that seemingly lost feeling of yearning. Why, just why? In that moment, Chanyeol was led to think two things. 1. Baekhyun had been in love with him the entire time. 2. Baekhyun had somehow discovered his old feelings and wanted to mock him.

If the kiss was a confession, Chanyeol wanted to slap himself. He’d given up on Baekhyun too easily. He had a chance. If he’d only made his intentions and feelings clear to the other, maybe, just maybe Byun Baekhyun would have been his boyfriend. Taeyeon would be completely out of the picture.  Baekhyun would be in his arms and on his lips. The other’s hand would be his, and his alone to hold.  Those lyrics and poems inspired by his love for Baekhyun wouldn’t have ended up in the trash. His dreams wouldn’t have been crushed. His heart would not be in pieces. The third rule would not exist. Byun Baekhyun could have been his.

If the kiss was Baekhyun mocking him, then Chanyeol no longer wanted to be the other’s friend. He would have gone back the dorm and pulled Sehun into his room, keeping him there all night long. Though physical abuse was bad enough, nothing was worse than emotional abuse. Park Chanyeol would not have his emotions toyed with. He would not let Byun Baekhyun play with his feelings like that. Baekhyun should know his place as the completely heteroual, long-term, boyfriend of Kim Taeyeon. There should be no reason for him to go out of his way just to mock Chanyeol’s past feelings with something as serious as an intentional kiss on live television. Even if it was for fan service, the knowledge of Chanyeol’s old feelings should have kept Baekhyun from acting out like that.

Chanyeol was perfectly happy in his friends with benefits relationship with Sehun. Using each other’s bodies as a relief from all the stress that came with their jobs was a perfect solution. Chanyeol couldn’t ask for anymore. It was so easy to forget about the harsh reality of the world with Sehun pressed up against him in bed. It was so easy to block thoughts of Baekhyun from his mind and heart. Being with Sehun gave Chanyeol a rush like he’d never experienced before. It was new, exciting, and very addicting.  But the best part of the arrangement, was that it was simple.

The only needed each other for ual interactions. Nothing more was to be expected, and nothing less. There were no butterflies, no lingering kisses, no post-ual activity cuddles, and whispers of sweet nothings into each other’s ears.  They only needed and wanted the other for his body. Chanyeol and Sehun were using each other, but there seemed to be no problem with that fact. It was simple, until it wasn’t.

One could imagine how hard it would be to not fall in love with someone after spending countless hours by their side. Chanyeol never meant to catch feelings again. He thought he was done with that after what had happened with Baekhyun. He’d convinced himself that love wasn’t for him. Relationships were probably never his thing. There would be no point in trying if the outcome was not going to be a 100% guaranteed success. Besides, it was unrealistic to think that Sehun would want him as anything more than a buddy.

Chanyeol knew that Sehun was absolutely wrecked after Luhan’s departure from EXO. When he demanded to know what had really happened between the two, Sehun had shaken his head.

“I always want the ones I can’t have. I’m never falling in love again, Chanyeol.”

Those two sentences were enough for Chanyeol to understand that there wasn’t much of a difference between Sehun and himself. The giant never asked for any more details. It only took those two sentences for him to understand. Both Chanyeol and Sehun were done with love. There was no room in their hearts for something so absurd, or so they thought.

Baekhyun left Chanyeol deflated, absolutely hopeless, and completely shattered into fragments that would never fit back together properly. However, being with Sehun seemed to breathe new life back into Chanyeol. The other was broken as well. But somehow, they were able to pick up their shattered fragments and piece each other’s broken hearts back together. The empty spaces in Chanyeol’s heart were filled with Sehun. And Sehun’s with Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was first realize his newfound feelings. Though they weren’t as serious as the ones he had for Baekhyun, there was no way he could ignore them. His heart began to beat a little faster every time he was with Sehun. His palms would sweat profusely whenever they’d kiss. Chanyeol would want their late night sessions to last longer, sometimes draping his body over the younger’s  to keep him from leaving the bed. And when they were in bed together, he’d always do his best to please the other.

Chanyeol found it difficult to keep his eyes of off Sehun. The other’s slim physique, lengthy limbs, and handsome facial features made it hard not to stare. Oh Sehun was a masterpiece. Though he was a bit bratty and annoying at times, Chanyeol had to hand it to the other, he was hot as . Also the fact that he could handle the giant’s seemingly dry sense of humor made him that much more attractive to Chanyeol.

It became easy for Chanyeol to read Sehun’s emotions, despite the other’s constantly expressionless face. It hadn’t taken him long to figure out that late night video game matches and multiple cups of Chocolate Boba tea would pull Sehun out of even the darkest of moods. And despite his appearance, Sehun really was a child at heart. Stuffed animals and candy were the key to the younger’s happiness. He loved to be taken care of by Chanyeol, both emotionally, physically, and especially ually. Sehun loved to receive. And Chanyeol was more than happy to give to him.

Chanyeol was needed by Sehun, and desired even more. Being wanted was the best feeling in the world to Chanyeol. He’d been so used the the feeling of wanting that he’d never been able to experience the other end of it. Sehun lusted after him. He always came to Chanyeol first, practically demanding ual attention. Chanyeol would never not indulge him. He delighted in giving Sehun pleasure and helping the other relieve stress. He enjoyed it even more when the stress relief didn’t end with their bodies.

It was so easy for Chanyeol to talk to Sehun. Normally, Chanyeol found himself struggling to hold a conversation with someone else. With Sehun, Chanyeol didn’t have to try at all. With Sehun, Chanyeol could be his embarrassingly loud, weird, and crazy self.  The two of them clicked. The giant might have thought that Baekhyun was his missing piece, but Sehun was definitely Chanyeol’s other half.  With Baekhyun, Chanyeol constantly worried about being too much of himself. The constant fear of rejection always lingered in Chanyeol’s subconsciousness. But with Sehun, there was no fear at all.

It wasn’t love, but it was bit more than a tiny crush. However, with the the no strings attached label, Chanyeol knew better than the push his boundaries. Strangely, he felt satisfied with simply being Sehun’s buddy and buddy. They already did everything that fell under the category of being a couple. The only part what was missing were the “I love you’s” and actual labels of “boyfriends”.

Chanyeol was happy with Sehun and whatever they had. It was just the right balance of everything. Their relationship wasn’t serious, but it wasn’t just for the occasional romp either. They were more than friends, but less than lovers. And Chanyeol felt that he was in debt to Sehun. Though they’d never spoken much about the giant’s feelings for Baekhyun, Sehun was easily able to help Chanyeol tuck them back into the dark recesses of his heart. Being with Sehun, it wasn’t hard to for Chanyeol to forget about his old feelings.

There was no point in wanting Baekhyun if his feelings could never be returned. Besides, Baekhyun was happy with Taeyeon; he didn’t need Chanyeol anymore. Sehun was the one who needed Chanyeol. This time around, the giant wanted to keep the maknae happy.

The giant convinced himself that Sehun would be enough to help him move on. He was wrong. Once one has feelings for another, as deep as the ones Chanyeol had for Baekhyun, it isn’t quite that easy to forget.

Perhaps it had been that night in the dance studio, when Baekhyun and Chanyeol had been alone together. Though Chanyeol had been the one to apologize after Baekhyun practically beat the out of him, they both cried that night. It was the first time since Baekhyun and Taeyeon went official that they’d let hidden emotions show through. And in that moment, Chanyeol wished that their shared hug would never end. The warmth of Baekhyun’s arms might have just stirred up those hidden feelings in Chanyeol’s heart, feelings that should have been dormant. At dinner that night, they weren’t just EXO’s Chanyeol and Baekhyun. They were best friends Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun, stealing each other’s food and trying to see who could fit more grilled meat in their mouth.

Or maybe it was when Chanyeol washed the flour out of Baekhyun’s hair. Being that physically close to a nearly Baekhyun made Chanyeol’s head spin. He was dizzied with old feelings for desire for the other, and embarrassingly enough, found himself staring a bit too much at Baekhyun’s exposed body. However, it wasn’t the other’s lack of clothing that led the giant to help him that way. It was the fact that Baekhyun wanted to make him an apology cake, despite his obvious amateur (maybe even slightly less than amateur) baking skills. The gesture was thoughtful and undeniably adorable, in Chanyeol’s opinion. A bit unnecessary, but very much appreciated even though he hadn’t received the cake. It was enough for Chanyeol to realize that Baekhyun still cared.  Chanyeol felt his resolve of rule #3 cracking.

Maybe the kiss was when everything started to go downhill. The kiss, which hadn’t even lasted five seconds, was enough to recall almost three years of feelings. Chanyeol was shaken to the core by that kiss. The memories of his past love had been knocked loose from the depths of his heart.

It only took five seconds for three long years of wanting to hit Chanyeol like a ton of bricks. All the time he spent trying forget, had disappeared in the time it took for one to snap their fingers. Perhaps the universe wasn’t done screwing with him just yet. Or maybe, Chanyeol was incredibly unlucky. It was as if rule #3 had flown out the window, giving Chanyeol the middle finger as it soared past the horizon.

There was no way he could erase the feeling of Baekhyun’s lips on his. No matter how many times Chanyeol kissed Sehun or washed his mouth, there was no forgetting the heavenly feeling of kissing Byun Baekhyun. Chanyeol’s lips had tasted like Baekhyun’s cherry ones for days. Not only was he unable to erase the memory of Baekhyun’s kiss, the giant found himself incapable of suppressing those old feelings.

Sehun wasn’t able to distract him anymore. The other’s touches left Chanyeol feeling cold, disappointed, and quite unsatisfied. It was hard to enjoy intimacy with Sehun when Baekhyun was the only one on Chanyeol’s mind. At times, he couldn’t help but imagine that Sehun was Baekhyun instead. There was no denying it now. Even Sehun had sensed it. Chanyeol was burning with want for Baekhyun.

The tipping point for Chanyeol was when Sehun beat Baekhyun up in the bathroom.

“I can’t let you hurt Baekhyun!” Chanyeol remembered what he yelled at Sehun.

I can’t let you hurt Baekhyun. He’s more precious to me than anyone else I’ve ever known. Hit me all you want, take you anger out on me. But please, you can’t hurt Baekhyun. I can’t let him get hurt by anyone or anything. His happiness comes first and nothing else matters. I need to keep him happy. I need to protect Baekhyun. All I want is for him to be happy...because...I love him. It doesn’t matter that he’s straight. It doesn’t matter that he has Taeyeon. It doesn’t matter to me that I’m only his best friend. Despite everything working against me, I love Baekhyun….I always have and I always will love him.

Chanyeol’s mouth hadn’t been quick enough to keep up with his thoughts. Everything he wanted to say that night had been lost in his throat. All and any feelings he had for Sehun were lost as well. There was no way he could respect someone who intentionally hurt Baekhyun. Especially, when Sehun refused to listen to him and jumped to preposterous conclusions. However, none of that mattered now.

There was no denying the return of Chanyeol’s feelings for Baekhyun. He couldn’t reason himself out of wanting the other. Chanyeol could not ignore the burning desire in his heart. Every fiber of his being was screaming with want for Baekhyun.

“Instead of telling me, show me how it feels.”

With Baekhyun on his lap and the other’s irresistible lips centimeters away from his, Chanyeol was having a hard time trying to remember the three rules.  He practically lost all his sanity and reasoning capabilities when their lips met only moments ago. It took all of Chanyeol’s mental strength to hold himself back when Baekhyun slipped a hand down the front of his sweat pants. And now, the other was asking him for . A very drunk, very y Baekhyun wanted to get it on with him. What had Chanyeol done to deserve such a sweet, yet painful torture like this?

Baekhyun’s breath was hot against Chanyeol’s mouth, cherry red lips making the taller’s head spin.  The hand down Chanyeol’s pants was dangerously close to the giant’s intimate parts. The look in the vocalist’s dark, glossy eyes was absolutely sinful. Baekhyun’s cheeks were flushed bright pink and droplets of sweat were beginning to collect at his brow as he panted heavily. His hair was sticking to his forehead and his eyelids were getting droopier by the second. Baekhyun was breathtakingly beautiful in the moment. Chanyeol committed every detail of the scene in front of him to his memory, never wanting to forget.

“Chanyeol, please,” Baekhyun whined breathlessly, hand slipping even lower into Chanyeol’s pants.

A whine escaped Chanyeol’s lips when Baekhyun’s fingers brushed against the most sensitive part of his body. Snapping out of his daze, he grabbed the other’s hips. The neediness in Baekhyun’s voice and eyes was nearly enough to push Chanyeol off the edge. Sparks of electricity tingled beneath his hot skin. Shivers ran down his spine and desire pulsed in his veins. He wanted Baekhyun so ing bad. He’d already broken the third rule. And Chanyeol knew he was on the verge of breaking the second.

Chanyeol wasn’t in the right mind to weigh the pros and cons of sleeping with Baekhyun. They were both drunk as hell and Baekhyun looked irresistible on his lap. Baekhyun, the boy he’d been in love with for years. Baekhyun, the one who always seemed so far out of reach, was right in front of him, eyes filled with lust for the giant. And he was willing to be ually intimate with Chanyeol. Baekhyun wanted him. Chanyeol was going to break the second rule.

He would worry about the consequences in the morning. Or maybe, not at all. Maybe Baekhyun wouldn’t remember a thing about the night they would share. But that was fine with Chanyeol. For tonight, he could pretend that Byun Baekhyun was his. That was more than enough for him.

For the first time in his life, Chanyeol did not suppress his desire for Baekhyun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's 4700K+ word vomit ;;;

This will probably be my only update this month. School is driving me crazy and Cross Country is draining my life source.

Thank you all very much for reading and subscribing! I love you all <3

Please drop me some comments. I'd love to hear what you think of this chapter.

~FlamerLocket-

Unedited-- 09/04/16