“You don’t have to.”

“No, I want to,” she quietly told. Namjoo turned to look at him with those pitifully sad eyes of hers. “I want to tell him about it tomorrow. Do you think you can wait for me after work?”

Kai really hated so much how she easily got to him. He nodded. “Alright.”

She turned away, ready to leave. Kai felt helpless against her, but he didn’t want her to leave yet.

“Namjoo,” he quickly called out before she closed the door on him. “This weekend, let go look at the house. If you like it, I’ll buy. Otherwise, we’ll live with my parents after the wedding until I can find another house again.”

Her eyes darted to the side in thought then she nodded. With a last farewell she closed the door, locking him in with solitude.

\\\\\

Namjoo hugged herself in the bath that night. Preparing herself mentally for tomorrow was like preparing for war. Her heart felt bruised and she was starting to feel more tired by the day.

Being Choonhee was really exhausting now.

That next morning she got up extra early mindful of what she would wear. She still had the audacity to look nice when giving Sehun the wedding invitation. She wanted him to see the last of her before watching her walk down the aisle in her wedding dress, prettily. To keep that image inside his dear heart and she prayed that he wouldn’t forget her after wearing Kai’s wedding ring; after she became Kim Choonhee.

Instead of pants she pulled on a dress and stared at herself in the mirror after carefully touching up her face. She was nervous and felt weak. This, she told herself, was just something she had to do. She didn’t want Sehun to learn about it from his parents. It would be better, less shameless of her to hand it to him upfront. And it would help her hold her dignity as Kim Namjoo.

Deeply inhaling she grabbed her purse and turned to go. As she sat in the car on the way to work she stared out at the skyscrapers, towers, and busy people hurriedly walking to and fro. She hadn’t thought how different it would become now, that she was going to marry rich and become rich. In due time, she would have everything without missing anything.

When they got to work she stared down at the activity book that she was finishing, just like her life coming to its end. In order not to focus on that card inside her purse she concentrated with all her might on studying. Then she went out to have lunch with Kai and returned, watching him look over her work.

“You’ve gotten a lot better. You’re almost high school level now,” he congratulated. Namjoo pulled on a smile and took the book back from him taking it a pity that she never did go to high school or got her diploma.

“I never asked,” Namjoo said, “what do you do all day sitting here?”

“Are you sure you want to know? It might be a bit complicated for you to understand.” He said.

“I should at least know what kind of work my husband does, right?” she asked and watched him look back up at her with surprise lingering in his eyes. Then she smiled. Looking away from her flustered he fought the grin climbing onto his face. Shyly smiling, glad to hear it from her he lowered his head gleefully.

“Then,” he got up, “do you want to learn?”

Namjoo glanced to the side, wondering if she was doing the right thing. Darting her eyes back to him she nodded. Standing up he offered her his chair, slightly bending down beside her as he explained the contracts he was typing up and the book of legal acts on his right.

Within a few hours the time she’d been trying not to focus on arrived.

“I’ll be in the car waiting,” Kai told her. “Are you sure about this?”

Namjoo nodded. “I’ll be down shortly.”

“Alright,” he said before walking away. As soon as he disappeared into the elevator she pushed the door to the stairway open and started her way up. Each step along the way felt heavy and dreadful. Her hand clutched onto the cord of her purse nervously. Then before she knew it she was on the fourth floor heading down the hallway to Sehun’s office.

“What are you doing here?” Hayoung rose from her desk defensively.

“I have something to give Sehun.” Namjoo told, fighting not to let herself be overwhelmed by her sorrow.

“What is it?” Hayoung walked out from behind her desk and held her palm out. “Give it to me. I’ll pass it along.”

“No,” Namjoo refused. “I want to give it to him myself.” Then she took a step forward, “He’s in, right?”

Hayoung opened to scold her but she’d already pushed the door open. Sehun immediately looked up from the noise, slowly dropping the pen from his hand as he rose. Namjoo pressed her lips together overwhelmed and struck by the real fact that there was nothing else for her to do beyond this point.

“Close the door,” he ordered Hayoung, who shot her a glance before doing as told. Once they were alone he walked toward her quickly with the one step forward she took.

“You’re here?” he asked touching her arm then gently smiled. “I knew it. I knew you would.”

Keeping her eyes at bay Namjoo steadied herself before looking up into his dreamy eyes. She would love to so much to fall into the safety of his arms and be loved by him.  

Namjoo reached into her purse and said, “I came to give you this.”

Sehun’s eyes glowered with shock when he saw the wedding invitation. Abruptly glancing at her wide eyed he shook his head. “Don’t joke with me, Namjoo.”

“I told you the wedding date was moved,” Namjoo reminded. “In two weeks at Kingdom Hotel…”

He flicked the card out of her hand and grabbed both her arms. “I said it. I won’t let you go. You can’t get married to him. I won’t let it happen. You have to believe me. It won’t!”

“Sehun, stop,” Namjoo tried to fend him off.

“I told you! Why don’t you believe me!” he raised his voice manically.

Namjoo struggled with him before managing to shove him back roughly and glared at him. “I…don’t love you.”

The deep, dark angry frown on his face quickly dispersed. Despair rose in Namjoo but she kept going. “I never said it, did I? That I loved you? It’s because I don’t.”

“No. No, no,” Sehun denied. “You’re lying. Who’s threatening you? Kai? Choonhee’s parents? Who is it? Tell me, I can do something to stop them.”

“No one is,” Namjoo said. “It’s my decision alone. To get married. Choonhee and I must be alike. Leaving you because we love Kai.”

“No!” he screamed. “Don’t lie to me, Namjoo.”

“How do you know it’s a lie?” Namjoo questioned. “Remember that night when you found me in Kai’s office, how do you know we hadn’t done something then?”

His eyes grew hard and he madly stepped toward her. He gripped her arm hard. “Then should we do something here too?”

Namjoo stared at him flatly. “I’m not scared of you. Do you know why? You love me, so you wouldn’t.” She felt his hand shake. “I said before that you don’t know me. This is how I am. Kim Namjoo, the orphan who grew up on the street. Yes, I’ve been without a home my entire life and I never had money, so I want it now. What can you give me when you’re still under your father who controls you like his own dog? But Kai, he can give me all I want. Money, jewelry, clothes, and a life where I won’t have to lift my hands. I want to so badly live like that. You just happened to come onto me and I took advantage of you, because I’ve never experienced anything like that before.”

The dejection growing in his eyes at her lies made her heart break and bleed, but she could not cry or fall.

“Like you, I’m sorry it happened like this. Please come to the wedding,” Namjoo said and pulled out of his hand before turning to leave. As soon as she turned her back to him her lips contorted painfully.

Hayoung stared at her from behind her desk hard as she quickly walked by and rushed into the elevator, where she immediately broke into tears silently. As soon as the doors opened again she quickly wiped her tears and darted out to the sanctity of Kai’s car where she let herself bawl as loudly as possible.

\\\\\

Sehun’s breathing became rowdy as he clutched his hand into a tight fist. He didn’t believe it. He wouldn’t!

Namjoo was lying!

There was no possible way she would just come to him and bark that nonsense. How could she do this to him?!

Anger pounded his chest and out of his own control he thrashed his arms out, shoving everything on his desk to the ground. The door burst open and Hayoung ran in, shocked by the noise.

“Sehun!” she called but he couldn’t hear her.

He pounded his fist against the desk before slowly lowering himself to the ground in a loss. How was this happening? How was Namjoo leaving him in such a short time? This wasn’t right. It wasn’t possible. Why was everything falling apart like this?

“What’s this?” Hayoung asked from behind as she picked up the wedding invitation.

A breath shook out of him and lowering his head brushed it against his hand as tears slipped. This couldn’t be happening…

\\\\\

The house they arrived at that weekend was a privately owned home with brick walls bordering the property and a steel door. Inside was a flight of staircase built into an uprising green hill and at the top, the home of precious beauty. The dark window panes gave off a fresh vibe of modernity and the large glass windows offered bright morning rays through all seasons.

A gigantic Willow tree stood at the side with its leaves hanging down at once side. The real estate agent even suggested they could build a swing there for future children. Since fall was in the run the grass was starting to yellow and leaves being blown across the short cut yard.

The home was without furniture at the moment but it was spacious and smelled new. There was a patio in the backyard. Orchids naturally grew near the back where wild bushes and tall thin trees grew.

“The last owners,” they were told as they were led around, “had renovated the place to keep it new and hope the new owners would care for the home like they had. As you can see here, the walls are freshly painted.”  

Kai let Namjoo wander through the house, even said she could pick her own room. Here, he said, they wouldn’t have to sleep together. It was much to her relief to hear that. But if she didn’t like the home and they had to live under his parents’ home, the circumstances would be different.

Heading upstairs Namjoo pulled the doors opened one by one, discovering small to medium-sized room. The largest with its own bathroom was perhaps the king bedroom. Kai could have it, she didn’t care. She wanted the first room down the hall with the sliding closet and the large window.

It didn’t matter if she liked the home or not. It was on its own property, they would be alone, and she needn’t share a bed with him. The house was practically family size, but only the two of them would be there. Most of the time Kai would be at work or busy at meetings, and she would be here alone.

With her nod to take the home Kai signed the lease and they were set to move in within a week. On the drive home Kai explained, “Nanny Jung will be moving in to take care of us since I won’t expect you to do housework. You can just call her Nanny. She’s the one who raised me, and one to mind her own business so you don’t need to worry about her. I’ll let her know to call you Namjoo.”

“Alright,” Namjoo nodded. “But your mom won’t be angry?”

“What can she do now that I’ve already bought the house?” Kai asked. “You just have to pack next week then we’ll move in. And that weekend we’ll get married.”

Namjoo looked at him and nodded. “Can you just let me off around the corner here?”

“Why?”

“I’m going to see Tao,” Namjoo told and became timid before looking at him. “I’ll return home after.”

“Alright,” Kai said. “Don’t disappear.”

“I know,” Namjoo assured and as he pulled over she got out. Once his car disappeared down the road she turned around to make the walk down the scrubby neighborhood that would take her to Tao’s mobile home.

Seeing the run down shops and people who were dressed in faded clothes made her heart ache for the life she left behind. No more streetwear and no more running around as she liked. It was strange to realize that she would never be able to enjoy the essence of old places like these beautiful areas anymore. Namjoo felt nostalgic.

When she arrived at Tao’s home she glanced it over and felt her heart ache. She wanted a home like his. So much.

After a knock the door opened and Tao appeared on the doorstep in his jeans and tee. And seeing him erupted a roller coaster of emotions in Namjoo. It felt like she was seeing an old friend for the first time in the longest time. Tears slipped down. There was so much to say. She wanted to come back so much after leaving, but everything had collided at the wrong time making it impossible. And he had been the only one who’d listened.

Namjoo stood there like a child, sobbing. At last Tao stepped down from the home and walked toward her before extending his arms out to hug her comfortingly.

“Alright,” he said patting her back. “Don’t cry anymore.”

And she cried harder.

Tao, she realized, was the only friend Choonhee had given her.

\\\\\

After calming down Namjoo was again sitting at his table with a cup of warm tea in front of her. As the steam rose up into the air she felt her chest shudder, an effect from the earlier sobbing.

“Is this genuine?” Tao asked flipping the wedding invitation over again and again then flipped it over to look inside. “You’re not joking?”

“Who woud joke about a wedding?”  

“Well, you’re right. You said you wouldn’t.” Tao set the card down.

“I got the cops called on me,” Namjoo admitted. “I was scared, you know.”

“And that’s why?”

“No,” Namjoo glanced down and finally lifted the cup up to her lips. “Do you know what I did today?”

“No. You shouldn’t ask something I wouldn’t know.”   

Namjoo smiled and gripped onto the cup, glad for the warmth. “I went to look at a house. It’s where I’ll be living when I get married.”

Tao stared at her with deep sympathy. “You don’t have to live like this Namjoo.”

Plummeted with sadness again Namjoo asked, “Do you know what I wanted to come ask you if I came earlier?”

“What?”

“To teach me how to drive, but I guess it’s too late.” Namjoo said. “I thought if I could drive I could go wherever it is I wanted. I didn’t have to rely on the others, and how nice that would be but now…now I’ve become like this.”

Namjoo laughed and felt tears perk her eyelids. “Dammit,” she muttered and reached up to wipe them.

“I’m not going,” Tao said and slid the card toward her. “I don’t want to go to a wedding where the bride will half-assedly give her hand away to a man she doesn’t love.”

Namjoo glanced at him, “I know it’s your choice. I just thought…Choonhee would have liked you to come see her.”  

“Namjoo,” Tao said with a shake of his head, “you’re not Choonhee.”

“I am.” A quiet mutter.

“Deep inside, you know you’re not. You never forgot for a second who you are,” Tao believed. “The girl from The Angel House and the girl who had to finish dealing with everything her sister couldn’t. Whatever you do, I know you know who you are. And you won’t forget it, so don’t let anyone else around you forget that too. Kim Namjoo.”

The tears welled up and Namjoo let them fall this time, touched by his words.

“And thank you,” Tao sincerely said, “for coming to let me know about Choonhee. You’ve done a good job and you’ve been strong, even if you don’t know it.”

Starting to sob again Namjoo pressed a hand to her lips and nodded gratefully. 

***I cried writing that last part ;; Never forgetting who you are is so important