“Namjoo,” his voice drifted melodically into her ears again. He appeared back into her view. “Are you cold?”

Lowering her head she caught sight of Kai’s blazer.

“Should I lend you mine instead?” he asked.

Her heart painfully ached. She couldn’t say yes even if she wanted. All she could do was stay silent while he waited for her to say something.

“You were here?” she turned to see Kai walking toward her with a handsome strut before stopping by her side. Then he turned to glance at Sehun. “Hey, Sehun.”

The returned glance was nothing sort of the friendly gaze but there was nothing Namjoo could do about it. She glanced toward the side when Kai slipped an arm around her shoulders.

“Baek Gosun is looking for us,” Kai said.

It was time to go. For the last time Namjoo turned to look at Sehun then let Kai wheel her away. Behind her she could feel Sehun’s eyes lingering after her and quickly crushed the guilt creeping through her insides.

Baek Gosun, a man starting to bald, was waiting for them at the front near a round table draped in classic white. The fifty-year-old laughed haughtily when they arrived with an eye of approval.

“I was looking all over for you two,” he greeted, “I heard the wedding is coming up soon. You two must be excited. I tell you, the first few years together are the most exciting and happiest. Appreciate the time you will have together. You must look after her well, Kai,” he patted his arm in a fatherly manner, “the wife is the one who cares the most for you. Don’t ever forget it.”

“Yes,” Kai nodded.

Namjoo glanced at him before turning back to the elder and smiled. Marriage was a link between two people who loved each other. She didn’t know if she had the space in her heart to feel for Kai or if she could love him at all. Now that it had come to this there was no way out.

“Although there will be hard times you two must learn to love each other, understand one another. You two may think since you’ve gotten together that you know each other well, but I tell you it’s not like that. There’s much more than to what you see now. You have to learn to be patient. For example, your husband isn’t who you think he is, you’ll learn much more about him while living with him. The same will be for your wife. The experiences you’ll have as husband and wife will teach you to stick together through thick and thin.”

As his lecture went on Namjoo zoomed out and away from his voice. She didn’t want to hear. It was making her sad and she didn’t want to show her tears. Then it finally ended and Baek Gosun finally laughed again.

“Now, my wife and I want to congratulate you by having you as our guests of honor. We want to dedicate a song for you two.” He gladly shared. “Go on. Go up there.”

Namjoo’s entire mind blanked, unsure about what was going on. Following Kai’s lead she found herself on the empty dance floor and listened as live music started to play. His hand slid around her waist pulling her closer. He took her hand and held it. On pure instinct she held onto his shoulder as he swayed her along with him.

Neither of them spoke as the tune played and every one else watched before joining them. Affection and gentleness poured from him. Kai held her like she was an amazing thing, valuable and precious. It felt nice, she had to admit, but she didn’t want to enjoy it.

She glanced up to find his gaze intense on her but he quickly looked away the second her eyes landed on him. A sudden aching shyness spread through her and she, too, looked elsewhere.

That morning at the photo shoot she knew she’d been a bit daring with him. Part of the reason was because she quickly wanted it over. The other reason…she didn’t know how to explain. Her feelings were so pent up and she hadn’t felt like herself. After admitting to her his relationship with Choonhee she was confused, even more lost than before. She didn’t know whether to insanely hate him with her entire whole, or if she felt sorry…for all of them.

But Choonhee was dead and that was fact. If the twin had lived she wouldn’t have to be here. She wouldn’t have ever met Sehun. She wouldn’t have experienced what bliss was or how important a person could be to her. And Namjoo didn’t think she wanted to forgo that. She wanted the memories no matter how things would become.

Choonhee’s death had paved way for her to live a life she never imagined. And it was in a good and bad way.

That was why she didn’t know anymore.

Namjoo clambered against him when she missed a step and suddenly felt weak causing Kai to stumble back, nearly tripping along with her. Catching her breath she discovered herself in his hug with her arms around him. In the distance she spotted Sehun staring. Her insides wept and letting out a sigh gave up and leaned against him, dropping her head into his shoulder.

Apparently stunned, Kai didn’t move for a few seconds while the music reached its and bodies remained busy dancing around them. In her state of helplessness Namjoo hugged him desperately, trying to search for some kind of solace.

\\\\\

Shortly after the dance Kai, without her asking, made up an excuse to leave with her. As they drove along the roads he opened the window to allow fresh air to sweep against them, allowing her to breathe. Then he stopped after an hour to grab her something warm to eat and drove to the river to let her relax.

As she sat on the side trunk of his car with her heels kicking the tire the wind tousled her hair loose. She quietly ate the burger he got her hungrily. Her appetite had slowly increased after getting sick, as if her body wanted to make up for the time she intentionally starved herself. Kai sat outside with her but with his back to her. It was as if he knew what she was thinking and wanted to stay out of her sight.

The more time they sat there in silence, the more she thought about how he promised to let her live in the kind of luxury she never got to. And he would let her be. Something told her he would keep his word.

During that moment a sad kind of happiness fluttered through her. That even though she didn’t want this, no matter how she fought it, and no matter how she was against it she had no choice. And despite it, Kai would be good to her. Their married life, she felt, might not be so bad.

Tears welled up in her eyes and quietly slithered down. It was painful. To be pushed around and into a corner.

As if sympathizing with her feelings the blowing wind grew soft, brushing her face with invisible hands as it passed. And she continued biting into the burger, chewing, and eating.

An hour later he drove her home and as grabbed the door handle she heard him call her name. Turning, she watched him tell her sincerely, “Today you were really beautiful.”

\\\\\

Sehun sighed as he laid there in the dark on his bed. He shouldn’t have gone to that party. Seeing her made him miss her more now that she was out of his sight. He wanted to text her, call her, and hear her voice. He wanted to hear that shy but happy tremor as she conversed with him. All he had was silence.

His heart ached.

Turning onto his side he extended his arm out to touch the empty spot where Namjoo had lain. Her warm body had been beside his just a few days ago. He wanted her in his arms again, to snuggle with her and hold her close. He missed her so much it felt as if time was purposely dragging just to torture him.

Another deep sigh and he painfully closed his eyes to try and picture her in his head. The image of her face and that smile looking up at him felt so real. His heart ached even more with an absurd emptiness. It was so deep inside he felt sick.

Being here alone didn’t feel right. He should be doing something but he didn’t know what. A day ago he only learned his father had frozen his account. Now he had no money, no car, and no phone. It had become totally impossible to have communication with the outside world except for at work.

Sehun still couldn’t understand why it was like this, why his father was doing this to him. No one was telling him anything. He just simply wanted to be with Namjoo. So why was it like this?

\\\\\

“You didn’t have to come today if you aren’t feeling well,” Kai said as he turned into the parking lot that Monday.

“No, I should come,” Namjoo said. “I missed out last week.”

“Are you sure you’re ok?” he asked. “You had a bad fever last week.”

“I’m ok,” she assured and unbuckled her seatbelt once he stopped the car near the curb.

“I have to stop by somewhere. You can go in by yourself?”

“I know my way in.” Namjoo pushed the door open and stepped out. “I’ll be in your office when you come.” Then she closed the door and watched him drive away before turning around to head in.

Choonhee, her pitiful sister, must have loved Kai to the extent she was willing to give up everything, even her beautiful piano skills for something like business management, something she never learned about. How had she felt when she learned she was pregnant? Happy? Or sad?

When Namjoo neared the elevator she slowed in her steps when she spotted Hayoung waiting in front of the lift. Firmly pressing her lips she turned to wait alongside her and ignored as the woman turned to look at her. Silence evaporated when the lift arrived and they stepped into it.

Hayoung spoke when the doors closed, “You’ve been living well, I suppose. How’s the wedding planning coming along? You aren’t, by any chance, planning to keep saying it won’t happen, right?”

Namjoo stared right into the silver metallic doors, doing her best to avoid her word meant to provoke and offend her.

“Then, that’s good,” Hayoung said. “The faster the wedding happens, the quicker Sehun’s parents stop treating him like a prisoner.”

Without thinking Namjoo turned to look at her.

“You didn’t know?” Hayoung asked. “Right now, Sehun has no money, not even his car. Nothing.”

Namjoo’s eyes wavered as guilt crossed her.

“You see what you did?” Hayoung asked. “The more you continue to cling onto him, the more punishment Sehun receives. Do you think he deserves this? I don’t think so. He had everything before you and now you’re taking it away from him by disappearing off with him and being desperate. Next, the chairman might even take his CEO position from him. You don’t know how hard Sehun worked for it, studying day and night to prove himself. Ah, right. You weren’t here to witness it.” Hayoung shifted to look at her. “Get married and don’t have second thoughts. You don’t want to destroy Sehun’s life.”

The lift stopped and Namjoo froze before forcing herself to walk out without looking back.

She hadn’t known…she only knew Sehun didn’t have his phone. She didn’t know it was this bad. The guilt was overwhelming. What was she supposed to do to make it better for him?

Grabbing the knob to Kai’s office she twisted it open and stepped in, feeling her entire world freeze when Sehun turned to look at her. Eyes widened and her hand dropped down to her side. An eager smile grew on his face and quickly walking forward closed the door before pulling her into his arms.

“Oh I missed you. I missed you so bad,” he the back of her head and buried his face into her hair. “Namjoo.”

A deeper crack grew in her heart as her lips prodded open in surprise.

No…no…no.

Namjoo pushed against him, her first attempt unsuccessful before she managed to shove him away. “Stop.”

Confusion crossed his expression along with question. “Namjoo…”

“Please leave. This isn’t your office,” Namjoo felt her breath shake and forced herself to further push him away so his hands were no longer on her.

“I just…I wanted to see you. I heard Kai makes you stay in his office with him now.” Sehun said. “Why? Has he done something to you?”

Turning away Namjoo said, “I want to be in here with him.”

Silence grew. She could feel the shock penetrate Sehun.

“I told Kai to buy me some coffee. He should be returning soon,” Namjoo lied. “You should go before he returns.”

As if refusing, Sehun remained there staring at her for a long minute trying to figure out whether her gruff expression was a mask or not before finally walking out. Once the door closed Namjoo walked toward the couch and dropped down burying her face in her hands. This hurt her more and more each time.

Why couldn’t the days go by faster?

\\\\\

Something was going on, he didn’t understand what. Namjoo wouldn’t have spoken to him so rudely like that. Sehun couldn’t figure out what was going on when he stepped into the elevator. It frustrated him and he couldn’t help but over worry that something was going on and Namjoo was in trouble.

Was it because of their weekend getaway a week ago? Had she gotten in trouble?

Why couldn’t she tell him anything?

Goodness sakes, he was worried about her. He hadn’t seen her at all last week because he was so busy going back and forth to attend meetings. He’d tried calling her from phone booths when he got away during lunch, only she never picked up anymore. Didn’t she miss him too?

He had been sure, one-hundred-percent certain that she loved him too, even if she didn’t say it. He had felt it in their intimacy, in the way she looked at him. He knew she did because if not, she would have never left with him to Incheon or stayed with him overnight. Her feelings were the same as his.

How long was this going to last before the wedding?

\\\\\

“Look what’s here,” Seulgi exclaimed pushing a large rectangular box across the table to them.

It was Wednesday night and they’d just had dinner. In the same room where they’d looked at the catalog of wedding dresses not too long ago, they were here again. By now, Namjoo was used to the woman’s antics and her exclamations of excitement.

“It’s the wedding invitations,” she opened the box to show the hundreds of cards inside.

They were pretty creamy white colored cards that glimmered in the light with light streaks of gold and a large pretty purple bow on the front cover. It was the usual wedding card with romantic decorations and beautiful calligraphy letters. Choonhee and Kai’s name were inside along with the address of the wedding reception.

At once it felt surreal and unreal. Namjoo blankly stared at the cards before looking up with a smile. “Do you mind if I personally deliver two of these?”

“What? Well,” Seulgi looked taken aback then nodded, “if you want to.”

Taking two from the box Namjoo stared at them again as a rush of reality burst through her.

Kim Namjoo’s life was coming to an end right before her eyes. It was no longer her freedom to choose where to go or how to live. Very soon she would be someone else’s person. She would carry a different surname; might even become someone she didn’t recognize.

Whether she was ok with it or not, it was too late to make any changes. Unless she wanted to forfeit and end everything in jail, but a part of her still stubbornly wanted to hang on, because even from far away she would still be in Sehun’s world. She could see him even if it was for a few seconds. And she’d remembered how happy she was at one point in her life, how lucky she had been to share some memories with him.

And she feared he would forget her if she was too far gone.

\\\\\

Kai watched Namjoo clutch onto the cards on her lap as he drove her home. His mother had been overly anxious when Namjoo decided it was time to call it a night. He had become uncomfortable when his mother went into talks about getting a grandchild.

“As soon as possible,” she had said. “Do you know how far behind I am compared to all my friends whose sons have all gotten married? They have little kids running around in their house? And what about mine?”

“You’re not feeling nauseous lately?” Kai asked.

“No.” she absentmindedly replied.

He turned to look at her. “It must have gotten better after you got sick.”

She didn’t reply.

He pressed his lips before asking curiously, “Who are those cards for?”

“I want to give one to Tao,” she said to his surprise. “And Sehun.”

***A/N: Do you guys understand Namjoo's situation yet? I'm not sure whether I'm not writing clearly or if you guys are thinking too much. Anyhow, Namjoo's in a pull situation right now. Have you ever been in a situation where you don't want to do something but were forced to do it by, say, your parents and it made you angry because there was no way out? It'll help if you think of it that way. Namjoo is 100% against the marriage (and I'll repeat again if you read last chapter and didn't see the Author's Note I posted up a few hours later) that Namjoo can't say she loves Sehun because by acknowledging it aloud will hurt her and Sehun because she knows she can't have him without going to jail, and she's afraid that if she gets thrown behind bars she'll never be able to see him again. Namjoo is so cooped up with fear she can't see the way out. And by learning that Sehun's bank accounts have been frozen, his car, and phone has been taken she learns that if she continues seeing him he'll eventually lose everything. She feels trapped because they are trapping her, and she's starting to become utterly miserable. So here she goes trying to shove Sehun away. 

*** 11 more chapters!