I know Kibum is going to be late because he is with Chloe so I decide to go to the dorm and get him. I spent the night with Ailee so I am starving. I stop by KFC on the way. When I get to the dorm it is already 10:40 it takes Kibum another 15mins to come outside. He look a little distressed but we have to go so I don’t have anytime to ask if he is ok. When we arrive the managers are there ready to get after us. I look at my watch we are there at 10:59 we aren’t late so I get irritated that they are going to get after us and I snap at them before they have a chance. When we get inside we do quick hair and make-up. It is a quick photo shoot. When we are finally done we go back to the dressing room and our cordi throws Key’s phone at him. Key looks at it and goes pale. “Onew keys.” Is all he says. We follow him. “Why is hyung going to the Airport?” Taemin asks. “Your guess is as good as mine” I say worried. Is Chloe ok she is the only one I can think of that would make Kibum rush to the airport. Did they fight this morning? If they did was it really bad enough for her to leave? We get to the airport and we run after Key. When he finally stops he just falls to his knees. Jonghyun is the first one to reach him. He is just crying. We get him out of the airport and he cries the whole way home. I am not good with these kinds of situations. I know I am the leader and I should take charge in making sure Key is ok but I can’t. I just need to get away. Minho and I go out and let Tae and Jjong do all the work of comforting Key. Minho and I go and meet Amber and Ailee and fill them in on Chloe’s mysterious disappearance. They are just as confused as us on why she left and what to do now so we just go and get something to drink. We drink for a while then we fall asleep. We don’t wake up until I get a text from Taemin saying they want to have lunch with us. We go and what do we find? They must have taken Key shopping because they look like a little family about to go take pictures in the semi matching outfits. I make a comment about this and Jonghyun snaps back saying something about us being drunk. We aren’t right now but I want to be. Minho tells us he wants to have a party to tell everyone about him and Amber. I don’t really think this is a good time for that but it is an excuse to get away from Key so I take it. I really am a bad leader. I don’t know how to help my band members when they are most upset. The party goes by in a flash and I make up one excuse after another of why the other three SHINee members are not here. I get bored with the crowd so I go find a room and for some reason I end up texting Chloe. What gives you the right to come here, take Kibum’s heart, and then just leave? You have no right to say you love him if you cant even tell him why you are leaving him. He took a chance with you and you just ripped him to shreds. I don’t expect to get a text back and I fall asleep before I do. When I wake up I have 3 new text messages. One from Ailee asking where I am but she is passed out next to me the other 2 are from Chloe. Onew I am so sorry for leaving like that I know I have no right and I feel awful. Please forgive me. I will be back. Something just came up and I had to come back home. The second one just said I am really sorry. Something came up? Now I start to worry about her. I don’t know if I should tell Kibum or not. She had her reasons for not telling him and it is probably because it is something that he can do nothing to help and that will make him feel terrible, but is that better than what is he going through now. I text her back, Is there anything I can do to help? Let me know if there is. I can’t fall back asleep because my mind is going everywhere. I want to tell Kibum but I think that is Chloe’s job. I decide I will try to convince her to tell him what is going on. She texts back, No there is nothing anyone can do to help. I will do my best to take care of this fast and get back. I reply one last time. You need to tell Kibum what is going on. He is falling apart. He has a dark past that you don’t know about yet because you haven’t gotten the chance to hear it. You need to tell him. What she replies with is a simple I know. I want to trust her but something just doesn’t feel right. When I get back to the dorm I want to go and talk to Key so I go to our room he isn’t there. I go to Taemin’s room and he isn’t there only a sleeping Jonghyun and Taemin. Where is he? I check Jjong room and he is there curled up into a ball. It is freezing in here. I am glad he has a ton of blankest or else he would be sick by now. I go over and I don’t want to wake him but I realize he is awake and just silently crying. “Kibum are you ok?” Wow great question Jinki of course he is not ok. “What’s wrong?” Not any better the woman he loves left with out explanation. He just sits up and asks me a question I don’t know how to answer. “Why am I such a screw up?” I do the only think I can think of I embrace him as tight as I can. “You are not a screw up.” I tell him and I start to cry. “I am I did something and Chloe left and then I did another stupid thing and we are probably going to have a fight in the band because of it I am sorry. I should have thought of you guys before I did it I just needed to feel something and I thought he could help me but it didn’t work and now I don’t know what to do.” He is bawling now. “Shhhhh its ok. Everything will work out.” I don’t know what he did but I know it must have been something with Jonghyun. He thinks we didn’t know but I knew. I caught them one night during our training days. I never said anything because it wasn’t my business. “Have you heard from Chloe at all?” I ask hoping for a yes. “No. She just left me this bracelet.” He says as he lifts his and up to show me. “I am sure she had a good reason to leave just wait I am sure she will contact you.” I tell him as I pet his hair. I don’t know how it happens but we end up falling asleep like this. When I wake up I am freezing Key has all the blankest, but that is not the problem. I am holding Key in my arms I fell asleep holding a man with all my strength. This is so weird. I get up to go get some food for both of us. When I get back in the room Key is awake and just looking at me. I go over and give him the toast I made him. “Hyung do you want to go out and drink with me?” Now this is a way I can comfort him I am great at drinking. “Sure. I would rather you go with me than by yourself so yeah lets go.” We go to a local bar that is always really dark inside so it is hard to see faces. We drink till Key is completely drunk then I take him back to the dorm. I take him to our room and put him in bed. “ I hope you hear from her tomorrow.” I whisper as I leave the room. I decide I need to go talk to Jjong and find our what happened. I don’t now how I will get him away from Taemin but I have to. I go to Taemin’s room and find them in there making out. I clear my throat. “Jonghyun can I talk to you for a second?” I ask him. “Can it wait?” He says giving signals between him and Taemin showing that they were in the middle of something. “Not really.” I tell him. He rolls his eyes and gest up. “Be right back babe.” He says as he kisses our makenae on the head. We go to the living room. “So what happened between you and Kibum last night?” I ask right out. He looks dumb founded. “What do you mean?” “I mean Key said that he did something that will cause a band fight and I need to know about it so I can avoid that.” I tell him impatiently. “Why would you assume that he did something with me?” He looks at me with suspicion. “I know you to use to have a thing ok.” I say with more anger than I wanted. “We kissed that’s all it was nothing big he was upset and he kissed me.” he says with a sad look. “Did he feel anything?” I ask. “I don’t think so. He just started saying sorry as soon as I pushed him away and he fell asleep saying sorry.” I thought it was going to be a lot worse than what it was. I am relieved for a moment. “We need to keep a close eye on Kibum. He is in a bad state right now, and we don’t know what he will do.” I tell him. I go back to my room and lay down and just stare at Key till I fall asleep. When I wake up he is gone. I get up and rush our to the living room. There he is on the couch rapped up in a blanket just watching Kill Me Heal Me. I wonder when he got the dvd set. I know this was one of Chloe’s favorite dramas. I hear my phone go off in my room and I go check it. It is a text message from Chloe. I can’t do it Jinki. I am sorry could you pass on this message for me. I have no right to even text him. I had to come back because my mother is sick and we needed to use my Korea money to pay for her treatment. I will stay here for a while and work to earn the money to come back. I am sorry and I will see you guys again as soon as I can. Tell Kibum I love him. I am sorry. Her mother is sick? I don’t know what to say. How do I tell Kibum this? He will feel better because he knows she didn’t leave because of him but he will still feel bad. He might even want to just leave and go be with her and we can’t afford to have him leave. Why did I have to be the leader? This is too much for me. I go and get a bottle of soju from the fridge and go and sit in front of Key. I take a swig and start to tell him what Chloe said.
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