I wake up and Minho and Amber have already left. I look at Chloe who is still asleep next to me. I am so glad I get to wake up next to her every morning and I get to spend time with her everyday. I never want that to change. I never want to be away from her again. I look at my phone and the time shows 10:50. It takes me a second but realize that it’s 10:50, and I have to be all the way across town in 10 minuets! Just as I’m about to walk out the door I hear Chloe on the phone in the other room. She is talking in English and really fast so I have no idea what she is saying, but she sounds upset. I want to see what is going on but I have to go. I feel bad about leaving like this but I can’t get in trouble again. If I do we can kiss our relationship good bye. I tell this to myself to try to convince me that it is ok to leave. I have to be there in 5 minuets now. I walk out side and Onew knows me too well because he is out side waiting for me. “ Took you long enough.” He says throwing me a helmet. I get on and hold on tight I haven’t held a guy like this since Jonghyun back in our trainee days. My mind goes into flashback mode. When we were just starting out we might have had a little fling together. Ok lets be honest it wasn’t little and was defiantly not a fling. We were pretty serious we loved each other. It wasn’t until Taemin was officially apart of the group and we had almost made our debut that we started to fall apart. Things were stressful and hard back then. It also didn’t help that we were keeping it a complete secret from everyone even the members. We acutely didn’t brake up until after we had finished our promotions for Replay. We decided to call it quits because I was becoming a major diva (more than I already am.) due to lack of sleep from staying up to spend “quality time” with him. I did try to be with other guys but it was just not the same. None of them were Jonghyun. He is defiantly the only guy I could be gay with. I will say he is great in bed. Don’t get me started with his kissing. He always put me in a trance. I have never felt the same way with anyone else as I did with him. That is until Chloe came along. As I think this I start to come back to reality. She is defiantly my second chance at love. The feeling I get when I am with her is stronger and better than it ever was with Jonghyun. I love her so much, and this time I will not let go of my love not for any reason. We get to the venue and the managers are of course standing out side waiting to get on us. “ Well well well look who shows up late…” they start in on us but Onew stops them. “Not so fast it is 10:59 we are not late yet thank you and if you continue to gripe at us we will be so if you wouldn’t mind.” He says waving his hands very sassy like and I am so proud. We go in and get our hair and makeup done. Jonghyun and Taemin just cannot take their eyes off each other. Honestly there are still times that I get a little jealous of Taemin he has such a great guy. Then I think about it and I remember that I have an amazing girlfriend and I am not so jealous anymore. We get done with group pictures and they have Jonghyun and I do a couple shoot. After I barley make it through this photo shoot we go back to the dressing room and one of the makeup artist throws my phone at me. “It has been blowing up since you left the room. You might want to call them back it must be pretty important.” I look at my phone there is 32 missed calls 5 voice mails and 20 text messages. I check whom they are from. It is Chloe why on earth did she call so much? I open the texts first. The last one I received just says I am so sorry. Sorry for what. I check the rest of them. 19 of the 20 just say sorry and the first one she sent says I have to go back to America. She is going back to America? I check the voicemails and they to are her just saying sorry and what time she leaves. Her plane starts boarding in 10 minuets. “Onew keys.” I say running out of the room he throws them just in time. I get to the airport and buy the cheapest ticket I can find. I run through security and then up to the lady at a desk. I ask what gate her flight is at and of course it has to be all the way on the other side of the airport. I am running through the airport as fast as I can. Why is she leaving? Did I do something? I hope everything is ok. I am about to round the corner and I hear the man at the desk for her flight. “Last boarding call for flight 332.” Just as I get around the corner I see the door closing and right through the crack of the door and the wall I see my love leaving me. She is gone I cant stop the flight. What do I do? Right their in the middle of the airport I fall to my knees. I can’t handle it anymore I burst into tears. She is gone I don’t know why she left but she is gone. I flinch when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up to see who it is and I know I have amazing friends. Jonghyun, Taemin, Minho, and Onew are all here. I try to stand up but I have lost all strength and fall but Jonghyun is there to catch me. His familiar strong arms hold me up and we leave the airport. In the car I sit next to him and just cry. Its kind of funny my love just left me and now my ex-boyfriend is comforting me. How did this happen? I must have fallen asleep in the car because I wake up in Taemin’s bed next to Jonghyun. I have not seen his beautiful resting face in a long time. I almost forgot how beautiful it really is. I get up to get something to drink and Taemin is out in the kitchen. For a second I’m confused but then I remember that he has a hard time sleeping alone. I instantly feel bad. He sees me before I can say anything. “Are you ok?” he asks. “I’m so sorry Taemin I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I start to cry. “No No No stop don’t worry I just wasn’t tired yet.” He says trying to make me feel better. “ I should have just been a man I didn’t want it to happen like this.” I say as I fall to my knees again. Why can’t I just toughen up and be a man? I feel sick to my stomach crying takes a lot out a person. Tae comes over and holds on to me for a long time in the silence of my tears. I figure out just how strong our maknae really is as he picks me up and takes me back to the room. I’m so tired that I just lay my head on his chest and listen to his soft heartbeat. I’m almost asleep when I hear Jonghyun’s voice. “ Is he ok what happened?” he asks. “I’m not sure I think he felt bad about sleeping with you.” I feel him set me down on the bed and then climb in him self. I feel like a little kid sleeping in-between mommy and daddy after having a bad dream and I’m ok with that. I wake up in the morning and I am completely alone. Jonghyun and Taemin are not in the bed anymore and Chloe is gone. She left me yesterday and now I am alone. Promotions will be over soon and I will be alone with nothing to distract me from the fact that I am alone. I walk out into the living room, Taemin is cooking and Jonghyun is sitting on the couch watching cartoons. Taemin is the first to notice me. “Ohh honey Key is up and just in time too, breakfast is ready.” He says with so much cheer it scares me. Wait Taemin cooking? That is scary. Jonghyun sees the fear cross my face. “It’s ok he got a pancake recipe from his mom. They are amazing.” He says trying to calm my fear. I take a bite and he is right they are some of the best pancakes I have ever had, and let me tell you SHINee eats a lot of pancakes. At one point in the conversation Taemin suggest we go shopping and of course I’m all in. I could use some retail therapy right now. We get to the mall and Jonghyun and Taemin just let me run wild. They let me style them and they even pay for all of it. They literally took my wallet and made me leave it in the car. Shopping has always been a great form of therapy for me. We meet Onew and Minho for lunch at my favorite place. Its nearly impossible to get reservations here. The waitress takes us to our table and its not long before Onew pipes up about our outfits. “Ohh look at the little family in their little matching outfits.” At first I’m confused but then I look at the other two and I realize that I did pick kind of matching outfits for us. “ Yeah and now we are bringing our little boy to see his most likely out of their mind drunk uncles.” Jonghyun shoots back. “Hey watch it we have only had one drink each for your information.” Minho says. Now they are not any where near being drunks but they like to have fun on their days off. We eat and its amazing as usual. Minho tells us he is having a party to tell all of our friends about him and Amber. He tells me I don’t have to come. Part of me wants to go but I think I might actually throw up if I do. Jonghyun and Taemin decide to stay home with me. Before we go home we decide to go see a movie. We go watch Minions. It’s a good movie I have always loved the Despicable Me movies. We go home and start to cook. We can’t decide what to listen to so we decide to go through all of our albums. Starting with Replay going through ODD. We start making dinner or at least we try. We end up goofing off more than anything. Taemin and Jonghyun are being coupley. To my surprise it is not bothering me at all. I love seeing them happy. We are all having fun trying to cook but not getting much accomplished, and for the first time I’m not thinking about her. That is until Love Pain comes on. At first I’m ok but then I do it, I think about her. She said this was her favorite song. I don’t want to make a seen so I just walk silently to my room. I have not been in here since she left. I lay down on my bed. There is something under my pillow, there is a little box. I open it up and it is a little metal bracelet with the letters KC on it. Under the bracelet is a letter. “Kibum I promise to come back to you. This bracelet is to remind you of that promise. Where it all the time, don’t forget me. I love you to the moon and back. Chloe” I lay back down, I have no idea what to do. I want to cry but I also just want to scream and punch a wall. I end up doing both not on purpose it just kind of happens. I guess I’m a tad loud because Jonghyun comes in just as I am about to throw another punch. He grabs my hand and pulls me back into his arms. I fall to my knees. “ Why Jonghyun? Why did she leave me.” I pound on his chest looking for the answer I know he dose not have. “ Jonghyun I loved her and she left me. I loved my grandmother and she is gone too. I loved you and you left me. I don’t know what to do. She’s gone grandma is gone and you left me.” I continue to pound on his chest. “ I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He whispers in my ear. “ I loved you I really did forgive me please.” Tears are now streaming down his face. Its cold I my room and I’m shaking like a little dog. Jonghyun picks me up and sets me in the bed then lays next to me. “ I’m sorry” he just keeps repeating it over and over. I look up at him and run my fingers over his lips and then it happens. I do something I have not done in a long time. I kiss the one man on the face of the earth that can ever make me feel good. I kiss this man because I loved him. I kiss him to make him shut up, I kiss him because I just want to be loved. I kiss him because I think maybe he still does love me. I kiss him because I need to feel some thing. I kiss him because I’m hurt. I kissed him because she hurt me. I kiss him because he left me. I wanted him and he left. This man lets me kiss him for only one second then he pushes me away. He pulls me back into his arms and just continues to say sorry. Then for just one second I think about Taemin he loves Taemin not me. I cry harder and start to whisper sorry as well. We fall asleep in the same way we did the night before holding one another in our arms only tonight is filled with apologies. I wake up in cold sweats and almost in tears. What did I do? I’m a horrible person. I kissed Jonghyun with out thinking. Then I remember we never told Taemin we were a thing. I guess we never really thought about it. We just let each other go. I think a bit longer and I realize that I never told Chloe. In fact I went as far as to lying to her. She straight up asked me and I lied to her. I calm down and walk to Taemin’s room this is as good of a time as any to tell him. I knock on the door and with out hesitation he opens it. “Hey Bummie are you ok what’s wrong?” he asks I guess I didn’t calm down because I apparently look upset. “I’m sorry. I have lied to you for so long and I’m sorry for that.” He pulls me in to his arms. “What are you talking about?” he asks and I grab his arms and make him focus. “Taemin you have to understand that it wasn’t on propose we just never thought any thing of it.” I try to make it clear what I’m about to say. “Ok Hyung your scaring me just tell me.” I take a deep breath trying to think of the best way to say it but then it just comes out like vomit. “Jonghyun and I have been a thing and we did a lot of stuff and we were almost as serious as you are now.” He looks confused. “ Taemin do you remember when you said you don’t think you could ever win over me when it comes to Jonghyun?” He shakes his head a bit. “ Ok well you did you won a long time ago. We were together for a long time actually since before you were even in the group till after our debut. He left me for you.” I brake down again. He holds me and we sit like this until I stop crying and then I send him to Jonghyun. I walk to the kitchen and get some water. I start to walk back to my room I hear Jonghyun and Taemin. I decide to go to Jonghyun’s room. I walk in and he still has the same ratty old blanket on his bed. I lock to door behind me. I rap the ratty old blanket around my head and burry my self under the others. It feels just like his old room its cold and dark. I lay down and for the first time since she came here I sleep by my self.
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