You look at the tiny human being with a sincere smile on your face before you look at your brother and his wife. You carefully pick the sleeping baby from its mother’s arms and you hold it carefully against your chest. “She’s so tiny.” You comment with a short laugh.

“She’s still four months old you know,” Your brother says proudly and throws a grin your way. “I hope your boss doesn’t mind us,” He remarks looking around, you find your co-workers staring at the four of you with curious eyes. Woori is by her desk in her own world working on something the boss dumped on her.

“Of course not,” You shake your head. “I’m glad you both came to see me – took me by surprise actually,” You admit not taking your eyes off the innocent child. “She looks a lot like you,” You state looking at the baby’s mother who blushes faintly.

“Really? Everyone tells me she looks like her father,” You roll your eyes at that before giggling.

“I’m sure he threatened them – really, this kid got her looks from you.” You tell her, “The only resemblance I see that matches daddy over there is his funny looking eyebrows.” You tease and your brother glares at you, his wife laughs softly. “But she’s beautiful.”

When your niece starts crying you stare down at her awkwardly before you hand her over to the mother but she shakes her head.

“Just rock her back and forth,” She informs you and you look down at the crying baby in your arms. You hesitantly rock the tiny human and she eventually stops crying. Her eyes are closed and you stare at him with glowing eyes. “She’s so cute!” You squeal.

“We better get going,” Your brother says after a few minutes of your squealing, you nod and hand the baby over to his wife but not after placing a kiss on the child’s cheek. You watch them walk over to the elevator and once the step in; you wave to them before you start working.

When your day at work is over, you slowly walk to your apartment. Grabbing your key from under the doormat, you unlock the door and you stagger inside. You haven’t moved in with Jinyoung because you really haven’t had the time to relax and get your things in order. Work is hectic, to the point of driving you insane. You have a lot of angry people on the phone, your unsatisfied boss, some annoying co-workers and catching up after missing a few months off work. Your brain feels exhausted and today didn’t go to see your counselor, she’ll just make your brain hurt more with her annoying but hopeful questions.

You hop over the cardboards on the floor and you walk over to the couch, you place your bag on it and you sit down. You blankly stare at the TV before a thought enters your mind; you have to find a picture you took a few weeks back. Looking through the cardboards takes a lot of time but you find the right one filled with your technology equipment. You find a shoebox and you carefully open it, you pick one of the CDs and you walk back to the TV, you turn on the video player and the TV.

“I don’t remember burning any of my shoots into the CD.” You comment, you’re not sure if it’s even the right one but you play it. All you find yourself staring at is a blank screen. Your lips crawl into a thin line as you continue to stare. You walk over to the kitchen to get something to eat waiting for the CD to play; you suddenly hear a familiar voice coming from the speakers.

His voice.

 MyungSoo? You halt your actions and you quickly rush back to the living room. The TV is still blank and you frown. Was it my imagination? You think as you continue staring before you can go back to the kitchen, his voice comes again and this time you can hear what he’s saying.

“…I don’t know how to help her,” The desperation in his voice is loud and clear but the pain in it overpowers it seconds later. “The first few days,” He heaves out a sigh and you blink when you find yourself staring at him. He looks like he’s staring at you but he’s looking at the camera. “She had herself locked in here – she’s in the living room right now, I doubt she’ll hear me.” He looks away from the camera and that’s when you notice that he was in your room. Is he that sneaky? How is it possible that I didn’t hear him?

“She’s in her own world. We lost the baby and sometimes, I just want to give everything up and just hold her and there are times I want to run away. I feel like giving up.” Your heart clenches at the sad look in his eyes but you don’t take your eyes off the screen.

“I’m pathetic,” He suddenly chuckles, “Talking to a camera. What’s the point?” The video goes blank and seconds later another video appears and you find yourself staring at your sleeping form. You cringe at the sight; you’re only skin and bones in the video.

“This is as close as I can get to her when she’s asleep – I haven’t held her for over two weeks.” The camera turns and you see his face. “Am I a bad fiancé? She has lost a lot of weight,” You hear a groan and you see the panic in his eyes before everything goes dark. You stand up from the couch and you walk to the TV, you turn it off after taking out the CD and placing it back where you found it.

You go back to the couch and you sit down staring at your lap. You raise your hand to wipe the obvious tears before you hold back a sob. You don’t know if you should feel the way you’re feeling right at this moment, you feel like and just the few words he spoke in the video pierced through your heart without holding back.

Others will think the two videos are cute because they aren’t the cause. You feel like for making him feel like . You didn’t think your behavior could cause him to make a video to talk about his feelings. He’s not one to find someone and spill out his emotions. He doesn’t seek for comfort, he waits for it to come to him and if it doesn’t he finds a way to show it.

Am I a bad fiancé?

“Of course not,” You whisper to no one, “What a silly question,” You laugh bitterly to yourself; you turn to your side and stare blankly at the door. The apartment feels too big and you feel way too small – not like you weren’t already feeling that. Events of that night seem to be replaying in your mind every chance they got. Often, they replayed often in your mind to the point of you thinking you’re reliving them for the second, third, fourth – the list of numbers goes on.

You suddenly feel lonely, not like you haven’t since the breakup but this time the feeling of loneliness is strong, way too strong and you’re not sure if you can handle it anymore. You’re surprised with how you have managed to keep yourself together. A little space away from him is good, you think as you run your hand through your hair. No, it’s not.

You search your pockets for your phone and you pull it out. You dial a number and you press your phone against your ear listening to the rings and waiting for him to answer. You don’t know why but you feel scared that he won’t pick up after the fourth ring. You give up waiting and you cut off the line before you call the number again. This goes on thrice before you stop trying and stare blankly at the phone.

“What’s wrong with me?” You mutter brokenly but you don’t cry. You don’t want to cry anymore, you’re sick of wasting your tears. You’re sick of crying because it’s not helping your situation – what situation though? You have to move on, you need to move on but you don’t know what it is that is holding you back.

You snap out of your thoughts when you feel your phone vibrate and the familiar ringtone fills your eardrums. You look down at your phone and you don’t know how to react.

Kim MyungSoo calling.

You’re surprised he is calling you back; you try to get your emotions in check before you answer the call. You don’t even know what you’re going to say to him

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Until Next Time :] /replying to chapter 23's comments late I know, don't get surprised when I pop on your wall LOL.