You step into your apartment hesitantly after MyungSoo unlocks it. You scan the apartment and you swallow heavily. You feel lightheaded and you decide to lean against the door – you haven’t been on your feet for over three days. You were on bed rest for those three days and you weren’t allowed to move an inch. Your parents, MyungSoo’s family and your siblings were around every day – you didn’t really have time to yourself.

“I’ll go run you a warm bath – sit down.” MyungSoo murmurs, you’ve noticed that he’s keeping his distance away from you and it hurts a little. You know that if he tries to lay a hand on you, you’ll slap it away or say something hurtful.

“Thanks,” You whisper softly as you watch him walk to the bathroom, you make your way to the couch and you sit on it. You place your hand on your lap and you stare blankly at the TV before you wrap your arms around yourself. You hear running water coming from the bathroom and you close your eyes leaning against the couch.

It seems like an eternity before you hear MyungSoo’s footsteps, you open your eyes and you look at him sharply. You avoid his gaze and you get on your feet. “Thanks.” You mumble as you step into the bathroom on shaky feet.

“Baby,” He calls softly, you look turn around at you lock eyes with his. You immediately look away from him when you see the pain swimming in his eyes.

“It’s not your fault.” He tells you and you head snaps back to him, you give him a look of disbelief but you say nothing. You have no idea what to say and you’re not sure if you should even say anything.

“The doctors said I almost lost you,” He informs after a long period of silence, he takes a few steps forward and soon enough he’s standing before you. You close your eyes when he cups your cheeks in his hands and you let out a shaky sigh. He makes you look up at him and you cringe at the sight of love in his eyes. “Can’t you see you’re everything to me?”

Your heart stops and a tear slips out of your right eye, you quickly wipe it away not wanting to have a break down. “I love you.” He whispers trying to hold your gaze but you know it’s difficult for him with your repeat blinking. “And this won’t change that.” He opens his arm and waits; you stare at his arms before you look at his face. You take a hesitant step forward and you soon find yourself in his warm embrace.

“I – ” He interrupts you as he hold you tighter.

“No talking,” He mumbles and you nod against his chest. You both stand there for who knows how long, holding each other you realize helps more than you keeping away from each other. The pain of losing the baby doesn’t vanish but it’s bearable with him holding you.

“I want a baby,” You whisper brokenly, “I want to be a mum.” You choke as more tears stream down your cheeks and you let them. You need time to grieve for your loose but sometimes you’re afraid you won’t be able to stop once you start like right now. “I want to have your baby.” You murmur after you take a long sniffle – you know you look like a mess right now but you don’t care. You grip the sides of his shirt when he tries to pull you away from him. “Don’t leave me.” You don’t care how whiny or pathetic that sounds.

“A new baby won’t take the pain away.” Your heart drops when you realize how right that sentence is and you weakly let go of his shirt.

“MyungSoo?” You look at him through your blurry vision; his full name tastes weird on your tongue. You don’t know the last time you called him that, you’re so used to calling him Myungie or Myung. “I’m falling apart.”

¤¤¤¤

“What?” You stare blankly at the flowers and gifts on the bed, you walk to the bed with MyungSoo trailing behind you and you pick up a stuffed animal.

“News spreads fast – pictures of me carrying you around that night leaked.” He informs and you freeze.

“They know?” You ask shakily after a pause, you place the stuffed animal back on the bed and you turn to him.

“I couldn’t lie.” He says defensively and you give him a weak smile.

You shake your head and smile at him, “It’s alright.” You reach out for his hand and you intertwine your fingers with his. “I love you,” You say softly. “I want us to get through this together, ok?” You blink back unwanted tears trying to act strong.

He pulls you into a hug and holds you as though his life depends on it. “Oh, my baby,” You say in a shaky voice as you hold him tighter. Your heart clenches when you feel him shaking. “Shh,” You whisper choking on your own tears, he buries his head on your neck and you run your fingers through his hair. “It’s okay.” You tell him softly even though you know it’s not okay – for now.

“I – we were –” He isn’t able to finish his sentence, you pull away from him trying to make him look at you but he doesn’t meet your gaze. You heart aches because this is a sight of him you don’t wish to see. MyungSoo is calm and collected but right now he looks like someone else. You know he’s holding everything he’s feeling inside and that just makes your heart hurt more.

“Myungie,” You call weakly, “It’s okay to cry you know.” You sniffle and you look at him through your blurry vision. You gasp in surprise when he suddenly hugs you so tight you think you might suffocate, you slowly wrap your arms around his waist and you rest your head in his chest. “Why did this have to happen?” You ask. “We had so many things – I can’t…”

 Sobs wreck throughout your body and you start shaking uncontrollably. You bite your lower lip trying to keep your sobs in but you only cry louder. You fist the front of his shirt and you start tugging it asking him ‘why’ even though you know he doesn’t have the answer.

“I’m sorry,” You whimper. “I’m sorry I lost our baby.” You feel him hold your fists and he makes you release his shirt. He lifts your chin, his thumb slowly rubs your cheek and he uses his index finger to make you look up at him.

He kisses you, a soft kiss with so many emotions in it and more tears pour out. You sob against his lips and that’s embarrassing but the situation makes you forget.  You shut your eyes when you feel his lips over yours again.

“It’s not your fault.” He growls. “Don’t ever,” You can imagine his stern expression even with your eyes shut. “Don’t ever blame yourself for what happened.” He finishes and you’re later pulled into his arms. “I love you and that won’t change, you understand?” You nod as you sniffle and wipe your endless tears away.

¤¤¤¤

Yeah, this chappie didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to because…I have no excuses LOL. Anywho, was I missed? LOL Until Next Time! Do you people know about SOPA and PIPA? Yeah, I'm hunting those es down and stabbing the air out of them LMAO in my dreams.