Youngjae couldn’t sleep neither could he concentrate fully on his job later. He was confused, distracted. Didn’t mean that it was his first time but after his brother’s surgery he wasn’t that out of it. The picture of you, pained and hurt was the only thing in his mind. Obviously, he didn’t took it well. He felt like being beaten up since then.

His stomach twisted uncomfortably as he dwelled about it. Which he did a lot. To the point, where he kept his mouth shut during the showcase a bit too much. So he got nudged (from s) and scolded (from his managers), and it honestly felt like he was a rookie again. Youngjae took a big gulp of water, to pull himself together. There was no other option but to postpone this matter otherwise he would blow the whole showcase up.

Out of habit, the perfect practiced smile was on his lips in an instant. To make it completely safe, he waved to a few girls as a fan service.   

And then he made the mistake in looking out for you. You who just took place by the empty seats which were filled minutes ago with fans. Fans who were standing a line for getting signatures from him and s. It was too obvious if he was looking at you for too long. So he did it occasionally.

Then suddenly, you were flushed red for some reason, and for a moment he wondered why it could be. But then it occurred to him that you probably remembered the almost kiss between you two, with your fingers lingering on your sweet lips and Youngjae found himself smiling genuinely. He would never get enough of your blushing face, honestly. The joy didn’t last long, it vanished the moment as a flash of hurt crossed your features.

The shock was equal on you two, though for different reasons but it alarmed the both of you as your eyes met. And Youngjae hated it so much when you quickly stood up to leave, your eyes large in fear. Panic overran his mind, his heart escalating to a suffocating point. His hands were bounded, his actions limited which was maddening that he couldn’t follow you. Two seconds later he forced out a cheerful laugh, greeting brightly the first girl in front of him who just shoved their album into his hands.

Knowing that he couldn’t disappoint s any further, Youngjae took a last glance to the door, and then asked for her name, ready to write it down with barely slumped shoulders. The urge to run after you boiled like acid in his stomach.

..ღ..

You let out a heavy sigh as soon as the door closed. Your back shortly leant against it because your limbs were still too shaky to stand probably. Judging by the wary expression on Youngjae, you knew that he saw what went through you. Just like him, you didn’t take a glimpse of sleep. His eye bags were so prominent that he almost could compete with Daehyun, his make-up thicker than usual. Shaking your head, you formed your right hand to a fist, hitting your head a few times with it for letting your emotions out so openly.

You couldn’t help it. After all, Youngjae almost stole your first kiss. Yes, it was as stupid as it sounded. You were this old already and haven’t kissed anyone before. Sorry, you only had one boyfriend. On top of that an online boyfriend who you never met before to get kissed.

In addition, you were also simply not the type to make out with some stranger on a party’s night (not that you party often or anything). Judge all you want but that was how you just were, old-fashioned in some point. It was not like you reserved your lips for the guy of your dreams or something. It simply just never happened so mind you.

Pushing against the door of the females’ restroom you halted, mainly because you almost stepped into the wrong geneder again and partly of the conversation which reached your ears. You wanted to retreat to not step into anyone’s privacy but you couldn’t, a certain sentence stopped you. A frown was immediately formed on your forehead by the words of the girl, saying something along the lines of how boring the showcase was and something negative about the guys.

However, you couldn’t hear much about the last part because you quickly jumped into the male’s restroom as she neared the door. Peeking through a small slit, you made sure to watch her carefully throughout the day. Though, you haven’t seen her face till now but you were sure there weren’t lots of people with a purple cap and green shirt.

The thirty minutes break finally came by and you lazily helped the staff to change the stage, purposely avoiding a certain singer. The guys went backstage, allowing themselves to take a breath, waiting patiently for the Chinese takeout to arrive as the fans either stayed or went out to take in fresh air. With a camp-chair under each of your armpits, you limped your way to the storage. After storing them on the right place, you made your way to a restroom once again, to wash your hands, the sticky and dirty feelings on your palms were nasty.

Since you were on the other end of the building, you got lost in a few corridors but just the moment where you finally found your coordination, you walked past a slightly open door, finding a bunch of girls in the room who were immersed in some planning. As your eyes caught the colours of purple and green on one person, your body pressed itself against the wall beside the doorframe by instinct, melting yourself with the shadows of the floors. Mutely, your breath came out shallowly in nervousness of the thrill in getting caught.

You were confused. How were they able to get into a room in here? A feeling told you that they weren’t planning anything good for B.A.P. So to hear them clearly, you itched closer to the door until you could understand every word well enough. And after a minute or two your eyes widen in shock, your body tensing in alarm. Oh my gosh, they were going to ruin the showcase! You hold yourself back in barking in because they frankly outnumbered you.

Getting on your tiptoes, you made sure to leave the group as silently as you could with the only purpose to warn the guys.

..ღ..

They hadn’t breakfast nor a proper meal before the showcase started. Yet, the food never went past his throat. Youngjae chewed slowly on the meat, his chopsticks stabbing pensively into the food. He barely even registered that their managers brought them their food and went out to complete some organisation stuff because his mind was only occupied by you. Something was off. You were broken, he got that. Your defence walls were high from the beginning. The question was why? He couldn’t shake off the feeling that it got something to do with him. That he made it worse. But why did he have this feeling?

Before he could think more into it, the door busted open, wrenching him off his thoughts and shocking everyone else in the room. In came you, out of breath, bending forward, hands propped onto your knees. Your lungs must stung a lot because you crouched to the side, pitifully trying to ease the pain. In all honesty, Youngjae didn’t mind much into it because all he could perceive was you.  

Every sound around him went dull and all Youngjae did was staring at you. As if your small thankful smile to the Maknae who helped you to breathe properly again could tell him the answer. He titled his head as he thought more about the why, not noticing the sudden icy dead silent after you voiced out your thought of anti-fans being in the building.

After he fully registered your panic, only then he finally let the words slowly seek in.

“Here we go”, Himchan exaggerated, dropping his plate onto the table, “you know, I thought you were different”, he told you icily, “but you’re not. Kwon Hyung has a good string with the people who work here. Everything’s under control. There’s no way antis can get in here. You should know that”

“I do but—“

“I hate people who wants the light on themselves by bringing other people down”, Jongup deadpanned and your eyes widen, heart dropping by the false assumptions they were giving you. 

“The tickets have their prices, antis won’t waste their money for that”, Junhong dropped in, taking few steps away from you, face full of betrayal and you felt so wronged as you shook your head again.

“No, please listen—“

“Just because you’re livin