Naeun

Now I'm out of place and I'm not getting any wiser, I feel like the Sundance Kid behind a synthesizer - Arctic Monkeys, Black Treacle

Don’t let them see you sigh.

This was an all too familiar mantra that I shouted internally over and over again. No matter how frustrating it was to watch all of my efforts fail, I could never let anyone know that I was upset, or exhausted for that matter. 

Who wouldn’t be, though? We all practically broke our backs every time we set out to do something, and we were repaid with people averting their eyes and running away from our table. Every social event this school had, every trip and every festival the school had was thanks to us, but no one seemed to thank us, or want to join us. Seeing my fellow officers try to attract a crowd, and failing, made me feel like a complete failure. What kind of a president was I if I couldn’t even make my job seem worth while. 

“Naeun, don’t you want to get lunch?” Eunji asked me, snapping me out of my disappointment. I put on a smile, hoping that my best friend-slash- Vice President wouldn’t be able to detect my being upset, or at least that she was kind enough not to point it out. 

“No, thanks. I’m not hungry.” I smiled at Namjoo, the Secretary who was helping us out currently. She frowned at me. 

“Are you sure? We can call Chorong over. She hasn’t gotten a shift yet.” I shook my head at her while she voiced her concerns. 

Truth be told, I was starving. But I didn’t want to leave my post, thinking it would somehow bring their morale down. I was the president, I was supposed to be the one that endured sleepless nights and stayed back working while everyone else went to enjoy a meal together. I couldn’t let anyone think of me as anything less, especially not the people that looked up to me. I put on a cheerful smile again, and held out forms for every student who passed our booth. No luck, which was really no surprise. 

This continued for almost the entire lunch period. As much as I wanted to lash out on every ungrateful student that acted like we weren't there, but still managed to go on every school trip, I had to keep my cool, and smile like a robot, as tired as I was. 

“Why is Kim Jongin looking over at us?” Namjoo inquired, making me look over at his table from the corner of my eye, while still smiling in the direction of other students. 

“Why does it matter?” Eunji responded, reading my mind. She was always great at saying what I had to say when I didn’t want to say it, or when I thought it was too rude to say. Namjoo was a best friend, but as soon as we stepped on campus, I let my amiability and friendly terms down significantly, focusing on being a leader. 

“Wouldn’t it be great to have him on the council?” She sighed, dreamily. I couldn’t discern if that was a good idea, or if she was expressing admiration based on attraction. 

“It would be great if anyone was on the council.” I murmured through my teeth, since I was basically holding a permanent smile. Eunji sighed, nodding in agreement. 

“But him especially.” Namjoo sighed, insisting we partake in her fantasy. 

“It wouldn’t be too bad of an idea.” Eunji replied. They both apparently had no shame, since they were staring at him dead on. “He’s popular. He could attract the attention of others, and his fangirls could do our busy work for us.” Namjoo nodded enthusiastically, probably happy that she found a legitimate purpose for her desire. 

“Go recruit him, boss!” Namjoo cheered, slapping my arm with the forms she had been trying to get rid of for the last half hour. She looked at me expectantly, and surprisingly, so did Eunji. I looked over at his table, simultaneously looking for excuses to avoid recruiting him. I smiled when I saw that he was no longer alone. 

“Looks like he has company.” I shrugged. “Maybe another time.” 

Namjoo quickly turned away from my face to look over at Jongin, who was now speaking to miss Jung Soojung. Namjoo pursed her lips in disapproval at their interaction. I didn’t want to say it directly, but I would never let anyone like Kim Jongin on the student council. We had enough to worry about without babysitting someone idiotic and disinterested. I would never let he or any of his little groupies join us. 

“Focus now, Juliet. Romeo’s a little tied up.” Eunji snapped at Namjoo, who glared in response. 

“She’s even blushing, luck bit-“ 

“Back to work, now.” I shot her a warning glance. 

We didn’t have much work to do. Lunch ended, and we didn’t pass out one measly form. When the bell rang, my face fell noticeably as I gathered all of our materials and walked towards our office. Eunji caught up to me, placing a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. 

“Don’t worry, we have all of next week to pass out forms. We’ll get more people so you can stop working yourself insane.” She squished my cheeks together lovingly as I crinkled my nose at her. 

“I’m pretty sure we all know that no matter how many people we recruit, if we even recruit any, I am always going to be overworked.” I chuckled lightly. That was the sad truth. I cared so much about my position, and making good impressions on the advisors that I don’t remember the last time I had a good rest. I don’t remember when a letter of recommendation became more important than my own health, but it had been long enough ago for it to seem normal to me, and everyone around me. Except Eunji, of course, who hung over me like a hawk. 

“Stop being so sour, only a few more hours until our girl’s night!” Namjoo came running behind us, holding a stack of forms we neglected to pick up before leaving. I tried my best not to groan at remembering that it was Friday, our designated girl’s night. As much as I adored these two, I had a lot of proposals to write, and emails to send, a girl’s night was the last thing on my mind right now. 

“Ah, yes, our fun, work free girl’s night!” Eunji exclaimed, matching Namjoo’s excitement. She couldn’t tell when Eunji was acting, but I could. I knew her feigned excitement was just a reminder to me. 

We entered my embarrassingly pink room with snacks in hand. They settled themselves comfortably on the floor, while I went straight for my laptop. Eunji shot me a glare, and I pretended not to see. 

“Naeun, don’t you think it’s time to redecorate?” Namjoo asked while looking around my childish furniture. She was here every three weeks, but she still wasn’t used to the matching twin beds with frilly pink sheets, or the stuffed animals that filled the other side of the room. 

“Seeun hasn’t grown out of it yet.” I shrugged, plopping myself down on my bed. My family wasn’t exactly wealthy, forcing me to share a room with my younger sister. It was fine, really, except for the fact that our preferred decorating styles were complete opposites. When we were kids, our tastes matched up to that of lacy princess bedsheets, but as we grew older, I definitely detested it. But of course, she was the baby, and she would never have to sacrifice anything. If you asked me a few years ago whether I thought it was fair, I would’ve given you a speech about how I hated it and wanted to live my own life; if you asked me now, I’d say I was used to it, in the same way I was used to all other unfavorable circumstances life had presented me with. 

“You better not be doing any work.” Eunji shouted at me over the sound of Namjoo opening a bag of potato chips. 

“I’m not!” I shouted back, defensively. Eunji snorted in response. 

“Please, what else would you be doing on your computer?” Eunji cackled, and Namjoo followed. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked defensively, even though I said it as I opened another document on the school’s letterhead. 

“You know what it means, Naeun. I’m pretty sure you’ve never done anything on the internet for fun. You don’t have any social media-“ 

“That’s not true!” I interrupted Eunji’s accusations. “I run a twitter and an instagram!” 

“The school’s twitter and instagram accounts don’t count.” Namjoo said, siding with Eunji, to my annoyance. 

“You basically don’t exist.” Eunji stated, as if it was a fact. She was right. In this day and age, if you didn’t communicate with your peers online, it just made you that much more invisible. 

“Well, if I did join any of those sites, I wouldn’t know what to do with them anyway.” I shrugged, putting a stop to their moronic lecture. 

“You should start out small, grandma.” Namjoo suggested, getting up from her seat and walking over to me. She took my laptop, disapproving right away when she saw a few sentences written on the document I had previously pulled up. I silently pleaded for her not to show Eunji, which she thankfully didn’t. I didn’t want another lecture thrown my way. When she handed my laptop back to me, she had pulled up a social networking website. I didn’t want to look too unaffected by her actions, since she looked immensely proud of herself. 

“What is this?” I asked, in the most interested way I possibly could. 

“It’s a way of starting out small.” Since that didn’t answer my question, I flipped the laptop over to show Eunji, asking if she had any idea what it was. 

“Not that, Namjoo!” She groaned. “We want her to start out small, not start out as a loser.” 

“What do you mean loser? I’ve met plenty of people this way!” Namjoo answered defensively. 

“Were any of them legit?” Eunji asked, skeptically. 

“Yes, actually! That’s where I met Sungyeol.” She looked prouder than before at the fact that she had proof. Sungyeol was a college guy that she had been having an on and off again fling with for a couple of months. Until now, she had never told us where she had met him. 

“Sungyeol, pretty boy with attractive, single friends Sungyeol?” Eunji asked in disbelief. When Namjoo nodded with a smirk, she shook her head. “I refuse to believe you met that beautiful specimen on a website for lonely geeks."

While they argued on the validity of Namjoo’s story, I examined the website. It seemed like an okay concept off the bat. Anonymous people connecting with anonymous people based on interests, who would then choose to exchange contact information if they wanted to based on the first meeting. While I agreed with Eunji, that this was something that desperate, lonely people would use, wasn’t that exactly what I was? Wasn’t what I had been wanting for a long time an escape? As much as I loved my friends, every time I was with them, I was only reminded of work. Every time I was by myself, I was only reminded of work. I needed a distraction, who I liked talking to. I wasn’t interesting or social enough to make new friends in person, so I was technically, desperate and lonely. The silence between the two indicated that their argument was done, and I looked up to find them rummaging through my movie collection, looking for something to watch. I groaned when they finally came to an agreement. 

Rebel Without a Cause. 

“You guys watch this every time you come over!” I protested. 

“Who wouldn’t? James Dean is freaking eye candy.” Namjoo exclaimed, with Eunji nodding in approval.

“And he’s also too moody to handle.” I retorted. Eunji also nodded to that statement. 

“Whatever, Naeun, you’re just pissed you can’t be Natalie Wood.” Namjoo grinned, settling herself in a more comfortable position. Natalie Wood did certainly have a more interesting life than me, I suppose, so maybe I did wish I was her. Maybe I did need a moody James Dean in my life. 

“I’m more of a Brando girl myself.” I answered, and was met with both of them silencing me. 

While they settled in watching the film for the 50th time in their life, curiosity got the better of me, and I quietly signed up for the website. It was embarrassing to do, since I wasn’t interested in much, and I wasn’t interesting at all. My interests consisted of the only non-school related things I could ever do: sleeping, eating, and watching movies. My mind drew a blank as I got to the username. I didn’t have experience with social media, so this creative aspect of my brain had been underdeveloped. 

“Hey, Natalie, I hear typing, you better not be doing work.” Eunji called back. Her eyes were glued to the screen, so she couldn’t glare at me directly, but I felt it in her voice. I chuckled lightly at their insistence that I wished I was Natalie Wood, and decided to use it to my advantage. 

WoodxNatalie was the username I came up with. As soon as I hit enter, I was flooded with regret. It started sounding like an idiotic idea, and I couldn’t believe I had succumbed to such a lame website. I chewed on my lip, waiting to be connected to a stranger with my same interests. I opened my eyes in disbelief when I was connected to someone called JamesDean21. At this point, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. 

I’d call this fate, wouldn’t you? 

The stranger sent the message, that instantly made me smile wider. Honestly, I was a bit surprised at my behavior. I would rarely smile at an acquaintance who said something witty, why was I so happy over a stranger? But still, the competition in me told me I had to resist the urge to be terribly awkward, and be equally as charming. 

I don’t know if I believe in fate, but this is definitely a beautiful coincidence. 

I really wasn't planning to update until, like, next week, but I was very grateful for the response the first chapter got. Also, some serious procrastinating on my humanities term paper is to thank, but mostly the response. So this is Naeun's introduction. 

Thank you for reading and commenting! If this is your first time around with me, hello, I'm J, and I will try to make this story good enough to fulfill your expectations and kind words so far. Stay tuned for more updates soon (or maybe not soon because finals and whatnot but we'll see). 

J