Jongin

The good old days, the honest man, the restless heart, the Promised Land - The Killers, "Read My Mind" 

“The king is back!” Chanyeol said with an exaggerated grin on his face. I only groaned in response. 

“Quiet the hell down.” I grumbled, slouching in my seat as everyone gathered around me. They were, without a doubt, referring to my wearing dark sunglasses indoors, and my extreme sensitivity. 

This weekend had been fueled by one poor decision after the other. I couldn’t help it, I was so damn sad, I wanted to be numb. I accepted that maybe, the feelings I had for Naeun were stronger than I’ve ever had, perhaps than I ever would. I couldn’t even say “had”, because they were still very much alive. If they weren’t, I wouldn’t have drunken myself silly to the memory of her grabbing someone else’s hand. The moment I saw her initiating contact with him, it ignited some sort of desperate flame that I struggled to control. It took everything I had in me not to walk over to the pretty boy and break his nose. I’m sure I would’ve caused more damage, because the second I threw a punch, the other idiots would follow without explanation and possibly lead to a total facial reconstruction. They were still always looking for some sort of excitement in the form of trouble. That’s why they were so enthusiastic when I demanded we leave the festival and find something to drink. And man, did I drink. It’s a miracle I didn’t end up getting my stomach pumped. 

I didn’t dare ask anyone what kind of idiotic things I did during my binge drinking. I could’ve slept with someone, and I’d be completely unaware. It’s a lie, though, that alcohol helps you forget the heartache. If anything, it just makes it more alive. As much as I didn’t want to check my phone record, I had to inevitably, and realized that Friday, Saturday, and Sunday had resulted in 75 drunken calls to her. 

Seventy five. It’s also a miracle that I haven’t been expelled for harassment. 

Friday. Saturday. Sunday. Drinking, sleeping, and drinking again. 

And now, I was paying with blurred vision, a headache, and a thirst that burned my throat like hell. Most importantly, I was dealing with feeling like an idiot. Before, I just felt empty, like the only good thing, the only person that understood and liked me for who I was, had just abandoned me. Now, I felt empty and stupid for thinking that the pain could be alleviated in three days. 

“No sunglasses on indoors Mr. Kim. I don’t care how fun your weekend was, it’s time to get back to the real world.” Mr. Kang sang as he set down his briefcase, announcing the start of homeroom. It had been a long time since I had gotten as wasted as I got this weekend, and I must’ve forgotten that a side effect of my hangovers was increased aggression, because I had never wanted to punch a teacher as much as I wanted to right now. I merely took off the sunglasses, throwing them on my desk, raising my eyebrows at Mr. Kang, and ignoring all of the looks my classmates shot me. 

“Now that Mr. Kim is ready to join us, let me begin with the announcements.” Mr. Kang began to rummage through a list of fliers. As soon as his attention was off of me, my head was pressed on my desk, trying to absorb all of the cold that the surface held. 

The door opened, I noticed thanks to my annoyingly hypersensitive hearing, but I didn’t get up until I heard the voice of the intruder. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Mr. Kang.” It said, sweetly, like I had been longing to hear. I whipped my head up, an idiotic idea since this only made my dizziness worse. My vision adjusted after a quick rubbing of my eyes and temples. The first thing I saw was Naeun, standing in front of the room with a smile. It was fake, I saw her sporting it whenever a teacher approached her at the festival; it was captivating nonetheless. But what drew my eyes away from her smile was the bags under her eyes. She looked like she hadn’t slept in ages. I wondered if it was my constant phone calls keeping her awake, and hoped that maybe she was feeling as broken as I was and couldn’t get any sleep because of me. That was a selfish thought, I know, but I wanted to be on her mind in any way I possibly could. 

“I’m back to remind you that we need a class representative for every class. We also need a lot of extra members to help us out. We’re currently in the process of planning out a huge event, so we need all the help we can get, and also every opinion we can get. I can’t stress how much hard work it is for only six girls, so I’m really reminding everyone that it is mandatory for at least one person from every class to come to our meetings. We’re so busy, that we’re not only meeting during Monday mornings and the free period we get for homeroom, but Wednesday after school as well. Whomever gets selected or decides to join student council will be required to attend the Wednesday meeting before being added to our homeroom roll sheet. Please talk to Mr. Kang if you’re interested, we’ll be waiting.” She bowed before leaving the classroom quickly. Everyone groaned and rolled their eyes after she was out of sight, causing my skin to go hot a little. She worked so hard, and spent sleepless nights trying to make school enjoyable for everyone, and she was rewarded with nothing but distaste. 

Of course she was losing sleep over her work. How dare I think even for a second that I was important enough to occupy space in her mind without having to force myself in there. 

But then again, I did notice how she met every student’s eyes while speaking, to try to bring them in and appeal to them as individuals. We had discussed her public speaking habits before, before everything went downhill. But even in her calculated element, she never looked at me. So maybe it wasn’t just wishful thinking. Maybe she did have me on her mind. 

“Well, you heard Madame President.” Mr. Kang said, picking up the class list. “I will ask before I select someone, is there anyone who wants to be on the student council?” He paused briefly, looking around for any volunteers. Of course, everyone looked away, hoping to become invisible to responsibility. 

“Alright, in that case, I’ll choose a name from the sheet and that’ll be the end of it. I don’t want her to slice my head off.” He chuckled before gliding his pencil up and down the sheet, his eyes facing in an opposite direction to keep it fair. “Park Jimin.” He said after seconds of the room collectively holding its breath. 

“No way!” Park Jimin groaned from a few seats away. He even went as far as stomping his feet like a child. “I don’t want to!”

“And I’m assuming that you don’t want to fail a class that gives you an A for showing up, right?” Mr. Kang threatened. 

“I honestly would rather do that than be forced to spend my time with those freaks.” He pouted. He shut up after the warning glance Mr. Kang shot him. 

I made a mental note of kicking his later. Naeun didn’t deserve the kind of blind disrespect she was given all of the time. If anything, people should be thanking her for existing. I would give so much to be “forced” to spend time with her while she’s in her element. 

But it did give me an idea. If I were to volunteer myself as the representative, she couldn’t push me away. She could ignore my phone calls, she could pretend I was an empty chair among a crowd, but she couldn’t deny help. It wasn’t in her nature. 

I waited for the short period to be over, practically forgetting my hangover entirely. 

“Alright folks, that’s the bell. Take a 10, and I’ll see you later.” Mr. Kang announced when the period ended. Students bolted up to the bathroom, or to stretch their legs for a few minutes. That’s what my friends did, thankfully, leaving me to run up to Mr. Kang freely. 

“Sir?” I asked to get his attention. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” He joked, seeing as I tried to communicate with the staff as little as possible. 

“I was wondering if you could switch Jimin out of the position of representative and put me in the role instead?” I asked, gulping after I finished. Mr. Kang looked at me with one raised eyebrow. 

“Why is that?” He questioned, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder. 

“Because, I mean, I was thinking during the lesson about how it would be beneficial, and obviously Jimin wants nothing to do with it, so I figure give a chance to someone who actually does?” I rambled. 

“So you weren’t paying attention to my announcements?” He asked. 

“Well, I-“ I stuttered, before he interrupted me. 

“I’m messing with you, kid.” He laughed, lightly tapping me on the shoulder. I laughed too, at my own paranoia. Why would he care about my intentions. “Park Jimin! You’re off the hook!” He yelled over to the now celebrating boy, before tipping an imaginary hat and walking out the door. 

The only other time I had the chance to see her was at lunch. So I was way ready to attempt to engage with her again. I walked to the cafeteria anxiously, bag of pretzels in hand. As soon as I stepped in, I ignored everyone else making their way to the lunch line, and instead let my eyes scope out the cafeteria for a familiar face. I spotted her, walking with her shoulders slumped on the other side of the cafeteria. She seemed to be reading something on her tray, and she was bumping into several people due to her distraction. I took the longest strides I possibly could to get to her. She was totally unaware, lost in her own world of preoccupations bigger than anyone could imagine. Before I reached her, she managed to bump into Jimin. She apologized quickly, but he only scoffed. 

“Stay in your lane, freak.” He spat at her, not noticing that I was watching them. He smirked at her momentarily shocked expression, before practically skipping to the lunch line. Naeun took a deep breath before she commenced walking to her usual table. 

“Hey!” I greeted, stepping in front of her. The shocked expression returned to her face, but only for a split second, before it returned to the emotionless, calculated face she had on the last time I saw her. I dangled the bag of pretzels in front of her as a peace offering. She didn’t seem amused. “I know you’re weirdly obsessed with salty things, and let me tell you these have got to be the saltiest things I’ve ever had.” I finished with a smile, trying my best to hide the fact that this interaction was making my heart beat out of control. 

“Do I know you?” She asked before using her tray to push past me. 

“Naeun, please don’t be like this.” I pleaded, not caring that my desperation was leaking out in my voice. She halted, before turning to me. 

“Do us both a favor, save your breath and my time. I don’t want to talk to you.” She spun and walked away before I could protest. I did slip the bag of pretzels into her slightly open messenger back so she didn’t notice, and i didn’t stick around long enough for her to angrily throw them at my face. 

As I walked back to the table I was forced to sit at, I saw Park Jimin walking towards me with tray in hand. I noticed that his shoelaces were untied. While he walked passed me, I stepped on the shoelace, sending Jimin flying, and landing with a thud. His face fell in his food perfectly, the spices of the kimchi hitting his eyes directly. He looked around through his soiled and nearly blinded eyes to look for a source of his mishap, and he finally faced me. I shrugged. 

“You really should tie your shoes, Jimin. You wouldn’t want this to happen again. Wipe your face, you look like a freak.” 

I put my hands in my pockets and tried my best not to laugh at the state that kid was in. In no time, his group of friends was dousing his eyes with water to help the now screaming boy. I went unnoticed. But not both of my interactions did. I arrived at the table, and most of the guys were laughing at Jimin’s form, Baekhyun was even taking pictures. I sat next to Kyungsoo, satisfied. 

“Why were you talking to the student council girl?” He asked. I paled, not wanting him to have anything to do with her. 

“No reason. I thought she dropped something earlier.” I shrugged, trying to change the conversation by stealing some of his food. 

“Liar.” He said, to my frightened self. He said nothing more, and neither did I. 

I know it's endearing when Jongin does it, but if a boy is ever that persistent, run, and run fast. 

Thanks for reading, lovelies. Let me know what you thought! 

J