Jongin 

Slowly, slowly, you unfold me. - Jessie Ware, "Say You Love Me" 

“I need to leave soon.” I announced, coughing a little as I opened my mouth. The mixture of cigarette smoke and the smoke of another substance, on behalf of Baekhyun and Chanyeol, making it harder to breathe for more than a few seconds. Most of everyone there didn’t give a , too preoccupied with lighting another smoke, or grabbing another drink. Kyungsoo, however, seemed to be rather curious. 

“Why?” He asked, smoke coming out of his mouth along with his words. 

“Because,” I said while getting up from the awkwardly wasted bean bag chair I had spent far too much of my adolescence on, “it’s Sunday night and we have school tomorrow. I’d rather not be dead or reliant on caffeine.” 

“Come on, it’s only nine!” Joonmyeon whined, after butting into our conversation. Kyungsoo merely smirked at me, an expression that I thought I was used to. Now, it just made me nervous as hell. 

“I have to be their at six in the morning, so I should already be asleep.” I nodded goodbye at the other guys, who really didn’t care.

“Why did you even volunteer for the student council, anyway?” Joonmyeon asked, standing up to walk to the front door of his home. I shrugged, mostly because I hadn’t come up with an appropriate lie yet. I was preoccupied with other things, and I had forgotten all about the possibility of curiosity. 

“Don’t feed us that bull, Jongin. What’s the real reason you’re wasting your time there?” Kyungsoo spoke up, getting the attention of everyone else. They all stared at me, expecting something. 

“What do you mean wasting my time? When application season comes around and I have something to make me stand out written on my application and you don’t, we’ll see if I was wasting my time.” I scoffed at them, hoping that they would care about their future enough to at least drop the subject in exchange for their own contemplations. But while most of them stirred, their instigator didn’t look in the least bit phased. 

“Are you sure it doesn’t have a little something to do with miss Son Naeun?” He called to my back. I was already turning to leave, but I stopped in my tracks as soon as I heard her name on his filthy tongue. I cursed myself immediately, because if anything, my reaction made it obvious that the reason had definitely been pointed out. Baekhyun practically jumped out of his chair. 

“Are you seriously going to start toying with her?” He asked, a smile taking over his face. “You didn’t need to do that, man!” He said, running towards me to embrace me. 

“I’m not, .” I shoved him away from me. “I’m not doing it for anyone but me. What do I care about your one sided beef with an incredibly stressed out girl? Solve it yourself, I’m not toying with anyone, so drop it.” I stomped outside, hoping that no one would follow me out. But of course, the other outlier crushed my hopes. 

“You’re not a very good actor, Jongin.” Kyungsoo caught up to me, chuckling as I quickened my pace. 

“Piss off, will you? I need to get home.” It was only a couple of houses down, so the probability of losing him was almost none. 

“Look, you can lie to those idiots in there without them taking any notice, but not to me. I have average intelligence and decent social skills, and I can tell when you’re doing something for a girl, man.” He hopped in front of me, stopping me with force. He had a stupid grin on his face, and no doubt was he intoxicated, but he still managed to smirk like he knew what he was talking about. And it felt awful to admit that he did. “But I have to say, I’m disappointed. Why her? Are you trying to ruin your reputation?” 

“Like I give a about my reputation.” I rolled my eyes, pushing past him and hoping that he would leave after that. But he didn’t. He was persistent, which was the biggest inconvenience in this friendship. 

“All I’m saying is that this isn’t going to end well. If not by you, by me.” He held his hands up in surrender, but I had never felt the urge to hit him as much as I did right now. I wanted to shove his head against the concrete repeatedly for suggesting that he’d ruin something that wasn’t his to ruin. 

“Thanks for the consideration, man, but I’m not Romeo, and you’re not a Montague, and our stupid social standing means nothing. So I suggest you drop whatever suspicion you have, because nothing’s happening, and if it was, trust me, messing with me would result in you partially losing your eyesight.” 

I heard him cackling as I walked to my home, fuming. I knew it was my bad to make it so obvious that I cared about what he was saying, but the thought of any of them interacting with the purity in Naeun made me sick to my stomach. I wouldn’t even want to know what any of them would do in a room alone with her for fun, and much less with a purpose. I slammed the front door, stomping up the stairs to my room. I ignored my mother asking why I smelled funny, and Kangin wondering why I took so long. I shut myself out, knowing that I wouldn’t be any use until I calmed down. 

Almost instinctually, I reached for my phone, wanting to call her, wanting her to calm me down. But the worst thing was that although I knew a barrier had been broken on Friday, I couldn’t count on it meaning something. I couldn’t rely on frustration and desperation meaning a truce. For all I knew, I could’ve been the only one feeling my heart popping out of my chest with mere contact. I probably was. 

I had to go to sleep angry. 

“Nice of you to join us, Mr. Kim.” Eunji said as I snuck in a few minutes after the meeting was supposed to have started. I shot Naeun an apologetic smile, but she wasn’t even looking at me. She was looking at her meeting minutes, chewing on her lip nervously. My smile turned genuine at seeing this, because there was no way someone could look that adorable while doing nothing but standing there. I took my seat with the rest of the class representatives, taking out the binder that was given to me. 

It was intimidating as hell. I swear the thing was fatter than me, and held more information than I could possibly store in my brain. If I decided to learn all of this by memory, I’d probably have to give up knowing how to walk. 

Naeun tapped her gavel twice, signalling the start of the meeting. She put on the fake smile she always did when she had to talk to us as a group. But she was the kind of girl who could make a fake smile look genuine. I don’t think I had ever seen a genuine smile from her, but I couldn’t wait until I did. I’m sure it would put monuments to shame. 

“So the main focus of our meeting today will be allocating our surplus funds into a single activity.” Naeun spoke up, and I could tell she was still a little bit shy about speaking in front of people, but maybe it was because she could tell that a lot of these people didn’t care. I gave her extra attention when she was speaking, because I didn’t want her to know what any of these people thought. I wanted to make her feel validated, and as important as she was. I caught her eyes a couple of times, and convinced myself that I saw some sort of sparkle in them as they flickered to someone else. 

“So, we need as many ideas as possible to vote on. They can be anywhere from a boat party to another formal dance, as we’ve said so before.” She got cut off by the murmurs of excited students, already talking about dates and outfits while they should’ve been exploring other options. 

“I definitely vote for the cruise liner party.” A male I didn’t recognize shouted, earning nods of approval from the other erted guys with overactive imaginations. It wasn’t like the girls were any more pure, because they soon began examining who would be a good person to watch for. Another girl I didn’t recognize countered, vouching for the formal dance, following by agreements from the younger girls. 

“I really appreciate the enthusiasm, guys.” Naeun began, shushing everyone momentarily. I was glad, she’d probably have some interesting input to counter the senseless ideas floating around the room. “Personally, I was thinking that maybe it would be a fun idea to have a talent show.” 

I might have caught a hint of a genuine smile for a split second, but the response took it away far earlier than it deserved to be gone. 

People weren’t up for the idea. They were too worried about the plans that had only been alive for a second falling through, upset that the ideas that weren’t even their own were being tossed away. Naeun began to panic, seeing that no one quite liked it as much as I assumed she had hoped. 

“Well, it could be really beneficial!” She began rambling over the sound of complaints. “I mean, not only would it promote unity, but it could make money for future classes or even our own use. And we could use our budget to provide someone with a scholarship.” 

As soon as she said “scholarship”, it was clear to me why she was being so adamant about the idea. Of course, she had good points to appeal to the masses, but the word brought me back to her distress. She wanted to win the scholarship. She wanted to have a talent show to give her a chance to get her life back to where she wanted it. Of course, a lot of me wanted to vote yes to the suggestion because I was curious as to what talent she could have, but the majority of me thought about her crying the last time she was denied of a scholarship she desperately needed. 

I never wanted to see her like that again. Sometimes, you’re unsure of your own feelings, and you want to think that maybe they’re not as strong as you think they are, that you feel them so ardently because you’re young and it’s the first time you’ve ever experienced anything like it. But I knew that wasn’t the case for me. I knew as soon as I heard her voice thicken that she was important to me. But what solidified it was the way I felt like I wanted to do anything possible to stop her from crying. The way she looked when the tears were falling made me sick to my stomach, and I only felt worse that I could do nothing to console her. It was only a plus that I felt like I was going to explode when she was in my arms. I wanted to do anything possible to make her smile again, and it was finally my chance. 

I knew it was time to play things I wasn’t proud of to my advantage. 

“I like the idea.” I spoke up, silencing the skeptical voices that filled the room before. “I think it’s a really good idea, actually. I could maybe even come up with an original dance piece.” 

I was humble, but I wasn’t an idiot. I knew the effect I had on people. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew the people that weren’t forced to be here were here because they wanted to see me, or because they wanted to see people who wanted to see me. I knew my influence could make this idea happen. 

As expected, the murmurs grew, and so did the acceptance. One by one, everyone agreed. I looked up to the lectern where Naeun usually stood, only to find her smiling at me. It was a genuine smile. 

And I was right. I didn’t know before that a smile could knock the wind out of you, but hell, that smile did. 

“So it’s decided, then?” She asked, gaining everyone’s agreement. “Alright, then business is done. The meeting is adjourned, everyone take a fifteen minute break!” She tapped the gavel twice, and when she was sure no one was looking, she jumped up while flailing her arms slightly. Normally, I would hold in my laughter to save her from the embarrassment, but it was way too hard for me to. 

She turned around, blushing furiously as I kept laughing. twisted into an adorable pout, which only made me laugh even more. She furrowed her eyebrows at me before huffing and walking out, which I followed. 

“You’re a jerk.” She mumbled when I caught up to her. 

“So I don’t get a thank you for helping you get your way?” I asked, a cheap conversation starter, really. But it worked to my favor. Her pout was replaced with the smile I had seen on her face earlier, and as if she couldn’t contain the excitement, she threw her arms around my neck. I was surprised for half a second, not expecting me to gain physical contact again so easily, but my body acted without the permission of my shocked mind. I wrapped my arms around her waist, swaying a little as we hugged. It was enough for me to smell her hair, and her perfume, which smelled like citrus. It was a tiny detail, but I loved that she didn’t smell like the fruity body sprays I was usually surrounded with. It suited her. 

Maybe I wasn’t subtle with my sniffing, because it seemed to snap her out of whatever trance the excitement filled her with, and she let go, pushing me away while clearing . 

“Sorry.” She said, desperately trying to avoid looking at me. I liked teasing her for her reactions, so I stepped in front of her, appearing wherever her eyes would try to look. 

“Does this mean you don’t hate me anymore?” I grinned. She rolled her eyes before trying to bite back a smile. It didn’t work. 

“Just because I acknowledge you doesn’t mean you can get so chummy so quickly.” She laughed, leaning against the wall. 

“I mean, that was a full on public display of affection there. If that’s only acknowledging me, I wonder what being my friend would entitle me to.” I challenged, closing the space between us slowly. 

“Well, you’ll never know, I guess. Since I don’t plan on making you my friend.” She shrugged, pushing me back a little when she figured I got too close. I grabbed her hand, twisting it within mine. 

“So you’re just going to go straight past friend and onto boyfriend? Wow, Naeun, I never knew you were such an enabler.” She rolled her eyes, tossing my hand aside, even though I wanted to believe that it was obvious how much she liked it. 

“Enabler? Me? I think the word you were looking for was ‘heartbreaker’. No chance, Kim Jongin.” She began to walk away, leaving me smiling like an idiot, at her words, and at having a conversation with her alone. I rushed to her side again. 

“Alright, but all jokes aside, we’re okay, right? I mean, you’re okay with me?” She hesitated a little, but I was being genuine, and I knew she felt it. She pursed her lips. 

“You’re doing a lot.” She sighed. “And while part of me still thinks you’re as much as an idiot as your friends, or that you’re way to simple to have had the conversations we had, you’re slowly proving that you’re capable of being who I…” She trailed off before finishing. Her eyebrows creased, and she bit her lip. I assumed she said something she wasn’t supposed to. 

“Who you what?” I gulped, eager to hear what she was going to say when she forgot that she had a filter. 

“Who I found a good friend in.” She nodded. I knew it wasn’t what she meant; I wanted her to say something else. I would press on if I needed to, but for now, I grabbed her hand again, tangling our fingers together. She didn’t flinch or push my hand away. That was good enough for me. 

“Is that really what you meant?” I asked. She began walking, my hand still in hers. My heart was doing flips in my chest. I wasn’t used to it, but I couldn’t blame it. When I was still talking to Naeun as James, I had thought about doing this for so long. Walking hand and hand like a couple of normal people would do. I never imagined that we would actually be able to do it, and now that we were, it was more than I ever could have expected. She stopped walking, stopped pulling me along. 

“You have all the time in the world to do this.” She said, lifting up our intertwined hands. She released her hand from mine, much to my disappointment. “For now, please prove to me that you can be what I can depend on. What happens after that, we’ll leave to our feelings. The feelings we had before, if they’re still valid.” 

“They’re still valid for me.” I said, looking into her eyes. She didn’t look away like I thought she would. Instead, she spent seconds examining them, looking for some indication of something, I couldn’t tell what. 

“You can hold on for a bit more, then.” She said, walking back to the student council room without looking back at me. 

She was giving me hope, and that was all I needed. 

Maybe I needed a bit of fresh air to bring myself down from the adrenaline rush I had, too.