"Sungmin? I'm home," I called as I walked into our dorm, setting my bag down. 

Sungmin immersed from the bathroom a second after I called out, a towel wrapped around his hips as he exposed his well defined upper body to me. ! How the was my luck this bad? The second I start noticing how attractive my friend is, he makes me feel like a ing .

"Hey," he replied, sending me a small smile. "Hyukjae," he said again, laughing. "My eyes are up here."

"Shut the hell up dude," I joked, rolling my eyes. "I'm just jealous is all."

"And you're lazy as because you refuse to work out," he replied, smirking. "I don't know though. I swear you have a thing for me lately."

I felt heat rising to my cheeks for some unknown reason as I gave him a look of disbelief. "I like chicks, man. You're my bro, not my-"

"Hyukjae, seriously? You look at me all the time. I'm not blind ." Slowly, I noticed Sungmin inching towards me. I gave him a wary look, backing up a step. 

"Sungmin, come on," I said childishly, biting nervously on my bottom lip.

"Eunhyuk, seriously, if you're curious, that's fine. I'm you're best friend, I'm not going to judge you," Sungmin said, a teasing look in his eyes contradicting the words that fell from how lips. I was now completely backed up against the wall with no escape from Sungmin, who was so close that his breath would waft over my face everytime he exhaled. "Maybe I'm a little curious, too."

This was all driving me crazy. I was starting to find guys attractive, which was ing scary, and then I started finding my best friend attractive, which was even more frightening. And now he was taking interest in me? I never planned taking a small attraction so far and I didn't want to. He was my ing best friend!

"I-" I began to say before an unfamiliar feeling pressed against my lips. I had kissed a fair share of girls, but this was so completely different. It was more forceful, urgent, and right. 

I liked kissing boys. Holy .

Before I could even respond properly, Sungmin pulled back, a coy smile gracing the slightly puffy lips that were just attatched to mine. "Just tell him Hyukjae," he said, laughing. 

I gave him a confused look, tilting my head to the side. "Wait, what are you talking about?" I asked. Tell who what?

"You know what I mean. I'm tired of seeing my best friend so cold. Tell him, Eunhyuk. " He gave me a reassuring smile once again before slowly backing away, like he was going to leave the room. What the was he talking about? 

This wasn't how it went.

This wasn't what it was like back then.

"Wait, stop! Sungmin! What the are you going on about?!" I hollered, trying to run after him, but my feet aren't moving. It's like they were glued to the ground, refusing to let me go anywhere. Like I was being trapped.  

"You'll see, Eunhyuk," Sungmin said, letting out another hearty laugh as he opened the door, sending me a wink. I shouted and cursed, trying to chase after him, but my desperation did nothing to help me. Sungmin his heel, the door closing behind him as everything went black. 

My eyes flew open, focusing on the driver standing above my face, giving me an impish look. "We are at your home, Mr. Lee."

I nodded, an odd fog clouding over me as I tried to decipher my dream. It turned from when I found out I was gay, a factual happening, to a fictional nightmare that freaked the out of me. I hadn't ever really even dreamed about Sungmin since he left.

"Thanks," I grumbled, shaking the agitating and weird feelings off as I gathered my things and walked up to my house, trying to get my dream, and the mental image of Donghae, out of my head.

Something sparked interest in me the second a half boy came running out of the house. At first I thought it was Taemin, but then I realized it wasn't him. It was someone that been withhim. 

And that meant Donghae was in for a rude awakening.

I didn't know what to expect as I saw his figure walk out of the house and to the limo. He was visibly upset, but he seemed overall not too bad. Maybe it hadn't gone as bad as I had thought it would?

I gave one glance back at him as we drove down the road, and my heart fell to my gut. He has had fallen to the ground. So lifelessly, so helplessly, so painfully. I saw his body wrack with sobs and I had to look away, clenching my jaw.

I was glad they were broken, but this wouldn't satisfy anything. Donghae was weak. And when he was weak, he was no ing fun. I was delighted that they were ruined, but I wasn't the one who ruined them. 

I wasn't satisfied. Not at all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Son, is that you?" a voice called from the kitchen as I entered the oversized and overly expensive house that my father owned. 

"Yeah," I called back, moving to drag my things up the stairs.

"You can use the elevator for your luggage, you know. That's why we had it installed," he informed me as he turned the corner, coming into my line of sight. 

I looked him up and down quickly, seeing if he had changed any. His douchebag haircut hadn't changed, he just had more grays in his dark, originally black hair. His eyes held wrinkles around them, like he smiled to much but he didn't really, and his eyes were now a vibrant green as he grinned at me. He'd gained a few pounds, but he looked pretty healthy.

He rolled up the sleeves to his flannel, dark blue shirt before squeezing me into a hug that I was not ing expecting. Every time I left this house, we were never on good terms. It wasn't going to be any different, most likely, so I didn't bother to hug him back.

"Chanwoo , is he here?" a voice asked. A high pitched voice, which meant a woman was in the house and that wasn't my ing sister's voice.

My dad gave me a nervous look before looking over his shoulder as a woman approached. She had long blonde hair that went a few inches past her shoulders and crystal blue eyes with a blinding smile as she smiled tightly at me. Her long, slender body was clad in a red day dress with a pair of black heels killing her feet, no doubt. Who the wears heels in their own home?

"Um, Eunhyuk," my dad said, staring at me. "This is Sujin, my girlfriend." I nearly choked. What the hell? This girl looked only a few years older than me!

"Okay," I said slowly, looking back and forth between them. 

"Eunhyuk, it's such a pleasure to meet you. I've just been dying to finally see the little guy Chanwoo talks about all the time!" she said, keeping that weird tight smile on her face.

"Don't call me a little guy. You don't even look twenty one," I replied icily, trying my best to stay calm and not sound like a complete . 

"I-um, I really hope that you don't think I'm trying to replace your mom becau-"

"I really hope that you don't think you're going to be able to replace my mom. My mom was too good for my dad. I'm glad she left and found better. You're more of my dad's type. Trash," I spat, giving her a hard look.

popped open, tears coming to her eyes, but I couldn't give two s about her. I don't even understand why my mom fell for a jackass like my dad.

Maybe jackass is hereditary.

"Eunhyuk! Don't talk to her like that when she's only trying to be nice," my dad scolded, but I just rolled my eyes and smirked. 

"What the ever, dad. What the ever."

"And you need to watch your language too." I sighed, ignoring him and grabbing all of my bags again in my hands before beginning my journey up the spiral staircase. "Wait, is IU staying here?"

"She's lucky she's not," I called, not even bothering to look over my shoulder at him. 

My dad cleared his throat before speaking again. It was obvious that he wanted to have a conversation with me, but it was also obvious that I wasn't in the mood to ing talk. "You have someone waiting for you in your room."

I froze. Who the could be in my room? I didn't have many friends. Well, that's a lie. I had a few guys I partied with and a lot of people who idolized me, but no one I would recognize to miss me a lot. I didn't miss anyone, that's for sure.

Slowly I made my way up the stairs, confused and frustrated. I didn't want anyone visiting me right now. I wasn't in the mood to talk or beat the out of someone if I had to.  

"IL Hoon," I breathed, an air of confusion in my voice. IL Hoon was my party animal. Knew when all the best parties were and he was a ing fun as hell drunk.

"Eunhyuk, holy you're home man!" he said, getting off my bed to give me a man hug. I returned it unsurely, giving him a weird look.

"How long have you been here?" 

"Not even fifteen minutes. I saw your dad's new girl at the store the other day and she told me you were coming in today so I figured I'd stop by and see you. By the way, his new girl? ing hot."

I laughed at him, shaking my head. "Dude, not into chicks anymore, remember?"

"I didn't forget," IL Hoon said, flashing me a grin. I rolled my eyes, throwing my stuff down at a random part of my room. IL Hoon was such a hormonal . That's probably why we got along so well. IL Hoon's curiosity in men seemed to spark when I was around, not that I was complaining. 

"I was hoping you wouldn't," I replied blandly, flopping down on my bed.

IL Hoon stayed standing, a nervousness starting to come across his features. His lanky, awkward stance looking even more awkward than normal as his hair swept across his face messily, his almost black eyes avoiding mine.

"IL Hoon, I'm relaxing on my bed, not trying to jump your bones," I told him, biting my lip to hold back the urge to laugh at the sigh of relief that seemed to exit his body language.

"You can get anyone you want, Eunhyuk. It makes me nervous sometimes," he admitted, pink tinting his cheeks. That was the moment my laughter bursted from me, loud and obnoxious. "Dude, I'm serious! You give people those eyes that they can't resist man! You've never been turned down," he grumbled, his bottom lip jutting out in a small pout.

"I'm just ing hot," I replied, rolling my eyes. What? I knew it was true.

"Yeah, yeah," IL Hoon responded, sitting on my bed beside my knees.  "There's a party tonight, are you down?"

"Are you really asking me that? There's a party, of course I'm ing going. Where at?"

"My place," he replied, wiggling his eyebrows. "The parents took a cruise or something."

"Idiots," I said quietly, a satisfied smirk on my lips. "I'll go, but I'm crashing at your place tonight."

IL Hoon just shrugged. "That's fine." I sent him a wink for emphasis on what I meant and his shades went a few shades of red. "O-Oh."

I sat up, stretching before giving him a raised eyebrow. "I guess I should get ready then?"

"Oh, um, yeah right," IL Hoon responded, a flustered look on his face. "I need to go get ready for the party. See you at seven." He rushed out of the room and I laughed, walking to my bathroom.

Everyone in this world was so ing weak.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I let out a sigh as I stepped out of my steamy bathroom, the cool air hitting my face. I walked briskly to the closet, trying to figure out what to wear.

Sliding skinny jeans over damp legs is ing HELL. Like, it's nearly impossible to do the task, and the skinny jeans I was attempting to squeeze on were pretty skin tight to begin with.

I fell to the ground, panting as I tried to continue pulling up the jeans while I was on the ground. They were only just past my knees and I still had to pull them up my thighs and . 

Putting on jeans with damp skin while laying down was even more complicating, but trying to get up wasn't happening until I finally squeezed them on.

The sound of a zipper sliding up made me sigh in relief as I buttoned the jeans before standing up, ready to pick out a shirt. It probably wasn't going to stay on long, but I still needed one to look decent.

I was going for the "Eunhyuk is back and he looks hot as hell" look as I slid on a tight gray V-neck a black necklace with a silver metal circle hanging on it.

The last thing I did was slide on my shoes before grabbing my keys from the spot I hid them the last day of summer and jog down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" a stern voice asked.

"Out," I told my dad as I walked to our garage.

"Out where?"

"Party," I said, opening the door to it.

"Are you coming home?"

"No," I replied curtly, turning on my heel to look at him.

My dad gave me a sad look, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Do you need your keys, then?"

I pulled them out of my pocket, jingling them by my face. "Nope," I replied with a smirk before backing out of the doorway and slamming the door closed as I walked to my car. 

My second car. Technically, I had a black Camaro at the boarding school. But that was the car I drove in Korea. My car here was perfection. 

My bright red ing Ferrari. I had bought it without my dad's permission. Withdrawled money from the bank and paid with straight cash to get a good deal and have less debt on my baby. It was a smart idea, no matter how pissed my dad was at first. I got to keep it, so who the cares?

I sped down the road, already thirty minutes late but I was never on time for a party. Why should I be? The beginning of parties are always weird because everyone is too sober to start acting wild.

IL Hoon only lived in the neighborhood right next to mine, also filled to the brim with oversize and overly expensive houses. It wasn't any surprise that my dad was friends with his parents. All stuck up people loved hating each other. It was all really ing dumb.

I was almost an hour late when I finally walked through the door of IL Hoon's house. I already had heard the music when I was outside, but it blared in my eardrums as I entered the living room.

Everyone was dancing wildly, a drink in hand. Some people sat around, talking and laughing. Other people were making out, so close to going upstairs.

I pushed past everyone, who all looked very shocked to see me, and made my way to the kitchen where hopefully there were drinking games. "Woah, Eunhyuk? Is that you?" SeoHyun, IL Hoon's younger brother by two years asked.

I rolled my eyes and patted his shoulder. "Yeah, man. What's a young kid like you doing here?"

"It's my party too," he defended, sliding me a beer. I popped it open, but I refused to drink it as he leaned torwards me, a sly smile on his face. "Plus, I plan on finding some really hot chick to bang tonight."

"Well good luck with that," I told him, setting the fully can of beer down. Seriously? I was going to have to drink a ing ton of these before I was the slightest drunk. "Do you have any hard liquor?"

"Sure, I'll be right back." 

I nodded and scanned the dance floor for a cute guy as I twirled my finger around the top of the beer can when someone tapped on my shoulder. I my heel, shocked to see Seulgi. My ex.

Her hair was no longer blonde, it was a dark brown color and she'd maybe gotten a little taller and more...flat if that was possible, but her bright eyes and freckle above her lip hadn't changed. 

She reminded me of Donghae.

Woah, wait. What the ? I closed my eyes and shook my head a bit. What was wrong with me?  I opened my eyes and tried to breathe properly.

Seulgi's hair was still blonde and she was still short and had definitely gotten a little more developed. I watched as her eyes turned a paler color of blue and the freckle seemed to be on her left cheek instead of above her lip.

"Seulgi, hey," I said, slightly uncomfortable. That was ing weird.

"How's the boarding school?" she asked, taking a sip of her drink.

"It's boarding school. I wouldn't consider it something I should enjoy," I replied, taking the bottles of vodka, rum, and orange juice from SeoHyun as he returned. "Is this it, SeoHyun?" I would be pissed if it was. 

He shook his head and stalked off as I took a cup from the countertop, filling it with ice, before mixing a vodka and orange juice. I wish they had red bull or something, damn.

I drank the drink quickly as Seulgi rambled on about how she was dating some guy named Kyuso but he wasn't here for some reason or something. Seulgi had always been a bit of a rambler, so I tried to be patient and look like I cared when I really ing didn't.

"So, are you seeing anyone these days?" she asked politely, drinking a sip of whatever was in her cup.

"Kind of," I heard myself blurting, although I wasn't sure why I said it.   I wasn't seeing anyone. 

"Oh?" I kind of chuckled a bit at the disappointed look on her face.

"Seulgi, you understand that I only dated one girl after you, and then everyone just became s. I've ed with someone a lot more than I usually would like to, that's all. I don't do relationships. That hasn't changed."

"You've changed, Eunhyuk. Not with who you are, you've always been a jackass, you just used to have a caring side. I don't think you have it anymore." Seulgi was one of the better of the girls I had been with. She was nice, observant, and faithful to everyone she was with. She could be a bit of a sometimes but I'd never dated someone who was innocent so it wasn't unexpected. She actually cared about people though. Seulgi had a huge heart.

 We both laughed as I muttered, "Probably." I was about to say something when I jerked my head to the side, my eyes wide as I saw SeoHyun returning with shot glasses and Patrone.

Patrone! . Yes. I ing love Patrone. SeoHyun sat it down on the counter, raising a brow at me. "Stop drooling, Eunhyuk," he mumbled as he poured me a shot. 

"How'd you ing know I love this stuff?" SeoHyun just shrugged as I tipped my head back, letting the strong liquid burn down my throat. I bit back the urge to cough, loving the hazy sensation that swept over me.

My vision blurred for a second before focusing again, even if not all the way. I laughed, taking another shot of the beautiful liquid. And another. And another. And another.

I was basically making an of myself with Seulgi and SeoHyun at the beer pong table when hands wound around my shoulders, lips finding their way to my sensitive ears.

"Having fun?" IL Hoon asked from behind me, causing a grin to slip onto my face.

"Are you?" I replied, turning to face him. 

"I'd have a better time if you'd come dance with me," he said, giving me a pout.

" yeah," I replied as he wrapped his hand around my wrist, dragging me to the dance floor.

He spun around in front of me as my fingers curled around his hips, pulling his body close to mine. The heat from the people around me caused me to begin to sweat a little. I grinded against him as his rolled on my crotch, causing my eyes to loll back in my head.

"," I slurred, grinding into him as we danced to the beat of the music. Everyone around us was partying like hell and I closed my eyes, a strang euphoria passing over me. Parties were my domain. They were where I belonged.

IL Hoon spun around, his forehead meeting mine as he rubbed his crotch into my own bulge, his breath warming my face as his lips were barely centimeters away from mine.

I panted too, keeping my arms around his waist as I ground into him, against his lips, which were only touching mine in the slightest. It was a light, feathery touch. It wasn't even a kiss.

IL Hoon responded with a moan of his own, his long fingers grasping into the back of my neck as we nearly humped each other slowly, not even to the beat of the music. 

I connected my lips with his finally, taking a small step back. He followed me with a step forward, and I slowly continued easing steps back as we made our ways to the stairs.

I bit on IL Hoon's lip, causing him to easily part his lips, giving my tongue the permission to invade his hot, wet mouth. I took another a step up on the first step, trying to stay connected with IL Hoon as we stumbled up the stairs.

He took a step up before I stepped back, sending us tumbling to the ground. I laughed against his lips as we laid on the stairs, still confused. 

"Holt ," IL Hoon cackled, both of us laughing. "That was funny as ."

Slowly, we got back up, still trying desparately to keep our lips connected as we walked up the endless stairs. I flew into the first room I saw. Luckily, no one else was in the room, so I made my way to the bed, throwing IL Hoon down.

I took a second to examine the room, realizing that it was actually IL Hoon's room. I laughed again at the irony before sliding his shirt off, kissing the sensitive skin of his neck.

He gasped softy, his nails digging into the back of my neck as I bit down on his salty skin, leaving a small mark.

"Mmm," I mumbled teasingly as his hands slipped under shirt, running over my slick, damp skin. "Just take it off."

"Impatient," IL Hoon commented, pulling my shirt up to my arms. I sat up and lifted my arms, allowing him to pull it completely over my head before his lips found their way to my , his tongue flicking across it.

"," I mumbled, my hips bucking against his as his teeth lightly scraped over the hard bud.

My body lowered back down to his as our lips crashed sloppily into each others and my hands slid down his hot, sticky skin that arched into my palms. 

I began to undo his belt buckle, pulling his loose jeans and boxers easily off of his body. I wasn't in the mood to play around so I stood up and kicked off my shoes and socks, squeezing out of my incredibly tight jeans and boxers.

"Holy ," IL Hoon groaned. "Did you get twice as big? I swear you ing did."

I sent him a sly wink, crawling on the bed to take off his shoes and socks before nipping slowly up his legs, dragging my tongue across my his length before continuing my journey up his body.

"Do you have a-"

"Yeah," IL Hoon replied, opening up a drawer on his bedside table, handing me the wrapper. I opened it, sliding the on. 

"Are you ready?" I asked, spitting on my hand and giving my a few hard to lube up. 

"Just me already," IL Hoon breathed.

I hovered my body above his, rubbing circles around his before entering him. I moaned softly, staring at IL Hoon.

His eyes were squeezed shut, his swollen lips popped open as his breath caught in his throat. ", Eunhyuk!" he finally joked, his eyes popping open. "Slow it down! It's been a ing long time."

I smirked and slowed my s slightly, but still pushing inch by inch into him. "I can tell.Damn you're tight."

Not as tight as Donghae.

What the was my problem? Anger quaked through me as I realized I was thinking of the face again.

"Eunhyuk!" a high pitched voice shouted, breaking me from my angry thoughts. I looked down, realizing it was IL Hoon who's voice had risen a few octaves as he gasped and panted beneath me.

I bit my lip as I realized I had been furiously ing his , most likely tearing him in half. I didn't bother apologizing, I just slowed my s a bit, aiming for his prostate.

"!" he screeched, clutching onto my arms as his face went red from lack of him breathing. 

I smirked, hitting the spot again, over and over. I could barely see IL Hoon anymore, a lustful glaze forming over my eyes as my s became incredibly sloppy. 

"," I drawled, my body nearly falling on top of IL Hoon's as his brought me so ing close to the edge. 

"I-I'm gonna ," IL Hoon whined, his . 

I put my hands on either side of his head, closing my eyes as his shot onto my stomach, a familiar white hot feeling building and building, become so intense that I had to explode. I pulled out, yanking the off in a hurry before exploding on IL Hoon's torso, the pressure releasing from my .

"You're is awesome," I mumbled drunkenly, my sweaty body collapsing on IL Hoon's, my face in the crook as I panted. I needed that.

"Mmm," I mumbled, closing my eyes and slowly drifting off. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning wasn't awkward. IL Hoon and I did this almost every time I would visit, more than once. 

Everyone caught word of me coming and various party invites kept blowing up my phone, past exes and flings wanting to hang out and hook up. I went to a party every night for the next three days, hooking up with the occasional old friend, but I distance text any of my exes back.

It amazed me how many girls I dated considering I was gay now. Like, was I always trying to convince myself that I wasn't gay or something? I wasn't sure. 

I had been laying in bed all day, my head pounding with another hangover. I was probably killing off my liver as I got drunk night after night, but there was just over a week left until I was back in the hell hole called school.

My phone buzzed on the desk next to my bed and I groaned, rolling over to see if it was just Seulgi texting me again. Seulgi was a clingy person, whether she was your friend, she was your enemy, or she was your girlfriend. 

"Hello?" I said into the phone, my voice laced with sleep.

"Did I wake you up?" I heard IL Hoon ask, sending relief through me. I was running out of excuses to tell Seulgi the past few days.

"No, I've just been laying around with a hell of a hangover," I said, rubbing my eyes. I hadn't seen IL Hoon for two days or so.

"Can I come over? I miss you," he replied, making me groan.

"I don't have feelings for you, IL Hoon. I thought you knew that. I you when I feel like it," I told him, not bothering to beat around the bush.

"I know. And I only want to be ed by you when I feel like it. I feel like it," he told me, a sense of husky need in his voice, sending a shiver running up my spine.

"Sure, come over in fifteen," I told him before hangin up the phone.

I didn't bother changing out of my loose, grey sweatpants. They would be off soon anyways. That also meant there was no use in pulling off a shirt.

I only had enough time to down a few Advil and brush my teeth before I heard my doorbell ring. Not another second later, footsteps came down the hall until there was a knock on the door. 

I walked over, pulling the door open. "You're dad let me-" IL Hoon stopped talking, his eyes trailing up my body, "-In," he finished, biting his lip.

I quirked an eyebrow before turning on my heel to walk to my bed. The sound of the door closing and footsteps hot on my heels made me spin around. IL Hoon, who wasn't paying attention, nearly ran into me.

I pressed my lips against his quickly before bringing him closer to my bed. l stuck true to my word, only kissing him when necessary.

His lips fell against my neck as we collapsed back onto the bed, his body straddling mine. Not wishing to waste any time, I slid his shirt off of his body before he returned to my neck.

His tongue flicked across the spot on my collarbone and I arched into him. "Donghae," I moaned quickly, my fingernails scratching lightly down his skin.

"Woah," IL Hoon said, pulling back, laughing a little. "Dude, my name's IL Hoon."

"That's what I said," I panted, furrowing my brows.

"You said Donghae."

What the ? "No I didn't," I replied, shaking my head. 

"Yeah, you did. Do you...actually have feelings for someone, man?"

"No," I spat, glaring at IL Hoon. 

IL Hoon backed off of me, grabbing his shirt to throw it on. "I think you do. Don't take that offensively, but you would never do that if you didn't."

"Get out," I growled, giving him a dark look. IL Hoon just gave me a sad look, a look of pity almost, which confused the hell out of me, before leaving. 

I sighed and laid back on my bed, my heart beating fast as I wracked my brain on what the just happened. Why would I say Donghae's name?

The image of him the other day, falling to the ground in such a defeated way flashed before my eyes, causing me to shake my head. I wasn't worried about where he was staying now.

It was simply curiosity.

And I was only curious because of the feeling of dissatisfaction with Donghae not being broken by me. That made me very...unsettled.

I wasn't sure why I was doing it. In fact, I felt as if I might have gone insane. I doubted myself the whole entire time I scrolled to my contacts, stopping at the D.

I almost hung up right after I pressed the call button, pressing my phone to my ear. I held my breath as the phone rang, my mind racing as I asked myself why I was doing this.

I shouldn't care.

"Hello?" a voice asked, shocking me. It didn't even sound like Donghae. The voice that answered the phone was dead, hollow. He sounded lifeless.

"Donghae," I breathed, trying not to let the words come out of my mouth, but they just spilled out without me being able to help it. "Donghae, where are you?"

I don't want to care.