I'm holding tight this present, my hands keep sweating as time passes by. It has been 25 minutes that the party was started. My eyes keep searching for him, wondering whereabout his is.

 

'Why is the main person is not coming yet?' I sighed.

 

While the others were enjoying the party, my heart keep beating so fast. It was the day I decide to confess my love to him, it has been a long time thought, but I keep this feeling inside yet I'm still waver to tell him because of our friendship.

 

'I don't want to lose him but I can't hold my feeling anymore. This is my choice after a long thought and debate with myself. I need to go forward although I can't see the future.' I keep assuring myself and pray for my luck.

 

'Please God, this is the only wish I had. Please let us together, I'll promise I'll be a good person, please...please...'

 

People were noisy when he is coming, I was so happy that I got see him at least. People were crowded towards him. I can see him smiling, what a beautiful smile he had. I smile as I look at him, I must be too crazy in love with him. I start walk to him.

 

This present have a small card that contain my confession, I keep holding it tight as going towards him but I'm holding it back as people start to singing, wishing him a happy birthday. I also singing together.

 

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to Lee Donghae....,”

 

I can see he is smiling sheepishly. I also smile like an idiot.

 

“Why are you late, we're bored waiting for you,” Kyuhyun asked.

 

“Sorry...sorry...I got something to do before. Please don't mad and let's enjoy the party!” He said happily.

 

“Yeah...yeah...what with this gloomy...let's enjoy,” Leetuk backed up him. Donghae mouthed thanks to him. He just smiling back. I gather all my courage to say hi to him first.

 

'Why it's hard to approach him today,' I grumbled but still interrupt by others.

 

“Who is that girl?” Siwon asked Donghae. I don't realize there's a girl behind him. I also look at that girl. She is so beautiful.

 

'But who is her? Why Donghae never told me about her?' There's a lot question in my mind that time. I was so curios.

 

I can see clearly how shy he is that time, why my heart keep thumping so fast?as waiting for him answer.

 

“She is my girlfriend. Let me introduce Im Yoona,the lovely girl that I ever met” He said as he hugging her. There were smiling together,

 

I think my world just crash, my body shaken and trembling, my vision is blur as the word 'girlfriend' keep repeating, I can' take it anymore. Why is is happening to me, my heart feel ache, keep thorning inside.

 

'God, I'm pleading to you, please I'm pleading to you, please make me vanish this time, please let me disappear so that I can't see he was happy with someone else, please,' My legs keep walking back, want to go away as fast as I can. I don't know if I can hold my tears from falling.

 

“Jessica!” Donghae called. I know his voice even I'm not looking at him. I gather all my courage to look at him. My hand was badly tremble,

 

“Yeah,” I tried my best to look happy and smile. I hide the present at my back, don't want him to see.

 

“Why are you at there, come here,” he said calling me to his side.

 

“No, thanks. I 'm comfortable in here,” I faked my smile.

 

“What's with that,” he pouted. “Where is my present?” he asked cutely. I keep the present tighten.

 

“I forgot,” People were looking at both of us. I know I'm lying but what should I do? This present contain my confession. It's so embarrassing that I could die because of it.

 

“What's with this lie, I see you keep holding that wrapped gift!” Eunhyuk comes towards me and try to snatch the present from me. I was so shocked with his sudden action. I try my best to hold him back but we were fighting over it. I won't let him see it.

 

“No, please Eunhyuk,” I plead him.

 

“What's with this shyness...this is totally not you, Jessica” He said grinning.
 

'Aish this boy, I swear I really want to kill him,' As I'm struggle from his action. I need to protect this.

 

“Hei, don't need fighting,” Donghae shouted.

 

But the present fall down not far from Donghae side, I was so scared to death that time.

 

“Hahaha...I got it,” Eunhyuk said as he walking toward that and try to get it. Donghae also look forward for it.

 

“YYYahh, Eunhyuk stop it,” I yelled. People were shocked with my screaming. I was totally in anger, he look me in shock, I never been like this but I can't stop my feeling. I snatch the present and walking away.

 

My tears keep falling down as I'm walked away. People were looking at me as I go through but I don't see anything, I just want to go out from there.

 

'It's hurt....it really hurt...I don't care anymore'

 

“What's wrong with her?” Eunhyuk mumble. Donghae was worried about Jessica and wonders what is happening to her.

 

 

----------------------x----------------------------------x-----------------------------x-------------------

 

 

'I'm really frustrated, what should I do?” My eyes keep wet as I'm keep holding the present.

 

'It's hurt, my heart hurt this much,'

 

'What do I do?'

 

'What should I do?'

 

'God, please help me! I can't stop this tears...I can't stop my feeling,'

 

----------------------x----------------------------------x-----------------------------x-------------------

 

 

“Jessica!” I turned my back as I heard Donghae called my name. Trying my best to look normal, act normal.

 

“Hi Donghae,” I greet him. That girl also with him. I force my smile looking at both of them.

 

“Hi! Are you okay. I'm so worried about you. You don't pick up the call and never reply the message. I'm worried you know,” He said worried.

 

“It's nothing...it just I have bad mood last night. What with this, do you ever care about me? Your girlfriend will jealous, you know” I and forcing smile again. Yoona just smile as she heard it.

 

“No way, she know that you are my best friend,,,the best friend I ever had. She understand that how much I treasure you. Hey of course I care about you,” I just ignore him.

 

'Best friend? Care?' I chuckled.

“Hi! I' m Jessica” I said towards Yoona and lent my hands.

 

She shook my hands and smiling. “Yoona, Im Yoona” Donghae was happy looking at us.

 

“This is so sweet,” He said. I just hit him and chuckled.

 

“Please take care this stupid fishy,” I grinned.

 

“I will,” She reply and smile. She is beautiful, nice, a complete perfect girl that I would never be. My heart ache as looking at them blissfully.

 

“Okay, I got a class. I'll go first,” I excused myself.

 

“Okay, see you later,” Donghae replied.

 

My step were stop as I'm hearing their laugh...I want to see his back. It's the only thing I can do, It's painful that my tears will burst anytime. I don't know If I can go through this.

 

'I'm going crazy with all this,' I tighten my grip.

 

'Just looking at you without being able beside you, I’m such a fool'

 

 

I love you but you can't hear it

I love you but you don’t know it

I shed teardrops in my heart but you don’t see it

I call out your name but you can’t hear it.

You are the only one for me but you don’t know it.

My love is blind, my love is poignant, and I can’t do that.

Just turn around and I’m right here behind you.

When you’re tired of someone else’s love, hurt by someone else’s love

 

 

'I'm right here, Donghae. Can't you see me?'

 

 

---------------------x----------------------------------x-----------------------------x-------------------

 

'Why would I were here?' I keep asking myself as I'm looking at them playing around the beach. The were playing beach volleyball. I can see they laugh and smiling like an idiot, enjoying the game.

 

I don't even know why I agree to join them even my heart is still in pain. We were in summer vacation together with Donghae, Yoona, Siwon, Tiffany, Kyuhyun, Seohyun, Hankyung, Sooyoung, Eunhyuk, Hyoyeon and me.

 

'It's odd, right? I'm the only one without partner but still go as Donghae asked me. I'm such a fool, right?

I'm so hopeless but this the only time I can spend time together with him, we barely have a time together as he always with Yoona. I'm sick with it, I'm so jealous that I hurt so much but why I still keep clinging in this love? More I try to push this love away, it become hard as day by day. It hurting me much more as time passes by.

 

“Hey Jess, let's play too,” Tiffany asked.

 

“Don't want. I'm tired” I really lazy to move around, beside it's hot. I just want to watch Donghae. Just want to see him, I don't need anything else.

 

“How long you'll be like this?” She asked and sit beside me. She know about my feelings, I really can't hide secret from her. I just keep silent.

 

“You'll be the only one hurt, Jess. You need to forget him and move on.”

 

“I hope I can do it, but I can't. What should I do?” My b tears makes Tiffany worried. She quickly wipe my tears.

 

“I wish I can help you, I really hate seeing you hurt like this. I want you to be happy,” She also in tears. Tiffany is really my best friend. I cherish her so much, I wish I can be happy too but what should I do.

 

It just so sudden that I don't realize that the ball hit me. It hurt.

 

“Are you okay, Jess” Tiffany asked worriedly.

 

“I'm sorry,” The tall boy comes and keep apologize to us. I can't see him as my head was spinning. I can heard Tiffany's mad toward that boy.

 

He just go towards me and hold my face, our face is so close that I can see him clearly. I was so shock that time that unable do anything. He blow my forehead with gentle. He was so nice.

 

“Do you okay?” he asked smiling. I nodded.

 

“What's happen?” Donghae asked. He was panting as he run fast towards us.

 

“The ball hit Jessica,” Tiffany told.

 

“Are you okay, Sica?” He asked and pushed that boy away. He look at me worriedly. I just push him away although I was happy being treated like that.

 

“I'm okay, it's nothing.” I said, not looking at him. Worried that he see my blushing face.

 

Donghae was unsatisfied and mad with that boy, he knock that boy and make a scene. Everyone was trying to hold him back. I quickly want to stop fighting. I go to that boy side.

 

“Stop, I'm okay. It's nothing.” I said as I defend the boy. Seriously it just a bit hurt but nothing else.

 

“But, you're hurt...” Dongahe said weakly, it looks like he hoping me to support him.

 

“It's really nothing,” I just back him away and face the boy.

 

“I'm sorry...I'm really sorry..” I apologize.

 

“It's not a big deal,” He said and rubbed his hair.

 

“Donghae,” Yoona said and I look back. He just go away from the scene alone. Everyone look puzzled with what just happening and I don't understand what's wrong with him.

 

“Actually I'm sorry too...” the boy talked again and I looking at him.

 

“but yet I'm grateful too..” I wonder why.

 

“that I met you,” He said sheepishly. I was just laugh.

 

“I'm Kris,”

 

“Jessica...Jessica Jung”

 

---------------------x----------------------------------x-----------------------------x-------------------

 

“Jessica, I was jealous to you,” Yoona said as we were together eating the supper. I look her and wondering.

 

“I got nothing,” I replied as I keep eating.

 

“Donghae...he is so worried about you...I never saw he is that mad,” She said in low tone. I just chuckled.

 

“We were friends, it's nothing. He always care about his friends. You don't need to be jealous.” I said as faking my smile. How I wish he really care about me.

 

“But Jessica...” our conversation was stopped as Kris come.

 

“Hi, can I eat with you,” I just nodded.

 

“Hey Yoona, you should accompany Donghae there, he is still sulking. Only you can coax him, bye”

 

I just hold Kris hand and we were walking away to another place to sit and eat.

 

“Jessica, he only like that with you,” Yoona mumbled. She can see that the way Donghae look Jessica and she can see clearly that Donghae was mad when he saw Jessica with Kris.

 

“I want to ask something, hope you don't mind.” Kris said.

 

“You can ask but still depends with the question,” He chuckled.

 

“Well, all your friends with their partner...why you...”

 

“I don't have a boyfriend if that you want to ask,” I replied as keep eating. This is really delicious, how I really like seafoods.

 

“Then..That boy called Donghae..who he is?”

 

“Absolutely my friend, can't you see it?” I replied to him. He is still unsatisfied.

 

“But the way he..”

 

“We're friends ,” I said firmly. He look glad.

 

“Then I'm happy,” He smile.

 

“Why?”

 

“Cause I like you,” I just stop eating and looking at him.

 

'What?' I never being told like this,

 

“It just a lie,” Donghae said, he just sudden appear and interrupt us.

 

“What the ,” Kris was shocked with his appearance. Me too.

 

“I believe him,” I don't know why I said like that, did I want to make him jealous?

 

“Jessica, how can you trust this boy easily. You don't ever know him...”

 

“I don't even know you much,” I replied coldly.

 

“What? We have been since forever, how could you say that and how much that you know this boy that you defend him?” He burst his anger.

 

“Actually it have been 6 hours 22 minutes and 16 seconds,” Kris said as he watching his watch. I look at him disbelief.

 

“Shut up, I don't say a word to you,” He glare Kris.

 

“Calm down Donghae, no need to be mad about, What's with you, you act all weird,” I said as try to calm the situation.

 

“Weird? The weird is you...you and him..arghh!!” then he just go away.

 

'What's happening to you?' My heart ache as I look Yoona clinging to him. Why this love keep make me hurting...

 

'I'm cursing my self can say loving you, hating my self can't express my feeling

I don't want to be only watching your back, I always want to be next to you,

You probably don't even know that my heart is ripping

Even if it's hard, even if it hurt

I can't stop myself from loving you

I love you, I really love you

This love will never be stop flowing

It hurts, It's really hurt...this love

Will happiness reach me?

What should I do? I'm the only one in hurt...

The tears will overflowing but what should I do?

God! Please...please...please help me...

I don't want to lose this love even it huts so much'

 

I try my best holding my tears even it still b... I gather all my courage and smile. I keep reassure my broken heart that everything will be fine.

 

'Ah! I almost forget about Kris,' I quickly wipe my tears, don't want him to see it.

 

“Do you love him?” I stunned.