I know I told you during Christmas break that I’d try to update this often since we got a vacation but . . . Kekeke. A vacation is a vacation. Mianhaeyo chingus! Please understand the essence of a vacation. LMAO

Yah! I'm warning you all. Stay in our ship, arachi? I know some of you are swaying already because . . . yeah. Drought. I feel that too sometimes but . . . I hope we all can stay and wait for Donghae to come back. I don't know. I just feel like saying this.

The thin air on top of the mountain was pricking their very skin. The guys were more than perplexed with the fury that the angel was showing to them. Why? That was the only thing circling in their minds. What did I do this time? Donghae’s eyes that were full of innocence couldn’t seem to reach Dara as her glare became more and more pronounced.

“W-wae?”

His eyes never left hers but he could see from his peripheral view the ground. The cellphone. It was smashed into pieces when it hit a huge rock. Gone was the chance for him to take her picture. A memento. Gone was the bright smile that they thought was finally breaking in her cold façade.

“You’re really good at it, aren’t you?” Her voice was mocking.

Donghae creased his forehead even more. “But I . . . I don’t understand what you’re ta-”

“Fooling people.” She smirked scornfully. “Giving false hopes. Making them look like idiots.”

Donghae’s mouth shut. He knew what she was implying. He knew it too well. But what pushed that rage button . . . He didn’t have any idea. He took some air before replying to her. “I . . . really don’t know w-what it is that you’re pointing at. Dara-”

He took a step forward to reach her and she took one to step back immediately. How she hated him for calling her name just like that. How he could stand there looking at her in eyes like he did nothing wrong to her. Like he never hurt her. Like they were okay again. “We didn’t win the game.” Like they could be okay again. “We would never lose the game.” And she fully shouted in rage. “Because there’s no game to begin with!”

Silence.

His eyes were questioning. His brows furrowed. He wanted to ask her what did that mean but she beat him to it even before his mouth could open. “Team B wouldn’t come. The game has been cancelled four hours ago.”

“What?” Siwon and Shindong blurted out as the other members looked at each other. Heechul, in distress, stood from sitting on the huge piece of rock.

“Didn’t you think of people who could fall into an accident while hiking? Didn’t you think of those who were just dragged into joining this game? Didn’t you think of how we were just wasting our time for nothing?” Dara was in complete rage. And Donghae just accepted all those quietly, not blinking for a bit, staring how her eyes were burning in so much hate against him.

“All you could think of is yourself! Always been yourself!”

“Dara! Calm down. It wasn’t him. It’s me!” Heechul stepped beside Donghae. The fish just stared at him for a while. s were all confused on whatever was happening. Dara was mad. At Donghae. At them. Team B is not coming. Game was cancelled. Heechul knew about it. Just what the is going on! “I read the messages before crossing the river.” Heechul cursed in his mind. He was guilty but for some reason, he couldn’t feel any regret to it. If he could rewind it back, he would definitely hide it from them again. Maybe tell Kyuhyun because they’re similar in some evil ways. Heechul would do so because . . . he saw them. Donghae piggybacking Dara means Dara trusting him at some point. Dara and Donghae holding each other’s hands as they ran away from those creepy insects. Dara smiling and laughing with them. s teasing her again. And God! His brother, Donghae, smiling brightly again. How his once dead eyes were so full of life just by her mere presence. Yes. Heechul won’t regret about it.

If there’s one thing . . . Maybe, that is Donghae getting all the blame for his selfish actions. “I swear Donghae doesn’t know a thing just like you. He doesn’t know, Dara. Be mad at me but,” Heechul let out out an air, trying to calm himself down too. “It’s my fault. I’m really sorry for not telling you earlier. For hiding it. I just want you and Donghae to have some time to talk. We need to talk too. I mean-”

“Why?”

Heechul was taken aback with the sudden change of emotions in her eyes. He couldn’t pinpoint what it was but . . . it was enough to reach others that signal. Signal of something that not even in this lifetime they would be ready to face so.

This is it.

Dara eyes’ never left Heechul. “Why do he and I have to talk? Why are we gonna talk?” Her voice so low but the scorn feeling was seeping out her words and cold stare.

“Dara. Please. Just listen to us.” Donghae could sense the desperation in his hyung’s voice but he just stood there. Staring at her, feeling that the stitches in his heart that he finally had the chance to heal no matter how slow . . . was about to open and break again.

“Why?”

Silence.

“Did you even listen to me?”

That was when Heechul’s eyes fell on the ground. Hit the bullseye in first attempt.

“Did you?” She whispered but how it rang in the ears of the Super Junior members who were tongue-tied. They didn’t know too. “What did you do, Chul?” That. Heechul raised his head to look at her. Chul. She called him that again. But how much did it hurt him to look at her very hurt eyes while calling him that? It was hurtful enough to make a tear fall from Heechul’s left eye. He looked down again.

Dara chuckled sadly and bit her upper lip, ignoring that her question was not answered and Donghae who was still just there, staring at her blankly. She whipped to turn around. She felt that everything . . . For two years . . . All of them were finally coming out.

“Yeye.” Yesung tried to look at her but eventually looked down on his feet. “What did you do? Can you even count the times I called you? I called everyone of you. For how many months, I kept on calling you all. Texting. Stalking your SNS accounts. Going to your houses, girlfriends, friends, managers!” She was shouting already. “Just to know where you guys are! What you are doing! What was happening! How am I gonna talk to you! Why you don’t want to talk to me! Why you won’t see me!” Her eyes were grilling them with so much pain. “And not one of you ing answered.” Dara bit her lower lip. No. I’m not going to cry. I’m way passed that. “Siwon. Kyu. Leeteuk oppa.” She wanted to call them one by one and tell how they should’ve seen her practically begging everyone just to get a hold of them. But in the end, she settled for one person. Feeling how her tears threatened to burst out. “Hyuk. Hyuk.” Her voice was so broken as she pointed at Eunhyuk’s direction. Eunhyuk kept his head bowed down and closed his eyes as tears began to wet his shirt. For her, they were her own brothers. Older and younger brothers.

It was a one fine day to be on top of the mountain but there they were, feeling the top was actually where the lowest point a person could be. Hell.

She turned back to Heechul. “How could you all ask me to lend my ears to you when not once you gave yours to me?” Not once. “How unfair you all can be?” She couldn’t stop it anymore when a tear fell from her right eye that she instantly wiped it off.

Silence.

“So, I guess Heechul sunbaenim,” scoffed Dara. “This is the end of conversation.” She gave them a one last cold and piercing look before turning her back and walking away.

Ani.

This isn’t it.

She had only made five steps. Dara had her eyes closed, stopping all the tears that she was cursing to not fall, when she bumped onto something. Her eyes opened slowly and met his very pained eyes.

I don’t know when would be the right time to tell you. But I can’t let you walk away like this. “Dara.” Donghae’s voice came out like a strangled one. With the way s looked at him, he knew they were supporting him. Tell her the truth, Donghae. Set yourself free. They always told him. “What happened years ago was”

“Shut up.”

But Donghae continued. “It wasn’t my inten-”

“Shut up!” Her voice echoed on top of the mountain. The Suju members could just look at the two, in silence and in pain. “Why are you doing this?”

“Dara. Jebal. Just listen-” Donghae tried to hold her hands but she pushed his hands away harshly. “Dara.”

“Don’t you think it’s too late for me to hear your explanations?”

Donghae felt his whole body trembling in an emotion he couldn’t even describe. He shook his head in desperation.

“It is that late that I don’t care anymore.”

A pained smile let out from his mouth. “Dara. Please.”

“Why did you even have to come back?”

His heart breaking as she drilled cold stares at him. “It happened because Candi-”

“You shouldn’t have come back.” She told him sternly.

But I need to come back.

For you.

“Do you want me to tell you what happened?” She sneered at him. “You left me at the time when I needed you the most.”

Durami.

He knew she was referring to that time when her sister almost died. He knew that he shouldn’t have left her and let her deal with all the problems alone. But at the same time, he knew he had to leave her to save her sister.

“Why did you leave me?”

The wind blew hard but it didn’t take away the pain in their hearts. Her tears falling faster than the strong rain.

“What did I do wrong?”

Nothing. But words couldn’t seem to come out from Donghae’s mouth as he watched how she broke down in front of him once again. And he hated it. He hated seeing her drowning in tears because of him. “You . . . you did nothing wrong. I-” Donghae wished he was also crying at the moment. Because it was thrice painful to keep all the pain inside but the tears just would not come out. And he didn’t know why. He may not be breaking down like Dara but . . . it felt like dying seeing her be like that because of him.

“Why did you leave me?”

“I did no-”

“You knew that I needed you the most.” It felt like it was just yesterday when Donghae had left her. That after all these time, the pain did not actually left no matter how hard she try to conceal it. “For God’s sake Hae . . .” Donghae could feel his heart falling apart when she finally called his name. But in her most painful and loathing voice. “Durami was dying. My sister was dying for a donor which we didn’t know when to come and where to find. And I begged you. You remember that?” She took a step closer. “I begged for you to stay. To just stay!”

I wanted to stay. Donghae wanted to tell her. But I couldn’t.

“And what did you do?!” Dara pushed him with all her might. Her tears not stopping for a bit. “Ang sakit. Sobra. Hanggang ngayon ang sakit.” Her whole body shaking as she stared at the man she once called ‘mine.’ “You hurt me, Hae. ”