Annnyyyeeeeoooonnnnggggg!!! How are you, my Royal chingus?! I miss you guys! After 8939439265320843902 years . . . I actually had the time to write an update!

Mianhe to those readers who waited for so long. I was really busy for the past weeks. No kidding. Decorating the freaking classroom. Feel like wanting to just post Donghae’s pictures there. Hahaha! Review the brats. Seminars. Making exams. Checking exams. Give grades. Endless seminars. But hey! We were given 6 days vacation. That’s with lesson plans to make. Action Plans. Whatever plan again. Decors. And so on . . . and I used three days of them for writing this! Hahahaha! So much for a responsible yeah. LMAO

So . . . uri fishy is in the camp now. I cried with you guys last 15th of October. But still, here we are. Waiting. And I’m not leaving. Like ever! Praying for his safety and health while he’s in there. (sniff sniff) He’s just a 5-year-old kid, kay? Keke Donghae in his military uniform? Can I just jump myself to him? (turning my head to the rabbit who’s currently glaring at me) Okay. Dara eonni. I know. You go and jump on him. Puahaha!

Long chapter ahead!!!

You want Donghae?

(smirks)

I give you Donghae.

April 2, 2016

It has been a really long time since these ‘boys’ have gathered together. All gathered together. They were in one of the rooms of that mansion which Eunhyuk always called as his lavish prison.

“Is everything set?” Leeteuk asked, along with Kangin, as they entered the room with a huge blue-colored cake on their hands. Their names were designed on its sides.

“Ne!” Hangeng gave the leader a thumbs-up as he and Kyuhyun finished preparing the soju bottles on the table.

“Yah maknae! Can you leave those fried chicken alone?! The event hasn’t started and yet it seems that you’ve eaten half of that bucket already!” Kibum scolded Kyu and took the bucket of spicy and crispy fried chicken away from the evil maknae who was clutching onto it like a kid on its bottled milk.

“You’re overreacting! So exaggerated!” Kyu pouted and began eating the chicken leg which he managed to save. “There are two buckets of fried chicken there with 12 pieces each! That’s more than enough for us!”

“But that doesn’t mean you should eat six of them,” Henry shook his head at him. He, Zhoumi, and Yesung were done with the decoration in Eunhyuk’s room. There were Sapphire blue balloons on the ceiling and floor and post-it notes on the wall.

“Correction.” Kyuhyun waved the fried chicken on his hand at Henry. “Seven. I already ate seven.” And he smirked.

“Aish!” Henry messed his hair in annoyance. “And you wonder why our ELFs kept on calling you chubby!”

“Shut up! I’m just healthy! As if you’re no better!”

“What did you say?!” Henry shouted at him.

“Be quiet, you two!” Shindong smacked the youngsters head. “So noisy! He cannot hear us!” He shouted at them.

“But your voice is way louder than theirs, hyung.” Sungmin shook his head as he placed the nachos on the table.

“I can’t help it with these two. Aigoo!” Shindong glared at the bickering maknaes.

Shindong and Sungmin just completed their mandatory service in the military. It was a shock to see Min’s wife and ELFs waiting outside the camp. Together. ELFs were taking care of his wife so well. On the other hand, Shindong announced his marriage with his current girlfriend on their press con. Fans were really happy for him. Although s were out of town at that time, they see to it to congratulate and on the phone.

“Shindongie.” Leeteuk approached him. “Where are the tubes of confetti I asked you to buy? We’ll start. It’s almost 9.”

“Here!” A high pitched but cheery voice came from the leader’s back. The guy was waving the tubes on the air.

“Wookie!” Yesung pinched lightly Ryewook’s left cheek. “Where have you guys been? We should all be ready by now.”

“Ow!” Ryewook pouted his small lips. “It’s Siwon hyung’s fault. He forced me to go with him in the hallway just to call Liu Wen ssi.”

“Wae?” Hangeng asked.

“Liu Wen ssi must be doubting if Siwon is really here with us and not playing with his girls around.” The evil maknae was eyeing the chaebol from head to toe with a playful smirk plastered on his face.

“Yah!” Siwon widened his eyes and pointed the tube of confetti on his right hand at Kyuhyun. “I only asked Ryewook’s company because it was so creepy being alone in the hallway! What ‘playing with my girls around’ are you talking about?! That’s against my morals! I’m faithful to Liu Wen! Have you forgotten that in the Ten Commandments which Lord Jesus gave to Moses, it says there hmuretio dafdakfe nfjdabfiem. . .”

“Arasso! Arasso!” Kibum went to Siwon’s side and covered the latter’s mouth with his hands while chuckling so hard. Siwon’s cap fell on the floor as he began laughing too, revealing his very shorthaired head.

After eight months, Siwon and Ryeowook were able to get out of the camp. No. Sneakily got out. They weren’t allowed to exit the camp yet and more so, leave the country, but with Choi’s connections . . . here they were. Just one night. Tomorrow, they would definitely be back inside the confinement of camp, sitting and eating breakfast with their military friends.

“Before Siwon here enumerate the verses of the Holy Bible . . .” Yesung chuckled. “Has Eunhyuk replied?”

“They are coming.”

The Suju boys were instantly silenced as they looked at Heechul who put his phone back in his pocket and walked near the light’s switch. The diva’s index finger touched the Off button of the switch and looked at s meaningfully.

Eight months had passed.

Eight months since they entrusted him to Eunhyuk and followed their president’s orders.

Eight months of worrying what had their brother has become based on Eunhyuk’s stories.

Eight months of guilt from feeling so useless in time when their precious brother needed them the most.

Eight months had already passed.

And a night to show him what their brotherhood is made of.

“For him.” Leeteuk said firmly.

“For him.” They all repeated.

And Eunhyuk’s lavish prison was covered with darkness.

“SURPRISE!”

Pandemonium happened. After the five tubes of confetti burst out, the boys began jumping up and down all over the room and tossing and kicking the balloons. They were all singing but with different songs. Even the word ‘noise,’ would not compare how noisy they were. Eunhyuk ran to the center and joined his brothers.

Hangeng and Kibum were singing the chorus of It’s You while jumping on the sofa together.

“HEEEYYY Mamacita! Naega Ayayayayaaaaaa!” Yesung was belting repeatedly that part of Mamacita which he always whined of not being a part. It was even crazier than his version in Instagram.

“Blow your mind!” Leeteuk and Siwon were shouting the chorus of Mr. Simple. “Hey! I’m Mr. Simple!”

"Party like a superstar!" Zhoumi and Henry were dancing on the corner and wiggling their butts too energetically while singing out loud Eunhae's most famous . . .  "Oppa! Oppa!"

Shindong was waving the slices of pizza on his hands while screaming that badass rap part of Eunhyuk and his on Superman repeatedly. “SUPER JUNIOR! THE LAST MAN STANDING!!!”

Eunhyuk and Kangin were dancing on top of the dining table and having a blast with Magic. “She’s so hot! She’s so fine!~~” Kangin was not letting Eunhyuk steal the spotlight with his dance moves when the older began twerking his . “Magic! Magic! Magic Girl Ohhh!”

Kyuhyun’s hands were on Sungmin’s shoulders while Minnie’s hands were on Kyu’s waist. “This is love. This is love~~~” The two were singing loudly their song, This Is Love, swaying from left to right and weirdly winking at each other. “Hold you. Just wanna hold yaaaa~~” With these two’s voices combined and adding a note higher than the song was supposed to be sung was enough to bring the house down. Not to mention Kim Yesung still belting that Mamacita part like a parrot on heat.

And there’s Ryeowook on the center, singing Sorry, Sorry in a Broadway style while making those over the top hand and head gestures.

The boys seemed having fun with their blaring noise from the lyrics they were screaming. But that was it. They just seemed having fun. Smiles were frozen. Laughs were forced.

And one member couldn’t fake it at all.

For him.

Heechul remained standing and stunned on his spot as he stared at the man near the door. He had to bow his head down to avoid the man’s stare. Heechul had to gulped his constricting throat hard and bit his lower lip.

It wasn’t about how the man looked like he aged for like decades that made Heechul look away. Wasn’t about how the man’s once clean face was now covered with unkempt beard and mustache. Wasn’t about how the man who used to love working to have a fit body was now thinner than their thinnest member. Not about how the man just stood there on his feet instead of breaking with joy like he used to whenever they make surprises for him. Not how his lips did not even purse or twitch for a bit like their surprise for him was not surprising at all. Not even how the man’s welcoming arms just remained on his side instead of running to embrace them because . . . well, for them, it had been a long time.

It wasn’t about those.

It was about the man’s eyes that fate stole its life away. Like there was no way those eyes belonged to him. Like this man, standing near the door, shouldn’t be him because . . . the him that they all knew . . .

Even with the Super Junior boys clamoring, they heard Heechul the loudest and the clearest. It was as if it their commotion was just a mask to hide that feeling that was about to burst out from their insides when they finally saw a glimpse of the man that they had wanted to see. With Heechul’s head still on the floor, he whispered sorrowfully.

“Donghae.”

Silence.

A perturbing silence enveloped the room as they ate around the small table. Some of them were sitting on the couch while some were on the floor, full of balloons. The way they chewed and drank . . . clanked their spoon and forks on their plate . . . put the bottles of soju back on the table after drinking them . . . and even, breathed were done out of insufferably delicate manner.

On an April dinnertime, somewhere in Chicago, Illinois . . . it was unbearably quiet that made them all want to flip and scream nonsensically.

“Yah. Have you guys heard the news from Sungmin?” Leeteuk, their great leader, finally said something with a cheery tone.

“Oh right!” Hangeng clapped his hands and smiled.

“Wae? What is it?” Eunhyuk tried to act normal and looked so eager to hear the news.

“We’re gonna be godfathers.” Kangin smiled and put a hand on Sungmin’s left shoulder and squeezed it. “Sae Eun is two weeks pregnant.”

“Wow!” Eunhyuk exclaimed and clapped along with Siwon and Henry. “Wow! Congratulations Sungmin! Finally!”

“Just a couple of months after getting out of the camp and you . . .” Zhoumi teased Sungmin who was all red now. “Daebak!”

“Ne! Should we help Minnie here with the name?” Ryewook asked.

“Wait. We still don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy.” Henry told them.

“Then let’s think of two names. One for a boy and one for a girl.” Yesung finished his soju bottle, glad that they had a topic to talk about.

Siwon raised his right hand. “I think it should be biblical name. Like Luke Matthew or Martha or Gabriel John or could be, Mary-”

“Yeah. We’ll consider those. You don’t have to enumerate every person included in the Bible.” Ryeowook cut Siwon off with a nod which earned him a wry look from the latter.

Kyuhyun wanted to join s in cheering the atmosphere up since everyone was trying to shake the dark cloud in the room out. The maknae laughed loudly as he took a bite on the fried chicken on his left hand. “Look at us now! Then, we were only mulling about what restaurant to order take out food from but now . . . naming our member’s baby.”

“Ne!” They all agreed and smiled.

“Time flies so fast,” commented Hangeng.

Kyuhyun felt proud that his attempt of conversation got a positive feedback. “Indeed! Who knows tomorrow, we might be naming my own kid!”

s laughed at him. “Aigoo! An unruly kid will be born from the evil maknae! Poor South Korea.” Yesung teased Kyu that made the others laughed even more.

“Yah Yesung hyung! My child will be just as awesome and handsome like me!” Kyu exclaimed. “I’m just telling the truth. Sungmin and Hangeng hyung have started building their families.” The maknae stood up and was so immense on whatever his point was. He was turning and pointing to whoever member he was talking about. “Shindong hyung is getting married on September. Leeteuk hyung has finally proposed to Sora noona. Next month, Kangin hyung is proposing to his girlfriend. Thailand is the place, right Kangin hyung?” He turned to Kangin which the latter nod. “See? And then, horsey and monkey here are super serious with Liu Wen noona and IU ssi.”

Suddenly, s felt nervous at where the maknae was going. “U-uhm. K-Kyu.” Leeteuk called his attention but the maknae did not hear him.

“That also can be said to Yesung hyung, Heechul hyung and Kibum. I know they’ve been discussing marriage with their girlfriends.” He pointed at the two mentioned.

“Kyuhyun.” Hangeng called his name louder than Leeteuk and the maknae turned to him. “Get me a knife from the kitchen. I’ll slice this cake.” Hangeng looked at him meaningfully. Just shut up already! That was what his looks said. “Now.”

“Ne. Sure. But wait, hyung.” Kyu nodded at him then turned to face the rest of Super Junior guys. “Ryeowook has been writing a letter to someone when he’s inside the camp. Aigoo! And this jerk here still keeps the name of the girl a secret to us! How selfish! Where’s the brotherhood in that?” He made a face to Ryeowook and rolled his eyes, ignoring Wook’s frantic look of making him stop. “Henry has finally confessed to Amber and wow! Who would have thought that she would give you a chance? Hahahaha!”

“Maknae.” Kangin called his name in alarm.

“Oh no, Kangin hyung! Henry knows that I’m just joking and I support his relationship with Amber. I’m happy with my girlfriend and I know she’s the one.” Kyuhyun pointed to himself with all smiles.

“Okay. You can sit d-” Leeteuk began saying but was stopped when the maknae faced the man sitting on the middle of the couch, between Yesung and Kibum.

Kyu’s hands were raised right to the guy’s face.

“And of course, Donghae has . . .”

Paused.

“Has . . .”

Kyu’s grin slowly faded. And it dawned in the evil maknae’s mind why s kept on cutting him off. He glanced at s for support but their deathly glares made him want to punch his own self. Good thing, Donghae just remained sitting and staring at the plate of food on his lap. That’s because if he looked at him with those sad eyes, Kyu would literally slam his head on the wall for his stupidity.

“I-I’m s-sorry D-”

“Us.”

Kyuhyun was about to apologize when a voice from his back came. It was Heechul.

“You have us, Donghae.” Heechul locked his eyes with Donghae. “I hope you’re not forgetting that.”

“So, what’s up?” Heechul chuckled forcedly.

Donghae looked away from his stare and bowed his head down, resuming with twirling the pasta with his fork but not eating it.

“How are you coping with . . . all these? It’s us. Your brothers.” He smiled at him shortly.

“Come on. Say something, Hae. Anything. We’re not here to give our speeches like we used to do when someone’s upset. We want to hear you.” This time, Heechul told him in all seriousness without breaking his gaze from him.

“What do you feel, Hae? What’s inside there?” Heechul emptied the remaining alcohol in his soju bottle and played the bottle with his right hand.

“Heechul.” Leeteuk was shocked with the turn of events. Before they even booked a flight to Illinois, they all agreed to talk to Donghae normally and just let him open his self to them. But now, Heechul was forcing him to say something. What the hell is wrong with him? Is he drunk already? He thought. The leader stood up. “Heechul. I think I forgot something in the van. Can you co-”

“I’m okay, hyung.”

All of them turned their heads to Donghae whose head was still bowed down. He is okay. That was what he said. He is okay. The first three words after eight months of not seeing each other. Despite his lifeless mien, he could still say that he was okay.

“!”

“!”

“WOAH!”

“WHAT THE?!”

A bottle flew across the room, just above the heads of those sitting on the couch namely, Donghae, Kibum, and Yesung. The bottle smashed on the expensive painting on the wall. Before they could even process who threw it, they were already on their feet, divided on Heechul and Donghae’s side, desperately separating the two.

“KIM HEECHUL!” Leeteuk’s voice roared all over the room.

“Let go, Heechul!”

“Heenim!”

“What the are you doing, Heechul?!”

“Heenim! Stop!”

Heechul jumped over the table and his hands grasped the neck of Donghae’s white shirt angrily. “What the are you talking about?! You’re okay?!” Shindong and Kangin harshly lifted Heechul together since the latter just wouldn’t let himself be pushed away from his target. Siwon and Leeteuk were trying to loosen his fingers which wouldn’t just let go. The food on the table scattered on the floor and more bottles fell on it. “That’s all you can say?! You’re okay?! Do you even see your self?! You’re ing okay?!”

Shindong managed to pull the furious Heechul away. Hangeng hugged him from the back, his arms restricting the latter’s arms from reaching Donghae again. Kangin and Zhoumi were trying to calm him down. Leeteuk and Siwon were on the middle and shouting at Heechul to stop. Eunhyuk looked at Donghae’s neck to see if he was hurt and glad that there was no scratch or bleeding. During and after that mess, there Donghae was, untroubled. Sitting on the couch and staring at Heechul’s mad and glaring eyes.

“Heechul! I told you to ing stop!” Leeteuk pointed at him, furious at ’s behavior.

“No!” Heechul shouted back at their leader. “Tonight, no one will stop!” He freed himself from Hangeng and stepped back. He turned his back at them and brushed his hair with his fingers. Heechul inhaled sharply and faced them again. They were expecting Heechul’s glaring eyes but were stunned to see the glumness on his eyes and the tears flowing on his reddened cheeks. “It is we. Your brothers. Say something, Donghae.” Heechul smiled sadly. “What is it? Are you mad? Are you mad at us? At the world? Is it painful? How much? What’s in your mind? What do you want to do? Anything, Donghae! But ! Not that ‘I’m okay,’ ! Because you are not!” Heechul shouted at him. Ryeowook, Henry, Leeteuk and Eunhyuk started crying as well and simply listening to Heechul.

“Heechul,” called Leeteuk weakly but did not stop him when Heechul went to Donghae again and forcedly made him stand up by clutching neck of his shirt. No one stopped him this time. It was Kim Heechul. They all knew how much he loves Donghae.

“Donghae, what now?!” Heechul began shouting again, his fingers were making marks on Donghae’s neck but still, no one stopped him. “Does it hurt here?! What do you feel?! Stop this! Think of Dara! Do you think she would like seeing you like this?! Gone! Lost! Dead! Lifeless!” The Suju boys were watching the two on tears. Looking at Donghae, yes. We’ll leave it to you, Heenim. They thought. “It is so unfair, Hae. This. What they did. To you. To her. Are you mad at them? Are you mad at us for being so useless?!” Heechul chuckled bitterly and he began pleading. “Come on. Let it out, Donghae. Screw everything away! Break things! Curse all you want! them all!” He was shaking Donghae so hard. “What do you feel?! What’s inside here?!” Heechul was so red due to his anger, his nose almost touching Donghae’s. He was so mad that he could kill someone. “Lee Donghae! Say it!”

“Nothing.”

“I couldn’t feel anything anymore, hyung.”

Silence.

Heechul hands fell and his feet stepped back. “Wae?” Heechul whispered. “Why did they do this to you?” Eunhyuk covered his face with his hands. He was sobbing, heart aching for his pure and gentle bestfriend.

Donghae’s eyes that looked so abandoned were staring at Heechul. And just by staring at them was more painful than any pain that anyone could inflict on the Super Junior members. “It’s dead here, hyung.” His voice was low and completely dejected. His finger pointed where his heart was. “It’s also dead here.” The finger went to point his forehead.

No one could speak. No one could move. All they could they do was stare and listen at their brother who was finally speaking it all.

“It is so painful that I cannot feel the pain anymore. It is so empty here, hyung.” Donghae clutched his chest to emphasize it. “And yet it feels so full like I’m drowning inside it.”

“Donghae,” called Yesung sorrowfully as he wiped his tears but couldn’t do better when his tears just wouldn’t stop.

“Am I mad? Seething? Well definitely, not to you, guys. To them? I don’t know because like I said there’s nothing here.” Paused. “People always say that when you love someone, expect that pain comes along it, ne? Wae? Wae? Why can’t we love without getting hurt? Why is it so painful to love someone wholeheartedly? Why are we given choices that could hurt those that we love?” Donghae looked down on his feet and then back to them. “Why did I hurt her?”

“Donghae.” Heechul creased his brows at him in an utmost disbelief. My brother just chose the only way out. He thought. “You know that-”

“Why didn’t I have any choice but hurt her?” Donghae cut him off. “Why does it feel so wrong to choose the right choice?”

FLASHBACK!!!

“Donghae. This is Im Candice.”

“Annyeonghaesayo! C-chonun . . . uhm . . . Lee Donghae imnida.”

The CEO began, “Candice ssi here is the major stockholder of our company. Let’s just say that . . . she owns the most in SM.”

Solma! A girl like her?! Wow. Must be really rich. She looks younger than the Soshi girls. He thought. “Oh. Ah! Candice n-nim? It is nice meeting you.” Donghae extended a hand for a shake but was returned with just a surprised stare from her.

“Hahahahahahahaha!” Candice burst in laughter as she slumped on the leathered chair in front of the president’s table. She was laughing so hard that she was even banging the table with her small hands. “Hahahahaha! Oh my gosh! That was so funny! Hahahaha!”

Donghae just stood there. Dumbfounded. His right hand slowly went to the back of his head and scratched it. He looked at his CEO to tell him what on Earth did he say to make her laugh like that but the latter just sat and his eyes fixed on an envelope on his table.

“Hahahaha! Nice meeting you?” She asked amusingly.

“Uh. N-ne.” Donghae nodded.

She laughed even more. Donghae was beginning to get pissed off. He needed to be on Dara’s side and see to it that Durami would be fine but here he was . . . dealing with a wealthy stranger laughing maniacally because apparently, saying “It’s nice meeting you,’ to someone you meet is so comical nowadays.

It lasted for a minute when her laugh finally subsided and she wiped the tears that fell on her cheeks. Donghae remained standing there. “I hope you mean that.” She chuckled sarcastically at him.

“Huh?” Donghae creased his brows.

“In a song, I never like those boring and tedious intros. Lyrics that don’t make sense. So let me get this straight, Donghae ssi.” She took the envelope on the table and pulled out something from it. “I want you to go to Paris tonight with your members.” His passport.

Do