Taemin woke up panting and drenched in sweat. He had another nightmare- something which happens every day since Jiyeon died.

The dreams are different every night but they were always about her. Today he dreamed about her calling out for help while he was trying desperately to reach out for her. But every time he makes a step forward, she gets further and further away. Then he woke up realizing everything was just a dream.

He covered his face with the palm of his hands. The nights are hell but the days are much worse. Whenever he wakes up and realizes there is no way for him to see her again, he would cry silently in his room until there were no more tears left to shed.

He could still remember that moment when the police officer called and told him the news. He couldn't believe it at first. He could even remember cursing the officer thinking they were playing a prank on him, that it was just a really bad joke. But no, they weren't kidding and he found out the terrible truth soon enough.

He saw her at the hospital lying in a pool of blood. He remembered himself pulling her lifeless body closer to him and begging her to open her eyes.

“Please Jiyeon-ah, look at me. Smile at me. Please..." He was practically begging her but his jagiya never woke up again. But even so he still kept her close to him. They had to drag him away just so he would let her go.

They said she died because she was attempting to fight the man who was trying to rob her. The man had a knife and he stabbed her. Apparently everything was caught on CCTV. The man was imprisoned a few days after the incident, her things were all taken back but his precious Jagiya still wouldn't open her eyes.

He felt much worse when he realized she was on her way to meet him that night. The alleyway where the incident happened is the only way to their apartment. And on the video he saw the man trying to take her ring.

And it was more heartbreaking for Taemin because he finally realized how much he means to her when all he ever did was took her for granted.

"You good for nothing son of a b*tch! This is all your fault." Jiyeon's father's words fill his head. All the harsh words, the cursing and the punches which came afterwards, he took them all in because he knew he deserved it.

He realized it now. Jiyeon was already unhappy but he was too busy to even notice. Maybe, somehow he could already feel it deep inside of him but he just didn't want to acknowledge it. And despite knowing he still took her for granted. Because he thought whatever happens she will forever stay by his side. But it turned out he was wrong.

His life had been a mess since she died. Every second of everyday he misses her. But no matter how much he wanted to see her, the painful truth still remains. She's gone. Forever. He knew that no matter how much he wished for it, she's not coming back. He cried because the truth hurts so much.

He dragged himself out of bed. He checked his phone and noticed some messages from his hyungs. He knew they were worried about him but he didn’t have the strength to pretend he was ok when he was far from it. He was supposed to be in Tokyo with his hyungs, doing what he do best, living his dream, but even those things were too much for him lately. Even breathing was a struggle. Now he knows what it feels like to live without a purpose.

He dragged himself to the kitchen to get some water. He gulped it all down and let the water flow through his dry throat. The liquid didn't help his mood. He stared at the empty room and wondered about the best way to spend his day.

It's another day in his life without her and he wonders how many more days can he endure living that way.

Key told him before they left, "Don't be so hard on yourself. It wasn't your fault."

But it was. Whatever they say it will always be his fault. He took her for granted and nothing will change that fact. He's tired of people telling him to move on and not to blame himself anymore. Maybe he just needed someone who would punch him in the face and curse him for being a jerk and more. Although it wouldn't make him feel any better, at least it was still better than having people tell him he did nothing wrong. Because if he really didn't do anything wrong then why would Jiyeon leave him? Why wouldn't she open her eyes when he begged her to?

He decided to spend the day at the park where he first met her. He knew he was torturing himself but he wanted it. He needed it. The place is filled with so much memories of her and it’s funny how those memories which should have been filled with happiness now give him nothing but pain.

He lay on the grass and closed his eyes. He could feel the grass tickles his back and the cold wind on his skin. He could hear the sound of laughter from the kids playing in a distance. It was a nice day filled with happy people. Taemin wished happiness could be contagious so he could somehow remember how it feels like to laugh like those kids do. He was worried that he might have already forgotten how to laugh or even smile.

He let the tears fall freely down his face. He doesn’t care anymore how weird he might have looked. He already learned how stubborn those tears are and they never stop from falling even if he wanted to.

He was still lost in his own thoughts when he heard someone say, "Ajusshi...” He opened his eyes and saw a little boy about 6 years of age sitting beside him. "Ajusshi, are you alright?" the boy asked.

He sat up and wiped the last bit of teardrops from his eyes. "Yeah... I’m alright," he lied. A kid will never understand the pain a grownup has to endure.

"You don't look ok," the smart little boy insisted.

He gave the boy a sad smile and ruffled the hair at the top of his head. "It's just that… I miss someone," he finally admitted. It’s no use lying to a little kid.

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to see her?" the boy asked with curiosity.

He nodded. Taemin would trade anything and everything just to see her again."Real bad."

The little boy gave him a wide grin as if he just thought of something fun and he wanted Taemin to share his happiness. "Ajusshi... Close your eyes," the boy said.

"Wae?" Taemin asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Just do it."

"Alright," he said and did as he was told.

He kept his eyes closed for a minute or so before he asked, "Can I open them now?" There was no response but he still kept his eyes tightly shut. He didn't have anything else to do anyway.

He couldn’t tell how long he kept his eyes shut but he knew it had been a while. Then he heard someone say, "Move out of the way!" The voice made him open his eyes and when he did, he realized he must have been dreaming.

A girl he was so familiar with was riding a bicycle and is about to crash right where he sits. A tear escaped his eyes and he uttered her name in a voice which almost sounded like a whisper.

"Jiyeon..."

If it was a dream he doesn't want to wake up anymore.