As expected Taemin’s life had been hell ever since Jiyeon left. He definitely deserved a smack on the head for this self-inflicted pain that he obviously couldn’t handle very well. The sleepless nights and those dark circles around his eyes are just some of the proof of his foolishness. After 1 year and a half since Jiyeon moved to New York, Taemin made a decision.

“I’m quitting, hyung.” Jinki couldn’t believe he was hearing those words from Taemin. He knew what the maknae is going through but this is just too much.

“Tell me you’re not serious.”

“I am. I decided this is going to be my last project with you. I’m going to tell the manager tomor-“

“That’s bull, Taemin.” Jinki seldom raises his voice and when he does it means he’s dead serious and you better not mess with him.

“It doesn’t really matter. I’m going to leave the group anyway so…”

“You are not leaving.”

“Hyung, you do realize that I don’t really have a choice in this? I’m going to die, alright? And it’s going to be soon so…“

“No, you are not going to die. Stop talking nonsense.” And with those words, Jinki left.

Taemin knew those words weren’t spoken because Jinki didn’t believe a word when he said he’s going to die. Being in denial was more like it.  Maybe Jinki was thinking there is still a way out of it. But Taemin knew better than to hope. Either he dies or Jiyeon will. Since the latter is not an option, then that leaves him with the first one and he will never let Jinki ruin everything in his desperation to save him.

~-*-~

After learning Taemin’s secret, Jinki became very supportive. He always let Taemin have his way with everything except for two things. One, his stupid idea of quitting SHINee; and two, his decision to keep his upcoming death a secret to the rest of the group.

“Taemin, they needed to know.”

“No, hyung. Please don’t drag them into this.”

“But Taemin… What do you think they would feel if one day they learned the news that your lifeless body was found in a dark alleyway stabbed to death? What do you think we would feel? What do you think I would feel? Huh?!”

“It’s enough that you know hyung. If you weren’t so smart to figure things out I wouldn’t have told you the truth either. Do you think I didn’t know that you couldn’t sleep at night? Do you think I didn’t notice your insomnia has gotten worse?”

“I was trying to think of ways to save you.”

“Then stop. I’m not asking you to save me. In fact I don’t want you to save me.”

Jinki didn’t say anything else afterwards but Taemin noticed the pained look on his face and Taemin felt guilty for being the reason of it. Taemin wished Jiyeon is doing much better than this.

~-*-~

Knowing that he’s going to die soon made Taemin reckless. He was no longer scared of the consequences his actions make because he knew very well that when he got nothing he got nothing to lose. He already lost everything the moment Jiyeon left.

And so he worked his off (because it exhausts him and sleeping is easier when he’s exhausted), then tried to convince Jinki that quitting is a good idea (but every attempt was unsuccessful because Jinki was as hardheaded as he is) then made drastic changes to his concept that even his hyungs find extremely worrisome (just to annoy Jinki so he would agree to his idea of quitting).

“Taemin, you are not leaving this group. Why do you keep insisting otherwise?”

Key who happened to pass by heard the last part of their conversation. “What? Who’s leaving?”

Jonghyun following behind Key asked, “What’s going on?”

Minho came in soon after and although the atmosphere seemed awkward, he chose to keep silent.

“Tell them, Taemin.”

Taemin glared at Jinki because he feels he’s losing this battle and he hates it. He didn’t say a word so Jinki spoke on his behalf.

“Taemin here wishes to leave the group.”

“What?? Why?!” Key couldn’t hold his emotions anymore.

“Because he thinks he’s going to die soon anyway.”

Everyone in the room became quiet as if a bomb just exploded right in front of their faces and took away their ability to speak.

Jonghyun was the first one to break the silence. “Is this some kind of a joke? Please tell me it is.”

Taemin knew sooner or later they would figure out the truth, and with Jinki’s insistence to let his secret out he knew it would be sooner. At least he still gave him the option of whether to tell them himself although it doesn’t make any difference now.

“In 6 month’s time, I’m going to die.” No one said a word so Taemin used the momentary silence to his advantage. “So guys, are you going to let me quit now?”

~-*-~

Of course no one agreed to his ridiculous idea. For one, his death isn’t even certain (at least for his hyungs it isn’t). Two, he can’t break a contract because it always leads to messy lawsuits (although for Taemin it doesn’t matter because he’s going to die anyway).

“What would you do if you quit anyway?” Jonghyun asked him once.

Taemin gave it a thought. He’s not yet sure how he wanted to live his remaining days. But he’s sure it’s not about performing on stage. He had been there, done that. He wanted to do something different, something thrilling, and something exciting. He wanted to try everything and to try it fast because he figured he didn’t have much time. He wanted to make at least a part of his life work despite the other part (which has everything to do with Jiyeon) falling into pieces.

“I’ll be a nomad…” he said after a while.

“Seriously?” Key asked.

“I think that would be cool.” Jonghyun said.

“Kim Jonghyun, stop giving Taemin ideas.”

~-*-~

Things have been a bit easier after his friends learned his secret. Maybe Jinki was right. Telling them was a good idea.

“Tae, I’m sorry.” Taemin stared at Minho surprised at the sudden interruption. His relationship with Minho is not getting any better for obvious reasons. The guy didn’t have the guts to confess and he was taking it out on Taemin. He hadn’t been talking to Taemin a lot anymore. He only speaks to him if he needed to.  He spends less and less time at home because he couldn’t stand the sight of Taemin being in the same room.

The maknae isn’t complaining about any of it though because the lead rapper had every right to be cranky. After all, it was his fault that Jiyeon cried in Minho’s arms that night before she left for good. For Minho, making Jiyeon cry was Taemin’s biggest crime and for that reason, Minho still couldn’t find the heart to forgive Taemin. But despite his feelings, he still chose to be professional about it whenever they are in public which means he had to plaster a fake smile on his face and pretend he’s in good terms with the maknae. And since Minho was pretty good at it, he can pull it off really well. The guy has charm and everyone didn’t find any reason to worry that the public might notice there is some kind of disagreement between the SHINee members.

But today seems to be different. Minho was the one who initiated the conversation and more importantly he was apologizing. His hyung is not the type to apologize so suddenly.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

It didn’t take him a long time to figure out what Minho is apologizing for. “It’s alright. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Still… you should have told me.”

“I didn’t tell you for the same reason I didn’t tell everyone. Jinki hyung figured it out on his own so he’s the first one to know. I didn’t want to bother you.”

Minho sighed but didn’t say anything.

“You punch pretty hard.” Taemin said to lighten the mood.

Minho smiled. “I was restraining myself. I only used half of my strength.”

Taemin chuckled. He missed these moments. He was almost sure he’s about to lose a friend. Good thing it didn’t have to lead to that.

“Hyung, I have a favor to ask.” Once he had Minho’s full attention, Taemin continued, “Please take care of Jiyeon for me.”

“You didn’t have to tell me.”

“Thanks.”

~-*-~

Key couldn’t take it anymore. Now that he knows the truth, the breakup between Jiyeon and Taemin has became clearer as day. And for Key that was the most stupid thing Taemin did in his life. And he let Taemin know exactly that.

“Lee Taemin! Stop being a jerk and tell her the truth. She deserves to know.”

“I don't want to break her heart when the time comes that I have to leave.”

“And you think what you're doing now doesn't break her heart?”

“Believe me, hyung. This is for the best.”

But Key wouldn’t have that. He hates it when Taemin is throwing his life away, drove the girl he loves away and even resorted to lying about his feelings. He needed to do something. And so Key went to the café to pay Yuri a visit.

“Are you still in contact with Jiyeon?” he asked Yuri the moment he entered the café and without as much as hello.

 “Yes, oppa. Why do you ask?”

“Can you please give me her number? I need to put some sense into Taemin’s freaking head.”

------

A/N: Finally! I managed to write a chapter of decent length. Hope it's good enough. Let me know what you think :D