A/N: I’m back! Who missed me? LOL XD

Sorry it took me a while. I was too happy I couldn’t write anything angsty. I was even surprised I finished this chapter. Why was I happy you ask? Of course it’s because of SHINee’s comeback what else?

I’m addicted to most of the songs in the new album. What’s your favorite? I couldn’t pick anything in particular. I like them all.

But I suggest you listen to “Farewell My Love” as you read this chapter. I think it suits well with the story.

And just so you understand what I mean, here’s the lyrics transalation (credits: http://popgasa.com/)

Farewell My Love (이별의 길)

To you, breaking up is saying goodbye and the road ending

(Now bye bye)

To me, it’s a frozen and remaining road

(Now bye bye)

The end that we thought of

I didn’t know the destination would be different

All the endless promises

(Now bye bye)

It remains the same

I’m just a coward

You make me go slower, oh yeah

As much as this long day

The distance to you gets farther

(1, 2, 3 the map in my memories)

As I erase your sign

And take care of that road that was only filled with you

Just like you can’t hide love

(I can feel it all)

You can’t hide breakups

(Because it hurts more)

Just like how things change the moment you start love

Breaking up is like that too

On the end of the love road, the break up road spreads out long

(You’re not here)

I keep walking on the road where I can’t see the end

We’re growing farther apart

You’re growing farther apart

Oh baby, my love that tickled my ear

(Now bye bye)

Times that were warm like the spring stars

(Now bye bye)

I long for us every day

I turn around but that road doesn’t change

(1, 2, 3 on the calendar)

I erase the days we were together

Without a trace

I’m alone on the road that only I know of

Just like you can’t hide love

(I can feel it all)

You can’t hide breakups

(Because it hurts more)

Just like how things change the moment you start love

You’re getting farther apart

The road of breaking up spreads out

Yo I was at the end of the road

And it’s a sad ending

Just like how our temperatures were different at the end

We were like kids, whining

The end of the road pushes me

With the wrong rhythm

It’s becoming a variation

At the end of the road

I pray that your flower will bloom

(Oh Where to go)

I easily lost you and got lost on this road

(Oh Where to go)

Time has stopped

Forgetting how my heart beat (forget)

Forgetting my destination (forget)

I go looking for you far away

Just like you can’t hide love

(I can feel it all)

You can’t hide breakups

(Because it hurts more)

Just like how things change the moment you start love

Breaking up is like that too

On the end of the love road, the break up road spreads out long

(You’re not here)

I keep walking on the road where I can’t see the end

We’re growing farther apart

I’m walking on this road of breaking up

------------------------------

Let’s break up.

Jiyeon stared at her phone with unbelieving eyes. She read the words over and over but even after reading them for a hundredth time, and even when the words echoes in her head, wanting to be heard, to be understood, Jiyeon stubbornly refused to listen.

He hadn’t been seeing her boyfriend lately and Jiyeon thinks it was only probably because he was busy with promotions and tour. But this… this is totally unexpected and not to mention heartbreaking.

Her first thought was, why?

She tried to form some logic into his words, put herself in his shoes, think hard, and then think some more. But still nothing. She couldn’t come up with possible reasons why he would want a break up. Maybe Taemin never told her he loves her through words but what about the gentle smiles, the soft touches and kind words? Were those lies? Were they all just a big ball of pretense? Some kind of game he decided to play? Because she couldn’t in think of any other reason for a break up other than the fact that he doesn’t love her at all.

After realizing that staring at her phone for hours wouldn’t do her any good and that it wouldn’t give her any sort of explanation she decided to type a reply.

It’s not funny Taemin.

She lay on the bed, curled up in a ball, and waited. She waited because that was all she could do. The tears were already threatening to fall from her eyes. An hour passed by. Two hours. Three. And then it was already midnight and still no words came. No explanation. No nothing. She sent a few more messages afterwards. She needed to know.

I don’t understand. You don’t really mean it do you?

Please Taemin. I need an explanation.

What’s going on? Really?

Damn it, Taemin. I need a reason. Please tell me.

She was already crying as she typed the last message. She realized by then how real everything was. That it was not some kind of a joke. That Taemin is definitely and without a doubt breaking up with her. And that she didn’t have any choice on the matter. And she cried because her heart feels heavy and she needed to let it out.

~-*-~

Minho didn’t want to acknowledge the feeling because it was not his place to feel anything close to how he was feeling. It felt so wrong, so uncalled for. But he knew it was right there. Because he could feel the pain when he sees her with Taemin, when they held hands and share a kiss. It was not his place to be jealous, but heck if it wasn’t jealousy he didn’t know what else to call it.

He didn’t know exactly when it started. Maybe it was the day she first came to visit. Maybe it was at the party when Jiyeon was dressed in a beautiful black evening dress. Or maybe it was when her cheeks flushed a beautiful crimson red after he asked if he could kiss her. When exactly wasn’t even important. All he knew was that he’s in love… that tingling and heartwarming but sometimes painful sensation at the pit of his stomach which travels straight to his heart.

And Minho never dared tell it to anyone because he didn’t want to ruin something precious and he knew even then that the two were in love more than they are willing to admit. Therefore Minho decided, the biggest decision he had to make, to keep his feelings a secret and support the two important people in his life, his friend and his love.

But that was until Taemin broke her heart.

Minho never hated Taemin more than he hated him now. Looking at Jiyeon, waiting in a café with her head bent and bloodshot eyes, Minho’s first thought was to look for Taemin, punch him hard and demand an explanation in that order.  

“Hyung, can I ask you a favor?” Taemin asked him ever the phone.

“What favor?”                                                                              

“Jiyeon is waiting for me. Can you meet her instead?”

“What's going on, Taemin?” He asked because Taemin is not the type who would ask that kind of favor. He would ditch his schedules for her if he needed to (that just proves how much she means to him which annoys Minho sometimes, mind you) and this doesn’t sound like it has to do with work.

“Nothing, hyung. Just... please. I don't want her to be alone…”

“Alright.” Minho draws a deep breath before finally relenting. “But just this once.”

Minho decided not to push it and now he suddenly wished he did. Because if he did he would have known that his job was not limited to informing her that her boyfriend won’t be coming and that it also involves comforting the crying girl, something Minho had no confidence with especially when the crying girl happened to be the love of his life.

Minho was debating whether he should come in and show himself or just leave without a word. Walking away seems more appealing right now especially when he knows how painful it is to be with a person while knowing you are not the one she needed and wanted to be with. He could almost see the disappointed look in her eyes once she realizes he was the one who came instead of Taemin.

Maybe he wasn’t the right guy for this. Maybe Jiyeon doesn’t want to be with anyone but Taemin right now. But heck, Jiyeon needed someone, anyone, and Minho decided it’s about time he does something.

“In case you haven't noticed, Taemin just ditched you.” Minho tried not to sound spiteful but it’s impossible when he was too angry beyond words.

Jiyeon looked up, momentarily taking her eyes off her lap where she had been staring for quite a while. “He must have his reasons,” she replied too softly for Minho’s liking. She looked so broken and Minho fought the urge to wrap her in his arms and never let go.

“Besides he never really said he’s coming.”

“Then why are you still waiting?”

“Just in case, you know… he changes his mind and shows up.”

“He’s not coming.”

“You’re probably right.”

“I’ll take you home. Come on.”

Jiyeon stubbornly refused and just as he was about to scold her for stupidly waiting for a guy who was never going to show up, he noticed the tears that were streaming down her face and Minho was once again at a loss for words.

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes for no reason. “I don’t know why it wouldn’t stop.” She wiped her tears but when a few more came streaming down, she gave up trying.

Minho couldn’t take it anymore. He could feel his heart being squeezed real tight from the sight of her crying. He stood up, pulled her up, and then wrapped his arms around her in a hug which meant to comfort. “It’s alright. It’s going to be alright,” he said though Minho wasn’t so sure about that.

~-*-~

When Minho came home the first thing he did was to put some sense into Taemin’s head. Since words wouldn’t work (and he didn’t have enough patience for a decent conversation) he figured a couple of punches would do the job.

“You picked the wrong girl to play your games with. Why Jiyeon, Taemin? Why her of all people?!” Minho learned it’s frustrating to pick a fight with someone who doesn’t even fight back. When he realized his words were left unheard, his knuckles were sore, he was tired, and Jinki who was trying to restrain him the entire time was tired too, that’s when Minho finally stopped, walked away and left to vent his anger somewhere else.

So Taemin was left with a few broken ribs, bleeding lips and a worried Jinki who was showering him with questions. Those were the moments when Jinki thinks it’s particularly hard to be the leader of a group of troublesome young people who suddenly decided it’s quite fun to pick fights with each other. And he was more convinced that it was really hard being the leader when his attempts to fix things were ignored and his words were left unheard. Taemin ignored most of his questions except for one.

“How much time do you have?” Jinki asked which made Taemin stare at him with questioning eyes. He didn't expect the question at all. No one was supposed to know. Not even Jinki. And sometimes Taemin hates it when Jinki always knows.

~-*-~

Jinki learned Taemin’s secret a few nights ago. He was waiting for the lead dancer to come home. His lips were forming a thin line and all sorts of reprimand were replaying in his head ready to be spoken out loud. They have schedules early the next day and the maknae suddenly decided it was a good idea to get drunk in a bar on that particular night.

Taemin never gets drunk. Never. That kid has a very high tolerance to alcohol so when Taemin came home totally drunk, Jinki's rehearsed speech to reprimand the maknae went out the window because for one, Taemin didn’t looked like he did it for fun. He looked more like someone who is going through some issues so Jinki decided that no, he won’t be scolded tonight. At least not tonight.

"Hyung..." he grins at Jinki who was having a hard time supporting his weight as he half dragged the drunken maknae to the sofa where the latter instantly collapses.

And then Jinki sees it… the tears that were streaming down the maknae's face. It made Jinki worry because Taemin is family and he hates seeing his family looking pained.

"I'm a jerk, hyung," Taemin said with a lopsided smile which doesn't go well with his tear-streak face.

"Why, Taemin?" Jinki had a sudden urge to learn everything… why Taemin looks as if the world is crumbling down right before his eyes and why now when he was supposed to be happily in love.

"I broke her heart too many times. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself." At some point Taemin mentions something about a break up and somehow Jinki managed to put some of the pieces together. He got most of it figured out except maybe for the reason of the break up in which Jinki thinks was pretty stupid for Taemin because who would actually initiate a break up for no reason?

"But I hate her too you know...” Taemin continued. “…for leaving me that night. Do you have any idea how much hell I've been through, hyung?"

“No, Tae. I don't.”

“I couldn't even sleep, hyung. When I try, the nightmare comes and I can never go back to sleep.”

None of Taemin's words makes sense to Jinki. So he wonders and ponders but still he couldn't figure it out. “I’m not that smart, Teamin. Stop talking in riddles.”

"I don’t want her to die again hyung. I could never go through that kind of hell again."

Again? "What do you mean, Tae?"

"I'm not going to let it happen, hyung. I won't.” Taemin shook his head furiously. “So I decided to die in her place. But I cannot let her know. Don't tell her, hyung. Promise me.”

Jinki's first instinct was to not believe a word of what Taemin is saying. You should never trust the word of a drunken person because most of the time their minds were clouded by that substance called alcohol. But then something at the back of his mind tells Jinki that Taemin is telling the truth. And Jinki was filled with fear because god, he believes Taemin’s words about dying and all those scary things Jinki never wanted to happen to any of his friends. Fear, by the essence of the word, is something Jinki hates feeling the most.

Taemin woke up the next day with a splitting headache. He wonders why no one bothered to scold him after getting drunk and passing out in the living room. He couldn't even remember how he managed to go home. He can remember talking with Jinki but the topic of their conversation was a blur and Taemin decided not to ponder on it because his headache is getting worse when he tries to think.

When the rest of his hyung found out about the break up, they were all upset. They think he did it for fun. That he was just playing games.

Yah, Lee Taemin! Just because a girl is head over heels for you, it doesn’t mean you can just take her for granted.

Funny because those were the exact words Key told him before. Back then he was still young and naive that he never took the words seriously. It was already too late when he finally realized that Key is right. He had no idea he was about to lose something special. But now it’s different because now he understands the meaning of the words, “you’ll only know the importance of something once you lose it.”

Taemin knows it now better than anyone. He already learned his lesson. He's doing it not because he’s a stupid jerk who doesn’t know the importance of something precious. He was doing it for her sake.

He even hates himself for letting it go this far. He was too selfish. How could he ever think that somehow it’s going to work out? He wished that she gets over it soon. Maybe if she hates him enough it would be easier for her to forget.

She sent her messages and he fought the urge to call or to even just type a reply. But when Jiyeon asked him to meet that even if he said he’s not coming she insisted she would wait, Taemin couldn't just stay still so he asked Minho to meet her instead. When Minho came home that night looking enraged, Taemin understood.

Ah, Minho hyung likes Jiyeon too.

And Taemin almost wanted to celebrate because now there would be someone to take care of her in his place. And he would have been glad if not for his heart which was constricting painfully as if it wasn’t pleased with the idea of sharing Jiyeon with anybody. Sometimes Taemin hates it when his heart seems to have its mind of its own. He had the feeling it would never stop complaining from the moment he made the decision of letting her go.

And because Taemin thinks he deserved it, he never fought back when Minho came home in a fighting mode. A few punches landed in his middle causing a few broken ribs. It was only when Jinki said, ‘Minho, stop. That’s enough’ that Minho finally stopped. Honestly Taemin thinks he deserves more so when the punches stopped he was a bit disappointed.

“How much time do you have?”

When Jinki asked him that question, Taemin didn't know what to feel. He figured he must have said something he shouldn't have that night when he got drunk. At the same time, he feels comforted by the fact that someone else knows and he didn't have to go through everything alone anymore. And Taemin trusts Jinki more than he’s willing to admit. Jinki might look stupid sometimes but he can be the most reliable one. Unlike the others he's not the type who would laugh at your face first before he would give you a sensible advice.

“2 years hyung." He didn't need to see the look on Jinki's face to know that the older guy was filled with worry and fear. Yes, it was probably too short but for Taemin, without Jiyeon in that span of two years, it’s going to be one hell of an agonizingly long time.