Erase my existence. Make everyone forget that I ever existed. Make Jiyeon forget about me.

It was that wish that changed things the way they once were. SHINee is still the same, famous for their contemporary music and unique fashion, but the five-member group is now composed of four – had always been four ever since the group’s debut. As far as everyone is concerned there was no and had been no Lee Taemin – the lead dancer and maknae. There was only Choi Minho (who became the maknae of the group), Kim Kibum, Kim Jonghyun, and the leader Lee Jinki.

Nobody knew that there was once a Lee Taemin who suddenly decided on his own that the world would probably be a better place without him in it.

But it wasn’t. Things had changed but it can hardly be called better. At least for Jiyeon it wasn’t.

She lives her life wondering why she couldn’t fall in love like everyone else does. Even her friend Yuri has a boyfriend now. Watching her friend being happy and in love makes her wonder why she couldn’t feel the same way.

And then there was Choi Minho. He was every girl’s dream – tall, gorgeous, has a freaking wonderful smile, gentleman and totally nice. So why couldn’t she fall in love with him? There must be really something wrong with her. Sometimes she thinks she was destined to be alone and lonely for the rest of her life. She fears the thought just like how she fears the existence of ghosts – the possibility of it being real makes her want to curl up in a ball and wrap herself in blankets.

“Yuri, do you think there’s something wrong with me?” She asks her friend the same question almost every day that the other girl only rolled her eyes and didn’t say anything.

Jiyeon sighed feeling miserable even more. “I know you said I’m just confused but sometimes I think there’s something more to it, you know.”

“Give the guy a favor, will you?” Yuri obviously wanted her to consider dating Choi Minho and Jiyeon didn’t know how to explain to her friend that it isn’t as simple as that. “Either turn him down or date him. Make up your mind.”

Jiyeon decided Yuri is not the person she should be talking to. She was happily in love with her boyfriend so she would never understand the feeling of helplessness and desperation that she currently have.

Then she thought about Key and how he would probably nag at her telling her she was lucky to have Minho and that she should treasure him a bit more. She couldn’t agree more. But... Yeah, there will always be buts and yet she didn’t know exactly what those buts are.

After realizing that there was probably no one who would ever understand how she feels, she ended up spending time with herself but instead of drowning herself with alcohol at some bar, she decided to indulge herself with different flavors of ice cream – lots of ice cream.

Except for that one person at the counter, there was no one else at the shop which isn’t surprising because who would want to go in an ice cream shop and eat ice cream in the middle of winter? Probably no one. Except her of course.

Jiyeon tried to ignore how the guy at the counter keeps stealing glances at her and she also tried to ignore the fact that the guy is probably the best looking guy she had ever seen. But that fact is pretty hard to ignore when there’s nothing more interesting and stare-worthy than the guy at the counter (not that she’s complaining because she honestly needed the distraction to get her mind off the depressing thoughts in her head)

“What flavor next?” the guy at the counter asked good naturedly. Jiyeon thinks he’s gorgeous and that she’s slowly melting with warmth despite the cold weather. It was weird but it doesn’t mean she didn’t like it.

She was on her fifth cup of sundae and she still couldn’t decide what flavor to eat next. “What would you recommend?”

“The peppermint chocolate one. That’s my personal favorite.”

“Alright then give me those.”

“Okay. Take your seat. I’ll bring it over.”

It didn’t take long before the guy was right next to her, placing the sundae in front of her and taking the seat opposite from hers. Jiyeon was confused but when he flashed that megawatt smile of his the words were caught in and she forgot what she was about to say.

“Do you mind if I join you?” he asked. Now that he’s close, the effect of that smile is twice more blinding than when they were at the counter earlier.

She shook her head and dropped her head trying to hide the blush on her face. It was surprising because no one – not even Minho – could make her blush like a school girl. And he wasn’t even doing anything.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked and Jiyeon realized that the guy could actually read her like a book. If he’s just naturally perceptive or if she’s just one of those people who wear their heart on their sleeves, she couldn’t be certain. Either way she thinks it was strange that she couldn’t make herself treat him with formality, lie and say there is nothing wrong.

“Yeah, well… you could say I’m just lonely and have no one to talk to so I decided to drown myself with ice cream to get my mind off things.”

“You could tell me about it.”

“Why do you think I’d be willing to?”

“Because you needed someone to talk to and I’m a nobody who is willing to listen. Sometimes it’s easier to tell a stranger than a close friend.” Jiyeon had to admit his words made sense so she decided to risk it. Anyway, she can just forget everything afterwards.

“Well, last night…” she stared at him wondering if it was really a good idea to tell him but to the heck with it. It doesn’t matter anymore so she continued, “…a guy kissed me.” The image of Minho’s disappointed look flashes through her mind.

“And?” His brows were knitted into a frown as if he hated the idea of her kissing the guy as much as she did.

“I-It was uncomfortable.”

“Did he force himself on you?”

“God, no! He’s a gentleman really. I knew he likes me and he knows I don’t feel the same way but he said he’s willing to wait. And then last night happened. And I… I couldn’t kiss him back. I think I hurt him pretty bad and I really feel terrible about it.” She played with her sundae with the tip of her spoon. “Maybe I’m just worried that I might lose a friend.”

A comfortable silence ensued before he said, “You won’t. Just give him time. He’ll get over it then you’ll be back to being friends.”

She gave him a shy smile. He’s probably right after all. All she needed is someone to talk to. Because now she realized she doesn’t feel as bad as when she first stepped into the shop that evening.

“Thank you,” she said because she was honestly grateful.

They talked about anything and everything. Well, she talked and he listened. She didn’t notice the time until she realized she finished her seventh (or maybe eighth - she stopped counting after the fifth) sundae.

“It’s getting late. Maybe I should head home now,” she said.

“If you’re craving for ice cream again or if you needed free counseling you can drop by anytime,” the guy said with a wide grin on his face.

Jiyeon returned the smile. “Alright but I don’t think I’ll be craving for some ice cream any time soon.” After the amount of sundae she consumed that night, she couldn’t see herself eating more of it in the next few weeks. The guy looked disappointed when she told him so.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t be dropping by to see you again. She thought but she had enough sense not to voice it out.

“Wait for me. I’ll close the shop then walk you home.” Jiyeon couldn’t find the words to argue because as shameless as it sounds, she actually wanted him to walk her home.

After stepping out of the shop, they were met the cold winter night. The wind was biting cold and she had to wrap her coat tighter just to keep herself from freezing. It was expected though, after she drowned herself with ice cream the entire evening.  She was thinking about a hot coffee when she reached home but when the guy wrapped his arms around her, warmth spread through her and she decided a hot coffee would no longer be needed.

Jiyeon suddenly hates the fact that she lives nearby because their walk was too short for her liking. She would have loved it if it was longer even if it meant she had to walk kilometers in the freezing cold with the snow falling down on them.

When they reached their destination, she had to look away to hide the disappointment in her face. She was looking at her shoes, at the speck of dirt near her shoes, and particularly anywhere that is not his face.

“If I suddenly miss you would it be okay if I visit you?” he asked.

She looked up finally giving up the pretense that her shoes were the most interesting thing she had ever seen. He was smiling and she knew that smile means so many things.

“O-okay,” she said trying her best to hide the fact that her heart was doing a summersault inside her chest. “But I probably won’t be home most of the time.” He looked crestfallen and Jiyeon thinks she wanted to see more of his smiling face. “You can find me at a café five blocks from here. I work there part time. If I’m not there I’m probably at the university.”

He brightened up, smile slowly creeping up his face. “I’ll see you soon then.”

Jiyeon knew it was the part when they were supposed to say goodbye. But no one seemed to want to make the first move. And she realized that he was thinking about something else when his arms went around her waist pulling her closer until they were standing close – really close to each other. She could breathe his scent which reminds her of the warmth of a summer day and she could feel his breathe mixing with her own as he leans down slowly. He paused for a fleeting moment, looking straight into her eyes as if it would give him the answers to the questions he never gets to ask.

When he didn’t find any rejection from those dark orbs, his gaze dropped to her lips, his fingertips making light caresses, trailing every curve of her cheeks. He was looking at her with those knowing eyes and she felt bare. It was as if he could see right through her and she liked the feeling so much that she never wanted it to end. She never wanted him to let go.

He claimed her lips after a long agonizing moment and Jiyeon thinks it was amazing. It was different. It was perfect.

She closed her eyes on instinct as if her body knew exactly what to do. She knew it was wrong and strange to be kissing a guy she just met for the first time without even knowing who he is. But Jiyeon felt as if those things don’t matter at the time being. Not even the fast beating of her heart and how she was supposed to calm it down, or if there was even a need to. She supposes nothing really mattered at the moment.

When his tongue coaxed her to open , she did. When his arms made light caresses on her back, she raised her arms and wrapped it around her neck for support. She could feel her knees giving away any minute and she needed something to hold on to.

They were both catching their breath when they pulled away. His arms were still wrapped in her waist and hers were spread in his chest like it was the most normal thing to do.

“I-I know it sounds crazy but…” she started but she didn’t get to finish, she didn’t know how to. She thought about a puzzle piece falling into place, about the world tilting at the right angle, about flowers blooming at the perfect time, and about falling in love. She never thought she would associate love with a guy who is no more than a stranger to her. Or is he? Because although everything seems so ridiculous (even to her it sounds crazy) she didn’t feel like he’s a stranger at all. She thinks she finally found her missing piece making her whole again.

“Yeah, I know. Me too.” Again she didn’t have to say anything because the guy knew the words which she never gets to say out loud.

“W-who are you?” It was probably too late to be asking that kind of question now but there was more to the question than what it means. She wanted to ask more than just his name but then she realized there is plenty of time to learn them so his response was more than enough for her.

“Taemin. Lee Taemin.”

A/N:

yep its the end :D  did you guys realize it was taemin all along? i was hoping you wouldn't although i think it was pretty obvious :D anyway from which part did you realize it was taemin?

I finished this a week ago but it took me a while to upload this because I don't have internet connection  OTL. I think having no internet is a good thing though. Because I can focus on my writing instead of searching SHINee videos on YouTube and stalking Kibum on Instagram

i have things in mind for a side story or an epilogue or something but i'm too lazy to write it down and that ending doesn't sound so bad so i decided to just end it at that.

why ice cream? i honestly don't know o_O i imagined taemin playing a piano when they met and she was being all teary-eyed for reasons she couldn't tell. but somehow it ended up with her eating lots of ice cream. sometimes my mind works in weird kind of ways. i hope i did not disappoint you guys. how was it? good? bad?

i think i left some of the things unexplained. and since i wont be writing another chapter anymore (because as i said i'm too lazy) i'll just explain it briefly here.

anyway you might be wondering why taemin ended up working at an ice cream store. well, when yoogeun granted his wish he sort of twisted it a bit (you know how yoogeun is. he likes breaking rules and he's too stubborn) so instead of erasing taemin's existence he decided to change it.

so taemin is no longer the famous lee taemin. he's now a dance instructor (i never mentioned it but yeah that was how i imagined he would be if he's not part of shinee) who works part time at an ice cream shop. and taemin and jiyeon's meeting wasn't really part of yoogeun's plans. it just happened that way (because i figured you would all hate me forever if they didnt end up together) anyway, they were really meant for each other so even after everything they still managed to meet.

see? i wasn't so mean. i still ended the story with a happy ending (because you all said i should and you're all dear to me so yeah) don't i deserve a big hug? no? *pouts*

just a random thought, i don't think falling in love is as magical as how it sounds in romance stories. its a bit exaggerated i think. but when you do find the one you'll just know he's the one. but there's nothing like tingly feeling or warmth or anything close to that. (take it from me who had been happily dating for almost five years now :D ) so how would you know if he's the one? i can't really explain it. but if you're happy being with him then that could be a clue :)

maybe if you guys convince me hard enough i might reconsider writing an epilogue XD

anyway, i don't want to keep your hopes up so i decided to tag this as completed.

i suddenly had the urge to rant so i apologize if i bore you with my long author's note. but i seldom write author's notes so bear with me okay? *grins*

Expect updates for Cravings and Two Lifetimes in the near future. (because Minho deserves to be happy too :D)

 thank you for sticking with me till the end *teary-eyed*

you're all so precious <3

*off to write some more*