It was the first time that he felt so out of control.  He was so close to losing himself. Jiyeon does that to him. That night she was so close to him and yet so far.

He wanted to spend the rest of the night with her, cuddling with her until morning, watching her sleep, wrapping his arms around her and letting her rest her head on his chest. He misses those rare times when they would spend the night wrapped in each other’s arms and he regretted the fact that they didn’t do it more often.

He regrets that he didn’t let her have her way those few times when she asked him to stay. He always had an excuse each time. Things like he was busy or that he had to go somewhere, meet important people, go to interviews and practice some more. Now he wondered why he chose them over Jiyeon. Why did he refuse her offer to stay when being with her is the most wonderful thing in the world? Now he knew he will never give it up with anything anymore. But it’s already too late and all he could do now is leave.

Before he totally lose his resolve and do something he knew he will regret eventually, he silently walked to the door with feather-like steps careful not to make too much noise, and out to the dark chilly night feeling as if he just woke up from a wonderful dream in which he had no way of returning to.

While wasting sighs and feeling his heart beating in a frantic rhythm, he reached the car, slid inside, rested his head on the steering wheel and closed his eyes. He wondered how many more of this can his heart take before it explodes. How many times does he have to restrain himself before he finally accepts the fact that they were no longer meant to be. He took her for granted before so what right does he have for him to wish he could once again call her his own?

He just wanted to hold hands with her, feel her fingers intertwining with his own. But even that is impossible now.

“Why are you wasting your time, ajushi?” A voice beside him made him lift his head up. The little boy who put him in this mess was sitting at the passenger seat across from him.

Taemin who got used of him appearing and disappearing out of nowhere, was no longer surprised to find him sitting on the passenger seat with a sad look on his face as if he was disappointed with how Taemin chose to live his life the second time.

Taemin wasn’t happy with his life either. He was far from it actually. But the fact that he knew Jiyeon is alive and breathing increases his resolve and convinces him that he was doing the right thing. Even if it was torture on his part. Even if it feels like going through hell and back. It wasn’t even close to the kind of punishment he deserves for taking her for granted all those years.

“I’m not wasting my time. I’m trying to figure out a way to save her.”

“I told you, you can’t save her.”

“You didn’t say I can’t. You only said there will be consequences if I did.”

“Don’t even consider it, ajusshi. You’re not allowed to change her fate.”

“I have to try.”

“With the expense of your life?”

Taemin, surprised by the boy’s words, asked, “What do you mean?”

“If, I’m not saying it will but just in case, with some kind of miracle, she survives, someone else has to die and that person would be you.”

Taemin thought nothing can surprise him anymore. After experiencing time travel first hand, he decided he won’t be surprised if he suddenly sees a person conjuring up fireballs with bare hands, bending spoons with his mind, or even flying. So finding out that he might die in exchange for Jiyeon’s life was not really a shock for him. He expected that much anyway. He realized that if all ends well, it would be too good to be true. Therefore it should be expected that he has to give up something big in exchange.

“Look, kid.”

“Ajushi, you should stop calling me 'kid'. I have a name too you know. It’s Yoogeun.”

“Alright, Yoogeun. So you're saying either she dies or I will?”

“Yes. That's why I'm telling you, you're wasting your time.”

Taemin covered his face with the palm of his hands showing his frustration. Although he expected that much, hearing the words right from someone’s mouth makes things so real and somewhat scary.

There really is no happy ending is there? But that doesn’t matter now, does it? He already resigned himself to not having a happy ending anyway. As long as Jiyeon’s happy he would be too. Even if it means he has to die in the end.

Any doubts he had about making wrong decisions are long gone by now. He’s finally convinced he is doing the right thing. After all doing something right is not always easy. Sometimes it hurts like hell. You’ll cry a few times too. But that doesn’t mean you can just choose the easy way out.

Taemin was determined to avoid Jiyeon at all cost. She can't fall in love with him because if she did and he dies, it will surely break her heart. And he can’t have that.

Jiyeon realized she had never been so confused in her entire life as much as she is right now. She did a lot of thinking last night and yet she still doesn’t have the answers to the questions that had been bothering her. The problem is she couldn’t just ask Taemin about it.

Asking him “Do you like me?” would be embarrassing if the answer is not what she expected. The biggest of all her problems is that she’s falling in love with him more and more with each passing second. And not knowing whether Taemin likes her back is enough to drive her insane. It was hard to tell because Taemin is full of contradictions. One moment he’s acting all nice and the next, so cold.

“I missed you," he said. What does that even mean?

That morning Jiyeon woke up with a splitting headache. Despite being drunk she hardly had enough sleep because she spent the entire night thinking what those words could possibly mean.

“Yuri, if a guy said ‘I missed you’ could that possibly mean he likes you?” she asked Yuri thinking that maybe asking someone about it could help clear her mind.

 “Yah, what kind of question is that? Of course ‘I missed you’ means he missed you. What else would it mean?”

Jiyeon sighed in frustration. Although she made perfect sense, it still didn’t explain why Taemin said those words to her. Why would Taemin miss her like they haven’t seen each other in a long time? Unless they’ve known each other way before which is very unlikely given that the first time they met was just a few months ago.

She wished she’s the type who forgets things when drunk but unfortunately she's not. She can clearly remember everything including the part when she started crying (that was really embarrassing) and when Taemin gave her a hug and comforted her (that felt really good) and when he carried her to bed and he said he missed her.

That last part was really the most confusing of all and she spent the rest of the day cursing Taemin for making her head hurt so much from too much thinking.

Taemin on the other hand wasn’t doing very well either. The SHINee members were enjoying their once in a lifetime day off and since they were not used to having day offs they were bored as hell.

Taemin was lying on the carpeted floor torturing himself with thoughts of Jiyeon being drunk and adorable, and sleepy and pretty all at the same time. He tried to do something else but he always ends up thinking about her until his heart aches from yearning too much.

Minho and Key were fighting over a computer game which they were playing for hours nonstop. They were at the fourth round now and one would think they were so into the game with both of them cursing at each other once in a while. At some point Key called Minho a cheater and they ended the game in a draw with both winning twice.

Jonghyun was playing with his dog, Roo while the leader was reading a book with a title, “The Science of Clumsiness”. The book was probably interesting for the leader so Taemin decided to leave him alone while hoping the book mentioned something about how to cure Jinki’s tendency to be accident prone.

“I’m bored,” Key said after he and Minho finished playing. He can’t think of anything better to do besides sleep and sleeping for 24 hours straight isn’t very appealing.

And then suddenly he had this sudden idea of spending the day at the café with Jiyeon in which everyone agreed except, of course, Taemin. He argued for a while saying they will just be a bother. But Key had a great power of persuasion and in the end Taemin ran out of arguments and he ended up coming along.

Deep inside he wanted it too because after all it would be another day with Jiyeon and every moment with her is precious. Taemin can’t just let the chance pass.

However he also knew he should really stop being selfish. He shouldn’t meet Jiyeon just because his heart was yearning for it. He should stop seeing her again for her sake. That was supposed to be the plan. But then why was he now on his way to meet her again? What happened to his avoid-her-at-all-cost plan which he came up with a few days ago?

Just one more day, his heart argued. Let me be with her for just one more day.

Jiyeon’s head hurts from too much thinking and sleep-deprivation. She forced herself to get up but only to lie back down. Her head doesn't want to cooperate. She had work to do and she had to get out of bed soon or else she will be late.

After twisting and turning and deciding whether to skip work or not, she finally decided to take a quick shower. The answers won’t come to her if she stayed in bed all day. Besides, her headache won’t even let her fall back to sleep. She might as well do something productive.

She took a bath, wore some nice clothes and headed to the cafe without grabbing some breakfast. She didn’t have an appetite anyway.

When she reached the cafe she noticed the "close" sign on the door.  She went inside and noticed the cafe was empty except for the five people who looked as if it was their first time to have the whole day by themselves. Except for Taemin who wears his usual cold look and bored expression, everyone had bright smiles on their faces and seemed to be having a good time.

“Why are there no customers?” she asked Yuri who was busy preparing some food in which Jiyeon assumed meant for those five guys who just decided their café as their favorite hangout. It wasn’t enough having Key visit every day. Now he also had to drag his friends along and Jiyeon is not very sure if she likes it. Key can already be a handful. Now she has to deal with another four celebrities who makes every head turn their way.

“SHINee rented the whole place for a day,” Yuri explained.

“They what??”

Key who heard their conversation decided to answer her question in Yuri’s place. “It's our day off and we rarely get day offs so we decided to have fun with you guys.”

Fun, in Jiyeon’s opinion is totally different from the fun the SHINee members had in mind. Fun for her is not the kind where they have to ride a roller coaster multiple times while praying she would make it to the end of the ride without fainting or throwing up. Just the thought of it fills Jiyeon with dread. She was trying to come up with an excuse to avoid the ride without making herself sound like a coward.

“Uhm, why are we here again?”

“To have fun?” Jiyeon stared at Key as if he was telling her a big joke which she didn’t find funny at all but so as not to make him feel bad she had to force herself to laugh.

“Y-yeah, right. Have fun.” Since they rented the café for a whole day it will not be a problem if they left the store closed for rest of the day. Jonghyun had the crazy idea to go to the amusement park. They were in disguise of course and Jiyeon realized how good they were at it. Looking at them now, one would think they were just some college students skipping class and having fun.

Amusement parks were never her thing. Since she was a child she never enjoyed roller coasters and ferris wheels. She was scared of heights and anything that would lift her up in the air is her enemy. She never rode a plane in her life either.

They were falling in line waiting for their turn and the nearer they get to the ride, Jiyeon’s heart beat twice faster. Taemin who knew about Jiyeon’s fear of heights was aware of her uneasiness. She was smiling but he knew deep inside she was terrified.

He can still remember the time when they rode the Ferris Wheel together. Of course, Jiyeon was so against it but Taemin assured her it will be alright. It took him hours of persuasion and urging before Jiyeon agreed. She only agreed after Taemin promised her he will do anything she asked of him. With the mention of anything Jiyeon finally relented.

All the time she was holding his hand in a really tight grip and her eyes were tightly shut. She was chanting phrases in her head convincing herself that there’s nothing to be scared of.

You’re on the ground. You’re not high up in the air. There’s no reason to be scared.

The wind blew and she could feel their ride swaying. Her heart did a somersault.

You’re not high up in the air. You’re just on a swing. Your feet are just a few inches away from the ground. No reason to be scared at all.

“Open your eyes,” he said.

“If I do, I’ll die.” She knew she’s not making any sense but she was terrified as hell and Taemin wasn’t helping. He was chuckling even and Jiyeon wanted to punch him in the face if only she wasn’t as terrified as she was.

The guy had the nerve to laugh!

You’re on the ground. You’re not… who am I kidding?? I’m going to fall and I’m gonna die! We are both going to die!  Her right hand tightened around his and her other hand was gripping the railings real tight.

“Trust me. Open your eyes,” he said again. Jiyeon wasn’t sure what made her do it. It could be Taemin’s deep voice or it could be his words. But whatever it was it calmed her nerves somehow which was enough to make her open her eyes.

The view was too much for her to take. Her chest feels as if it was being squeezed real tight. It was hard to breathe. She was griping the railing so tight her knuckles turn white. They are high up in the air and the world is beneath them. And they are going to die!

“I won’t let you fall. I promise.” He said when he saw the panic in her eyes. Taemin only knew one thing that could calm her down.

He kissed her long and gentle and with love. Her heart was still beating frantically but now for a completely different reason. Before she knew it, she already let go of the railings and her arms instinctively wrapped itself around his neck. By this time, Jiyeon has already forgotten where she was. Only one thing mattered at that time and that was the sweet taste of Taemin’s lips on top of her own.

“I know what I’m going to ask you now.” She said after they ended the kiss. Jiyeon has already gotten over her fear of heights by then.

“What?” Taemin asked.

“One whole week with you.”

Time. That was one thing she had always wanted. In the end he couldn’t fulfill his promise to her. The incident happened before he could. It was another reason why he was so filled with regrets now. If he knew he would lose her so soon he would have spent an entire year with her. No, he would even have spent a lifetime with her. Without second thoughts it would have been easy to give up his dream for her. She was more important than anything in the world.

Without realizing the thoughts that were going through Taemin’s head, Jiyeon was still thinking of a way to avoid the dreaded ride. The most feasible option she has right now is to admit she was terrified. It’s embarrassing, yes, but without any other choice, she has to do it.

She was about to voice out her thoughts when Taemin suddenly said, “This is boring.” She brightened up when she heard him say, “Roller Coasters are boring. If it isn’t sky diving or paragliding, don’t make me do it.” Then he walked away leaving the rest waiting in line for their turn without really caring about the maknae who was having an unusual mood swings.

Jiyeon who took his words as an opportunity suggested to the rest, “You guys go ahead. I’ll stay with Taemin. He might need company.”

“Are you sure?” Onew asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” It was all she could do not to jump with glee after escaping the dreaded ride. Then she ran towards where Taemin was heading feeling great now that she didn’t have to ride something which she was convinced could be the cause of her death. The probability of dying while riding a roller coaster being too small doesn’t leave the fact that there are people who actually died due to machine malfunction and that was enough to fill Jiyeon with dread.

After running for awhile she finally caught up with Taemin who chose to sit on a bench while waiting for the rest to finish the ride. He had his eyes closed which made Jiyeon thinks he prefers the silence and that he wanted her to do the same.

She tried to imitate him and closed her eyes. Her head was still aching from too little sleep and too much thinking. While massaging her temples, she tried to think of something they could do while they wait. She thought of going to a haunted house but she was worried Taemin might find it as boring as a roller coaster. But she’s really bad with rides and haunted houses are the only thing she could handle. Ghosts scare her too but they are better than roller coasters and Ferris wheel.

She wished Taemin would say something. The awkward silence is too much for her to handle. She opened her eyes then stared at Taemin, frustrated. She feels like an unwanted baggage, someone he was forced to be with. She’s happy that she was able to spend time with him although it was a little bit awkward however she wondered how exactly Taemin feels about being stuck on a bench with her doing nothing but sleep. He still had his eyes closed, his face covered with his hat probably to keep the light away or maybe to cover his face so he won’t be recognized.

“Uhm, Taemin…” she said trying to open up a conversation before the silence completely drives her mad. However before she could finish whatever she was trying to say, Taemin stood up.

“I’m going to the restroom.” He said and without waiting for her answer he left.

Jiyeon stayed where she was feeling awkward and pathetic. Maybe Taemin doesn’t really like her after all. Willingly sustaining injuries after saving her, showing concern when she had to go home in the middle of the night, staying up late when she needed company. All those things he did were just him being naturally nice and might not really mean anything. Maybe Taemin was just being a gentleman. Yes, that could be it.

Taemin came back a few minutes later with two drinks in hand. She gave one to Jiyeon. She took a sip and realized it was a strawberry smoothie, her favorite. She stared at Taemin and wondered if he knew it was her favorite or if it was just pure coincidence.

“Here…” he stretched out his hand and on his palm is a medicine. “For your headache.”

How did he know she was suffering from headache?

Just a few minutes ago she was already convinced Taemin doesn’t feel anything for her, now she is no longer sure of anything once again. The thinking started again, her head throbbing painfully that even the medicine didn’t help much.  Taemin is really a very confusing man.

Taemin likes staring at her, stealing glances at her when she thinks he wasn’t looking, watching the different expressions on her face from annoyance to frustration to simply being adorable. He learned a lot of things about her, things he didn't know before because he didn't have the time to find out. Like how she bites her lips when she’s nervous, how she would rather choose the harder way and force a smile than to admit she was scared, and how she tries to pretend she’s ok when she’s’ not.

If it wasn’t so wrong, he would have done the trick he did at the Ferris wheel. But then he wasn’t in the right place to be doing it. Kissing her would probably earn him a slap in the face at least. So instead, he made an excuse to avoid the ride which he knew Jiyeon would take advantage of. He wasn’t mistaken. After escaping the roller coaster ride, Jiyeon was finally back to her usual cheerful self.

Then Taemin noticed how she massaged her temples and he realized she was having a headache. He made an excuse to go to the restroom so he could buy her the medicine. He dropped by a store and bought a strawberry smoothie along the way because Taemin knew it was her favorite. He decided to spoil her to his heart’s content.

It was going to be the last day anyway.

It was after sunset when they decided to go home. They were walking towards where they parked the car when Jiyeon was still in her deep thoughts. The headache was already gone thanks to the medicine Taemin gave her earlier. She could hear the rest talking about how much fun they had and that they should do it again. Jiyeon was not really paying attention to any of it. Her mind is still trying to come up with answers for the questions that keep popping up in her head everytime Taemin acts so nice to her.

It was a long and a really fun day. Doing something different from her usual daily life could be enjoyable too. Although she only spent the day sitting on a bench eating hotdogs and drinking strawberry smoothie, the fact that she spent it with Taemin made all the difference. Jiyeon couldn’t be any happier, still confused but happy.

They were crossing the street when the traffic light turned red and pedestrians went to a halt. She heard the sound of screeching tires and shouts of people but she was so deep in thought that she didn’t notice a speeding car driving straight to where she stood.

“Jiyeon look out!” She was pretty sure she heard Key shout her name.

When she saw the car moving straight to where she was, only one thought crossed her mind. She’s going to die for sure. It’s different from the feeling of dread with the thought of riding the roller coaster and expecting the ride to break at some point and cause her to land back down at a 60-kph speed and die from the impact. It’s different from the feeling of having to stay up in the air inside a cable car and waiting for the cable to snap and cause them to plunge down on land and die a terrible death. Those moments were full of uncertainties and a lot of possibilities.

But this, waiting for a speeding car to hit you and break every part of your body and kill you, and to actually see the car coming straight at you, without uncertainty, without doubt, it was enough for Jiyeon to stop short and stood frozen  from fear and dread. Even if she wanted to move out of the way, she couldn’t. There is no time to make a step, no time to make a move or even think. She stood there unmoving. She only managed to close her eyes while expecting the impact of the car colliding with her body.

It was a matter of life and death. Jiyeon never felt that kind of fear in her life. Then suddenly she felt her arm being grabbed and her body being dragged to the side of the road.

When she opened her eyes, she saw a broad chest in front of her and felt hands grabbing her shoulders a little too tight. She raised her head and saw Taemin looking more shocked than she is. “Are you ok? Are you hurting anywhere?” he asked unable to hide the anxiousness in his voice.

He turned her sideways and back trying to see if she was injured anywhere. Jiyeon couldn’t do anything but gape at him. She couldn’t say anything. Speech deserted her the moment she experienced that terrifying life and death situation. Her heart was still beating like crazy and she looked pale. She was still shocked. Shocked at what could have happened if Taemin was not able to pull her back to safety and shocked at how worried he was for her.

She felt his arms wrap around her again in a tight hug. “Please don’t scare me like that again,” he whispered and Jiyeon heard the desperate plea in his voice. It puzzled her but she forced herself to nod. Somehow she knew she needed to assure him she was alright. She just had a near death experience and it was scary as hell but surprisingly when Taemin wrapped his arms around her, all her fears disappeared. She was no longer scared.

Taemin let her go the moment Yuri and the rest of SHINee reached their side. “Are you ok, Jiyeon-ah?” Yuri asked and she nodded. She didn’t say anything for fear her voice would sound weird and she ended up stuttering.

They all walk to the car in silence. Out of habit, Taemin took Jiyeon’s hand. He already stopped pretending a long time ago. Although he knew exactly when she was supposed to die and that it would still be years later, it didn’t stop Taemin from feeling terrified. In a blink of an eye he almost lost her again. For Taemin it was the most terrifying moment. He had to hold her hand to assure himself she was fine, that she was right beside him, walking with him, and very much alive.

They took Yuri home first. She gave Jiyeon a hug before getting off the car and leaving Jiyeon in the hands of the five SHINee members who then took her home afterwards.

“Please stay,” she told Taemin who walked her to the door and was about to say goodbye.

Taemin didn’t want to leave and Jiyeon didn’t want to be alone either. They both needed each other and so Taemin decided to stay while the rest of SHINee went back to the dorm.

They didn’t speak a word to each other. It was enough that they were wrapped in each other’s arms while sitting on the couch without caring how fast or slow the time is passing by.

The thing with having a near death experience is that it makes you realize the things you knew you might regret someday if you end up dying without accomplishing them. Jiyeon didn’t want to have any regrets. She didn’t want to die while thinking; I should have done those things when I had the chance.

So with courage she didn’t know she posses, she confessed. “Taemin, I think I love you.”

That’s when Taemin knew he screwed up. She isn’t supposed to fall in love with him. Not now, not ever.