"So, he spent the night?" Kikwang's voice pulled Yoseob out of his thoughts, making him lift his gaze from the magazine he was absent mindedly reading.

"Doojoon? Yeah," Yoseob nodded, patting the space next to him, asking his friend to sit down. Kikwang yawned and fell on the couch, his head now resting on Yoseob's lap.

"I was reading that," Yoseob pointed out before pulling the magazine from under the blond one's head.

"No you weren't," Kikwang simply answered, letting out another small yawn. Yoseob shook his head before traveling his fingers through his best friend's hair.

"Is he still sleeping?" Kikwang asked, sounding now more awake, but still keeping his eyes closed.

"No. He left already. He has to go to see his family," somehow the word 'family' doesn't feel good on Yoseob's tongue, but he's not sure wether it is because of his father being gone or because of Doojoon's father being what he is.

"Didn't you say you'd keep some distance for now? Between you and him, I mean," Kikwang opened his other eye, as if trying to make a point.

Yoseob lets out a small smile, but nods.

"Yeah, but I missed him. And is it really so wrong for me to want to be with him after all this? I mean, he's all I can think about."

Kikwang sighs and gets up, now opening both of his eyes.

"I'm not going to give you any advice Yoseob-ah. But you shouldn't forget what he's done."

"But Kiki it's not his fault. There was a lot of things going on," Yoseob defended, even sounding a little childish. 

"I know. But he could've handled it differently," Kikwang doesn't want to bring Yoseob down, but the facts are what they are.

Yoseob nods, agreeing.

"True. But we're only humans, aren't we? We make mistakes, so I can't hate him for what he did. Especially when I love him so much. I know I might be stupid, but honestly, I feel like I could die for that person, Kiki. Doojoon's perfect with his flaws."

Kikwang's facial expression softens as he gives Yoseob a smile.

"It's good that you love him that much. But you should be careful, okay?"

"I will be. I'll try and figure things out with myself first," Yoseob promised.

"Good. So are you going to see the others today?" 

Yoseob shrugged taking a deep breath.

"I guess I could. I think I'm going to see Junhyung. I feel like a horrible friend since I knew nothing about his past and now he feels like he failed," the brown haired boy sighed.

"I think that's a good idea. Junhyung's been really worried. And so have the others. Just tell them how you feel and then it'll be fine. And remember we're always here," Kikwang bent down and hugged his friend.

Somehow Yoseob feels a lot safer now but also a lot more vulnerable. It's a fact that when you're sad and depressed, failure and mistakes don't feel like that big of a deal.

But when you're happy or even content with your life, those things hit you a lot harder.

"I think I'll just text Junnie to meet me at the café down the street," Yoseob let go of Kikwang and got up from the couch.

"Then I'll just go out with Dongwoon. After that I'll go to classes, so I'll be back by six," Kikwang informed.

"Oh right. Hyung might have classes," Yoseob pouted as he realised that even though he had been granted a few days off, it doesn't mean that everyone had.

"Oh, no. Junhyung took a day off too. Just for you, if you needed anything," Kikwang said with a smile before disappearing in to his room.

The guilt started to creep back in to Yoseob's mind as he heard Kikwang's words, but he pushed them away. All of his friends said that they didn't blame him, so he shouldn't take it like that.

He retrieved his phone from the table and walked to his room, sitting down on the still unmade bed. He sent the text quickly, also adding a small apology in the end, for making Junhyung worry over him.

Yoseob gathered his keys, wallet and phone in his pockets, guessing that Junhyung would be able to make it, since he had the day off.

Before he left the room, he threw one last glance to the bed and let a small smile make its way to his lips.

They hadn't done anything, just cuddled. Doojoon had been whispering all kinds of sweet things in to Yoseob's ear, until he fell asleep.

It had been very comforting and Yoseob had felt a lot better, not so empty.

In the morning Doojoon had woken Yoseob up to tell him that he needed to go. Yoseob had cuddled to him tighter, not willing to let the older go.

They had playfully bickered about it and Doojoon had promised to call him later that day, and Yoseob let him get out of the bed.

It wasn't anything special, but that's exactly what Yoseob wanted.

Simple.

Unfortunately, his life was anything but that right now.

"I'm going Kiki," Yoseob shouted just as he reiceived a message from Junhyung, saying that he's already there.

****

Yoseob saw his best friend sitting in the corner with his reading glasses even before he opened the door to the café. 

The glasses made him smile, since those exact glasses were the reason Junhyung had always been teased about by Doojoon.

With the bell ringing he opened the door and made his way to the table.

"Didn't take you that long this time," Junhyung closed the book and smiled up to Yoseob, who retuned the gesture.

"Are you okay?" was the next question falling from the older's lips. It doesn't really surprise Yoseob, he's been hearing that question all the time.

"Yes, I'm fine," he anwered, finally sitting down and ordering himself a breakfast. Doojoon had offered to make him one, but Yoseob had thought that it would be better if the other just went straight away to see his family.

The brown haired boy can't stop himself from thinking about the consequences if Doojoon's father finds out about them still being as close as they are.

"Have you heard of your mother?" 

"Yeah, actually. She called last night before I went to bed. She found an apartment from Seoul. It's not that far away from SUA either," Yoseob explained with a smile.

His mother had wanted a new start, which Yoseob understood very well, so she had been quick to look for a new place to live.

And even though his mother is moving to Seoul, his father will be buried to Yoseob's home town.

"That's good. Is she fine with all the funeral arrangements? Not just emotionally but financially too," Junhyung seemed wary, when he asked the question, probably testing the ice.

Yoseob gives the older a sad smile before answering;

"Turns out, my father had saved up a rather big amount of money. Mom can afford to give him a real big funeral if she wants to, and still have the money to pay for my studies and her apartment. And there's still money left to spend - a lot," Yoseob spoke slowly, not really knowing what to think about it himself.

These thoughts were revolving around his head earlier too, before Kikwang had interrupted him.

"Wow. So you're not poor at all then," Junhyung stated, seeming a bit dumbfounded. 

Yoseob nodded and then continued;

"Yeah. Emotionally she's struggling, I'm sure. It's got to be hard and I wish I could help her, but she won't let me. My father's sister is helping her though.

I can't even imagine what it feels like to bury your other half."

Junhyung was supposed to keep quiet, but in the end he opened his mouth anyways.

"Doojoon almost had to."

A heavy silence fell upon them.

Yoseob knew it would be hard for his friends to suddenly understand all that's been going on, because it's hard for him too.

But he doesn't know what he should say to them. How could he explain why he actually tried to kill himself? How could he explain how sorry he really is? 

"I know. And I'm really sorry, so sorry," Yoseob whispered, simply being at loss with words. He already regrets his actions, because his main goal was always to save his friends from pain.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm not blaming you. I'm just-- I'm confused. Because I had no idea how you were feeling," Junhyung spoke hastily, his voice giving out the p