Cold wind blew on the face of a boy who was sitting on a bench. His eyes were closed and his face was expressionless. His hand was hurting but he had gotten used to it a long time ago.

Yoseob breathed out opening his eyes.

It was quiet but it wasn't any wonder. After all the clock was wat past 8pm. It was very usual day for him. His friends were somewhere, Junhyung and Hyunseung probably doing couple stuff with Kikwang and Dongwoon. 

And so he was alone.

It had bee almost three weeks since the first time Yoseob felt like he was completely alone. Since he started cutting. It had been hard at times but slowly he felt himself emptying.

There was no pain anymore but then again there was neither happiness, effort or zest for life. It was all going away slowly but surely.

Suddenly the light brown haired boy felt his pocket buzzing. He took his phone and answered it.

"Hello, appa." 

"Hello. How are you? Have you been studying?

"Neh. I'm fine. How's omma?"

"She's good. Christmas is here soon. Are you coming home?"

"I guess so."

"Good. Son, remember to study. We want you to do well in school, arasseo?" 

"Neh, appa. Say hello to omma. I have to go now. Bye."

Yoseob sighed as he put his phone away. It was always like this. His parents would call and only ask about his school success. He would have been tired if he'd be able to feel things like that.

Even though most of the feelings he used to feel were gone now, he still remembered how they felt. At times he still opened his mind for the memories.

And at other times not. Like when he saw Doojoon and Gayoon together or when he talked to Gayoon who just went on and on about Doojoon. 

Those times tested him. 

But even though it was painful to be like this, he had noticed that it's thousand times easier than to be happy at times and then just come tumbling down everytime he saw Gayoon or Doojoon.

So much more easier.

****

"I can't do this.. I'm too tired." Yoseob whined as he tried to study for his geography test. But it wasn't going well at all. 

"You can do it. I know it's hard Seobie, but you can do it." Doojoon smiled and caressed his boyfriend's back lovingly. The younger one only whined some more.

"I'm tired Doojoonie. I'm tired because of everything. I haven't had time to sing or anything." 

Doojoon sighed and hugged Yoseob. 

"I'm sorry I can't do anything for you." 

Yoseob shook his head.

"No. It's more than enough that you're here with me. I can't even imagine if I had to be all alone. Thank you yeobo." The younger smiled and placed a small kiss on Doojoon's lips.

The black haired boy smiled and patted his boyfriend's head.

"I'm always here for you, Seobie. Always." 

****

"Liar." Yoseob whispered to himself. 

He was about to get up from the bench when someone sat beside him. "Hi! Haven't seen you in a while." It was Gayoon with her cheerful voice. Yoseob smiled a bit.

"Hi Gayoon. I've been kinda busy."

"I see that. Are you okay? I heard our math teacher scold you earlier today." Gayoon seemed to be sincerely worried but Yoseob couldn't really appreciate it.

"Yeah I'm fine. Math has already been a though subject for me. You can ask from Doojoon." Yoseob said those words without really thinking about it. But it's not like there's something to lose for him.

"Eh?"

"When I was a freshman he helped me with one of my tests." the boy explained.

"Oh, well that's how Doojoon is, right? Always helping the others." Gayoon smiled brightly, so brightly that Yoseob wanted to puke.

"Gayoon."

Both of them turned their heads to the direction where the voice was heard.

"Doojoon! Why are you here?" Gayoon squealed and got up to hug his boyfriend.

Doojoon gazed Yoseob who was only staring in front of himself, ignoring the couple. He hadn't talked to the younger one in ages. But he couldn't get over the fact that something had changed in the boy.

He still saw the look on his face when they performed with Gayoon. It was cold.

And there it was again. Almost the same look.

"I needed to ask you something. Would you like to spend your Christmas at my house?" Doojoon held Gayoon's hand forcing his gaze away from Yoseob.

Gayoon started squealing and jumping.

Yoseob tried his best to keep his face up and not to get mad. He had always wanted to spend the holidays with Doojoon but it was impossible, obviousl