The first thing he knew when he opened his eyes, was that he wasn't supposed to open his eyes. 

Not now, not ever.

It took only few seconds for him to figure out where he was and what had happened;

someone had found him.

Yoseob sighed, shutting his eyes tight, thinking that maybe this was all a dream or that maybe this was heaven. But it was just wishful thinking, because he knew, he knew that the pain he felt on his wrists and on his neck, was very real.

Also the emotional pain was still very much present.

His eyes felt watery, so he wiped them.

He wasn't supposed to be here. The point of escaping Lee Joon and his own mother was to get away from here, to let go. Because why would he want to live in a world like this? 

Yoseob wondered what had happened after he had fainted, who had found him and if his friends knew yet.

His throat felt dry, but he was too tired to get up.

A knock on the door, made him lose his track of thoughts though.

The door opened before he said anything and in walked a very much zombie looking like Lee Joon. His eyes went wide as soon as they landed on the boy lying in the bed though.

"You're awake. Oh, thank god you're awake," it was more like a broken sob than a proper sentence, but Yoseob understood the words.

The red haired boy fell on the chair placed next to Yoseob's bed, and his cheeks were already wet from tears.

Before Yoseob could say anything - not that he knew what he should say - Lee Joon pressed the button next to Yoseob's bed, calling a doctor.

Not even half a minute later, a man in a white coat walked in.

"Hello, Yoseob. I'm doctor Choi. How are you feeling?" the man had a nice voice and Yoseob really didn't want to be a bother, so he just answered, even though his throat was super dry.

"I-'Im alright. The cuts- they're hurting a little, but otherwise I feel good."

Doctor Choi nodded and then just made some routine check-up, before telling Yoseob that he'd be released the next morning, they had to keep him under suicide watch, and they'd sent someone to talk to Yoseob about his thoughts.

Once the doctor was out, Lee Joon opened his mouth;

"Why? I mean, you were going through some rough things but Yoseob, you were feeling better already and--" Lee Joon couldn't continue due to his tears.

And it stings in Yoseob's heart when he sees his best friend like this and he's afraid to see the others, because they'll probably be even worse.

Yoseob knows he hurt so many people by his actions, but it doesn't change the fact how he feels.

"It would've been for the best. Who ever saved me, shouldn't have done it," Yoseob said, turning to look at his hands, not wanting to face Lee Joon.

But when the older says nothing in a while, Yoseob turns to look at him, only to see him crying silently.

"..It was me. I saved you," Lee Joon's voice is barely a whisper, but to Yoseob it sounds like someone's shouting in an empty room.

His eyes widen a bit, but he composes himself quickly.

"You shouldn't have done that, Joon," he repeats himself, not really knowing how he's able to hurt his friend like this.

Wasn't it the point in not telling his friends he was hurting himself? To not hurt the others?

"How can you say that?" Lee Joon's voice was louder this time and it almost startles Yoseob.

"How can you say that? After everything! I ing love you and you tell me, that I should've let you die. This is not you, Yoseob, this empty shell, this isn't you. I've seen so much more and I don't think I've even seen the real you. So stop lying to yourself and face the difficulties. There is people for you, you just got to let us in," Lee Joon's still crying, but his words were strong.

Yoseob wouldn't face him, because he knew he might give up on everything. And he's made up his mind now; he wants to get out of this world.

It's quiet when Yoseob's mother comes in.

Lee Joon excuses himself, giving Yoseob one last look, leaving the two alone.

The red haired boy closes the door after him and starts walking towards the cafe. He can't believe Yoseob really wants to die. The younger had never said a word about wanting to die.

Though he hadn't talked much about anything to Lee Joon.

But he knows that Yoseob's father's death was one thing to trigger this all. And the other reason, Yoon ing Doojoon. Lee joon had noticed the love bites on Yoseob's neck a lot earlier, but didn't want to comment on them.

But there's no way Doojoon had nothing to do with Yoseob's condition.

"Oi. Lee Joon, where's Yoseob's room?"

The devil as we speak.

"Not gonna tell you," there's venom in Lee Joon's voice as he crosses his arms on his chest. Doojoon furrows his eyebrows in cofusion.

He's tired and really wants to see Yoseob, to explain, to apologize. Last night when they tried to get in, the nurses said that they weren't allowed, because visiting hours were over and Mr. Yang was not a relative.

And so they stayed up all night, just for Doojoon to get a panicked call from Mrs. Yang, asking if they knew where Yoseob was. That was when they heard about Yoseob's father's death. 

And Doojoon went to look for Yoseob, he did, but he didn't even dare to think about the worst. And it was probably due to the shock that he didn't even think about checking Yoseob's dorm, but somehow he just didn't.

"What do you mean? I want to see him," Doojoon demanded but Lee Joon just shook his head.

"It's all your fault. You played him, got him to trust in you again and then betrayed that trust like it was not worth a dime. What's wrong with you? Did you know what he had been going through because of you in the first place?" Lee Joon's tone was accusing.

"Yes I knew, but he was doing so much better. And you know that too. I never wanted to hurt him, never. If you think I don't know I'm an idiot, then you're wrong. Because I do, and I'll never forgive myself for what I've done. I love him and I want to speak with him," Doojoon was talking rapidly, desperate to see Yoseob.

"None of that matters to me. Because it was me, who sat next to him all night, it was me who found him covered in blood with tear stained cheeks. It was me, who had to see that, and I love him too. So stay away from him, he doesn't need to see you," Lee Joon was angry, really angry.

How could Yoseob let this guy in?

"I need to see him. I know him. Is he alone in there? Because if he is, he's looking for the first sharp object that he can lay his fingers on. He's just going to try again, let me see him," Doojoon spoke firmly, but Lee Joon didn't want to let the guy through.

"You know, before he got the call about his father, he talked to me about you. I was trying to tell him that I'm better for him, but he just insisted that you're the one for him, that he can't get away from you. And that you're the guy he's willing to take the risks for. Such a waste," the red haired boy muttered the last part, but Doojoon felt already like he'd been beaten down.

But at the same time, he wanted to get through to Yoseob, because he knew that if someone would, then him.

"You two, you're horrible. You act like this is all about you, but what about us? We never even knew Yoseob was struggling with something like depression," it was Hyunseung who spat out these words.

The beauty had been crying alongside with Kikwang all night, not able to sleep a blink of an eye.