Kei-chan was in the basement reading from his secret collection of shojo manga. He was at a very beautiful moment when the heroine and hero finally got together after so long. He sniffed and wiped at his eyes.

Baka! He said to himself, why are you such a crybaby!?

It’s not bad to be a crybaby, his other side reasoned, it means you’re sensitive. Girls always like guys who are sensitive.

Yeah you keep telling yourself that.

I will. Hmph!

His internal argument was interrupted by the front door slamming open and footsteps on the tiled kitchen floor above. Dropping his manga, Kei-chan stared wildly at anything he could use for a weapon against this intruder.

Okaa-san always called out, “Hello honey-pumpkin, key of my heart, I’m home!” Yes, it was embarrassing, but at least it was her trademark. Since no one was calling that, or saying who they were, that left only one conclusion. A crazy fan. Somehow she had gotten hold of his address and managed to sneak in here!! But how did she know he was even home? He scrambled to the closet and grabbed a football helmet. It was a little small, but he managed to jam it on his head. His loose sweater hopefully wouldn’t snag on anything. Then he reached for a metal baseball bat. Of course he wasn’t really going to hurt anyone with the bat, but it would probably make her hesitate just long enough for him to get away. He would never hit a girl, no matter how crazy and obsessed she was.

Sneaking up the stairs, he heard shuffling as the fridge was opened and shut.

No! The crazy fan is going after my brussel sprouts! Nobody gets my brussel sprouts! Not even a crazy fan!

Jumping from around the corner, baseball bat raised, Kei-chan sounded the war cry, “GET AWAY FROM MY BRUSSEL SPROUTS YOU CRAZY FAN!!”