With his eyes still wet with his tears, Kangin rekindled his story just a few years back.

Everyone was trying to comfort each other when Kangin suddenly told his story, suddenly there was silence and only Kangin’s husky voice can be heard.

“My mom got pregnant of me at very young age, she was then 15 years old. She didn’t know what to do with her baby so she decided to give me to foster care. The nun who took care of me had always said that my mom had no other choice but she had promised that she would return and take me back. Years have passed and my mother didn’t show up, no one even wanted to adopt me as well. On my 6^th birthday 2 old folks came to the orphanage and said that they were my grandparents. I was so excited because finally I‘ll be able to meet my mother.  When I approached them, all they were able to say was that they were sorry that it took them so long to pick me up. I guess it was ok then, all I can remember was that, at least my mom will be home waiting for my arrival. I can still remember picturing how she would look like, I’ll ask him what happened to my father and how come she didn’t come back to get me. I asked my grandparent for us to immediately go home. But being in an orphanage it has not been easy, there were paper works to work on and stuff.

In a matter of 2 months I was finally release and it was the day before my 7^th birthday. I was so excited. I immediate said to my grandparents that I wanted to see mom, my grandmother’s face immediately change so I didn’t ask again, she just told me that I would see her soon. She is just away for a vacation. So I thought to myself it was ok.

On my birthday my grandparents gave me a welcome party and introduced me to my relatives, I was so happy and yet sad because my mom was still not there. After several months I grew tired of waiting and I became so anxious that I always had a tantrum. Before Christmas my grandparents finally told me that, we need to go out of town to meet up with my mother. Again as a kid growing up without parents I was again excited. We were driving and I saw the meadow on our way to my mom, it was so beautiful. When we arrive at the house where were supposed to meet my mom all I saw was white. My grandmother for some reason broke into tears and said that she’s not going to come with us. But grandfather said that it’s ok and it would be best for her to stay in the car. I hopped out the car and run to the grass, it was so peaceful there. We went and met up with a lady in white, my grandfather had a conversation with her and all I can see was my grandfather’s sad reaction. Then he said ’Kangin your mother is waiting just don’t be mad if she doesn’t recognize you, it has been a while.’ I just nodded and immediately followed the nice looking lady.

When I saw my mom she was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She was just staring at the window looking at the trees outside. ‘You have a visitor.’ The nurse said.  She just looked at me and smiled. I was becoming mad because she didn’t even ask who I am; she just once again stared outside. When I finally had the courage to approach her she asked, ‘Who are you, have we met? Did you bring me anything?’ I was shocked but still, seeing her for the first time, I just smiled and hugged her tightly. ‘What a sweet boy she said.’ Tears now falling from my eyes. I am getting frustrated, I tried to talk to her but she just kept on smiling, I guess my grandfather saw me and said that it’s ok, I’ll explain to you everything later, just hold her hand. So I did. My mom held mine so tight that I can’t hold back my tears.

After an hour or two, my grandfather said it’s time for us to go and that we will come back some other day. I didn’t want to leave but my mom said that she also wanted to rest. So I just kissed her cheek and bid her goodbye. When I was about to exit the door, she asked, ‘what’s your name again?’ ‘Kangin’ I said. ‘Visit me again some time and bring me something nice, you remind me of my son, well, he is gone now, I think he is about your age.’ My grandfather was shocked at her statement, he cried, and I didn’t have any clue why. ‘Yes I will’ that is all I said to my mom right before I got out of the room.  On our way home, my grandfather told me that my mother was suffering from memory lost and that she is losing all of her memory bit by bit. She was not able to accept the fact that my father had a family and that he left her alone. My grandparents didn’t even knew that I existed only until they have read her diary. I didn’t understand it at that time but I know it was a bad thing. I just told them that I wanted to see her again and I know that she would recognize who I am. They were so understanding, that they allowed me to visit 2 or 3 times a week.

Christmas day I am 10 years old now, we visited my mother and I brought her a gift I drew a picture of me, granpa and ma, and her on our front porch. She was so delighted when she saw it. I noticed that she is becoming thinner each time I see her. I asked if she has been eating well, she said that she was but the nurse told us she was not. She was not even taking her medication. But all she was asking them was, when I am coming back. These words brought tears to my eyes. She said that she was sol glad that she had known me and that she treated me as her son each time I visit. Hours past and it was once again time for us to go home. I said I’ll be back before the year ends and she said that she’ll be waiting. When I met my grandmother, she was sobbing because that doctor’s told her that my mom’s getting worst.

On New Year’s Eve we decided that we will stay at the center and be with my mom to welcome the New Year. We were all hoping for a better year. It was a night of happiness; my mom was all smiles that night. We were all in the room and was about to leave around 2 in the morning. We were all heading out and I was already at the door when my mom said, ‘Kangin, son I am sorry that I left you, I didn’t have a choice, I tried to get you but I was so scared that you will be mad at me. I love you so much and you are the reason that I am still here.’ We were all shocked; none of us were expecting it. We all thought that her memories are coming back and that a miracle has finally happened. I just kissed her forehead with my eyes filled with tears and said ‘I love you too mom’. The doctors let me sleep at her room that night. Around 9 in the morning I woke up and saw my mom by the window, staring blankly, I approached her and asked how she was doing. I was taken aback by her response, ‘I am good, but who are you?’ I called out for a doctor and they said that last night was a miracle but her condition is still the same. I stayed the whole day with her, until finally my grandparents took me home. Before I left she again said, ‘I love you Kangin, my son’. It has been like that for the next 2 months, she would always recognize who I am by the time that I was about to leave.

On Valentine’s Day, we visited her and I brought her flowers and chocolates, but grandfather told me that we were not going to the center and that we are going some place else. I just thought may be my mom was moved to a different house. In my surprise, we were on our way to the hospital, I saw my mom on the bed, with a needles on her hands. She woke up and said, ‘Kangin, I was waiting for you, I am sorry and I love you so much.’ Those were the words that my mom told me. I just said, ‘Rest everything will be better when you wake up and I love you too mom always and forever’. She never did wake up. I was so mad at myself. Why did I let her sleep, why didn’t I talked to her some more. No words can make me forgive myself. Until I met you guys, Siwon told me that it was no one else’s fault and that it was just her time. Sungmin also made me realize that it was not for me to decide for her to live or die, I just need to be thankful that she was able to tell me that she loves and I was also able to her so. But the strongest words came from Leeteuk, he said that, each one of us has a purpose in life, my mom’s was to bring me to the world and to bring joy to my grandparents, he said that wherever she is right now, she is always watching over me and that her love will always be with me. I guess, I act tough most of the times because I never want anybody to see this side of me.”

“It’s not a weakness bro, it only shows you are human. I never heard this story of yours before. I guess this would explain a lot.” Ryeowook uttered.

“We love you bro, we are brothers and no one will ever change that.” Added Donghae.