Who, seriously, would have the idea to go see her own grave? Well Minha did. She had this morbid curiosity to see how it looked like. When she asked Donghae to drive her there, he was surprised at first but in the end he understood her weird need.

They were in the car going to the cemetery. Minha rolled down the window and inhaled the warm spring wind. It was the first time she left the dorms since she got to school, the first time she went anywhere other than her house and the hospital. So it was liberating to feel the wind on her face again. Donghae was looking at her at the corner of the eye, smiling. It was sweet to be like this. It was almost as if the air was different. New lights, new smells, everything seemed changed but at the same time so familiar.

After a few minutes they finally arrived before the cemetery’s gates. They got out of the car and Donghae turned to her.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?”

“Yes. I mean how many people can boast about seen their own grave? It’s a pity I couldn’t attend my funeral, it must’ve been fun.” she winked at her brother.

Donghae frowned.

“Ha… Ha… Ha… Hilarious.”

She stocked her tongue at him and with a smile he took her hand in his to guide her through the grave stones. Finally they were in front of the stone harboring her name on it. It was weird to see your own name in a cold stone… She let go of her brother’s hand and kneeled in front of it. Softly she started tracing the outline of her name with her fingers, but still it didn’t make it more real. It seemed like another person… And in one way it was. Who was she exactly? Was she that person with her memories from 4 years ago? Or the person she forgot, that was born after the accident? So confusing… And yet she felt abnormally normal and serein about all that.

“Hey stranger…” she whispered to the wind.

That’s when she noticed that her grave was very clean and a bouquet of flowers was lying on it. She turned to Donghae.

“Is that you?”

He shook his head.

“Last time I came here was last Christmas and Mom and dad only come here once a year…”

She turned to the flowers again. In it there were some lilies, the flowers of the dead, mixed with orchids and narcissus. It was her favorite flowers, that at least she could remember, and the colors were beautiful.

“I think I know who the bouquet is from…” said Donghae suddenly.

She turned curious to him. He hesitated for a second before answering her.

“Leeteuk-hyung…”

“Who?”

“Hyuk’s brother.”

Why the hell would Eunhyuk’s brother leave flowers on her grave? That made no sense.

“Do I know him?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if he left flowers, it’s because he know me, doesn’t he? Not only because he is Hyukkie’s hyung.”

 Again Donghae bit his lip and she understood that her brother was trying to protect her, but she needed to know. She got up and went to hug Donghae. The boy was taken aback, but eventually hugged her back.

“I know what you’re trying to do, and I’m thankful for it.” she let him go and dove her eyes in his. “But I want to have my memories back, I really do.”

“You will, just be a little patient.”

She nodded.

“Ok, let’s go back now.”

A few minutes later she was sitting in the car next to Donghae again, watching the dark landscape scroll through the window. Hae turned the radio on, the first violin notes started, leaving Minha lulled by the calm melody of the song. It was like time remained suspended, as if nothing could disturb the night. Fields, trees half illuminated by electric poles, roads lit by the light of the moon, and the sky, the sky so beautiful and captivating. A black ink mingled with azure blue dotted with bright stars adorning like a glistening coat. Some fragmented clouds walked past the moon as silk that would slip on untroubled waters. Twilight was Minha’s favorite time, when the world was suspended between night and day, before the night won the battle. It is believed that because of the darkness we can’t see anything, we can’t do anything, but the night had its own life and this shaded world was as beautiful as the day illuminated by the warm sun. Minha could’ve stayed here forever. She wished that her brother continued driving without worrying about where they were going and that they continue their journey endlessly. When the girl sighed, Hae turned to her.

“Are you tired?”

“A little.”

“Rest, we have some minutes left before we get to the dorms.”

She agreed and closed her eyes, getting comfortable on her seat. Not even a few seconds after she closed her eyes she fell into a foggy sleep.

***

Night was falling and it started to get cold all around her. Despite this she didn’t regret her choice to walk home; it allowed herself to breathe. She often had that strange feeling of suffocation, as if suddenly someone emptied all the air in her lungs and like her heart was being crushed by someone’s hand… She really didn’t understand why she had these sensations all of a sudden, but it was there and she figured it must have something to do with her past accident.

It was not yet completely dark. A dark blue filled the winter sky. That was when, without warning, a little white thing fell from the sky and landed on her nose, before melting instantly. She stopped straight, in the middle of the sidewalk. She stared at the sky, hopefully wishing and impatiently waiting… Then it appeared one by one, and in no time it was falling from everywhere.  Gradually everything around her turned white. It was snowing! She loved snow, and was always like a little kid before Christmas when she saw it. She started turning around