JiYong POV

“Please come this way”

I was pushed and pulled here and there through all the airport and I let them do it. I was totally lost in my world and all I could do was adjust the sunglasses in order to not let them see my puffy and red eyes.

No. I didn’t cry if that’s what you’re thinking. I smoked and drank. That’s what I did. After the call with Seungri ended the other day I just wanted to be alone but Kiko kept asking me what was wrong and why was I packing. I ended up yelling her to let me be. I scared her and she didn’t deserve it. After that, all I can remember are bottles of wine and cigarettes.

“Enter the car”

I bent my head a little and got in. The welcoming silence and coziness of the car played a huge role on relaxing my nerves. The tension I kept feeling through all the flight back to Seoul lessened a little and I allowed myself to take a deep breath. I took out my phone as soon as the car started to move and my fingers naturally moved on the screen to open the kakaotalk chat with my best friend.

Ji: “I’m back”

I pressed “Send” and then waited, looking out of the window. I had mixed feelings towards Youngbae. All of that wouldn’t have happened if that night he hadn’t showed Seungri the news about his video to Kiko. But then, he helped me figuring out what to do.

My phone vibrated.

YB: “Practice room. I’ll be there asap. Still at the hospital”

I frowned. This was the other reason for my new mixed feelings towards Youngbae. Since the morning after my talk with Seungri he started to act different towards the maknae. He was always affectionate but he knew that he couldn’t cross the line. That maknae was mine.

I tightened the grip on my phone when I realized that I used the past tense myself. Was. I threw him away and I had to force myself to do it. Reading Seungri’s pain in his eyes while I was saying how much I love Kiko was one of the most hurting things I’ve ever done in my life. Hearing him smashing something on the wall as if he wanted to let me know how his heart was feeling almost made me fall on the floor.

I came back to the apartment the day before my leave to Paris. I didn’t even know why. I knew he wasn’t at home. I just needed to be there, to feel his presence and his essence in the house…that big loft where we shared so many memories. I remember how my heart started racing the moment I found the key under the doormat and the creepy sound the door did when I opened it. I walked towards the living room fighting the tears that were trying to escape my eyes. It was a mess. There were things scattered on the floor everywhere: books, cds, clothes (I recognized one of my hoodies). Almost three weeks were passed, how could had Seungri lived like this for all that time? When I finally reached the living room I froze. If the other rooms were a mess, the living room was way too tidy. There wasn’t a thing out of place as if no one had stepped in in a long time. I took baby steps in, looking around. I couldn’t figure out what was in front of me…then I saw it.

The panda jewel I had gifted him two Christmas ago was on the floor, broken. My legs gave in and I fell on the floor in front of the broken crystal. So it was this what he had threw on the wall.  I started crying and then I didn’t stop for so long.

I stopped only when my phone started ringing surprising me. My manager was looking for me, I needed to attend something. I needed to be G Dragon, YG golden boy. I needed to stay true to my decision. So I gathered the broken pieces of my heart and of the broken panda, and left.

The car stopped in front of the YG building and I jumped, a little surprised. I was lost in my memories for almost 20 minutes without even noticing it. I got out and walked in the building, unnoticed. I reached the elevator and pushed the button waiting for it to arrive. When the door opened I got in and pushed the button of the right floor. The doors were almost closed when a foot stepped between them and they opened again showing Youngbae figure.

“Hey” I said, surprised myself at how cold my voice sounded.

He looked at me for a long time, like he was pondering if he should just take the next ride. Then he shrugged and got in without greeting. We stayed in silence for a while then he broke it.

“Let him go” his voice had nothing of his past friendly tone.

My fist tightened and I could feel my nails piercing the skin. But I didn’t answer.

“You’re just hurting him” Youngbae, apparently, wasn’t done yet “I guess you saw his apartment…” I looked at him, shocked. How did he know!? “He’s broken, Ji, and it’s your fault” his anger was now clearly hearable and he turned towards his best friend stopping the elevator to gain some time “Seriously what were you thinking when you bought that ing jewel?” now even my other fist was tightly clenched “Why don’t you just stay true to your decision!? Why don’t you just stop giving him false hopes!?” Youngbae was practically yelling at him. For a moment there was silence again. Then my mouth spoke on his own.

“You’re asking my permission to come on to him?”

I saw a flash of guilt in his eyes, then boldness “I don’t need your permission” he hissed and my anger just explode. But I’m not the type who yells.

“He will never be yours” I said deadly serious “And you know that. He will never be of anyone else beside me” god it sounded so right “What I decided to do is not your business, Youngbae, stay beside him like a normal hyung would do and don’t try anything because I will know…yes” I said with a scary smile after watching his surprised look “I will know if you try to hit on him and you know how y I can be when someone touch him”

“You left him” he said after regaining his composure. I have to admit that Youngbae and I were best friends for all this time because he has never failed to fight me back. Other people just try to stay on my good side but Youngbae always said what was on his mind when he thought I was wrong.

“I did what I did because I had to” I said and I let him hear the pain I was feeling because of it. Yes, I was angry at him and jealous because finally he had admit his feelings for the maknae, but I needed him to understand that mine weren’t gone. That I need him to protect Seungri like he has always done. Together with Top and Daesung “Not because I wanted to”

His eyes didn’t change “And this is stupid enough”

I looked at him surprised but he cut my response by reactivating the elevator. When the doors opened he get off and I, dumbfounded, just followed him. We entered the practice room were Daesung and Top were waiting for us and they greet us. I smiled at them but my mind was still on Youngbae words. I went to change my clothes keeping thinking and thinking.

“You two can’t just stop thinking”

I jumped and turned towards Top who was now leaning on the wall beside the door.

“You and Seungri” he said in response at my confused look “You just keep thinking and thinking over and over again”

I smiled, softly, lovingly at the thought of Seungri pouting while thinking hard. Top chuckled and I looked at him.

“Seriously, Ji, you really are a hopeless idiot sometimes”

“Yah…” I said but smiled “How…” I started and his gaze sparkled amused at my own drama “How’s he?”

“He’s a fighter”

I smiled again but said nothing.

“And he misses you” I frowned and turned my back to finish changing my clothes and to not let him see my face. “Ji, a leader can be worried for one of s” he was giving me a life jacket, an excuse.

“I can’t draw the line if I fool myself with this kind of thoughts” I answered back.

“No one asked you to draw that line either”

I cursed “You can’t understand”

“No I can’t…Because there’s nothing to understand”

I heard him left and when the door was closed again I released my frustration on the locker, punching it. I tried to calm myself and to block Top words before they could reach and start to crack the chain around my heart. I breathed deeply a few times. In and out. In and out. In and out.
When I felt calm enough I reached the door and joined my other members for practice. But truth is, I just pretended not to hear the noise that one of the locks that close the chains did when it opened. 

Annyo!

new weekend update! 

It's Ji pov because after watching BB performance at the closing ceremony of the Asian Game i thought there was something wrong with Ji (and nope...i'm not talking about his new hair) Something was off with his voice, idk. Maybe i'm startint to imagine things because i want so badly to see some reaction in him. 

Well, i really hope too that this Ji POV will help you to understand that in my story Ji really still cares for Ri and that he did what he did because of some twisted reasons of his own. 
 

Tell me what you think! And omg you guys are incredible 72 subscribers ç_ç I'm touched, really ç_ç Love you <3 

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE YOU'RE SHOWING TO MY FF! I'M REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY THANKFUL AND TOUCHED.