When we arrived at Bae’s apartment, I already had four texts from JiYong. They were all on the line of “Are you home?” and “Is everything fine?”. Knowing he would made a fuss if I didn’t answer I texted him back, quickly.

I’m at Bae’s. Everything’s fine. Don’t worry.

“Ji?” Bae’s voice startled me. I didn’t notice him coming into the guest room.

“Yeah…he keeps texting”

He laid on the bed beside me “Have you told him you’re here?”

“Was about to” I didn’t press send, yet.

“You think is wise?”

“No but it’s even less wise to lie so…” I shrugged while sending the text and he smiled.

“Aigo our maknae has grown well” he ruffled my hair and I whined, annoyed.

“Hyuuuung”

He laughed and started tickling me. What started after could be described only as WAR. We literally started a pillow fight at the great age of 25 and 28. Mature of us, really. But it was so much fun. When both of us were finally able to throw each other’s pillows on the other side of the room, we actually started tickling each other, teasing the weak spots and engaging a friendly soft box match. After 5 minutes we were exhausted and called for a truce. I collapsed on the bed, breathing hard, and was soon followed by Bae who kept trying to contain his laughers.

“Ah…that was fun” I said rolling on my side to face him

“We should do it more often”

“Maybe at TOP hyung’s house. He would join us”

“Definitely”

We chuckled and then he his side too. He looked at me for some time and smiled warmly; I felt the usual wave of serenity washing over me and a spontaneous smile stretching my lips. It was so comfortable around Bae. Even though in front of cameras he teases me as much as JiYong, off camera he’s much more relaxed. For a moment I wondered what could have been of our relationship if I wasn’t that in love with his best friend. I knew Bae would have been a great boyfriend and partner. I envy his current girlfriend. She can depend on a righteous, loyal and trustworthy man who knows what’s important in life. He can be wrong, of course, but he can also admit his faults much more than many others.
Without thinking, I searched his hand with mine and intertwined our fingers together. It felt different from JiYong’s long and thin hands. Bae’s were shorter and thicker but they felt safe like his whole persona. Those were the hands that had wiped my tears more often than I would like to admit in all of these years. The hands that had hold me when I was sad and that had scolded me when I had done something wrong. I played with his fingers, glazing at them and I think I had a lost expression on me because at some point I heard the sheets shift and when I looked up he was way closer than before, our foreheads almost touching.

“What are you thinking about so deeply?” it was a mere murmur.

“I like your hands” I blurted out and then blushed.

He beamed and tightened his grip on my hand “Really?” I really hate when he uses his husky voice. Really. It can still send shivers all in the right places.

“Really” I gulped and he shifted even closer. Now our foreheads were really touching and I had some difficulties watching him in the eyes without crossing mine.

I knew he was up to something mischievous. Don’t misunderstand, I also knew he wouldn’t do anything like what he did in the past. Yet, a mischievous Youngbae is always dangerous.

“What else do you like?”

“N-nothing” really, Seunghyun, stuttering!?

“L-i-a-r”

I blushed a lot but I was saved by his phone which started ringing loudly on the notes of Bang Bang Bang. I rolled my eyes at his blatantly display of affection towards his own group and he chuckled.

“Saved by the phone” he rolled out of bed and went to the other room to answer “Hello? Oh hi bebe…”

His girlfriend. I outed their conversation out of respect of their privacy and a sense of jealousy. Jealousy that irritated me and so I tried to figure out why I was even feeling such an emotion. I wasn’t jealous of Bae. I mean, I didn’t have feelings for him that way anymore. So what was it?

“Yeah, you want to talk to him?” Bae voice cut through my thoughts and caught my attention “No…they didn’t. She’s coming” I groaned. So, even his girlfriend knew about my hopeless situation. “I know. I tried to talk to him…no…he’s too stubborn” that was JiYong definition. Despite my initial effort to give them their privacy, I found myself straining to hear their conversation “I told him so…I don’t know how much he can handle anymore” I got up and reached the door. Youngbae was giving me his back and was leaning against the big window in his living room. he had a hand covering his eyes “I’m worried. I don’t want to see him that way ever again” I didn’t need to hear what she answered, I knew by heart what he was talking about and I shivered. He was talking about the end of 2014, before and after my accident. When I was so miserable I was even ashamed to look at myself in the mirror. I think I did some kind of strangle noise because Bae turned towards me with a startled look. “Bebe, I call you back tomorrow. Yeah…me too” he hung up and reached for me.

“Seunghyun…” I shook my head but didn’t move. He sighed and took my hand, gently “Seungyun-ah…look at me” I did and he wrapped me in a tight hug “We won’t let you go back to that…state” I gripped his shirt and buried my head in his shoulder “And he won’t let you. You scared the out of him that time. He will come around…” it took me some time but then I nodded and then I let him guide me to bed. He didn’t stay and I didn’t ask him to. We both needed our spaces that night.

Before falling asleep, I thought for a long time. For a terrible moment I almost convinced myself that I had finally reached the point of no return and that I had just to let all go. To leave JiYong to Kiko and all their adoring fans. To focus on my activities before one of us have to enlist. To find myself a girlfriend/boyfriend. At this point I snorted at the absurdity of the idea. I could find myself a good one night stand probably, but seriously not a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Resigned to remain in thist of situation I gathered my emotions and finally drift to sleep.

The next days went by in a blur. I did everything I was told to. Did all the fanservice I had to do during our concerts. And then I went out, clubbing. I partied almost every night to my hyungs and manager dismay and went on short vacations with my friends. Went back to the gym for my taekwondo lessons. And I tried with all my strength to appear normal. Normal in front of my hyungs, normal in front of my managers, normal in front of JiYong. Normal in front of Kiko. She was everywhere. ing everywhere.

I knew she was the one after JiYong “not really” comment under my IG post. All the “Our Seungri sings well” thing pissed her so much that she had the guts to round me in a room at the YG building one day and yell at me for ten minutes before Youngbae found us and threw her out. We then proceeded to give both her and JiYong the cold shoulders for the rest of the day. JiYong was furious at me and Bae because of it and because no one was actually saying him WHY we were acting that way.

He tried to approach me when I was alone in the dance studio but I got lucky: Hanbin was looking for me and so I could excuse me with a forced smile and a “later, hyung”.

It hurt physically to be that distant to him. Despite all my public reticence to his touchy personality, I grew used to it during these years.  Actually, I think I grew dependent.

I slept at Bae’s just one night more and then returned to my apartment. It screamed his name everywhere but I forced myself to be strong enough to endure it. I was 25, not a heart broken teenager for ’s sake.

I hid all the things he left behind when he was here the last time. All his products, all his clothes, everything. When Top hyung came by to drink one night, he looked around with a raised eyebrow but said nothing and I didn’t either. I knew the house, like that, looked barely lived-in but that was how things were.

Kiko stood in Korea for the whole month, actually going back to Japan for just some days here and there. When she finally announced she was going back was at the beginning of August after a major fight with JiYong in the middle of an hallway of the company. Someone had finally slipped to Ji what happened that famous day and he just snapped like only Ji can do. Witnesses told it was quite a scene with both of them shouting at each other in a mix of Japanese, English and Korean. It ended with JiYong announcing the break up and Kiko slapping him before leaving.

Now…you think I should had been happy about it. They had broken up, it was perfect for me. Thing is, JiYong was so pissed at me and Bae that for not telling him that he refused to speak with us. He gave in the night before the release of the last part of the MADE series when I decided that enough was enough and walked to his home pretending to be let in.

“Open the ing door, JiYong!”

“ you!”

“I’m warning you, hyung, if you don’t open the ing door now I will slam it down and you know I can do it”

He opened it hastily letting me in and walked away angrily. I slammed it closed and followed him to the living room.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked him

“Nothing” he said and lighted up a cigarette.

I made a face “I thought you were trying to quit”

“I don’t see why it matters to you” he let out a cloud of smoke, sighing.

“Of course it matters. We talked about it together”

“Yeah, like we talked about everything else, right?”

I sighed and walked towards him reaching out to hug him but he retreated “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you” he snorted “I really am now. But back then Bae hyung was just too angry and I was…well, I tried to let it go as I tried to do with everything else that involved her at the time”

He softened a little, actually turning to face me “I’m sorry…” he said and for a moment I thought I didn’t hear him. “I should have broken it off with her way before. It wasn’t fair to you nor to her”

“Yeah, it wasn’t…” it came out before I could even stop it. I blushed and he smiled “Not that she did much do deserve a better treatment” he added apologetically.

I nodded and he approached me after throwing the cigarette “I’m really sorry, Riri” he whispered leaning closer to me. I breathed his scent, bathing in its familiarity. We’d been separated too much.

“Are you staying for good now?” I whispered back, trying desperately to not let my hope rise again. Falling, this time, could hurt me for good.

He pulled me towards him from my shirt and nodded, lips brushing mines “If you still want me”

I groaned and answered him by kissing him hard, hands flying to his hair to comb them and to pull him against me not wanting any more space between us.   

He answered the kiss with the same passion I was putting in it and soon I wasn’t aware of my surround anymore. Soon, it was just me and him again. 

Heeeeeeeellooooooooooo! 

Finally i'm back. sorry for the late release but i was trying to have a bit of summer vacation LOL 

After a long thinking, i've came to the decision that there will be two more chapters for this fanfiction. The next one will be as a final gift so be ready if you don't want to read it :) 

then i will end it with a final chapter. Kiko's IG update on August 13th kinda decided everything for me ahahah thank you girl <3