The morning after I woke up in a blissed state. The air conditioning kept the room cool and JiYong’s expensive sheets were like silk on my skin. As if this wasn’t enough, I had an armful of a sleeping JiYong. I don’t know about you, but personally I think that JiYong sleeping is one of the cutest thing on this Earth. He looks so relaxed and young; even if I try to convince myself that he let his guard down around me, I know that is only when he sleeps that I can see the real JiYong.

Slowly, I turned my head to watch him curled up at my side, a leg intertwined with mines and an arm securely wrapped around my torso. It was like having a flashback of the past when he used to sneak in my room at our dorm in the middle of the night. Those were really good days.

“What are you staring at?” his sleepy and husky voice startled me. He took a deep breath and slowly raised his head from my chest to look at me. I couldn’t hold back and I leaned in to kiss his morning pouting lips.

 “Cheesy” he said against my lips but then pressed in too, prolonging the kiss for some more seconds.

“Morning” was all I said after.

“Morning”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, haven’t slept this well in weeks”

“Good” I smiled and was awarded with a smile too “Like this maybe you won’t eat me alive during the live stream today” He chuckled and buried his face in the crook of my neck. I laughed too and wrapped my arms around him a little more tightly.

We stayed quietly like that for a little more until my phone started ringing. Actually, I was planning on not picking up but JiYong disentangled himself from me and got up “Answer that, I’m going to have a shower”. Having no space to argue, I dragged myself out of bed and picked up.

“Hello?”

“Seunghyun-ah” Youngbae’s voice greeted me

“Oh, hyung, good morning”

“Morning…where are you? I came to your apartment to take you out for a quick workout and breakfast”

“Ah, sorry…I’m at Ji’s” my cheeks reddened a lot.

“Oh…so I imagine you’ve already exercised for today” he started giggling

“HYUNG!” I was so embarrassed that I had to cover my face with my hand.

Unfortunately my yell picked on JiYong’s curiosity and he quickly walked out of the bathroom to see what’s going on.

“Are you crazy? Why are you yelling like that?” he then saw my red face and questioned silently at me raising an eyebrow.

I turned towards him still red as a tomato and tried to save what little was left of my dignity “Nothing, hyung, sorry…”

“Let me talk to Ji!” Bae was now shouting in my ear

“Absolutely not, hyung” I replied. The last thing I needed was both of them against me.

“Who’s on the phone?” Ji asked and I groaned. I knew that once I told him who was, he would have wanted to talk to him.

“Bae…”

He didn’t even ask. He strode towards me, stole the phone and started talking with his best friend.

“Why are you calling my maknae this early in the morning?”

Muffled words came from the phone. Resigning myself to the incoming humiliation, I sank on the bed, face down, groaning. 

“Yeah he did plenty of it”

I groaned more loudly and tried to hid into the pillows. JiYong, who was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, walked quietly near the bed and sat beside me. Bae words were now a little more clear but I tried with all of my willpower not to listen.            

“Not yet but I’m planning for him to join me soon”

God that was so embarrassing.

“If you stop by I will make sure to let your girlfriend know that you lost your ity with…” he trailed off cut by Bae’s loud remarks. Amused and curios at the same time, I risked a peak from the pillows. Ji was smiling mischievously with a glint in his eyes that sent shivers down my spine. I really wouldn’t like to be in Youngbae position right now. “That’s a wise decision, my friend” he hummed a little more to what his friend was saying “Ok…see you later then. Bye” then he hung up. He looked at me for some time then he started my back with light fingers. “Does he always come to you for breakfast?” he finally said.

I stared back at him, put out by his neutral voice. “He used to…” I answered in the end, deciding for the honest talk “he used to come almost every mornings, when I wasn’t at his place or at some friends’” his fingers stopped for a moment and then restart their journey.

“You slept at his place?”

“Yeah…sometimes. But I’ve slept at Daesung’s and Seunghyun’s too”

“Not here”

His voice sounded so sad that I got up to seat in his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck “Now I am” I said in a whisper before lightly kissing him. He smiled and hugged me back.

“Now you are”

After that, I joined him in the shower and, as Bae would say, we exercised a little more. Great place to “work out”, the shower.  He helped me picking up an outfit to wear later for the live stream and then we had breakfast in his freaking clean kitchen. Seriously that room is so clean that you find it hard to believe someone uses it. Of course it was me who cooked but at least he set up the table and then helped dry the dishes. Being that the live started an hour before midnight and we had to be there two hours before, we actually had half of the day for ourselves. Having so many things to do and so little time to do them, we spent those hours working. We came and went from home for most part of the day and we stopped just around dinner time. I was already at home when he came back from a meeting at the YG building; he looked tired and something was off. He stopped at the kitchen door to watch me cook and it took me some time to notice him. He can be so quiet. I turned around to put something on the table when I saw him and almost had a heart attack.

“Oh god, you scared me” I chuckled but his smile didn’t really reach his eyes “How was the meeting?”

“Good. They confirmed Mexico and Australia for the tour”

“Nice! I always wanted to see koalas” I smiled broadly and he finally smiled sincerely.

“But you are a panda, you’d frighten them” he said approaching me.

“You think?” I pouted. I really wanted to see koalas. He smiled his gummy smile and back hugged me. I felt him leaning his forehead between my shoulder blade and breathing deep. Something was really off “Hyung…what’s wrong?” his arms clenched around me and I instinctively put my hands on his.

“She’s coming…tomorrow she will be here to celebrate the new release” I stiffened in the hug and he sighed “he called while I was in the car”           

For a moment we both stayed quiet than I gently disentangled from his hug and turn to face him “It’s ok” even if it wasn’t “I understand” I didn’t “I’ll go back to my apartment after the live stream, no problem”.

“She comes tomorrow, why leave tonight?”

I smiled at his pout “because she could make you a surprise and be here early. I don’t think you want her to find me in your bed”. I watched as he slowly accepted my logic and then leaned in to kiss the frown away “It’s ok. Let’s eat now so then we can go”.

We ate talking of nothing, the idyllic atmosphere of that morning vanished. We were surrounded by a nervous and awkward feeling; when we entered the café, Daesung and Youngbae noticed something was off. Bae tried to ask me something but I cut the conversation before it could even start with a shrug. Then the cameras were on and everything was put aside for the sake of the live stream.

Being playful around JiYong was never difficult, even during our toughest time. I did my best and I think that I did good. I even took my revenge in our paper, scissor and stone game. That was satisfactory.

When “If You” started playing I just cut off everyone. I like every song JiYong have written over the years but this one, this one is absolutely one of my favorite. It’s like he took a journey in my head and then put on paper everything I felt between us after he confessed that he was dating Kiko. The first time I listened to the song I cried. Luckily I was alone in my room when Ji had mailed us with the file. The second time we were in the studio and I was barely able to stop the tears; Bae wrapped me in a hug and helped me going through all the song. Ji didn’t look at us even once. The third and the fourth time, I had to record it. It was emotionally exhausting. At first I tried so hard to sing it without looking at Ji on the other side of the recording boot; but of course it wasn’t good for mister perfectionist and so I had to do it again and again and again. Then, when I thought I couldn’t hold it back my frustration anymore, I looked up at him and sang everything out. I sang him how I was looking at him going away, how he was becoming a small dot then I knew would disappear. I asked him if all of those painful feelings would go away with some time. I told him that I could remember all the moments we’ve spent together over the years. That I still remembered him.

When the song ended there was a moment of silence. I was still dazed so when Bae complimented me I was taken out.

“Ah…really?”

“Yeah”

Daesung nodded too. with the corner of my eye I tried to see JiYong reaction but he was covering his face with a hand.

We wrapped up the live stream shortly after and thanked the staff. When we were preparing to leave I approached Bae.

“Hyung”

“Mmm…” he was busily searching something in his bag

“Can you drive me home?” I tried to sound smooth and normal. Probably I failed. He looked up at me and stared for a long moment, weighting something on my face.

“Sure” he finally answered and I smiled, thankful.

“Thank you”

“Give me five and then we can go”

JiYong was approaching us with Daesung so I hurriedly look for an escape “Can I wait you in the car?” he rose an eyebrow but then nodded, giving me the keys. Waving a goodbye in the general direction of my other two members, I took off.

Once in the car I sighed and closed my eyes. I was tired. I was tired and I knew I was behaving like a little child. But it hurt to fall down from the clouds. Spending days without the ghost of Kiko breathing on our neck put me in a delusional state of mind. I started to feel comfortable in my daily routine with JiYong. I started to consider right displaying my affection towards him in front of the others. Then all it took to put me back in my place was a phone call. I should have known that it wasn’t going to last. I was the affair, after all. I should have known that of course he kept in touch with her even during those past days, so it shouldn’t have hurt so much.

“Idiot…”

The driver door opened and the courtesy light . Youngbae got in and then closed the door. We stood silent till the light went off.

“JiYong told me what happened”

“Good. Can we go home now?”

“You’re staying at my place tonight” he said with a sigh turning on the engine. At this I finally opened my eyes to protest.

“Hyung, no, drive me home”

“You don’t have a say in this decision”

“What!? Don’t be bossy, hyung”

“I can because I’m the hyung”

I looked astonished at him and then laughed “Ah, really…what should I do with you”

He smiled and I felt better.

The car turned silent again while we were driving but it was comfortable. I looked out of the window most of the time but sometimes I would sneak at Bae and felt waves of reassurance sliding on me.

“Stop staring, is weird” he said but his lips were fighting a small smile.

“Thank you” I told him instead.

“Always, Riri” he took my hand and intertwined our fingers. Calm slid over me and I sighed, content. For the rest of the drive I looked out of the window lulled by the sound of the engine and the smooth little circles that Bae’s thumb was making on the back of my hand. 

Annyeooooooooooong! 

I know, i'm back this early with a new chapter...tomorrow the world is going to end LMAO 

Jokes aside, i tried to make it a little longer so tell me if like this is better :) 

BaeRi shippers, they are back!!! ahahahahah NO. Please, notice that from now on, Ri and Bae's realtionshipt will be solely centred on friendship and nothign more. Maybe some lingering feelings here and there but nothing too deep as in the previous chapters (from Bae in particular). 

I love some angst after a fluffy chapter like the last one so cope with me lol 

'If you' is my fav song of this MADE release serie. I feel so emotionally close to the lyrics and it's true that Riri interprets them really well. And the live performance is amazing ç_ç 

I leave you with the link for "If you" live stage in Bangkok because everyone should listen to it and cry their souls out like me: 

BIGBANG - TOUR REPORT 'IF YOU' IN BANGKOK