That night i lost it.

I’d never drank like I drank that night. Everything was blurred and the voices around me kept echoing in my head. I remember walking in the street like a lost soul, watched closely by my three hyungs and our managers. A part of me knew very well that I was making a fool out of me but I couldn’t help it. She had won again. And it hurt. Flashes of my night with him kept replying before my eyes till I couldn’t take it anymore and so I just broke down on the couch of a club. The sober part in me – I’d stopped drinking at some point, forced by my manager – told me not to let Bae hyung see me like that, so I looked for the only one capable of handle me in that situation.

“Hyung…” I whispered to TOP when I finally found him outside, smoking. He turned towards me and he almost let fall his cigarette.

“Seunghyun-ah!”

“Hyung, help me…”

And then I started sobbing.

Seunghyun sighed and hugged me tight, mostly like one of those hug they give to people who are experimenting a panic attack. I hid my face in his chest and cried my eyes out. I don’t know how much time passed till he finally released his grip around me to gently pull me towards the club again. I just followed him without saying a word, spacing out. We headed out without being noticed and he guided me to his car, closing the door shut once I was sat on the passenger seat. I looked while he called someone on his way to his seat. Probably our managers.

“I’ll take you to the hotel, Ri” he said and the car. I nodded when we were already on the road.

For five, ten minutes, no one said a single word. He just rode, leaving me alone to my thoughts. I kept looking outside at the street lights trying to imagine the story of the people passing by. Were they happy? Were they able to love freely? At some point I sighed.

“Seunghyun”

I didn’t turn towards my hyung but just hummed to acknowledge him.

“This was the last concert for now, I think you should leave for a bit” We turned right at the traffic light “You said you want travel to Europe. Why don’t you go now? I’ll help you organize”

I let his word sink in my heart and brain.

“Should I?” I finally said.

“Yeah, you should”. He parked the car in front of the hotel and one of the employees opened the door for me. I tried not to stumble but I tripped. TOP caught me before I could hit the ground.

“I have you, maknae”

I nodded and leaned on him. We slowly reached the elevator and then silently rode it till our floor. Once in front of my room door I gently escaped my hyung hug. With some difficulties I was able to open the door but before walking in I ce again towards him.

“Hyung” I kept slurring “don’t say anything to Bae hyung or Daesung hyung. And...him too…I’ll think about it”

He sighed but nodded. I wished him good night and closed the door.

Alone in my room, the tears I was able to stop since a moment before started running down again. not wanting to see my ugly face in the too many mirrors of the room, I didn’t turn on the lights and so I made my way to the bed in the dark. Misjudging the furniture composition, I knocked against it and fell on the mattress. I cried myself asleep, not even bothering to change my clothes into more comfortable ones.

At some point, during the night, I woke up feeling the bed sank underneath me. Nobody would have dared to come into my room that night. Nobody but one. I listened as JiYong cuddled beside me covering the both of us with the sheets. Trying to breath normally was almost impossible and fight the urge to open my eyes and look at him was even more impossible. His breath hit my face at a regular rhythm and I could tell that he had drunk too.

“I know you can’t hear me…” he said at some point, whispering so much that I almost missed it “And I also know that tomorrow you won’t even know that I was here…you’ve never known” not frowning in confusion was seriously hard “I’m sorry, Ri…I’m sorry for everything. Hyung told me about tonight. I would tell you not to be angry at him but you won’t even know I was here. You won’t even know that I know” I fought the urge of cursing at our bingu hyung “When I made this decision I thought it was for the best, I thought I was strong enough to pull on the act for all the time you’d need to forget about me.  But I’ve underestimated your love and, if you allow me to say it, mine too” he sighed and pass a ghost finger on the necklace around my neck before taking in between his fingers his own ring “Hyung told me about his suggestion too. You…you should go” I cringed inwardly “maybe it will help you heal, at least a bit. I can’t watch you falling apart like this anymore, Ri. I’m so close to ask Bae to make you happy, to ask anyone to make you happy” he removed his hand from the ring “I love you so much, maknae, what should I do?” he sighed another time and then the bed moved up again signaling me that he was going away. I listened at his light footsteps and then at the door closing before releasing a shaking breath and covering my face under my arms. What was the meaning of all of that? Had he already sneaked in my bed before? And what’s wrong with TOP hyung? I clearly remembered asking him to stay quiet about tonight.

“What should I do?”

I rolled on my other side and hugged the stuffed panda I took with me for the trip.

“Should I really go?”

My panda didn’t answer me. I sighed again and prepared myself to fall asleep. It was easier than I thought.
The morning after the sun welcomed my sleepy face as soon as I pulled the curtains to let its light enter the room. It felt good, even thou it was still a wick winter sun. I woke up with my mind all set. I was going to leave for a while, at least until the tour started again. I needed it, my whole body was saying me this. After a quick shower and I sat for some breakfast, booked the flight tickets and made some plans with some of my acquaintances in Spain, France and Italy.  I wasn’t even on the plane yet that I was already excited. I called my manager and the first time I talked too fast to seriously let him understand what I was even saying. The second time went better but still I was too excited so I had to repeat some of the particulars one more time. I needed to use a little bit of my famous aegyo to convince him but after 10 minutes he finally said ok. As soon as the call ended I opened kakaotalk and send a messages to the other members in our private group.

VI-Ri

Hyuuuungs~ I’m going to Europe tonight!

Chuckling at the thought of the commotion I would creat to Bae and Daesung I started packing throwing clothes on the bed and on the floor in a not so organized try to decide what to bring and what not.  I was in the middle of a crucial decision between a leather black pants and a skinny jeans when my phone started buzzing nonstop.

Bingu TOP

Ooh, congrats maknae! Bring me back some Italian ice cream!

Daesungie hyung

What? Alone? Do we seriously want to create an international issue? Kkk have fun, Seunhyun-ah J

Bae hyung

What is this? Don’t joke this early in the morning, maknae. Let me sleep.

I chuckled and didn’t even comment the fact that the only one not answering was Ji.

VI-Ri

Bingu hyung! How can I bring you back some ice cream!? It will melt!

Daesungie hyung, I’ll behave, I swear :P

Bae hyung, go back to sleep and don’t worry. I’ll be back ;)

Two hours later, and some fired up phone calls with Youngbae, I was all set up. I left the room and met with my manager in the parking lot. He drove us to the airport and then guided me through all the airport procedures. Once on the plane I had a huge smile on my lips.

“Can I know why are you so happy?” he asked me chuckling.

“Because no one will recognize me there, I’m gonna be a free man for a week!”

He laughed openly and then patted my forearm “let’s behave anyway, Seunghyun-ah”

I nodded and then the plane took off. 

Dear readers, annyeong!!! How are you? Did the new year start well for you? I'm so happy these days: jonghyun solo debut, Bae and Ji shipping OT5 on IG, news of a Shinee comeback within the year....aaaah, i love it. 

But the things that made me happy the most were the Gri moments during the japan tour...i saw some gifs and a vimeo video that....naaaaaaaaaw 

cr: seungripls

source: http://nyongtori.tumblr.com/

And of course Ri holding Ji bridal styleXD 
http://instagram.com/p/x9FLL5FXJM/?modal=true&utm_source=partner&utm_medium=embed&utm_campaign=video

And then keep surfin on nyongtori.tumblr.com, seriously that blog makes my day everyday LOL