I woke up in the middle of the night feeling pulsating pain at my lower back and something heavy on my chest. Still half asleep I couldn’t figure out where I was. I looked around confused and then I remembered. My eyes grew bigger and I turned my head to meet the sleeping figure of JiYong. His face was relaxed, lips partied a little in an adorable pout. I couldn’t restrain myself from smiling. Following his body I also found that the weight on my chest was no other than his arm, tightly wrapped around me as if he was afraid I would have sneaked out in the middle of the night. I covered his hand with mine and kept staring at him while the memories of the last evening were floating in my mind.

I couldn’t actually believe that we finally had our first night together. I mean: that we finally made love. Of course we had slept together before, when we were still living together in the dorm. I remember that at first I didn’t like it; often I had to whined at him, annoyed at his intrusions in my bed. However, at some point, I started waiting for him to come in my room late at night. I started shifting more close to the wall without having him pushing me for space. Should I consider what happened as a new development in our relationship? In my addiction to this messed living being that is Kwon JiYong?

I sighed and passed my fingers through his hairs. He mumbled something and pulled me closer to him, making me smile. Does he pull her closer like this too? Does his eyes sparkle with lust and love when he makes love to her? Just the thought made me sick.

“What should I do with you, hyung?”

Of course he didn’t answer me. Soon after I let my eyes close again and I slid into dreamland again.




The morning after was awkward. He woke up first and when I found him in the kitchen making some coffee he didn’t even look at me.

“You up?” he said giving me his back.

“Yeah…” I yawned and sat at the table “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

He shrugged “There was no reason to do so. We don’t have schedule till this afternoon”

Something was off, I could feel it. “Hyung…” I walked to him but he moved away.

“There’s coffee left…drink it, then we’ll call your manager to let him pick you up” he started walking towards his studio but I felt that if I let him go, I wouldn’t have been able to catch him anymore.

“JiYong…” I caught his wrist and pulled to turn him to face me “What are you doing?” he lowered his eyes “look at me, hyung, please” with my free hand I tried to lift his face but even though I succeeded he kept looking at everything but me. His face was blank, no emotion and my heart almost fell “Do you…” I gulped trying to contain my emotions “Do you regret it?”

He bit his lower lips and I had my answer. It hurt. It hurt again. I let go of his wrist and made a step back, for the first time that morning he looked at me “I’ll call my manager” then I sped out of the room.
Development in our relationship my .

Once in his room I shut the door, making a lot of noise. I had this incredible impulse to break everything but I managed to just punch the wall, scratching my knuckles. I hit it one, two, three times, till there was blood on the white paint.

“Ri!” his worried voice and his quick step reached me from the afar. I didn’t want to face him. I didn’t want to face his regret; quickly I locked the door and slid down against it until I was leaning on the ground, silent tears falling down. He tried to open the door. “Ri! Let me in, now!” at my silence as an answer he started banging on the door “For God’s sake, Seunghyun, open the damn door!” I tried to pull myself together.

“I’m changing” damn teary voice “I’ll be out of this house in minutes, JiYong Hyung, don’t worry” he stopped banging and I heard a sigh.

“Damn you, Ri…” there was a thud “Damn you…Why do you always have to believe me so quickly?” I frowned “Why are you always so good at me to the point you do everything I say? If I say go and don’t bother me you do. If I say buy that for hyung you do. If I say I love her, I really do you just believe me” my hand closed into fists “If I said I didn’t have to sleep with you you just believe me” he sighed. 

“So why do you say all of that?” I asked.

“Because I’m trying to protect you but I keep failing and this is driving me crazy. With my selfish desire to have you always by my side I’m exposing you to a celebrity biggest fear: an homoual scandal”

“Pushing me towards Bae hyung would do the same”

“I’m not pushing you towards him” it was a growl now. He could be jealous even in a situation like this.

“Yes you are…you said he’s probably the best choice but he’s a man too, hyung. So you’re being nonsensical” I got up and opened the door. He didn’t expect that because he fell inside the room, probably he was leaning on the door.

“Ouch…” he massaged his head and I laughed at his face “Yah, that hurts!”

I offered him a hand and he accepted it. Once facing each other he cupped my face “Ri…I’m not regretting anything that happened between us” his eyes were mine in his dark and tormented soul. I couldn’t look anywhere else than there and my brain couldn’t register something logical as an answer so I just nodded. He smiled, a sad smile.

“Ri…” he leaned towards me “You…” he placed a soft kiss on my left cheek “Are…” he moved to my right cheek “My…” then on the forehead “biggest…” he slid down to my nose “weakness” his breath brushed on my lips and I shivered, then the only thing I knew is that he was kissing me with tenderness. I closed my eyes and clung on his chest with my hands, pulling him towards me. It felt good. It felt right. It felt perfect. When he pulled away to let us breath he smiled. “Still want to call your manager?”

I shook my head and he smiled even more “Do you finally want that damn coffee?” I nodded my agreement and he took my hand, guiding me to the kitchen.

He toasted me some bread and then cooked me eggs: American breakfast. I watched him moving back and forth from the table, sipping at my hot coffee.

“It looks like I’m the husband and you’re my lovely wife cooking breakfast for me”

“Yah…” he turned around brandishing the ladle “Who’s the wife!?” I cracked. Seriously you should have seen him “Yah! Don’t laugh at your leader!” he shook the ladle towards making me laugh even more. Of course he didn’t like it so he started chasing after me around the table and then through all the house. I felt light, like all the heavy worries and thoughts of the past weeks were suddenly lifted from my shoulders. He finally caught me when I tripped in the carpet of his living room, falling face down on his couch.

“Ouch…” he sat on my back and started hitting me lightly on the head with the handle of the ladle “Aih…!”

“You…”

A hit “Aih!”

“Little…”

Another hit “Hyuung!”

“Rascal!”

He hit harder “Aiish hyung that hurts!” I whined. He chuckled and smacked my back to then start passing his long fingers through my hair, trying to sooth the pain. At first I groaned but then it started to feel reaaally good so I kinda started purring. He chuckled again. After some moments in silence, I sniffed a strange smell.

Burnt, maybe?

Wait…burnt!?

“Hyung!” I jumped up, making him fall backward and rushed to the kitchen where the eggs were still cooking. “!” I took something to protect my hands and quickly removed the pot from the gas and placed it in the sink. JiYoung came in in a hurry and slapped away my hands.

“Are you alright!?” he checked every part of my hands and arm, frenetically “You aren’t hurt, are you!?”

“I’m fine” he still kept searching for some burnings even though it was obvious that there weren’t any “the breakfast is gone, thou”

He sighed “It’s your fault” but he hugged me, the ladle forgotten on the table. I smiled and engulfed him in my arms.

Then, we passed the remaining free hours doing nothing but cuddling on the couch while JiYoung worked on some lyrics and I checked emails and made some calls.
When it was finally time for us to prepare for the schedule we just did what we always did before: I sat on his bad and waited until he had emptied his wardrobe to find something to wear. Then I let him play at the stylist with me until he was satisfied of how I looked. 

“All right…you seem ok” he said after sparing me another glance.

“Just ok?” I pouted but he dismissed my whine with a gesture of the hand. I was going to whine another bit but his phone started ringing, cutting me off.

“Hello? Oh…yes, hyung, we are heading down now”

We quickly gathered our things and got off. In the elevator he kept looking at himself in the mirror while I…well, I kept looking at him.

“Hyung…”

“Mh?” he fixed his hair.

“Hyung…kiss me”

His eyes darted on me “What?”

I shrugged “It’s the last time you can kiss me. After leaving this building we have to go back to reality” to tell you the truth, it was hurting like hell. After tasting a bit of paradise, I was going to walk willingly into hell again. He looked at me for a while then he sighed; he cupped my face and pulled it down a bit while tilting his head a little. I closed my eyes, pulling him closer from his hips, and then I felt his soft lips on mine. We kissed slowly, without rush. We parted at the sound of the elevator arriving at the ground floor: when the door opened we were already facing outside like nothing happened. We got on the van, him sitting on the passenger seat beside our manager while I was in the back. They started talking about work and stuff related to Ji’s schedule so searched I for my phone. Hand in the pocket of my jacket, I felt something cold and solid against my fingers: with a frown I grabbed and took it out.

“What…” in my hand there was one of Ji’s favourit rings. He didn’t wear it often because he always feared to lose it but I know he cherished it a lot. It was one of the first branded jewels he could afford. But why was it in my pocket?

“Everything fine back there, Seunghyun-ah?” his manager voice startled me.

“Eh…?” he looked at me from the rearview mirror “Ah…neh, I’m alright”

I looked at Ji. He wasn’t looking at my direction, eyes on the street in front of him, but he was covering his mouth with the back of his hand and I could see that he was trying to hide a smile by biting his lower lips. A smile parted my lips. Well, if that didn’t mean something…

New development in our relationship, I said this morning.

Grinning like an idiot I let the ring slid into my silver necklace and then I wore it again. Like that I was sure I wouldn’t be able to lose it and it was always with me. We arrived at the airport five minutes after and went through all the securities measure before entering the waiting room where the other three of us were waiting.

“Oh…you guys are finally here” Seunghyun hyung greeted us from his chair, all stylish and of course hide behind his beloved sunglasses.

“We are here” I said with a smile and then greeting Daesung and Bae.

“Did you come together?” was what Bae asked before even say hello. I hesitated a bit but Ji’s stepped in for me grabbing my forearm.

“Yeah, we did an overnight to finish work so we just came together” he pulled me towards the door “come, I have to drink coffee”

“Why should I come with you?” of course I had to whine. And of course he gave me that look.

“Because I say so”

“You said yourself this morning that I don’t have to follow everything you say”

“Yah…I was talking of other things”

“What? If I don’t remember wrong, and I don’t, you also said ”

“I didn’t ask you to buy me the coffee…not yet”

“Seriously, hyung…”

He was there to answer me when Daesung started laughing so hard that he almost fell from his chair “Oh god…” Top was smiling too “Oh god I missed Tom and Gerry” the older of us nodded his agreement. It was then that I realized that we had actually had a normal conversation (normal as it can be normal between me and Ji) in front of them for the first time since months. Was it alright? I glanced at Ji who was biting his bottom lips, nervous. Slowly, I freed my forearm from his grip.

"Yah...don't talk nonsense, hyung” i smiled at Daesung and playfully slapped his shoulder. He stopped laughing and looked at me. Everyone was looking at me now. I could seriously feel Bae’s eyes digging holes into my back. I had this urge feeling of escaping the crowded room.

“I need to go to the bathroom…” I smiled awkwardly and left the room, hoping no one would follow. But of course lady luck wasn't looking at me, as always. I heard fast steps behind me and then a strong grip around my elbow.

"Come with me, now"

 

Everyone annyeong! 
I'm back! Sorry for the late update but i was busy with uni and other stuff. 
Let me know how is it! I know there's a lot in this chapt but i have a few things in my mind eheheh 
1)the ring thing is of course completely made up
2)As you has probably already understood, i'm trying to recreate the airport scene at the airport cafeteria from the other day when Gri was spotted together <3 (feeels)

3)Poor Bae ç_ç