I don’t know who actually decides our stages for this world tour. I mean, I have my idea about it. It must be a nyongtory fan or someone with a creepy sense of humor because, , we already did 4 concerts and fans are already in an uproar.

They are sharing Gri’s pics everywhere in the net (yes I know I posted some myself…the temptation was too big) and fanfics increased crazily.

I’m happy, I really am. If fans love us I’m always happy but then JiYong reacts to these kind of things really differently from me. One day he’s super happy because fans show love and understanding. The other one he takes some steps away, saying stuff like “if we ever came out they wouldn’t be that understanding, trust me”: a mood killer, right?

Then, after our chat that day in the recording studio, I know that hates and criticism are what he fears the most. And not because they would hate on him but because they would hate on me too and the group.

So, you see, I’m in a very delicate position when those kinds of stages come up during our concerts. If I let it go and just enjoy it then I have to deal with an angry JiYong: Shanghai, for example. Ah…in Shanghai I was seriously caught in the moment, wasn’t I?

Thing was that he “suddenly” grabbed me from the neck with THAT look, I mean it’s his face for when he’s seriously thinking of taking me now and there, no other possible options. And he knows what that look does to me! So forgive me if I couldn’t think straight in that moment. It was like the entire stadium had vanished and there were just the two of us and I actually didn’t even know how the hell my face got THAT expression or how my hand went clinging on his arm like THAT. And oh god when Bae hyung showed me the gifs I really had no words at my pout when Ji just ended all of that like…like THAT.

I mean, how he can let me hung like an idiot like that!? My pout was seriously justified. Yet, after the concert, he had the guts to sulk at me. HE SULKED AT ME. Crazy, right???

On the other hand, when I succeed at restraining my inner impulse of pinning him on the stage, he is the one to pout after the concert. HE POUTS. He drives me crazy, really. And thank god we are in China and not in Japan were his “girlfriend” is because I don’t even wanna know what she would say about all of this (it’s not really a but yeah…can you imagine her reaction, or YG hyung reaction, if we actually kiss on stage?).

After three concerts like this, I took the situation in my hands and actually talked with JiYong…yes, talked, you erts.

I approached him when we were back in Seoul the night before the release of “D”; I was staying at his place again. We were lying on his huge bed watching clips from the previous concerts when finally one of those parts came up.

“Hyung” I paused the video on the two of us being really close to each other. He hummed an answer and I took it as my cue to go on “I don’t really know what to do when you come at me like that in this part.”

He turned towards me with a confused expression “what are you talking about?”

“I mean, if I step back to avoid jumping on you on stage, you get angry because I reject you” he lift  one of his elegant eyebrows but let me continue “If I act along you then get angry because I was careless and people might figure it out” I was aware I was pouting but I couldn’t care less. Actually, I know he has a weak spot for my pouts, it’s like he can’t resist my cuteness, so sometimes I use it to my advantage.

He took a deep breath and then sighed, placing the tablet aside so he could have more space to argue.

“Seunghyun-ah…”

“Neh, hyung…”

“Really…?”

“…”

“I mean, you have seriously spent time and energy thinking about those things?”

“…”

“You are really something else”

“Can you please explain it to me anyway?”

He sighed again “Actually, I too don’t know how to behave during those stages. I mean, I love doing fanservice with you. It’s our chance to be…well, us, in front of our fans too”

“So…” he shushed me with a look.

“If you play along, then I’m afraid they’ll figure out how much I truly love you” he said with a sad smile “and they could do something mean to you. I’m afraid she could do it” and there was no need to specify who ‘she’ was “but then when you try to avoid it, I start to think that you are as afraid as I am and that’s leading you to reconsider all of this. I know I’m asking you a lot, forcing you into this…affair”

It hurt. Hearing him calling us an “affair” hurt more than I thought it could do. I mean, I knew all along, since that first night, that he wouldn’t break up with Kiko to be with me. In a twisted way he loves her because she can give him that sense of normality I can’t give him; a more possible future after the expiration date of our celebrity status. But I know he loves me too, maybe more. Definitely more. I know. So that’s why it hurts. In my head the affair is her, not me. She’s the lover, I’m the partner.

I think the disappointment could be seen all over my face because he almost immediately cursed his choice of words and cupped my face. I tried looking the other way but he had a firm grip on my chin, keeping me in place.

“Hyun-ah…” he whispered. His hands smelled of cigarettes and his breath of his mint toothpaste. He smelled so JiYong, so familiar, that my body leaned towards him subconsciously “I love you” he pecked my lips “I really love you” another peck “I hate to keep you hidden even when I just want to let the world know that you are mine” a thumb gently my chin “In the past I even screamed it at a camera, remember?” how could I forget? My heart didn’t stop pounding crazily for hours “It’s just all so complicated now” he leaned in, gaining a spot on my lap, successfully straddling me “Can hyung be selfish just one more time?” it was a mere whisper against my lips. So soft that for a moment I thought I could feel just his breath against my mouth. It took me some seconds, but then I nodded “When we are alone, can we just pretend that the world outside doesn’t exist? No fans, no press, no antis, no girlfriends, no pressure. Can we just be us, without questions, doubts and anything else?” Kwon JiYong doesn’t plead. Yet, I could almost hear his pray in those words. He was asking me to accord him that normality that I thought he would seek in Kiko.

I closed my eyes breathing deep. My hands moved on his hips, squeezing it possessively “We can” was all I said before leaning in and crashing my lips on his for a needy, desperate, loving kiss. I felt his muffled moan and his body pressing onto mine. I felt his fingers travel around my neck to end in my hairs, their favorite place to be. I felt his hardness pressing onto mine sending sparkle all around my body. I felt his weight pushing me down on the bed. I felt all of this and not for even a second, I thought of opening my eyes or breaking the kiss for more than a moment to take a breath.

Before shutting down the rational part of my brain, I remember that I thought that for that night again, the real world could wait. 

Annyeong!

Sorry for the wait >.< 

I had the chapter half done for ages but i couldn't find the right ending >.< 

Anyway, Gri keeps giving me feels these days and they just can't take their hands off each other xD

And Bae...can you please not upload those kind of videos? I almost had a heart attack watching Ri's hips' ahahah 

As always, comments and feedbacks are really appreciated! 

Love you all my dear readers <3

cr: as written on the pic (don't edit or cut the credit!)

source: nyongtori.tumblr.com/