“I don’t think we should be friends anymore.”

My eyes were still glued to the message in my notebook, simply rereading it over and over again until I was sure I could say the whole sentence without even thinking. A couple of moments passed where I just stared at the blue ink on white paper.

What the hell was I doing?

The repeated phrases from Hyuna and her clique that kept on replaying themselves in my head suddenly stopped at that moment. A part of me was thinking what do they know? I couldn’t remember them even acknowledging Tiffany that much since she started hanging around me.

Yet for some reason it leaves me guilty; the fact that not many people have talked to her ever since she decided to become a… friend of mine (the word was still a little foreign for me, thank you very much).

Maybe she could’ve become popular and had better friends? By her looks and cheerful nature, she should’ve gotten everyone to swarm around her. Everything about her was nearly perfect, so why would someone like Tiffany want to be with someone like me, the loner Jessica?

I didn’t and will probably never know, the question to be running around my head for a long time to come.

Still there was one thing I partially knew; I can’t just do that. Not after everything she had done for me at least. She was probably the first one in a while to actually want to befriend me, on what I hope was on her own terms, and nobody liked the feeling of rejection, right? It was not like it was Tiffany’s fault.

Hell, she didn’t even know what happened, as far as I am aware of at least.

Luckily my hand was covering the paper, and she didn’t peer over me to see what I wrote. Hopefully, she didn’t see it. So instead of giving the note to her, I tore it off my book and stuffed it in my bag. I’d throw it away later.

Then I placed my pen on the paper again, trying to think of something that could explain my sudden tears. Even if we have gotten a little closer, I still didn’t want to bother her with my problems.“I’m sorry, I needed to be alone.” I wrote instead with a somewhat eligible handwriting before giving the note to her, her small hands grabbing it silently before she read it.

Before she got the chance to ask me why, I simply wrote a very fast reply “Failed my math test.”

It was a very, very bad lie and I shouldn’t have done that, but I couldn’t think of anything better at the time. My hands were simply commanding themselves as if I had already planned on using that excuse, my brain not even processing what I wrote before I handed the note to her.

Tiffany looked up at me after a while, her eyes seemingly studying my face and my posture before returning to the note. From the position we’re in, I couldn’t really see much of her face, but I did manage to spot a small frown covering her features. “Is that the only reason?” Her voice grew a little suspicious, her eyes seeking something within me yet I control myself not to falter.

Instead I simply nod, keeping my expression cool and silently praying that she’d let this pass. “Well, it’s only one test. And if you want I can tutor you.” Tiffany said after a while, the corner of her lips tugging up in a faint smile. “I suppose I’m alright in math.”

It was odd not seeing her lips stretched out from ear to ear in a blinding grin, and for some reason I hoped to see it. But even that soft smile still made my insides grow a little warmer, as if a blanket was wrapped all over my body on a cold day.I felt my sadness wash away a little by now until I almost smiled myself, if you counted the faint millisecond of my lips moving upwards. But I did feel genuinely better, and I hoped Tiffany noticed that as well.

After a moment of silence I returned to my book before writing a new note, thinking about making use of the last twenty minutes of recess.

“Do you still want me to show you around?”

Carefully she looked at me, her eyes wearing that searching gaze again, probably looking for something, but I still ignore her attempts. With a sigh she gave up before speaking again. “Sure you’re still okay?” she asked after a while, yet she stood up.

I nodded as a reply before getting up as well, dusting off my school uniform before walking down the wooden steps of the tribune. After a while I heard footsteps following me down until they stopped right beside me, and then I open up my notebook.“Let’s head to the entrance, okay?”

With a nod we started walking from the football field and towards the entrance of school.

Now we were standing by the staircase, the gates a couple of yards away from us and the glass doors not too distant. I had already written down what I was going to show her so I wouldn’t stall time by writing down where the cafeteria was and etc.

But I couldn’t do it in my notebook, so I bought a pack of post-it notes instead, along with a new book that I would hand her later. Although it sounded dumb, it was better than nothing at least.

First I placed a yellow post it on top of the glass door where it said “Main entrance; closest to the cafeteria, social studies and math classrooms.” On top I wrote the phrase in Korean, and the bottom I translated it to English. At least she could learn some writing at the same time, I thought.

Tiffany struggled a little with reading the Korean part, but she understood the English one, so she nodded with a smile before I ripped of the note and placed it in another notebook I have.

Then we proceeded to walk inside, past the cafeteria until we reached a narrow hallway. I place a green post it on my locker. “047 is my locker, which you already know, but my locker is closest to all the language classes. So if you have English, Korean or Japanese it should be close to here.”

I watched her read the note for a while before I walked towards the closest doors, where I placed an English, Korean or Japanese note respectively to where the classroom was. With a nod I suggested her to follow me. Tiffany read each one carefully, before I ripped them off and placed them back in the book.

And so the tour went like this; me placing random post-it notes on doors and walls so she would remember where the places where. The most important parts, like where her classes where, I used pink notes because I knew she would memorize them quicker than any other color. Tiffany never told me, but from her pink nail polish, pink school bag, and pink everything actually, I could tell she loved it.

The tour ended by the library, which was the furthest part of the school building. After all is well and she seemed to have memorized where most parts of the school was, I flipped through the pages of a notebook before writing a message in the front of the book. “If you get lost sometimes, there is a small map on the last page.”

Then I hand her the pink notebook, and ironically I wasn’t supposed to give her a pink one, but it was the only color left in the store. I decided it would be easier for her to have it all in one place than a bunch of notes hanging loose in her bag.

Tiffany looked at it for a while before silently taking it, reading through the post-it notes that I stuck onto the pages before a smile graces her face yet again. “You bought a book and wrote everything down for me?” she asked and her smile only widened. Carefully I nodded, feeling a little embarrassed by my action, yet she seemed to like it so I didn’t do anything. Instead I tried to let out a smile in reply, albeit it didn’t seem to last for long as it disappeared before I can even feel it myself.

I grab my other notebook before writing down.“I thought it would be easier and… you get a new notebook?”

Tiffany smiled, and when I looked into her eyes I saw a small spark in them, brightening up her whole face. “And it’s pink, it’s so cute!” she replied in glee as she studied the book, the light shade of pink fitting perfectly in her hands. “How did you know that was my favorite color?”

I wanted to snort by that, but no sound managed to come out. So instead I carefully point out her pink earrings, pink nails, to her pink and white school bag and all the way down to her pink shoelaces.

When I was done I saw her look down a little sheepishly, adjusting her hair just a little before looking up at me. “Well, maybe that was kind of obvious,” she replied with a small laugh. “I can’t help it though; I’ve been a pink monster since the day I was born.”

I look at her silently for a while, wondering where that nickname came from. Instead of asking, for some reason I begun to imagine her walking around in a fluffy, of course pink, one-piece.

The image in my head stayed there for a while as that annoying Barbie Girl song entered my thoughts, but even then I still found it amusing. A sight like that in my head was probably one of the weirdest things I thought of.

Suddenly a small bubble moved from the pit of my stomach and all the way until my throat, causing me to nearly combust. Then the tingling feeling took over parts of my lips until a small sound escaped them, and then another until a whole wave of what felt like laughter emitted from my mouth. I widened my eyes as I tried to cover my mouth, yet the laughing didn’t stop. It was not too loud I suppose, but even then people looked at me with curious gazes.

Even Tiffany seemed taken aback, but I couldn’t stop. It just kept on coming and after a while I heard Tiffany join me as well, both of us laughing so hard until a librarian came to shush us.

We did calm down after a couple of minutes, but even then small giggles escaped my mouth. “What are we laughing of actually?” Tiffany asked through small pants after our laughing fit, her body slowly leaning against the wall.

My eyes went from her tied up hair to her worn out shoes before locking gazes with her. I tried to part my lips and say something, but nothing but a gush of air came out.

Well, it was fun as long as it lasted.

Dejectedly I sighed and took out my notebook to explain the sudden outburst, wondering if I should tell her about my odd image.

I look up at her again before slowly letting out a faint smile, writing on a piece of paper before giving it to her. “Nothing.”