I hear the beeps clearly, and they have been following the same beat for the last hour or so, echoing throughout these four walls. The hospital room is pretty basic; white walls, a single bed by a window and a table next to it, along with some wooden chairs. There’s also a blue sofa in the room, ironically placed in the otherwise bland and neutral, sterile room.

My eyes are mostly focused on the sleeping face, whose skin is pale, and pretty tired, eyes closed and lips partly dry. I sigh as I take her hand, the white bracelet just above the hospital band on her wrist which oddly doesn’t contrast much of her skin, something that makes my stomach churn unpleasantly as I look at her. Tiffany’s been out for almost six hours now, the clock striking midnight above the door. Her parents just left and would come back in the morning, hoping their daughter would wake up by them. I didn’t have a reason to go home, there was no one waiting for me, and I couldn’t get myself to stand up and simply leave.

I hear the creak of a door, and for a moment I turn to notice the nurse walking in with a clipboard, probably to check up on Tiffany again.  “You should go home, it’s getting quite late,” the nurse, who’s called Kim Taeyeon, says curtly while looking down at her papers. Her eyes don’t look up at me, but I suppose she already knew that I was here anyway. Visiting time ended hours ago, and she told me, but she didn’t really kick me out just yet. I don’t understand if it’s because she’s trying to be nice, or if she really doesn’t care, but I don’t ask. I simply shake my head in response, although I know she’s not looking at me.

I drift my gaze back to Tiffany, who hasn’t moved since we arrived. Her hands aren’t as cold as they were before, but they’re not warm either. The touch is just neutral. “It’s such a shame; a disease like that on such a young girl,” the nurse suddenly says, a total different tone than her previous one. She actually sounds caring, almost as if she feels bad. I look up at her, and wait to see if she’ll say more, but she doesn’t. A minute passes before I dare to say something, clearing my sore throat.

“How is her condition?” I ask with a somewhat hoarse voice, and the nurse notes down something more, not looking up at me. “According to the doctor she’s stabile for now, but the cancer has spread,” then she places the clipboard down on the table, before taking a seat on one of the chairs. The nurse then looks over at me for the first time, her eyes softening up a little bit. “I suppose you’re Jessica?” she asks, and I simply nod confused, not wondering how she knew my name. The nurse sighs a little by that before adjusting her ponytail. “Tiffany told me about you,” she answers my question before turning back to the said girl, adjusting the pillow beneath her head.

I sit there a little stunned, wondering why Tiffany would’ve talked about me to a nurse, but then again she must’ve been here often enough. I don’t really know their bond or relationship, but I really doubt Tiffany would’ve told this to a random stranger.  “What…” I begin, but stop myself to think over what I’m about to say, clearing my throat again before continuing. “She has?” I ask instead, and Taeyeon looks over at me with a barely visible nod.

“You seem to mean a lot to each other,” Taeyeon says after a while. “It’s sad to see this happen to her, after all, she seems to like you a lot. Sometimes I have to shut her up because she gets too excited, which really ruins my concentration, you know?” she chuckles a little by that, looking over at Tiffany, her voice suddenly trailing off in thought. I don’t say anything; just intently listen to what she has to say. “We’ve known each other since we were kids; our parents have always been good friends, so we’d often visit them in the states when we could. We’re pretty close, so Tiffany always talks to me about literally everything,” Taeyeon then brushes a strand of hair away from Tiffany’s face, whose still lying there peacefully.

I still hold Tiffany’s hand, not liking the sight of how quiet she seems, how lifeless she looks. It’s almost as if I were to see a preview of the actual end, and my heart doesn’t seem to bear it that well, and I look away, not wanting those painful feelings.  “You know, Tiffany was very depressed before,” Taeyeon suddenly shares, and I snap my eyes back to look at the nurse. Depressed? Tiffany? The girl who always has a smile on her face? The girl who literally brightens up the whole room with just her presence? It’s hard to believe.

“She smiles a lot, but that’s only out around people. There were times when I heard her cry in her sleep, or where she would lock herself in her room. She said she had a lot of friends at her old school, but she still felt very lonely, as if they were just fillers in her life. She always had me, she still does, but I only saw her once a year at that time.”

Inside I feel myself slowly breaking by what the nurse is saying, the disbelief probably evident in my face. Has Tiffany felt like this? And I’ve been here wallowing in my own self-pity, believing that everything about the girl was beautiful and rainbows, until I realize that she’s exactly like me… Tiffany felt lonely, as if no one cared, as if she was left behind and couldn’t catch up. And again that uncomfortable twist enters my stomach as I look at Tiffany, feeling the grip on her hand tighten a little . “I didn’t know…” is the only thing I can say, my voice pretty soft, almost like a whisper. Taeyeon seems to hear it anyway, her voice echoing throughout the room. “That was before she met you though,” the nurse says and I turn to look at her again, urging her to continue.

“Her smiles are actually genuine when she speaks of you, and for once she found something real as she puts it. She told me many times that she would just shut herself from the world, not wanting to get anymore fake friends; she basically told me she wouldn’t even try to befriend anyone. Seems like she changed her mind now, though,” Taeyeon faintly smiles by that, her stoic exterior finally crumbling down a little and her eyes finally showing some sort of emotion, although I can’t put my finger on it.

I’m at loss for words as I sit there and look at the nurse, my head spinning a little by all the information. It’s hard to believe, but when I look at her I know she’s telling the truth, and when my gaze drifts back to Tiffany, I can’t help but want to hug her, hoping that she really, really doesn’t feel that lonely anymore. Time passes and Taeyeon suddenly gets up from her seat, grabbing the clipboard and heading towards the door. Before she can reach the handle though, I gently call out her name, successfully gaining her attention.

“Thank you,” I say, not really knowing what I’m thanking her for, but feeling the need to do so. Taeyeon looks back at me with a faint smile and a curt nod, the previous neutral expression back on her face. I smile faintly in return until Taeyeon turns around and finally exits the room, leaving me alone with those thoughts.

“Tiffany,” I say as I look down at her wrists, the leather bracelet and the hospital band closely together. “You’re not alone anymore, you know that, right?” I say, and soon I feel my eyes grow heavy until I only see black, finally falling into a deep slumber.