The sky is painted in clear blue, small dots of clouds floating about with the sun shining a little too bright for my liking. I listen to the cars pass by and pay attention to the people walking by; some of them are older than me, some are my age and some even younger. A couple of kids smile and laugh about something, and a group of friends discuss something that doesn’t really catch my interest, and I let out a sigh.

Unlike my mood the weather is great, and unlike me the world continues to spin as if nothing happened. I suppose life goes on, even if I wish it would stop just so I could catch up. Again I let out a sigh because honestly it’s just not fair.

Slowly I push the door open and enter the school building, eyes cast right ahead as I walk towards my first class. There’s a lot of buzz around the hallway, as it usually is during the mornings, but today it just feels different. Eerily feelings creep through my stomach as I head towards the classroom in silence, praying to myself that I won’t trip and fall on my way.

When I enter the room there is only one seat left by the window. I sigh as my eyes cast on the two desks, but shake the thought off as I sit down and place my books on the desk. A small stripe of the sun enters through the window and brightens up my desk, along with the one right next to me. For a second I allow myself to wonder about how things turned out this way, but as I move my gaze forwards I dismiss the thought. There’s no need for self-pity now, of all times.

The teacher enters the room, greeting us all before standing by the board. He starts to check the attendance, simply scanning upwards to see who was absent or not. After a while his brows furrow as he looks at the desk next to mine.

“Is Stephanie still sick?” he asks through a somewhat concerned tone, eyes cast on me as if I was the only one who would know the answer anyway, but after all I don’t. Simply I nod before he checks her as absent, and he finishes up quickly enough, Tiffany being the only one not here.

Then another long lesson starts about a subject I’m honestly too preoccupied to listen to, my ears not cooperating with me today and I won’t even let them try to. And as he goes on and on I find myself looking out of the window again. The sun blinds me for a bit, but when I adjust my vision I let my focus gaze around the school garden, which was mostly empty as most students had class.

The sun is still shining but the bitter taste in my tongue remains. It will all get erased one day, forgotten and buried into the depths of my head, and maybe I’ll laugh of how stupid I feel today. I’ll probably smile and say that I was young, and that I didn’t know better, and maybe I fell just a bit too fast, if you can even say that. At least that’s what I tell myself, but I guess I can’t help it right now.

I can’t really do anything than wait for this to pass.

I look back at the classroom again to see it packed with students, the same ones who always enter this room and the same ones who will be here until I graduate. It’s always been like this, filled with people, but as my gaze lands on the vacant desk next to me, I know that something hasn’t always been like this. I sit in a crowded classroom and suddenly I think of her, as I look down at the desk. If she’s still sick or ignoring me… I don’t know. All I do know is that I suppose nothing will be the same anymore, but what can I do about it?

If I could stop it then I would, but I can’t. I turn my gaze outside again and look up at the blue sky, noticing an airplane flying above. Silently I watch it fly pass, high up in the clouds before it disappears from my sight.

“I’ve been scared of many things in my life that most consider as everyday things. I’ve always been scared of talking to strangers, I never quite liked big crowds, I’m not fond too fond of blood, and I’ve always been scared of heights.”

I write it down on my notebook, the words scribbled on like that as my mind runs free. The feeling of getting it all out, pouring it all out from my mind and onto the paper eases the tension inside a little, and as I continue I feel my head turn a little clearer.

“Most people wish they could fly, or so I’ve heard. Krystal, my sister, was one of those people.

Once when she was only seven years old she stood on the balcony, stating that she wouldn’t leave until she could touch the clouds. I remember thinking she was weird for wanting to experience something as terrifying as that.

When I was with you it almost felt as if I would do the same. What goes up must come down, but I didn’t want to fall. But even then the rising feelings couldn’t be hidden; they couldn’t be stopped and I wondered … how far will they go?

It was in those moments I realized everything I really, really knew was being with you.”

Then I write on, and on, and on until I simply stop, the pen landing with a thud on the notebook as my sore hand gets a rest. As I do so the bell rings and class is dismissed as the students leave one by one, but I still sit there and absentmindedly look down at this long, sappy thing that I wrote. I tear the page out of my book before folding it together, putting it in my bag before getting up and walking towards my next class. The day goes on like this, and as I exit the classroom to go back home I pass by a familiar locker belonging to Tiffany.

My steps grow a little slower as I simply look at the small, pink ribbon pasted on it.

“Isn’t it just adorable?” Tiffany asked me when she pinned it up, the image running throughout my head. When I blink my eyes again I still see the ribbon, a little more worn out since then, and silently sigh. I stand there for a while and simply look at it, debating if I should give her that letter or not. It’s definitely something I’ve never written before, not that I’ve written much like this anyway, and even don’t know what to think of it. Tiffany will know it’s from me, there is no doubt, but will she even read it?

But then again, if I already lost her, then what more is it to lose? And what am I supposed to do with it anyway? If she never sees it I can at least live with the thought that I tried, and that no matter what I at least said it. Or I could hope that maybe one day it’ll make her think of me, if she ever reads it, and wonder about how things turned out this way.

Taking a deep breath I stick the folded paper in through the tiny vents until it disappears from my grasp and lands inside of the locker. When I finally do so, I retract my hand before hurriedly walking away, my eyes cast straight ahead. Tiffany probably won’t read it for a long, long time. Hell, she might never read it for all I know, but it’s alright. I already feel a little better for venting that out, even if it’s pure nonsense. For now the only thing I need to focus on is being strong.

“Well, if it isn’t the loner,” I hear a high pitched voice and close my eyes in annoyance before opening them up again. Hyuna looks at me with a judging stare, probably pointing out my every single flaw in her head before snickering.

“So why aren’t you following Tiffany around like the lost puppy you are?” she asks while fixing her hair, red lipstick painted on her lips. I clench my fists together, not in the mood to deal with Hyuna’s attitude right now. My head feels heavy and I just want to get out of here as soon as I can. I don’t reply as Hyuna turns around to one of her minions, a teasing grin on her face. “Guess everybody leaves her in the end, even Tiffany,” she says before they all start to laugh mockingly. Again I try not to lift up my fist and punch her, the words stinging in my throat again, and for a moment I just want to fall down.

“Well, later loser,” Hyuna waves with a smile in triumph, walking away, but not without bumping into my shoulder hard, enough to make me lose my balance just a little. Inside I want to yell and make her turn around, but before I can even do it I feel my lips shut because I just can’t. I won’t give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

Just be strong, I think to myself.