“This is weird,” Tiffany says the next morning when we’re just lying around, the New Year beginning as the sun is up, the air around us being pretty cold that morning. While I’m lying on my back, aimlessly drawing circles on her bare shoulder, she’s tucked up against my torso, soft skin on mine.  “Was it that bad?” I ask while looking at her, obviously referring to last night, but she just shakes her head rapidly. “Of course not!” she says a bit fast and loud to my ears, seeming a bit flustered, but she quickly contains herself. “It was great, actually,” Tiffany sounds a bit embarrassed by the thought, looking down a little, but I still notice the faint shade of pink on her cheek. Slowly I start laughing, not being able to do anything else by her suddenly flustered state, but I find her adorable nevertheless.

I want to kiss her when she’s as cute as this, but before I can Tiffany simply pushes me away. “No kiss, shower first,” she mumbles after a while before getting on her two feet and walking as bare as the day she was born, and she steps out of the room. It takes me a moment or two before I can totally wake up, and soon I follow.

“It’s weird because you’re so calm,” she shares once we both are in the bathroom, waiting for the running water of the shower to run warm. I turn to look at her curiously, my hand stuck out to feel the stream of water. “Had it been earlier, you would’ve probably been freaking out or something by now,” Tiffany says with her head a bit tilted to the side, and I start to ponder about it, thinking that it would make sense. Before I would probably even be freaking out just by the thought of being so intimate with someone else, the feeling on being touched like that being a bit too odd, too overpowering, and probably too frightening.

Now though, after time, I realize that I had gained more confidence, and after knowing her so well, I just didn’t feel the need to act scared of rejection anymore, nor for the fact it would end. Maybe I’ve just grown immune? I don’t even know myself. “Maybe you’re right,” I say as we get in the shower, the water running down her back and mine as we stand there, getting used to the temperature. “Guess you’ve changed me though,” I conclude as I reach to grab the body wash by the corner. I don’t really need to look to see Tiffany slightly smiling from beside me, my arm slightly bumping into her as I turn to face her, a smile still on her face. “What?” I ask, confused by her sudden reaction.

“Nothing,” she says after a while before returning to washing her hair, but even then I can still see her smiling to herself, but I don’t bother prying into it as we continue on showering. We stay in a comfortable silence for a while, the water running and some steam slowly picking up around the cramped bathroom.

When we wash up and get out of the shower, it takes Tiffany about half a minute staring at her reflection at the foggy mirror before speaking. “Did you really have to leave a mark there out of all places?” she asks with her pale fingers on her collarbone, studying the surely red and slightly purple hickey on the soft skin. My eyes simply study the mark for a while, gently turning her to face me to see it better. “I like it, maybe I should’ve given you some more,” I say teasingly with a laugh, and again Tiffany seems a bit pink, either from the shower or from the sudden remark, but I’ll go with the latter.

“Really Jessie, really?” she laughs shyly after a while as I slowly plant a few kisses down her neck, but I don’t miss her attempt to lean closer at all. With a small smile I simply place my hands on her waist, still decorated with water droplets falling from her hair. “Don’t act like you don’t like it,” I say after a while as I lean in to kiss her slowly, yet hard on her lips, causing her to sneak her arms around me as well, her bare body leaning on the counter, warm and soft against mine. With a smile she responds with just as much eagerness and passion, tilting her head a bit to the side for better access, tugging me closer.

“So do you really want me to stop?” I ask after parting for a while with my hands now on her thighs, the air around us a bit hotter again. Tiffany doesn’t really say anything, just looks at me and then at my hands for a while. “Just shut up and kiss me,” she dives into another kiss before I can even respond, but I don’t mind as our lips move together in sync, my hands gently the skin of her thighs.

We kiss and make out for a long while longer, touching and feeling up on each other lightly, but it doesn’t escalate to more than that. In the end our kisses become a bit softer, slower again until we eventually part because it was getting quite stuffy in the bathroom anyway, and besides it’s probably better to eat something.

“Pancakes,” Tiffany says clearly while I gently shake my head by her random outburst the moment we end up in the small kitchen.  “I don’t have any flour, and besides I’m more up for eggs or something like that,” I respond as I peak through the tiny cabinets while Tiffany is looking inside the refrigerator, probably trying to think. “Can’t we just go and buy it then?” she asks back and I let out a small hum while suddenly finding a bag of something. “No, wait a minute, maybe I found some flour after all.”

And as I brought the pack of flour to her, she let out a grin. “So we can make pancakes?” Tiffany says excitedly and I just chuckle. “Sure, but I’m still eating eggs, so I’m not having any,” I respond before reaching my hand to grab the halfway empty egg carton in the refrigerator and turning towards the stove, leaving Tiffany to her own devices.

“How do you make pancakes though?” Tiffany asks after about a minute or two, a bowl in her hands and a pack of sugar in the other. I turn to look over at her weirdly. “You haven’t made pancakes before?” I ask and she simply nods sheepishly, looking pretty confused and all as she stands in the middle of the tiny room. “Wow, you’re really an expert in the kitchen,” I reply a bit teasingly as she simply kicks me on the leg with a small pout. “Hey, are you going to help me or not?” Tiffany glares at me slightly by that, nearly losing the grip on the sugar pack by her movements. Shaking my head because of her antics, I simply take a step over to her direction, standing behind her with my head on her shoulder.

“First you just mix all the dry stuff; the flour, baking powder and sugar,” I start simply enough while gently placing my hands upon hers, taking an appropriate amount of flour and stifling it along with the rest of the items on the counter until there’s a good enough amount of it. Technically though I’m just maneuvering her hands to follow along with mine, my body pressed upon hers while doing so. Mind you, we still hadn’t gotten dressed at all, so I can still feel her against me, the same familiar warmth and softness despite the weight loss and all. But even then it’s still Tiffany; it’s still the same feel, and I figure that I enjoy it a lot nevertheless.

From the corner of my eyes I can see the small smile on her face as I continue to demonstrate like this, now adding the rest of the ingredients to the batter before mixing it together, gently moving her hands around as we stand here like this, and for a moment I desire to spend all mornings like this in a way. Maybe realistically we cannot spend it like this every single day, but as long as we’re together I don’t really care how, I just wish we could stay like this.

“See, now you’ve made the batter,” I say after a while, placing a small peck on her shoulder while our hands stop mixing the pancake batter, and Tiffany just laughs as I guide her like this towards the stove. “Jessie, I can do it myself,” she says but it doesn’t take rocket-science to understand that she actually enjoys this, and with another peck on her cheek, I simply shake my head. “I don’t think I can trust you though, you might burn the kitchen down,” my voice comes out teasingly yet again and Tiffany still laughs as we continue cooking like this.

We’re a bit clumsy, and of course there’s a lot of spilling and slight shouting and laughing, but it’s alright in the end. At least we manage to make a small stack of pancakes for Tiffany to eat that don’t look too damaged, despite the fact that probably half of the batter ends up on the stove, or on the wall, or on one another’s faces.

After that meal and a lot of convincing for Tiffany to eat a bit more, we end up lying on the rug in the middle of the living room, where we end up because we’re too lazy to walk all the way to the tiny couch. And in a comfortable silence we simply lie there, tangled up in each other despite the itchy rug and the hard surface of the floor, simply kissing a bit or talking about everything and nothing. “You know we still haven’t gotten dressed,” I say after a while and Tiffany just laughs a bit by the remark. “Why wear clothes when you can be free?” she replies with a brightening smile and with a playful nudge on her shoulder, I place my head back on the rug again.

“You are so unusual, in a weird way,” I say after a while and Tiffany just rolls her eyes, but still smiles before leaning closer. “You love me though, you don’t mind,” she kisses me as a response to that statement, slowly and softly, leaving small tingles on my lips yet again, her nails gently scratching on my back.  “Of course I do, I just don’t understand why,” my voice comes out mischievously despite the smile on my face, her hands still on my back again, sending pleasant shivers down my spine as we lie there together.

It’s weird to believe that for a year ago I didn’t even know Tiffany, and neither did she know me. And for the fact that I was probably as lonely as ever during that time, it makes it even odder to think that she once wasn’t in my life. How would life be if I didn’t meet Tiffany? It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even imagine it anymore; despite how much I try to picture it. Still, it doesn’t seem to work at all, and I feel empty with just the thought.

“Aren’t you cold?” I ask after a while to distract my wandering thoughts, but Tiffany simply shakes her head to say now, snuggling a bit closer. “No, you’re warm,” she replies cutely, a slight yawn lingering on her lips as we lie there, and while drawing soothing circles on her back I let her relax in the comfortable air.

It doesn’t take long for Tiffany to fall asleep, her breaths more even and softer than before, and her body just a bit more contented. And with a smile I figure that I really want to spend the rest of my days like this with her, even if it’s impossible in almost all ways, but for a moment I like to believe in it.

Whatever happens I know that there’s still us in some way or another.