For Myungsoo, it had always been everything or nothing at all. He had always been all in or all out. He was a firm believer of love, or leave.

Even as a kid, he had known that when he’d eventually fall in love, it would last forever. There was just one person in the world for him, only one, whom he would love with his heart and soul, from start to finish. He would rather be alone than loving someone with half of his heart. In return, he had wanted someone who would love him in the same way. That was the only person he had wanted in his life, someone who would be entirely his.

He had loved Sungjong fully, completely. There was no question of commitment, no space for doubt. It was like he was blind to the rest of the world, and Sungjong was the only one he could see. The love had consumed him, made him blind to Sungjong’s faults – he had become the most perfect person in his life. It had been pure love too, nothing tainted; the reasons were not at all the ones his friends had for dating. No, even as a young adult, he had viewed Sungjong as an angel, complete with wings and halo.

It had been the type of love you read about in books, too unreal to exist, but it had been just that. It had altered him completely – he had become hyperaware of everything around him, he had found poetry in the darkest corners, and every cloud had seemed to have a silver lining. For a year, he had been living in a castle among the clouds, just watching happily, elated to even think that someone like Sungjong existed and he was fortunate enough to know him.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t foreseen the rude awakening that was lurking in the corner, waiting to pounce on him when he was at his happiest. When he’d finally seen it, when he’d known that it was over, he had waned and shrunk, as if life was being out of him.

Those days, right after the heartbreak, time had moved backwards for him, agonizingly slow. Even the littlest things around him had seemed to break apart, flowers withered, water dried, darkness enveloped everything. The pain, the deceit had consumed him. There was no way he could look at Sungjong without scorching his insides.

The thing with Sungjong was, he didn’t know how to love someone, at least not in the way it mattered. So whatever he was feeling for Myungsoo now, for whatever reason, wasn’t real, not as real as Myungsoo’s pain or his dedication. Myungsoo had suffered for years – Sungjong always got his way; he didn’t know what it was like to love the way he did.

He was glad he wasn’t blind to the younger’s lies anymore, because if he believed another one, he wouldn’t be able to tolerate it.

No, Sungjong, you don’t know how to love. At least not in a way that is meaningful or beautiful, not in the way I loved you.

He spent the Sunday ruminating in his bedroom, the curtains drawn. He told his housekeeper to bring his meals to his room; he never really left the bed. It was a hateful thing to do, spend one whole day chasing old memories that did nothing but hurt him. He even scolded himself for being so sentimental and nostalgic, but he couldn’t help it, not after what had happened last night. Right now, after everything he had experienced, he needed to take a step back here, appraise the situation, and carefully rebuild his armor, making him Sungjong-proof again.

His actions from last night called for a thorough investigation – how did he actually feel about Sungjong?

The more he thought about Sungjong and Minho, the angrier he got. It was something he couldn’t control. It did seem like they had something going on between them; Woohyun had hinted as much. If the two were together, why had Sungjong lied to him?

Because that’s what he does, he lies.

And yet, there remained the question that Minho had been trying to take advantage of Sungjong. He was sure about this matter. But he couldn’t decide if he should confront Minho about it. The man surely couldn’t deny that he was trying to get Sungjong drunk with the wrong intention; it was too obvious.

Myungsoo had stopped anything from happening, but should he go any farther? Something told him it would be unwise to into the relationship between his subordinates. After all, he was not responsible for their personal lives.

But Minho might try it again, and I won’t be there to stop it.

The thought bugged him, but he had no solution for it. It was not his place to barge into their relationship – it was strictly between Minho and Sungjong, it was their decision to make. If Sungjong really liked Minho, he would obviously let him go farther with him. That was how it worked, and Myungsoo was just an outsider in all this.

An outsider…

Like a burning ache, the memory from last night came crawling into his mind, invading every inch of his brain. “I love you.” – Sungjong had said that to him.

Granted, he had been passed out from drinking too much, but he had called his name, he had known it was him. It was kind of hypocritical for him to say something like that after so long, but how could Myungsoo not be moved after that confession. It was eight years too late, but... it was what he had been waiting to hear.

However, that confession meant nothing now, because Myungsoo had moved on. So he told himself and yet he couldn’t help feeling worried about the younger and how he had been drawn into Minho’s trap so easily. Repeatedly, he told himself not to worry about Sungjong, who was an adult now, but his heart refused to listen.

I have to do something.

Finally, he came to a compensation, deciding to keep his eyes peeled and ears open for any news of Minho and Sungjong’s relationship. Being the boss everyone feared, it was difficult to be privy to the gossip around the office but at least he had his PA on the case.

On Monday, when he came in to the office, Woohyun let him know that Minho and Sungjong were still seeing each other and Minho had passed off that night at the party as a joke. Apparently, Taemin had delivered a message to Sungjong from Minho to come and see him at his office.

For some reason, the information infuriated him. How stupid did Sungjong have to be to actually believe Minho’s tale?

While walking past his desk this morning, Myungsoo had a sudden urge to look at Sungjong, to read his eyes, but he couldn’t risk it. For all he knew, the younger might remember everything from that night, including how he had spurned on his confession.

He wasn’t entirely sure why he wanted Sungjong to not remember it – he had all the right to reject him, especially after what he had done to him. Yet, a part of him was not ready to hurt Sungjong the way he had hurt him.

But I did that, didn’t I? Didn’t I get the revenge I deserve?

He was lost in thoughts, clearly not judging the portfolios in front of him like he was supposed to, when Woohyun’s voice interrupted his brooding.

“Sir, Minho-ssi wants to see you.”

Sighing, he replied, “Send him in.”

Had Minho come to confront him? It would be strange, wouldn’t it, considering his reputation. How could he possible explain away the events from that night to Myungsoo? He had definitely been getting Sungjong drunk on purpose. There was nothing he could tell that would make Myungsoo believe otherwise.

I know men like him.

When Minho came in with an apologetic smile, he glared at him sternly, ignoring to tell him to take a seat on purpose. That didn’t seem to bother the man though. Contorting his face into a hesitant, apologetic expression, he said, “Hey, about Saturday night, I’m sorry if I had come across as rude. It’s just…we all know Sungjong doesn’t like you much.”

Myungsoo wanted to throw something at him but he kept his calm. Straightening his tie, he raised an eyebrow only - he had always kept his personal and professional lives separate and he wasn’t going to change it now. Even though it had been a work party, what Minho had done was his personal business and Sungjong was an adult, so there was nothing he could bring up without crossing a line; a line he wasn’t prepared to cross.

I’m the most ambivalent person ever.

Sounding as detached as he could, he stated, “If that’s all you are here to say-”

“Actually, there’s more.” Minho cleared his throat. Drawing out a chair, he took a seat in front of him, clasping his hands on his lap. It was rude but the serious look on his face, surely put there to justify his actions, made Myungsoo give him a chance to speak.

Honestly, he could see why everyone was so taken with Minho – he had a charm about him that exuded even during the simplest of actions. On many occasions, Myungsoo had been described by tabloids and magazines as being ‘cold and dry’; the executive editor was just the opposite. Perceptive men like Myungsoo could recognize the warmth he radiated as a preplanned and practiced, but everyone else was convinced that it was sincere and spontaneous.

“It’s about Sungjong.” He paused, his eyes brightening. Excitement was evident in the dilated pupils of his eyes. “You know I’m designing the fall line of jeans, right? I want to use Sungjong as the model.” As he spoke, he leaned forward eagerly, locking eyes with him.

The editor frowned, staring at him in confusion. It made no sense to him. It wasn’t remotely close to what he was expecting.

“Excuse me?”

“Come on,” Minho slapped the table excitedly, his smile becoming wider. “You must have seen him walk around. He has the perfect and the most gorgeous legs. He was made to be a model!”

Gulping, Myungsoo looked away, furious and unsettled. He hoped he wasn’t blushing. He was angry because of the way Minho was objectifying Sungjong but at the same time he couldn’t stop picturing the younger’s legs and…other assets.

Of course he knew Sungjong was the perfect model, but the idea, coming from Minho, sounded preposterous and vile. Sungjong was his assistant PA; he hadn’t applied to be a model.

Or had he?

Had he convinced Minho somehow? Was he actually trying to break into the industry by seducing one of the executive editors?

He felt acid in his throat as he contemplated how low Sungjong’s actions would seem if it was indeed true.

However, Minho’s next sentence cleared it up.

“I haven’t persuaded him yet, he says he doesn’t have it in him, but I know. Look at these.” He pulled out his cellphone from his pocket and extended it towards Myungsoo.

Glaring slightly, he took the cell phone in his hand only to find some candid shots of Sungjong. He was wearing usual office clothes but he looked stunning. Minho didn’t know enough about photography to have angled the shots perfectly, but Myungsoo could see the potential. Everything about Sungjong in the photos was naturally beautiful, just the way he liked it. It was a photographer’s dream to have a model like Sungjong.

Myungsoo had always believed that fashion was about making people look good – his central theme had always been the models. His motto was to use the clothes and accessories to make the models look good, not the other way around. Fashion photography had never been just about selling the items for him.

Most fashion photographers liked to portray the models as plastic as possible, trying to make mannequins out of them, but he was just the opposite. His idea was unorthodox and he had had his fair share of disapprovers, but in the end, he had proved by making his way work. That had led him all the way to the top.

Of all the people, he knew the best that a model like Sungjong could lessen the artificiality of fashion products with his unaffected charms and add freshness to the magazine.

But he couldn’t accept the offer, at least not from Minho.

Glancing down at the cellphone, he felt his stomach contort. From the background, he could tell that the pictures had been taken in Minho’s office. All of a sudden, the anger that had been the surface since Saturday flared up inside him.

“You two have been spending time together in your office,” he commented coldly, handing the phone back.

Minho looked puzzled, as if the comment had thrown his off his trail of thoughts.

“Well yeah, but during break only. We’re…friends.”

Of course you are.

He snorted; it didn’t make it any better. The truth was Minho and Sungjong were spending time together away from everyone else. How could he be comfortable with that?

Why not, he doesn’t mean anything to you.

He had to pause for a moment, to regain control. It wasn’t like him, to slip out of professionalism in front of a subordinate.

“Please, give me a chance, I’ll show you. My collection wouldn’t be perfect without the perfect model, I need him, I need the inspiration,” Minho pressed on, looking determined. He was biting down on his lips, an almost anxious look in his eyes. As far as he remembered, the executive editor had never asked for anything so badly. There hadn’t been a time when the model was an issue for Minho.

He had half a mind to refuse flat-out but he couldn’t deny that Sungjong had glaring potential. When he had taken over as the editor of Star Magazine, he had promised that he would do everything it took to improve this magazine and if Minho could really pull through with the fall jeans collection faster, it would be a huge advantage to them. He was caught between two choices and he didn’t know what to do. Wouldn’t it be just selfish of him if he didn’t allow Sungjong to be a model, only so that he didn’t get to spend more time with Minho?

It doesn’t matter, does it? They might be spending time after office hours anyway.

It was too complicated a decision to make right away, so he told the executive editor that he would need some time to think about it. Minho further reminded him that they were going up against one of their major competitors with the fall collection and promised that with Sungjong as the model, he would produce his best works.

When Minho had left, he rang for Sunggyu to come and see him. The other executive editor knew why he had been called; after all, they hadn’t been able to finish their conversation at the party on Saturday due to Myungsoo walking out abruptly to take Sungjong home.

As he explained to Sunggyu what had just happened and filled him in on the confession from Saturday night, the man nodded sympathetically. Finally, when he was done, Sunggyu took off his glasses and told him something he didn’t like hearing.

“Myungsoo, Sungjong was your first love. Yeah, you might hate him, but your brain remembers that you used to love him. First love always lingers, you know, no matter how many years pass.”

He didn’t want to love Sungjong, he was certain he couldn’t love him again. Once was enough – the pain, the suffering had been enough for a lifetime. Sungjong had broken him, made him jaded, and he had ensured that Myungsoo would never fall in love again.

Because of you, I want nothing to do with love anymore.

“I understand why you feel torn about having him back in your life. Just let him go – if you don’t want to fire him, transfer him to some other department. I’m sure Howon can find another job for him.”

Shaking his head, Myungsoo said stubbornly, “No, I don’t want to accept defeat. I don’t want to look weak in front of him. He saw me at my weakest last time, I can’t do it again.”

Considering him thoughtfully, Sunggyu replied, “Then stop thinking about what you had, or what you could have had, and start thinking about what you have.” He gave him a meaningful gaze.

Biting his lips, Myungsoo asked, “You mean Jiyeon?”

The executive editor shrugged his shoulders.

“She can make you forget him, if you give her the chance.”

There was a period of the silence during which both men stared at the table in front of them, immersed in their own thoughts. Sunggyu was the first to break off.

Patting the back of the editor’s hand, he said softly, “I want you to be happy Myungsoo, and Sungjong just seems to be too painful for you.”

It made sense to Myungsoo, what Sunggyu was saying. He didn’t want Sungjong back either, he couldn’t deal with it. Besides, it had been years and he had not needed the younger. He could do without him. But that wouldn’t help him with getting revenge. He wanted the younger to suffer, like he had. The only way to ensure that was to have him around, knowing he was in love with him.

However, he would have to make a bold statement as well to show that he had indeed completely moved on and felt nothing for Sungjong.

I need to show him, he needs to experience it.

“Myungsoo, the reason it’s so hard is because you’re not giving anyone the chance. What if someone else can actually make you happy? What if Jiyeon can make you happy?” Sunggyu’s voice was empathetic as leaned towards him, his eyes grave.

The editor could tell that he was really trying to help him, to find a solution for him. Maybe Sunggyu was right – he would never be completely himself again, at least not his past, teenage self, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t take a chance. At worst, the relationship would fail but he would be numb to the pain.

“I’ve been thinking,” he finally said slowly, in a cautious tone, “maybe I should…propose to Jiyeon.”

Sunggyu looked stumped for a moment, his face going blank, before nodding sympathetically.

“That’s a leap. But if that helps you, Myungsoo, then you should.”

He didn’t know what had possessed him to spill it, or why he even thought about it in the first place. But what Sunggyu had said moved something within him. He could never love Jiyeon, at least not in the way he had loved Sungjong back then, but at least, it would be the statement he had been looking for – I have moved on, Sungjong, look at me.

It wasn’t only for Sungjong, it was for himself as well, a reminder that Sungjong had nothing on him. Every time he confused the past with the present, he had to pull himself out of it all alone. But with Jieyon by his side, maybe it would be easier not to fall into that pit of despair.

Because, hell knew he didn’t want to be there again, where Sungjong had put him once.

This is me moving on. Moving away, far away from you.

---

Sungjong sat at his desk, inserting meetings into Myungsoo’s schedule. Recently, there had been an influx of appointment requests and it was a considerable challenge scheduling them all within the month. He had tried to explain this to Woohyun, who had flatly told him that it had to be done.

“Why don’t you do it then?” he had almost retorted but had returned to his desk instead. Sometimes he just wished to quit.

It would be easy – just saying something mean to Woohyun would do the trick. In fact, he didn’t even need to be mean, he would just have to state the truth, like how Woohyun made him do most of his works while he gossiped with Taemin, and he would be out of the office in no time. But he didn’t want to disappoint Minho, who sent him short and encouraging texts every now and then, telling him to hang on.

On Sunday, he had called him, asking him if he had gone home alright. When he had assured him that he had, Minho had sounded relieved.

“I was so worried but I was in no condition to take you home. I was drunk. And the editor insisted. It was as if he wanted to rub it into your face how irresponsible you were. Can you believe him?”

Sungjong had only laughed nervously, the memory from the night haunting him. A part of him wanted to tell Minho everything, but there was no way he could bring himself to confess what he had done in the past. Minho liked him – how could he tell him what an idiotic douche he had been as a teenager?

“I’m so sorry Sungjong, I failed you. I should have been more responsible…” Minho had sounded on the verge of tears and Sungjong had ended up consoling him.

“So everything’s cool between us, right?”

“Why would it not be?”

“Just…if Myungsoo tries to tell lies about me, you wouldn’t believe him right? Besides, there are so many rumours flying around about me…I do hear them, you know. It just disappoints me so much that the people I work with would spread such disgusting lies about me…”

Once again, it had fallen up to Sungjong to assure him that he didn’t believe any of the rumours. That had cheered up the executive editor considerably.

“You won’t leave this office right? You’re the only one who believes me like this…you see me for who I am.”

Sungjong could say the same about himself. So it was kind of a pact between them to be there for each other. It would be poor repayment for Minho’s kindness to just walk out on him.

And besides, contrary to what other people believed, he was quite stubborn. Woohyun had started a war from the moment they had met and he was not going to give in, give the PA the satisfaction of having driven him out of the office. This office belonged to him as much as it did to Woohyun – he wouldn’t quit just because the PA didn’t know how to deal with his life.

No, if I’m going out, I’m taking him out too.

He was busy rubbing out a meeting that overlapped with another engagement Myungsoo had when he heard loud voices across from him. Lifting his head, he found that Taemin had joined Woohyun and they were speaking loudly, their faces animated.

He didn’t understand Taemin’s deal – he was the only PA Minho had but he spent so much time away from his desk. What excuse did he give his boss? Year-long diarrhea? Migraine? Maybe Minho was just too kind and didn’t overwork his PA or mind his absence.

“Oh yeah, the stupid expression he has on his face all the time-”

“Except when he’s seducing people-”

From their voices, it was evident that the torture duo was talking about him. Blowing his fringes out of his eye, he tried to tune them out but they were getting louder and louder.

Taemin was saying, “I heard that in college he was such a W-H-O-R-”

“Shh,” Woohyun said tauntingly, “don’t say that so loudly. He might hear you and run to his boyfriend to complain about you.” None of them made any attempts to lower their voices though; it was as if they were speaking for his benefit.

This was a new level of low they had hit. Sungjong could feel his face flush.

“Argh, do you believe this, my boss is such an innocent man and this witch has him trapped under a spell,” Taemin said, pointing very obviously towards the assistant PA.

Sungjong was in disbelief – wasn’t Taemin the one who had told him that Minho was a player? Now Minho was the innocent guy trapped under his spell? He was quick to change his story.

These idiots…

“Oh apparently, in University, he slept with guys he didn’t even know the names of. He has no class, does he?”

“Right, and I heard he was with different people on the very same day, like one in the afternoon, one in the evening, and one at night – like a e.”

“What if he was a e?”

“What if he is?”

A pulse was jumping on his temple, threatening to burst. He couldn’t believe the accusations they were making about him – how could they sink so low? Without knowing it, he was digging his nails into his palms and clenching his jaws. He swore, if they said another word, just another lie…

“And if you’re wondering how he passed his classes, it’s a common knowledge that he gave his professors a real good time in exchange for marks.”

“Such a slu-”

“Shut up!” he shouted, slamming his palms down on the table and springing to his feet. He couldn’t take it anymore. “Don’t you guys have any shame?”

Woohyun and Taemin turned to face him, wearing matching amused expressions. Simultaneously, they crossed their arms over their chests – their synchronization was almost comical but Sungjong wasn’t in the mood to laugh. His ears were hot, his heart pounding wildly.

“Oh look Taemin, look who’s teaching us about shame. You have quite the history, mister, but you’re not embarrassed at all, are you?”

“Of course not hyung,” Taemin drawled, smirking. “If he did, he would have drowned himself. But I guess he’s a born who-”

“What have I ever done to you guys? Ever since I started at this office, I had taken your crap, never talked back. Can’t you just leave me alone? I’m not asking you to love me, just pretend I don’t exist.”

“Honestly,” Woohyun said, cocking his head to one side, “we don’t feel safe with a seducer like you among us. We all know that your next target after Taemin’s boss is the editor and we have a duty to protect him.”

Taemin nodded emphatically.

Stopping the urge to burst into tears, Sungjong reiterated, “Leave me alone. I don’t want any trouble. Don’t lie shamelessly like that.”

“We’re not lying. We have the information from a credible source.” Taemin’s smirk widened – it was sickening to watch.

I can’t take this anymore.

Unhooking his coat from the coat hanger, he picked up his side bag. Without another word, he stomped out of the office, all the way to the elevator. There was a storm raging inside of him and every bit of him wanted to punch Woohyun and Taemin on their faces until they bled. He was not ashamed to admit that he wanted the two to hurt badly. His mind was quivering and his vision was out of focus. Once on the ground floor, he took the back exit. He just wanted to get away from them, from the office, from the building. He had never felt more insulted.

He had accepted all sorts of trash talking about him but today, the two had crossed a line. Those were some serious accusations, questioning his morality – it wasn’t a joke. For all he knew, tomorrow, the whole office building with all its occupants would know those sick rumours about him.

I can’t live like this.

He shriveled up, wondering if the rumours would reach Myungsoo’s ears. He would believe them, right? What did it matter anyway – he despised him already. There was nothing left for him to recover, nothing.

Allowing his feet to carry him wherever they pleased, he ventured towards a destination unknown. He would have to quit; there was no way he was going back in there, listening to Woohyun and Taemin’s poisonous slurs. Winning against them didn’t matter anymore.

He had walked quite a bit when suddenly, his cellphone rang. At first, he ignored it, but the calls kept coming. When he checked the caller ID, he found Minho’s name.

His hands shaking badly, he connected the call.

“Sungjong, where are you? I have been looking for you. I need to tell you something-”

“Hyung I – I’m sorry, I can’t. I have to quit,” he blurted out, his voice trembling.

There was a pause.

“Tell me where you are. I’ll come and get you.”

“No hyung, I can’t-”

“Sungjong, listen to me. If you want to quit, it’s okay. But you need to tell me where you are and what happened. You trust me right? I am your friend, you can’t push me away like this.” Minho’s voice was pleading and Sungjong didn’t want to hurt him. He told him his location.

“Wait there, just five minutes. I’ll be there. Don’t run away Sungjong, please don’t.”

Hanging up, he leaned against the wall, feeling faint.

Is this karma finally getting to me?

A/N: Just a little question - I'm curious as to who you are imagining Minho as? Shinee's Minho, actor Minho, or just a random handsome guy?