The two hours that passed before the doctor informed him that Sungjong would be alright were a living hell for him.

He felt as if a metal chain was tightening around his neck every second, while fire sprang from his feet and threatened to engulf him altogether. He had been on his feet ever since he had brought Sungjong to the hospital, pacing restlessly, and praying. He had never been so desperate. In fact, at one point he had decided that if Sungjong didn’t make it, there was no point in him living either.

I love you, Sungjong. Please be alive, for me.

When he was finally relieved by the doctor, he had sunk to his knees and bowed his head in prayer. After he recovered, he thanked the doctor profusely, shaking his hand with gratitude. 

“What’s wrong with him, doctor?” he asked tentatively, afraid to hear the answer. He didn’t want Sungjong to be sick.

“It’s not that serious…exhaustion is the main cause. He put a lot of strain on himself I guess, and he had lost a lot of weight recently I suppose. His body just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Myungsoo closed his eyes momentarily. This was what he had been worried about. The amount of stress the younger had been putting on his body just wasn’t right. He had tried to talk to him about it but he wouldn’t listen. He had maintained that he didn’t feel tired or hungry and he was doing just fine.

“It’s best if he rests for a while, take time off work,” the doctor continued solemnly. “And eat properly. I can’t imagine people would like him less if he gained 10 more pounds. He’s underweight right now.”

Nodding, he promised the doctor that he would look after his husband better. The doctor looked genuinely sympathetic – not every doctor had sympathy for models. Like drug addicts, they seemed to be of the opinion that the models ‘brought it onto themselves’. However, Dr. Im was different. 

“When can I see him, doctor?”

“Go right ahead,” he replied, smiling at him a little.

He was about to enter the ward where Sungjong was being kept, when the doctor called him back.

“Can I ask you something, Mr. Kim?” Dr. Im was hesitating.

“Yeah, sure.”

“I know I shouldn’t discuss these things but…I’m a bit worried. Does Mr. Lee do drugs?”

Myungsoo thought he heard him wrong the first time. When the doctor repeated the question, visibly flustered, he didn’t know how to answer.

“Why would you say that?”

The doctor scratched his head.

“I found something when I got his blood work done…nothing to worry about,” he hastily added when he noticed the expression on his face. “Just a tiny trace of a recreational drug, something that I heard high-end parties serve, you know. I was wondering…since his lifestyle can allow for-”

“He’s doing drugs?” Myungsoo almost whispered, his stomach feeling heavy. He had never thought Sungjong would go down that path again; he wasn’t a teenager anymore. He was never truly addicted but…

“No, no, I’m sure it was probably just once or twice. Just,” the doctor lowered his voice even though the corridor was deserted. “People who get stressed can end up doing a lot of things, so keep an eye on him, won’t you?”

Nodding weakly, he thanked the doctor once more, before heading towards Sungjong’s ward.

As he pushed the door open, Sungjong stirred on his bed. He recalled a familiar scenario more than a year ago, when Sungjong had been kidnapped by Jiyeon’s henchmen and had ended up at the hospital. At that time, he had promised he wouldn’t ever let anything like this happen again. And yet, here he was, visiting him once more at the hospital, having been unable to prevent him from coming here.

I’m so sorry. I should have paid more attention.

“Sungjongie,” he whispered as he touched his cheek softly. His eyes opened slowly and recognition dawned on them. “How are you feeling?”

He didn’t speak. Maybe he was still angry with him for before. Maybe he was accusing him for not stopping this earlier.

“I wish I could have done more, earlier,” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

The younger closed his eyes again. His hand curled around Myungsoo’s free one. The grasp wasn’t strong; it was gentle, but it was there. Myungsoo wanted to ask him about the drugs, but the words died on his lips. For a moment, he felt like the time he had confessed to Sungjong and he had confirmed his love for him. It was like finally climbing to the top of a great mountain.

From Sungjong’s shallow breathing, he realized that he had fallen asleep again. He was looking around for a chair to sit down beside him when the door opened and Howon walked in. He wore an expression of concern and when their eyes met, he looked at him in askance.

Smiling a little, he nodded in order to relieve his brother-in-law. Howon’s stiff shoulder visibly slackened and he seemed to mutter something, maybe a prayer of gratitude under his breath.

Silently, he pointed to the door. Myungsoo realized he was not satisfied with a silent assurance and wanted to talk to him. Kissing the back of Sungjong’s hand, he tucked it in under the white sheet covering his body, before following his brother-in-law out of the room. In the same corridor where he had conversed with the doctor, he explained what was wrong with Sungjong to Howon, who listened with a frown.

“I knew it, Royals is working him too hard. What are they thinking?” he growled furiously.

“I didn’t try hard enough to stop him,” he regretted. Howon’s eyes softened a bit.

“It’s not your fault. He can be stubborn, really stubborn.”

Myungsoo knew exactly what he meant. He was surprised Howon had already picked it up, even though he hadn’t known him for very long. Maybe brothers had a special way of knowing, just like Munsoo had known that he had still been in love with Sungjong, even when he had hated him.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted, looking lost. “I love him and I don’t want to upset him. But he won’t listen to me.”

It felt strange, confiding in Howon about something so close to his heart. But he felt that he had reached a dead end and had no idea how to pull out of it.

“I wish I could tell you what to do,” Howon replied bitterly. “I myself have failed as a brother.”

“Should I talk to Mrs. Lee?”

Sometimes, he had thought that talking to Sungjong’s mother might help him. She was the one who knew Sungjong the best and she might have an idea about how to stop Sungjong from going down the path of self-destruction. However, he had felt embarrassed about it. How could he claim to love Sungjong completely when he couldn’t even deal with him or protect him?

Only a few weeks ago, the tabloids had had a field day with pictures of Sungjong and some fashion designer at a party. He wasn’t sure if Howon knew about that. Sungjong’s mother’s heart would break if she saw anything like that or heard anyone bashing her son. To tell the truth, he had been appalled by the pictures but he had also held a strong belief – there had to be a reasonable explanation – Sungjong wouldn’t just throw him under the bus like that.

Many annoying reporters, or so they called themselves, had called Myungsoo up, asking for his reaction. Of  course he didn’t have any. But he couldn’t resist saying calmly into the phone, “You’re mistaken, they’re not dating. Sungjong and I are happily married.”  He had only wished he was more confident about what he was saying.

When it was time for the younger to clear up the situation, Sungjong had seemed very vague. He had confirmed though that he was not in a relationship with the acclaimed fashion designer, or even thinking of one.

“It’s just business,” he had said.

“What kind of business requires you to flirt with him?” he had wanted to ask, but instead, he had decided to believe him.

Now that he looked back, his life had ended up in an endless string of questions that he hoped Sungjong had the right answers too but he was afraid of even asking them in the first place, because … what if the younger didn’t have an explanation. Would he be able to bear it? But relationships are built on trust and he had decided to trust his life partner. Once. Twice. Every time.

“Maybe try him once more before speaking to her,” Howon said after some thought. “She would be worried.”

“You’re right. Besides, this is not her problem.” He wondered if he should tell Howon about the drugs but decided against it. There was no point alerting him just now. The two brothers had fought before and it wouldn’t do well to fuel the fire.

I’ll take care of this.

“Sir, I have an idea,” Eric, who was the new executive editor who had replaced Sunggyu said. They were sitting in the board room by themselves, going over a few project plans they had received.

Eric Nam was enthusiastic and peppy, all the time. Nothing could dampen his spirits and he delivered bad news as if he was reciting an old joke. It probably had something to do with him coming from the bright and sunny Australia, where he had studied fashion journalism at a prestigious university. Even at his age of 29, he sounded like a teenager.

His addition to the team had benefitted them – his optimistic views and colorful personality had helped to keep the team in a good mood even when most of the news they received everyday was disappointing. He had chosen well.

“What idea?” he asked, turning another page of the file he was reading.

“It’s an awesome idea!” Eric exclaimed, clapping his hands together. He looked up to find Eric’s eyes round with excitement. He couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Let’s hear it.”

“I was going through some past reports and I found that your wedding pictorial was a huge hit! That issue of the magazine sold an astonishing number of copies at a time when Star was struggling.”

Myungsoo remembered that of course. Niel had suggested it originally and even he couldn’t believe the great success of the issue.

“Yes, but what’s your point?”

“We’re struggling to go back to the top right now and we’re fighting Royals,” Eric said, but he needn’t have to. Myungsoo was reminded of that every day. “And Sungjong-ssi, your husband is with Royals right now.” Eric had the ability to state the obvious in a tone that suggested that he was saying something worth listening to. It was a good thing, he supposed.

“Yes?”

“People are wondering why that is and they are talking about your break-up with Sungjong-ssi. That’s affecting us negatively.”

Myungsoo would never understand why his personal life mattered to other people but it was true. There had been too much speculation about his relationship with Sungjong, with people assuming they had broken up and Sungjong was having an affair with an old fashion designer for his money. The younger had told him that it was all a pretense but hadn’t explained any further. Myungsoo had taken him for his words.

“So I was thinking, we can have our next issue with you two on the cover page. And the issue will include and exclusive interview with the ‘star-crossed lovers’!” His eyes were glazed over as he spoke, his pitch turning higher and higher.

“How’s that going to help?”

“It probably won’t be a turnaround but at least it will give us a boost, just like your wedding pictorial issue. People are ers for sappy love stories and perfect couples,” he said sagely, nodding at his own words.

“But Eric,” Myungsoo reasoned, “it worked that one time. We weren’t sure it would be so successful. What makes you think it’ll work again? Besides, now that people think our relationship has turned sour-”

“Exactly!” he cut across him, almost jumping out of his seat in enthusiasm. “They think it’s bad, but we will show them that it’s not. We’ll show that you two are just as lovey-dovey as ever and they’ll love it!”

He pondered the words – maybe there was some truth in what Eric was saying. The media hadn’t seen them together in a long time, so rumors were floating that they had broken up. Last time, making his life public had turned out to be a good thing. It had the potential to do well this time as well. Since everyone was struggling with too many explanations and speculations, wouldn’t it be better to just give them the answer?

However, he wondered if he was using their relationship for the magazine’s gain. Of course he was under considerable pressure from the CEO, who had been livid at the fall in their profit and stock prices, but would he do something like this in the hopes that it would save his magazine?

Besides, are we really the same couple who had done the pre-wedding photoshoot?

Even though he didn’t want to admit it, their relationship had suffered in the past few months and it just wasn’t what it used to be. But it wasn’t irreparable and he had high hopes. Once Sungjong got better, he would start mending the little flaws that had erupted between them and they would be the same as before, happy and completely in love.

It takes two to fix a relationship.

“I don’t know if I want to use our relationship like this, Eric,” he admitted.

Eric looked like a scolded puppy.

“But sir,” he offered timidly. “It’s a great opportunity. And we’re not lying or making things up…it’s the truth.”

He was touched by Eric’s confidence that the couple was happy and satisfied. Since there were too many rumor mills reporting on them, he had thought half his staff would believe them.

“I understand why you’re saying this but…”

“I think Sunggyu-ssi would have approved,” Eric mumbled. He had taken to reading up on Sunggyu’s contributions to the company from the previous meeting minutes. Apparently, he had found the man a genius and seemed to look up to him a lot. Myungsoo hadn’t told him what the previous executive editor had actually done.

He wondered if Sunggyu would have actually approved. He would have done anything to save the magazine, that much was true but he had never approved of him and Sungjong. Later, he had realized that it was because he had wanted Myungsoo to marry Jiyeon so that no one would know about their affair and their baby. He had only ever tried to pass Jiyeon off to him as a baton and nothing more.

The new chief editor for Star Magazine HK was doing really well. In fact, in less than a year, he had established the name of Star in the competitive market of Hong Kong. Nowadays, Star HK was being heralded as one of the top 3 fashion magazines in Hong Kong, and they were eyeing the international market as well. He had to admit that was remarkable.

He had had help in the form of Jiyeon, who, after leaving Royals had signed with Star HK. Myungsoo had been furious when he had heard it, not because he was jealous that Jiyeon was going back to Sunggyu but because he was angry. How could she trust him again when he had made it so that she couldn’t look after her own child? She should know by now that Sunggyu was a cold, calculative person and would never really love her or marry her.

Maybe she’s in too deep to go back now.

Whatever the reason, Jiyeon had modeled for Star HK and having Asia’s top model on the pages of their magazines did them a great deal of good. In anyway, Myungsoo had never doubted Sunggyu’s administrative abilities but he still thought that their quality couldn’t compare with Star’s.

Unfortunately, it seemed that quality wasn’t everything as he would like it to be.

---

Sungjong was feeling guilty but decided he shouldn’t. Why should he feel guilty about causing the elder concern? Had he ever told him to be worried for him?

“I’m an adult, I can handle myself,” he had told his husband several times, but the elder refused to listen. It was as if Myungsoo was bent on babying him through everything. It was not only depressing that Myungsoo wouldn’t trust him with anything, but it was also choking him.

So maybe the drugs were going a bit overboard, but he hadn’t wanted to take them in the first place. They had been at a club, where some famous fashion designers and models had gathered. It was the usual deal, Sungjong was socializing, charming others, when someone had pushed a pill into his hand. He hadn’t exactly known what it was but he had seen other models swallowing them at parties. At first, he had tried to resist, but then almost a crowd gathered around him to persuade him to take the pill. Even Kihoon was among them. So in the end, he had no choice.

He couldn’t describe his feelings after the pill; all he knew was, he didn’t say no to the next couple of pills that had been offered to him. The morning after, he remembered a splitting headache. That wasn’t his most responsible moment, he would admit it, but he had learned his mistake and was not going to repeat it. Myungsoo seemed to have a hard time believing that.

Maybe the elder did it out of love, but his love was choking him and he needed space. Besides, if Myungsoo had loved him so completely, why had he allowed for Mi? His dislike for Mi was not unknown to Myungsoo but he had kept on insisting that Mi was a part of their family.

What family? I’m certainly no family to Mi!

Once, Kibum had told him that Myungsoo liked to control things. At work, he was the boss and he could control whatever he wanted, but it seemed to have stretched to his personal life as well and he was trying to control Sungjong. More than once he had nagged him to leave Royals; it was almost as if he was jealous of his success. But he wasn’t a little boy who would be controlled by someone else; no, he would never accept something like that. The more he tried to get away, the stronger his husband seemed to come down upon him. It just wasn’t right.

Howon was just as bad though – he always sided with Myungsoo. He couldn’t understand why though. Maybe Howon had control issues as well and thought whatever Myungsoo was doing was right. Desperate to have someone listen to his side, he had confided in Kihoon. He would probably not be his first choice of confidante but they spent too much time together anyway.

After listening to him, Kihoon had only shrugged and said, “Maybe it’s the age difference. Or maybe Myungsoo’s just in love with Jiyeon without knowing it.”

He had never mentioned anything else to his manager ever again. He tried to forget his answer but once his mind had picked up Jiyeon, he had no rest. The worst fears came tingling down his spine – what if Kihoon was right? Was Jiyeon the reason Myungsoo was like this?

He recalled what Sunggyu had once said to him – “He’ll regret ever marrying you.”

I really need to talk to someone.

There was no point in speaking with Howon. He could talk to Sunkyu but he would never take it seriously. As for his mother, he didn’t want to worry her. She would be anxious if she got to know that Sungjong and Myungsoo were having problems. After all, she had asked him several times before their wedding if Myungsoo was the one. He had been a lot more confident than now.

That left only one option – his best friend, Sungyeol. True, they hadn’t spoken to each other for quite some time but Sungyeol never failed to send a text to check up on him. They were both busy, Sungjong being the busier of the two, but that didn’t stop them from being able to rely on one another.

He never fails to give me good advice, he thought, although he was a bit hesitant about flooding Sungyeol with his personal dilemma. It didn’t seem right to make him worry.

Picking up his phone, he sent his friend a hasty text – ‘When can we meet?’