It was sudden, unexpected, and struck like lightning. There was no question of being prepared.

Sungjong was sitting on the couch in Minho’s office while the executive editor was making sketches of his new designs. True, he was supposed to model the finished products and didn’t have much to do till then except for a few screening shoots, but Minho had instructed him to sit in at the designing sessions because, apparently, he gave him inspiration for newer designs. So that was what the younger had been doing for the past half an hour, getting bored from sitting too still while Minho’s pencil scratched away, the man glancing at him every now and then and giving him tight-lipped smiles. He wasn’t sure how looking at his face would help Minho design jeans but he didn’t really complain; he’d rather spend time in here than sitting across from Woohyun.

And then, this happened.

All of a sudden, Minho, who had looked up from his sketch as if he had just decided something, threw away the clipboard and the pencil and scooted closer to him. Before Sungjong could move away, he had kissed him full on the mouth.  The kiss was firm, no hesitation or consideration, a lot more aggressive than what Sungjong was used to for a first kiss.

Once the initial shock was over, Sungjong pushed him back with all his might. Gasping for breath and his eyes wide, he asked, “What are you doing?”

“Oh come on Sungjong,” Minho whined, his pupils dilated, “I want you.”

The confession seemed very raw and real, so much so that Sungjong’s gaze was transfixed on the man in front of him. He was unable to put two words together, and his jaws might have slackened. Taking the no farther protest as a sign, Minho grabbed him by the back of his neck and pushed him towards him, kissing him again. This time, it begun slow and sweet. Minho gently on his lower lip while his fingers the back of his neck soothingly.

It felt strange.

Sungjong thought that it wasn't right, it couldn't be right - Minho was his superior and this was hardly the place and the time but the way he held him felt so secure that he found himself draping his arms around the elder, pulling him closer.

He thought about the night at the party – he still didn’t remember what had happened with Minho. All he recalled was getting steadily drunk, and then Myungsoo had brought him home. He had the faint suspicion that Minho had kissed him that night, or at least tried to, but he couldn’t be sure if the man had done that because he had been drunk.

I don’t understand, am I so insecure that I’m going take whoever is throwing himself at me and not question it? But then again, Minho seems like such a nice guy…

He was hesitant; like he was approving of it, but not quite. Minho however showed no doubt. Pushing him back on the couch, he straddled him, renewing the kiss with vigour. His tongue tickled Sungjong's lips but the younger still hadn't decided whether he wanted to let him in or not. So he turned his head sideways, giving Minho access to the side of his neck, which the elder wasted no time in covering with hot, wet kisses.

Sungjong’s heart rate was beyond control but amidst the flush of excitement and desire, he felt fear. It was almost as if he was doing something wrong, like he was cheating on someone. But that was impossible because he hadn’t dated anyone in a couple of years – there was a handful of one-night stands and friends-with-benefits kind of thing, but nothing he could get serious about. And yet, he felt the thrill of doing something forbidden, like he knew he was disappointing someone.

For a split second, he thought about Myungsoo. The next moment, he was shaking his head vigorously, willing the thought to go away.

“Sungjong?” Minho moved back a little, looking at him intensely, appraising the situation.

“This is…inappropriate. We’re supposed to work,” Sungjong said drily, trying to sound severe.

Minho’s gaze melted into an apologetic smile, causing Sungjong’s heart to skip a beat. He hated these moments of weakness. He wondered if he was just a stupid fool, who got taken in too easily. It angered him to know he couldn’t say no. If this had happened a few years ago, when he was cocky and self-centred, he wouldn’t have been so easy.

But wait, I’m not being easy. Minho is probably the only decent person I met in a long time, so why can’t I give him a chance?

Maybe he knew why he couldn’t give him a chance; maybe he was holding him up to Myungsoo’s standards, comparing him with the 21-year old man he had met nine years ago. That was why Minho couldn’t live up to the expectations, because that Myungsoo was perfect in Sungjong’s eyes now, whatever else he might have felt eight years ago.

“We’re working Sungjong,” Minho said, smiling slightly. “This is good for my inspiration.”

Sungjong faltered a bit, but he knew he couldn’t let this continue. At least not at this moment. He would have to gather his thoughts, think it through, tread carefully. If this went wrong, the only person who was on his side at this office would turn against him – he knew how it worked, what happened when relationships turned sour, he had experienced it a bit too often.

“I have to go now.”  He made to stand up but Minho pulled him down by his wrist.

“Okay, just sit here, I promise I won’t try anything funny. Just sit here and let me finish my sketches, please?” Minho pouted, his eyes pleading. There was no sign of malice in his eyes, his right hand was raised as if in an oath.

Sungjong decided to trust him. Besides, he had promised to help him out with this one collection. It would show poor friendship to go back on that promise now.

“Fine,” he said, crossing his arms on his chest, sinking back into the soft couch. “But hurry up. Woohyun will be mad if I overstay my time.”

While Minho focused on his sketches, Sungjong let his mind wander. He was thinking about a lot of things at the same time, his life, his job, his future. They were all stray thoughts, nothing straightforward or anything he could hold on to. In the end, he just had a web of considerations that didn’t matter.

Exhausted, he closed his eyes, trying to compose himself. That was when Myungsoo’s thought came up, catching him unaware. Without even knowing it, his breathing became rapid and shallow. He had been alright all this time, but this second meeting with Myungsoo seemed to change so many things within him.

And then there was Minho…The whole equation was actually simple; the only anomaly was Myungsoo. Wasn’t he the reason why Sungjong was holding back?

Burying his face in his hands, he wondered why Myungsoo was still in the equation. Hadn't he already rejected him, disappointed him? He had nothing to do with this, nothing to do with Sungjong.

“But the time for forgiveness is over. It’s over.”

The words burned a hole in his mind.

Suddenly, something gripped him on the inside. He didn’t know if it was rage or revenge, all he knew was that he was determined. Raising his head, he put his hand on Minho’s sketchbook, making him look up, puzzled.

“Do you love me?” he asked, his eyes steady but desperate. The answer mattered to him.

Minho didn’t even blink.

“I do.”

Sungjong’s insides rumbled as he stretched out his arm to cup Minho’s cheeks in his hand, pulling him in for a deep kiss.

When Sungjong finally left Minho’s office, he’d exceeded his allotted time for the modelling job, or second job, like he called it, by fifteen minutes. Woohyun would in no way overlook this and he’d have a very unpleasant afternoon, but that was nothing new. Even if he hadn’t done anything wrong, the PA would find a way to vituperate him so it didn’t really matter. Ever since he had been appointed as Minho’s model a week ago, Woohyun and Taemin had taken every chance to harass him and give him warnings. He was quite used to it by now.

Besides, he had worse to deal with – it seemed like the rumours about him had circulated all around the office and every employee in the company gave him dirty looks every time they met him. There were a few people who didn’t persecute him outright – Lee Howon was one of them. He had met the Human Resources officer to discuss about his schedules since he was juggling two jobs now and the strange look in his eyes told Sungjong that the man had heard the rumours about him. But he didn’t demand an explanation or look disapproving or disgusted. To be honest, it was a relief.

Checking his watch, he made his way towards the bathroom. Since he was late already, it didn’t matter if he took a few more minutes to make himself presentable. He didn’t want to think about what had happened in Minho’s office. Did it mean that he had moved on from Myungsoo?

Did I get over him too easily?

Honestly, he couldn’t decide how he felt about Minho. This much was certain that the man was nothing short of a hero in his eyes and he was indebted to him for his kindness. In fact, he would probably do anything for him. The man gave him butterflies every time he looked or smiled at him. However, what he felt for Myungsoo was different. It was a deeper, darker, and heavier sensation that weighed down on his heart. It was something that had a strong grip on his heart, like nails digging into muscle, like roots burrowing into soil. The two feelings couldn’t be compared.

I’m confused, he kept saying to himself as he splashed water onto his face. He hoped the coldness of the water would help him to get back his senses but it just seemed to numb him even more. Turning off the tap, he looked up to lock eyes with his reflection on the mirror. A small reddish mark caught his eyes, above his right collarbone. Gasping loudly, he touched the mark, fearing the worst. He leaned forward, taking a closer look.

Yes, it was as he had feared, a prominent hickey that he would have to now hide – the stories that would erupt if someone saw the mark on him, he shuddered to even think of them. In his anxiety, he had missed the sound of the door to a stall behind him opening.

His eyes met with those of Sungyeol’s reflection on the mirror and he froze, his hand partially covering the mark.

Sungyeol’s eyes wavered over to the mark and there was a hint of surprise there. Sungjong buttoned up the top button of his shirt as fast as he could, his hands shaking with nervousness. He would get an earful from Sungyeol now, and he would definitely pass it onto his friends.

Why can’t I be a little more careful?

The tall man came to stand beside him, washing his hands in the next sink. His heart was bounding wildly as he prayed for a miracle. Was there anyway that Sungyeol had not noticed the mark and not recognised it for what it was?

There was no point hanging around here; the best thing would be to leave. He was not going to beg Sungyeol to keep it a secret; he had some self-respect left. He had made his way almost to the door when he heard Sungyeol’s voice.

“Sungjong.”

His hand froze over the door knob but he didn’t turn around.

“Sungjong, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was foolish and I thought revenge would make me feel better but honestly, I didn’t want to hurt you. I forgot that you could be hurt by the rumours. I’m really sorry.”

Stumped, Sungjong didn’t know how to react so he opened the door and let himself out without a word. Sungyeol had sounded sincere and even though the apology had come late, he was glad that he had chosen to say sorry. It meant a lot to him and he was all about giving people second chances, because the first time, most people screw up. If they don’t, they go on to screw up some other time and it’s worse that way. It’s better to make mistakes the first time, learn from them, and become a better person, like Sungjong had.

However, not everyone believed in second chances.

Like Myungsoo hyung…

Or who knew, maybe he wasn’t deserving of a second chance, maybe his sins were that significant. Maybe to Myungsoo, he was worse than the devil.

---

“Sir, Sungjong has been in Mr. Minho’s room for more than two hours. You told me to let you know if he overstays his time at his office…”

“Thanks, Woohyun.”

Myungsoo’s insides roared. This was something he had feared, Minho and Sungjong getting closer than necessary for the job, but how could he put an end to it?

Letting them work together was a mistake.

However, it wasn’t his business, not really, not anymore. He had other thoughts on his mind.

He was unusually jittery. He opened the top drawer of his desk again, the fifth time in this hour alone. There, behind a few files, sat the blue velvet box. Swallowing, he picked it up carefully, like it was frail, and propped it open. It held an elegant diamond ring, sitting atop white velvet, glistening in the fluorescent light of his office. He liked the design; it was modern and fashionable, it suited his taste. This was definitely something he would have gone for if his heart had been in it.

He had picked out the ring with his mother, who was elated that her son was finally settling down. He had given her nothing but sour expressions during the entire shopping trip but she had been too ecstatic to notice.  

Truth was, he wasn’t sure about this, not at all. He was only acting on Sunggyu’s advice.

After considering everything, this had seemed to be the most legitimate decision, one action that would solve several problems. He was already 30 and his parents were getting riled up to make him start a family. Most, if not everyone in the world of fashion would be heartbroken to see him get married – after all, he had been selected as the top bachelor for the last two years and that was saying something since the pool of candidates contained many ex models - but they would be enthralled as well, since he would be breaking the stereotype of ‘people connected to the fashion world being gay’.

The reporters would have a field day – all the reporters who were familiar with his ‘no comment’ strategy would have finally something real to write about him. And of course Jiyeon would be happy; there were many occasions where she had hinted that she would say yes to a proposal from him. She was at the age too where she was considering retirement and settling down. As for him, he wouldn’t be as lonely as he was now, his penthouse would seem a bit fuller. So it would be a win-win for everyone although he was afraid that he might hate Jiyeon’s constant company more than the loneliness.

But most importantly, this proposal would ensure that all doors closed for Sungjong, not even a corner left for him to try and pry open.  He would be completely immune to the younger – no twisted confusion in his gut, no opportunity to feel sorry for him. It would be all over.

And that will be my greatest victory.

His stomach churned painfully. There was a hollow feeling in his chest, a foreboding sensation he got that made him rethink his decision.

What if this isn’t right? Am I forcing this?

Snapping the lid of the box close, he picked up the phone. He wanted to see Sunggyu to ask him one last time if what he was going to do was right. Usually he didn't ask anyone else for an opinion; he made his own decisions. But right now he was emotionally compromised regarding this decision so he had chosen to depend on Sunggyu.

He was about to press Sunggyu’s number when the other phone rang.

“Sir your brother’s here. Should I send him in?”

Myungsoo started. He wasn’t sure if he had misheard Woohyun.

“My brother?”

“Yes, sir.”

That had to be impossible; his brother was in USA.

“Sir, Kim Munsoo?”

Myungsoo’s heart quaked.

“Send him in.”

He dropped the call, sitting stiffly in his chair, his face set.

It didn't make sense for his brother to be here. He was studying in California for many years now and he had pretty much settled there. He would never just pop into his office. He would definitely tell him and his parents if he was arriving at Korea. But Munsoo had always been quite eccentric, taking random decisions, doing sudden actions just for the fun of it.

The door opened and Woohyun ushered a tall, handsome youth in. The PA left immediately, leaving Myungsoo and his brother alone in the room.

The last time he had seen Munsoo was three years ago at California. He had gone to USA for a photography session and the brothers had met up once he was done with his work. Munsoo hadn't changed much from then. Suited in sleek black, his hair styled, he was beaming at his brother.

“Hyung,” he said, spreading his arms out happily as he ambled towards his brother.

Myungsoo got up from his desk, approaching his brother cautiously, not matching his eager steps. The brothers embraced, Myungsoo feeling Munsoo’s arms tighten around him. That was the way Munsoo hugged, like he would never let go. Myungsoo relaxed in his brother’s arm; he had missed him. They did not usually talk over the phone. It was good to hear his voice again, feel him so close. Patting him gently on the back, he asked, “So, why are you here?”

Jutting out his bottom lip, he said, “Can’t I come to see my own brother?”

“It’s not that,” Myungsoo shook his head. “What are you doing here, in Seoul? Does mom know?”

Smirking mischievously, Munsoo placed a finger on his lips.

“No one knows, for now. I just wanted to surprise you guys. First stop, my dearest big brother.”

Myungsoo couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“Okay, you got me.”

Munsoo twirled on spot, spreading his arms out on his sides. He was still very much like a teenager.

“Aren’t I amazing?” he snickered, looking around the room. His eyes dragged across the framed accomplishments hanging on the walls. “But you are amazing too! This is impressive. When did you do all this?”

“Well, I didn’t do anything else for the last eight years.” Myungsoo could swear that he hadn’t tried to sound bitter on purpose but the words had stumbled out of him mouth in that tone that made Munsoo stop looking around and glance at his brother, surprised and embarrassed.

They sat down on the sofas, with two cups of steaming coffee that the PA brought them. The conversation was slightly awkward – Myungsoo asked about Munsoo’s postgraduate studies, his job.

He had been close to his brother once but those days were long gone. Even though he still cared for his brother, a knife was stuck somewhere between them, so that he could neither move forward nor fall back to the old days. He didn’t know how much of his discomfort Munsoo shared, but he could guess.

He hasn’t forgotten, he can’t have.

“So, anyone new in your life?” Munsoo asked casually, glancing at him slyly from above the rim of his cup. “Apparently, the tabloids have a lot to say about your love life. This model you brought to a party…she was seen with another model? Love triangle, huh?”

Myungsoo scoffed.

“Something tells me I’ll get screwed over again, then.”

It came out a lot harsher than he had expected it to. His brother’s face changed immediately - a dark shadow descended on his face. The cup in his hand clinked on the platter as his hand trembled involuntarily.

He felt guilty immediately.

“Anyways, let’s have dinner together,” he tried to continue in a falsely cheerful tone. He was panicking because he didn’t want his brother to think that he still held a grudge. He didn’t even know why he said what he did. He was going to get his revenge so there was no point in being bitter.

I’m above this, I’m above this all, he chanted to himself.

“Yeah, okay,” Munsoo replied after a long time, staring at his brother as if he was disappointed. The mischievous glint from earlier had disappeared; he looked like a school boy who had been disciplined. “I guess you’re busy now, I’ll see you later.”

Feeling guiltier by the minute, Myungsoo said, “Eight o’ clock sharp, Radisson’s?”

Munsoo nodded, clasping his brother’s hand. The smile had not reappeared on his face. His gloomy expression was eating his brother up from the inside – Myungsoo hadn’t meant for this to happen. He should have not talked about it, not when they just met after so many years.

“Are you going home now? You can take my car-”

“It’s alright hyung, I’ll be fine.”

Myungsoo didn’t listen to him and called his chauffeur, instructing him to drive Munsoo. It was true he was trying to fix this awkward situation; he didn’t want to fight with his brother once again.

“It’s good to see you hyung,” Munsoo said, a little sadly, hugging him once more before leaving.

Myungsoo gulped painfully.

“Yeah, yeah, it is.”