He was playing with Mi's favorite toy, a small toy hammer than rattled. He was shaking it around, making the little boy giggle continuously. It was wonderful to watch the pure joy in the baby's eyes. Myungsoo was surprised at how fast Mi seemed to be growing up and worried too, that he might be missing the best moments of his childhood.

“Listen up Mi, even though your daddy doesn’t come to see you, I know he loves you,” he whispered to the baby. There was no one around and he felt that he could open up to the young one. He owed him some kind of explanation for why Sungjong was never around, even if the baby didn’t understand it at all.

“It’s not you, I promise. I just made a little mistake and daddy’s mad because of that, it’s not your fault.” Mi took a hold of the hammer, shaking it himself. In a way, he hoped the baby understood him because all the things he had to say to him were important. “But you can’t hold that against your daddy okay? You have to love him, because I promise, he’s a wonderful, wonderful person.”

“Myungsoo, come and help me with the cuff links,” Sungjong’s tired but stern voice floated out from their bedroom. It wasn’t a request as it seemed from the wordings, it was an order. Not that Myungsoo minded doing things for Sungjong, he loved to. But these impromptu requests only seem to come when he was spending time with Mi. In other words, the purpose of these requests seemed to be to get him away from the child.

Darling, you’re better than this, he thought sadly as he heaved a sigh.

“I’ll be a second, dear,” he hollered back. Turning to Mi, he whispered, “Okay now, papa has to go. Daddy is calling. And what did I say about daddy calling? You always have to go when he calls.” He pressed a kiss to the baby’s temple before getting to his feet. Calling Mrs Han to take care of Mi, he padded towards their bedroom.

Sungjong was seated on their bed, staring at the door, still fully dressed.

“I called you ages ago,” he whined the moment Myungsoo walked in.

“Sorry honey, I was with Mi-”

“I thought you said you missed me.” Sungjong’s pout got his heart racing. His husband was a wonderful, dangerous thing. Dangerous because he knew how wonderful he was.

“I missed you so much.”

“Show me how much you missed me.” Sungjong’s voice was extra seductive and Myungsoo needed no invitation.

To say that they’d never fought would be a lie.

He didn’t quite remember their first fight – it was a very small one and it was over in five minutes, they were in each other’s arms again.

Their first memorable fight was about a couple of months after their marriage, when Sungjong had wanted to stay over with one of his university friends for a night and Myungsoo had forbidden it. The friend in question was a doubtable character – he had met him once, and from his appearance, it was apparent that he was addicted. He had bloodshot eyes and deep blue veins on his arms and he hadn’t liked the way the man had leered at Sungjong and tried to grab his . So he had his reasons for putting his foot down but Sungjong had refused to see any of it. They had fought for a whole day and Sungjong hadn’t spoken to him for three days after. However, Myungsoo had apologised and in the end, they had made up. They always did in the end.

Arguments and fights were nothing new between them, but every time they fought, Myungsoo felt his heart get heavier. It was painful for him to fight with Sungjong, and whenever they were not speaking, he suffered. And yet, sometimes the situation compelled him to fight with his loving husband. It was not because he wanted to – he never started a conversation with a confrontational tone, but somehow the words and the events shaped themselves in a way so that they ended up fighting.

However, this fight was probably the worst they ever had. Myungsoo shuddered every time he thought about it. It had not been his intention to make it into a big deal – in fact, what brought the argument about started with an innocent question.

“Are you going with your CEO to Paris?” he had asked the younger.

Ever since his debut day, when he had met Huang Zitao and heard from him that he planned to take Sungjong as his to a foreign conference, he had felt uneasy. He had promised Howon that he would prevent it in any way possible. He had been hoping that Sungjong would be the one to refuse his CEO, because surely, he could see how outrageous it was.

Following Sungjong’s successful debut, he had had a busy week. He had to attend press conferences, sign contracts with companies which wanted him as their brand ambassador, schedule his future activities. If he had been busy before, he became even busier, even more than Myungsoo. His schedule was so packed that he hardly had time to eat and on two occasions, he had collapsed, faint from exhaustion and starvation.

Myungsoo had been livid with his manager on those occasions, warning him profusely that if that was the way he was caring for Sungjong, he would have to answer to him. But Kihoon had only laughed and waved it off, and the only thing that had stopped Myungsoo from hitting him was Sungjong.

All in all, things were hectic, with Sungjong having more schedules than he could manage a day as his manager crammed in more and more events every day. Sungjong surprisingly didn’t complain and only pushed himself harder. The one good thing was that the younger seemed to enjoy it – the increase in workload, the rise in fame. He had once seen Sungjong give someone an autograph and the way he had done it was so celebrity-like, like he had done it for such a long time, that he had stumbled.

The decrease in free time, the loss of privacy, being the center of attention, and lots of gossip articles, didn’t seem to unhinge him at all.

“Yes,” Sungjong had answered meekly.

There was a pause while Myungsoo decided how best to ask him not to go.

“Sungjong, this is not right,” he started softly. “Your company is treating you not like a person but a product. This is insulting. Star never does that.”

Swallowing, the younger replied, “I know, but it’s in my contract.” As if to make him feel better, he added, “Don’t worry, it’s not just me. All models have this thing in their contracts.”

That’s disturbing, he thought, but didn’t say anything. Who knew what else they had in their contracts. He had heard rumours of company officials using people desperate to be models for their own pleasure. It disgusted him to think that someone with power would do something like this but it was the sad reality.

I won’t let anything like that happen to Sungjongie.

But to ensure that he would have to prevent him from going away with that devil of a man. He didn’t trust Zitao one bit, especially not the look in his eyes when he saw Sungjong. Myungsoo was well aware how attractive his husband was, and people never failed to notice that. It made him uncomfortable when people stared at Sungjong openly, sometimes not even disguising the lusty look in their eyes. He couldn’t however hide Sungjong away from everyone, especially not since he was a model; models were always on the display.

He had come to terms with the fact that people would desire Sungjong and his relief lay in the fact that only he could have him. However, he had to keep his eyes open for anyone who tried to use power to get Sungjong, and Zitao seemed like just the person.

“He said you two knew each other in university, your CEO,” he said conversationally.

A guilty look crept up into his eyes. Myungsoo knew. They had dated. A knot formed in his stomach.

“He-he was my boyfriend,” Sungjong muttered.

Knowingly, Sungjong had signed with a company that had his ex-boyfriend as the CEO. A horrible idea entered his mind abruptly – what if Zitao was the one who had given him his job? Whether for revenge or to get him back, he didn’t know, but the thought that Zitao might be hoping to get something out of Sungjong filled his mind like darkness.

He’s dangerous, he wanted to scream and Sungjong but he controlled himself.

“And you’re okay going away with him?”

The younger looked like a cornered animal with his cheeks flushed and eyes raised warily.

“Are you suspecting me? Do you think I’m cheating on you?” His voice was high-pitched and there were tears in his eyes.

“Of course not! Honey, I trust you, but I don’t trust your CEO.”

“So you think we will-”

“I think he might, without your consent of course,” he explained patiently. Sungjong looked scared. Pulling the younger closer to him, he brushed the tears out of his eyes. “I’m just saying you don’t deserve to be treated like this.”

He didn’t reply. Myungsoo pulled a blanket over them, running a soothing hand across his back. Sungjong was young and trusting – there were many things he didn’t know or care about. He couldn’t let him make any mistake.

“You shouldn’t go Sungjong,” he told him.

“But I have to go.” A rush of despair entered his voice. “If I don’t they’re going to cancel my contract and sue me and-”

“Hey, you don’t have to worry about money. I’ll pay whatever money you owe them.”

“Then what am I going to do with my life?” Sungjong said wistfully.

“You’re famous now Sungjong, every magazine will want to hire you.”

“But…” Sungjong bit his lips. “But Royals is one of the best fashion magazines.”

Myungsoo didn’t like where this conversation was headed. He had a bad feeling about this that he couldn’t just shake off. It couldn’t be…

“Star is better than Royals, and I give you my word that we will hire you. You’ve proved to everyone that you can do whatever you want by yourself. Now why don’t you just join Star?”

He furrowed his brows and looked away, as if he couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Everyone’s saying Royals will overtake Star soon…”

It felt like someone had stabbed him with a knife. He stared at Sungjong, unable to believe what he had just said. It pained him to believe it but there was no other explanation. Sungjong didn’t want to leave Royals because he believed it was going to overtake Star soon, and he didn’t want to be in the crew of the second best.

There had been rumors flying around that Star Magazine had been slipping and Royals were more than ready to takeover. Somehow, the media had realized that their stock prices were falling. There had been bold titles, claiming ‘The reign of Star Magazine will end soon’. The CEO had been calling him up constantly, demanding an explanation. Sadly, he didn’t know how to explain it.

Royals’ marketing tactics were bordering on extreme, a policy Myungsoo would never adopt. They overworked their models and staff and a source close to them had revealed that they were using heinous tactics to get more sponsors and clients. Myungsoo could never give the order to do something like this.

Recently, the preview of Royals’ newest issue had been released and Myungsoo had a suspicion that it looked an awful lot like what they had planned for their Spring issue. The similarities were blatant and yet their plans had still not left the boardroom. True, Himchan had been in Star when the plan had been started and he was the likeliest person to have passed on information but Myungsoo wondered if Sunggyu had a hand in this. If Star’s stock prices fell below a certain amount, surely that would be the last strike required to send Myungsoo packing.

Suddenly, he felt tired. He had not been able to sleep due to the stress; Sungjong had worried him as well. He was telling his team to trust him but it turned out his own husband had no faith in his company.

“So you’re not going to leave Royals?” he asked bitterly.

“That will be foolish. Don’t you want me to be the best model in Korea? I can be, if I stay with Royals.” Sungjong’s voice was pleading but there was a determination in his eyes that told him that he had already made up his mind. He wasn’t going to leave Royals whatever he said.

Insanity gripped him. He had been under a lot of pressure lately and he just crumbled under it all.

“You’re going to leave Royals, whether you like it or not,” he ordered.

Sungjong flared. Rounding on him, he said fiercely, “Who are you to order me? I’m going to do whatever I want.”

And then, it had begun. It had been nasty and even as he remembered it now, he felt ashamed.  He had said things he didn’t know he was capable of saying to Sungjong and the younger had not backed down. They had fought for at least three hours, their voices rising. They must have scared Mrs. Han because the housekeeper had come running in, her eyes wide and baby Mi in her arms. Even the sight of the little angel had no effect on Myungsoo, who had slammed the door shut on her.

The ugly fight had ended with Myungsoo moving to one of the guest rooms to sleep while Sungjong locked the door to their bedroom. He could hear his sobs as he went down the stairs, feeling a little guilty but a lot more furious.

It’s his fault, he kept on telling himself. He’s acting like a selfish brat.

He had tried his best, he had given his everything to accommodate Sungjong and his selfish desires. In return, he had just wanted Sungjong to understand him. But it seemed like the younger was only capable of understanding himself.

It’s all his fault, he said to himself, as he his bed, alone, cold. He started the fight. But even as he chanted in his head, trying to convince himself of Sungjong’s guilt, he knew. He knew that it always takes two. For relationships to work, for them to break apart, for them to be fixed.

---

Sungjong tossed and turned in his bed, unable to fall asleep. He had to wake up at 5 am, so he would get only 4 hours of sleep. Lately, his sleeping schedule was messed up. At night, he hardly got 5 hours of sleep. During the day, he stole 30 minute-long naps while moving from one schedule to another or while his make-up was being done. Even though he was sleep deprived, tonight, he couldn’t fall asleep.

Just go and apologise to him, a wise voice said in his head. He tried to ignore it.

The fight with Myungsoo was probably to blame. It had been their worst fight till date. If they had continued for longer, if Myungsoo had not walked away, it would have gotten physical. He had never expected to hear the hurtful things his husband had shouted at him, especially not from him. But he had said some awful things to him too.

Why couldn’t Myungsoo understand that this was important to him? He had a dream – to become the top model, so that all the people who had wronged him before would see his worth. And to that, he had to continue with Royals.

He felt sorry for Star, he really did. But Star had been the best fashion magazine for a long time and if it’s Royals time now, there was nothing to be sore about. His decision was to stick with the best company for his own good. Surely, Myungsoo should be able to understand that much. He wasn’t trying to insult Star Magazine or its chief editor – it was just how things were.

His husband had called him selfish but he was only looking after his career. With the money he earned, he could finally pay back Myungsoo for the student loans and the apartment rents. He could buy an apartment for Sunkyu and his mother and father in Seoul. He knew what he deserved and it would be foolish to move companies just because of a few inconveniences.

When Tao had told him that he had to accompany him to Paris, he had protested. But the CEO had been firm – it was either that or his contract would be nullified. There was nothing he could do, he had no choice. Tao had reminded him that his career was taking flight with more of their clients interested to sign Sungjong as their model.

“If you leave us now, our loyal clients will never sign you,” Tao had announced. “Besides, we have a lot more foreign clients than Star. Don’t you want to be worldwide? Don’t you want to walk the runway at Paris Fashion Week?”

Tao’s words had caused dreams to blossom - bigger, higher dreams. When he had started out, he had only hoped to prove to people who had criticized him for being vain that he had put his talents to good use. But slowly, the tiny hope had unraveled and given way to something much more elaborate – he wished to become the best. It was just like any other profession and he simply wanted to excel in it. At first, his target had been Korea, but after talking to Tao he had started to believe that his dreams didn’t have to be confined within one country.

No dream is too big, his mother had once told him when he was younger. However, he felt a little embarrassed about his wish. It wasn’t something he could share with Myungsoo or his brothers. Maybe he could tell his mother but he didn’t want to say anything yet. What if he failed miserably?

Then you can say you tried, his conscience replied.

If he thought about it, it was true that he had gotten married to Myungsoo under the strangest of circumstances. About a year before they had gotten married, he had joined Star Magazine and Myungsoo’s assistant PA, afraid to face the elder and certain that he bore a grudge against him. But somehow, he had ended up falling in love and getting married to him.

You just never know.

It went to show that something seemingly impossible might turn out to be probable. So there was no need to curb his dream.

That night, he went to sleep, dreaming of walking the runway in New York.