He needed her forgiveness. It was a start to all the people he needed to apologise to.

Mrs. Han stared at him as if she was gauging him. After a couple of minutes, her eyes melted into a sincere look.

“Don’t apologise to me. It’s Mr. Kim you owe an apology to.”

Even though he liked to believe that he had grown closer to Mrs. Han than Myungsoo ever had, she had an intricate relationship with him. She wouldn’t call him by his name but when it came to affection, she had no less of it for Myungsoo. She cared for him like a mother would care for her son. She was like a silent guardian angel to him, disapproving of anyone who hurt him. That should put Sungjong pretty high on her hate list.

However, she didn’t sound disapproving, maybe a tad bit disappointed.

“I did. I will again and again until he forgives me. I know I don’t deserve him but...”

Mrs. Han’s expression softened. She approached him, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“He loves you so much. In return, he only wants to be loved back.”

Even Mrs. Han knew the fact – something he couldn’t see when he had left like a fool.

“I love him, I swear I do. I don’t know what possessed me but there hasn’t been a single day I haven’t loved him-”

“Dear, you have to tell that to him. Mr. Kim’s very strong, but only with you by his side. Without you, he’s fragile. Don’t break him, baby.”

The way she called him baby like before only stabbed him farther in the heart. He had disappointed her so much and he had been so unfair to Myungsoo who had only loved him.

“I’m sorry.”

She pulled him into a hug. It was a sign that she had forgiven him. That was more than he could have asked for. With his head on her shoulder, he could finally breathe normally again.

She patted him on the back, assuring him that her feelings for him hadn’t changed. Thoroughly grateful, he smiled at her.

“He has grown up so much,” he told her, turning back to look at the sleeping baby. She joined him at the edge of the cot, looking down at him fondly.

“He has, hasn’t he? Bless his little soul. He's the only thing that kept Mr. Kim going.”

He swallowed a bitter pill of guilt. But at that moment, the baby opened his eyes, looking up at him with curiosity.

“Hi there,” he said softly, leaning forward with a smile on his face. “How are you today?” He tickled his cheek with a finger. The baby broke into a toothless smile, grabbing his finger in his tiny fists. “Oh look at you, you’ve learned to grab things,” he cooed as Mi shook his legs excitedly, giggling. He tried to put Sungjong’s finger into his mouth. “At this rate, we have to send Mi to school soon,” he commented lightly.

“Jongsoo.”

“What?” he asked Mrs. Han.

“Jongsoo – that’s what he named him. In his words, ‘he will be a part me and part Sungjong’.”

He was touched beyond words. Myungsoo had even named the baby after him, even when he hadn’t been here...he had still wanted him to be a part of his life, even when he had left first.

How could I have…

The baby suddenly started to cry. Alarmed that he had done something wrong, he went back to cooing, picking up a toy and waving it around, trying to calm him down. Mrs. Han was standing back, watching him with an amused smile on her face.

“Help me, ajhumma,” he said frantically, when the baby wouldn’t let up.

Gingerly, he picked up the baby in his arms, bouncing him gently like he had seen Mrs. Han do. Before he had time to do anything else however, he heard a scream - it was Myungsoo shouting his name at the top of his voice, his tone growing hysterical by the second. Mrs. Han rolled her eyes.

“There’s the other baby crying,” she said, suppressing a smile.

It was a dilemma – between the crying baby in his arms and Myungsoo looking for him, he didn’t know what to do. Luckily, the next moment, the door was thrown open and Myungsoo, having seen him, covered the distance between then in three strides, enveloping him in a hug.

Glad the elder had found him before he could do something drastic, he sighed in relief. However, Jongsoo was now sandwiched between the two of them and he was worried that the baby might be squished. So he used his hands to shield the baby’s outer surface, hoping Myungsoo would let go soon since Mrs. Han was still in the room, watching this embarrassing exchange between them.

“Thank goodness, I thought it was a dream and you...”

Pulling back from the hug, Myungsoo grabbed the sides of his face and plastered his mouth over his lips, kissing him hungrily. He felt a blush creeping up his cheeks. He felt as shy as he would have felt in front of his mother. But Myungsoo’s grip on him was too strong and he could feel the elder shaking. He must have had a panic attack when he had woken up to find that he had disappeared, with his clothes too.

If he had been in his place, he would have done the same thing.

“Alright now, you’ll squish the baby,” Mrs. Han said loudly, trying to get between them to rescue poor Jongsoo, who was still crying.

Myungsoo moved back, looking surprised at Mrs. Han and baby Jongsoo, now in her arms.

“Oh I didn’t notice-”

“Of course you didn't; now that you have your hubby back, you wouldn’t notice anyone else would you?” she said, but it was evident that she was holding back her laughter while bouncing the baby up and down on her waist.

“I’m sorry,” Myungsoo mumbled, scratching his head and avoiding Mrs. Han’s gaze.

The sight was endearing. The elder looked slightly mortified that he had completely missed a crying baby and a grown woman in the room.

“At least you had the decency to put on some shorts,” Sungjong said quietly, trying to hold in his laughter. The sight of Myungsoo in just his shorts and messy hair was cute and hilarious at the same time. “Come on, you have to out on clothes before breakfast,” he said, taking him by the arm and dragging him out of the room. He had been embarrassed in front of Mrs. Han once, he was not going to let him stand there and do it again.

Myungsoo’s hand s around his waist as they walked to their bedroom, while his lips weaved kisses into his hair. It felt good to feel him by his side and he felt his heart lift with delight.

Once in the room, the elder started attacking his lips again with enthusiasm. He let him enjoy the sensation of his tongue sliding over his lips and probing his mouth until his stomach growled loudly.

“Right, food. Go and shower first,” he ordered, almost pushing him away from him.

“Geez alright, boss. I only wanted to say I missed you.”

“How about saying that with clean clothes on?”

“I’d rather we had no clothes on.”

Sungjong wanted to bury his head in his knees. His shyness was a bit strange. It was like they were newly dating, all over again.

“Funny, now go,” he repeated with another push towards the bathroom.

“Shower with me babe?”

“I’ve already showered,” he replied patiently.

He could understand why Myungsoo was being like this - he felt it too. He wanted to make up every moment they had been apart from each other. But his hesitation did not stem from not wanting to be with Myungsoo, it was because he knew he still hadn’t been completely honest with the elder. So every moment they were spending together, he was deceiving him. Who knew after he had heard everything if he would even want to touch him?

Fear was pooling in his stomach fast. He wanted to confess quickly but he didn't know how to. He wanted to distract himself so he went over to Jongsoo’s room again, where Mrs. Han was changing his nappy.

“Will you teach me?” he asked her, going to stand by her side.

“Teach you what?”

“How to take care of Jongsoo?”

Even if she was surprised, her expression didn’t betray anything as she started to give him instructions. It was actually difficult, but he got the hang of it with a little help from Mrs. Han. When he had been dressed and was happily on his milk bottle, he picked Jongsoo up in his arms and carried him down to the breakfast parlour.

Jongsoo cooed, making him smile and moved his fists while sungjong held him steady.

“Wow honey, you're good with him,” Myungsoo commented. “He usually doesn't stay too long with strangers.”

It hurt a bit to hear that - true he hadn’t been around much, but to call him a complete stranger was bit of an overstatement. Or maybe not. How many times had he even met the baby? Twice? Thrice? Without answering Myungsoo, he took a sit, trying to steady the baby on his lap.

“I’ll hold him while you have breakfast,” Mrs. Han said, coming around the table to lift him out of his arms.

He hadn't noticed it before but his arms actually hurt. And he had been holding the baby for about twenty minutes only.

Raising a baby must be hard, he thought, feeling a rush of gratefulness towards his mother.
They were eating in silence when Myungsoo took his right hand in his, a little firmly. It was his way of anchoring. Right now thouh, it was working both ways.

Sungjong felt a sense of security he hadn’t with Munsoo or anyone else. He was grateful for the feeling, but at the same time, he worried how long it would last. Would Myungsoo lull him into a false sense of security only to break his heart at the end? He realised that as long as he hadn’t confessed to his husband, he would feel like an intruder in his own home, a felon.

Myungsoo said, “Why so quiet?”

Sungjong usually hogged the breakfast table conversation; Myungsoo too sleepy to contribute much.

“Just,” he said, taking a mouthful of cereal to delay having to answer. “Just thinking. I actually need to tell you something.”

Myungsoo gave him a questioning glance but he only shook his head. There was no way he could find peace until he had confessed and Myungsoo had forgiven him.

So after breakfast, they went up to their bedroom. Myungsoo seemed to have other intentions, seeing as he reached for the hem of his shirt, no doubt to try and pull it off over his head, but Sungjong stopped him.

Instead, he sat him down on the bed, while he took a seat on the floor by his feet, holding onto his two hands tightly. The time had come.

The elder looked surprised, but didn’t say anything, only looked at him inquisitively.

“I have to tell you where I’ve been,” Sungjong started calmly, hoping he had enough strength to carry on. Instead of looking curious, Myungsoo shook his head adamantly.

“You don’t have to.”

“But I want to.”

The look in Myungsoo’s eyes was not making it any easier on him. How was he going to look right into those loving eyes and break his heart, his trust?

Sighing, Myungsoo massaged his hands gently and pressed his lips onto them.

“I already know.” His voice was uncharacteristically soft.

It was Sungjong’s turn to be shocked. The calmness on the elder’s face confused him. If he really knew where he had been, how could he just act normally? He would have asked him questions, he would have demanded an explanation.

Come to think of it, he had been exceptionally calm. He never asked me where I had been. In fact, he didn’t even go looking for me, as if he knew I was safe.

How had the elder known unless…

Did Munsoo tell him?

“I lived with Munsoo,” he said anyway, just to make sure that there was no misunderstanding.

He nodded only. Hard lines appeared on his face, as if he was bracing himself for what was to come next. It wasn’t right, to see Myungsoo like this. He should be protecting his husband, not hurting him. There was still time; he ould just shut up now and forget…

“And…t-there’s more,” he stuttered, feeling utterly broken.

Myungsoo’s head was bowed, a small frown between his eyebrows; his eyes locked on to their intertwined hands. Sungjong tried to seek assurance and strength in their linked hands, but something seemed off. Had his husband guessed? Had he suspected it?

I’m a terrible human being.

“One night…it wasn’t Munsoo’s fault…I was drunk…he t-t…” He blurted out a bunch of gibberish, hiding his face quickly in Myungsoo’s lap. He didn’t have the courage after all, at least not when they were like this, holding hands and looking into each others eyes.

He couldn’t do it, no, but hadn’t he already said too much? Couldn’t Myungsoo surmise what had happened from what he had said? It would be anybody’s guess. Maybe, he hated him already. Maybe, he was already disgusted and just didn’t show it, being the nice person he was. His calmness was probably an expression of utter disgust.

Why wasn’t he throwing him off his lap then? Why was he still holding onto his hands like they meant the world to him?

Myungsoo’s voice was hauntingly quiet, as he said, “I know.”

His head shot up. He couldn’t believe what his husband had just said.

That’s impossible!

“Ar-are you sure?”

“I know Sungjong, but I don’t know what’s it got to do with anything. It’s the past and you have moved on. You love me and not Munsoo, right?”

Gulping, he nodded earnestly. If there was one thing he knew for certain, it was that he loved him. He couldn’t think of a moment after they had gotten married when he had not loved him. His expression of it had been distorted, and somehow he had learned to make Myungsoo the enemy in his head but no, not even for a moment he had stopped loving him.

“You came back to me, you told me you love me. And last night, I knew it, I could feel it – you love me.”

“B-but-”

“But nothing,” he said forcefully, raising his hands to his lips once again. His breath was warm and comforting on the back of his hands. “We all make mistakes, and we forgive each other.”

“After everything that’s happened-”

“It’s not easy, I promise it isn’t, it wasn’t…” Myungsoo cut across him. With a small, sad smile on his face, he reached out and brushed his cheek with the back of his hand gently. “It’s painful to think…you and Munsoo…but it’s even more painful to miss you, to regret letting you leave.” Sungjong’s eyes were fixated on his husband’s a trail of tears rolling down his cheek like a lonely stream. His lips twisted a bit, like he was living through the pain once again. “I love you. And I’ll love you until my last breath.”

“I’m so sorry,” Sungjong repeated in earnest. “I looked at you and saw what I wasn’t. I was so selfish that I wanted to be loved by you completely and I kept doing the wrong things and-and-” he didn’t know how to explain what he had done. It wasn’t like he was trying to excuse his actions; he just wanted Myungsoo to understand.

“Just shut up and kiss me.” Myungsoo chuckled before capturing his lips ardently.

“But, what if…” Sungjong’s eyes filled with fear as he looked him in the eye again. “What if it ends up in a disaster like last time?”

“I’m ready to try until we get it right, Sungjong. I’m going to try, again and again, with you by my side.”

“I don’t deserve this…”

Without realising it, he had been holding onto Myungsoo’s hand tightly, desperately. It was too good to be true, to have his husband’s forgiveness so easily, without having to explain anything. He couldn’t believe that he was getting off so easy, without so much as a reprimand. When he looked unconvinced, Myungsoo heaved a deep sigh and pulled something out from under his shirt. It was the locket he always wore, the one bearing Sungjong’s picture.

“I told you, didn’t I – it’s always you. It’s always been you. Now I can shout at you and be mad with you, but what’s the point? At the end of the day, what choice do I have?” his voice rose and fell like Sungjong’s haggard breaths. So many emotions were running through his head that he barely knew how to keep steady. “And my greatest relief lies in knowing that when it comes to me, you’re just as helpless.”

Sungjong wanted to say something in return but he had lost his voice. Tears clogged his throat and as he sniffed, he looked up to meet his husband’s eyes.

“But you have to forgive me too,” the elder said seriously, looking into his eyes pleadingly.

“There is nothing you did-”

“It always takes two Sungjong, always. I’m not going to sit here and let you take all the blame. So forgive me, my love. And I’ll do better, I promise.”

“I love you,” was all he could muster.

 Myungsoo wrapped his arms around Sungjong’s frame, pulling him in for another kiss.

---

Sungjong’s warm body pressed again his, he wondered how thankful he was for this life. Even if he didn’t get reincarnated, he wouldn’t mind. True, more than one lifetime with Sungjong sounded like a bonus, but honestly, he had had everything he had ever wanted from life, most importantly, his husband’s love. He was a happy man.

When Munsoo had first called him, two days after Sungjong had left him, he had felt shattered. Betrayed. To think that Sungjong would run off to his ex-boyfriend; if it had been anyone else, it would have been different. But it was Munsoo. The very same Munsoo. He had wondered if he had lost the younger to his brother again. He wasn’t sure he could take it this time.

But after some time, he had realised that it was Sungjong’s way of escaping him and embracing him at the same time. He had chosen to go as far away as he could from him, but at the same time, he had chosen to go to the one person who would remind him of Myungsoo constantly. It was paradoxical.

However, he had thought that Sungjong would be safe in the care of his brother. Maybe he had expected too much from Munsoo. He wasn’t angry with his brother, he just wished it didn’t have to be this way. When Munsoo had called him up yesterday, he had known that something was wrong. His brother’s voice had been heavy with tears and he had said, “Sorry,” in the voice of a broken man. That was when he had known…

But at the same time, Munsoo had said that Sungjong loved him.

“He loves you hyung, I can’t…I just can’t compete with you or replace you.”

How Munsoo had come to that conclusion, he didn’t know, but he didn’t argue with his brother either. As long as Sungjong loved him, and only him, the world could go to hell. He didn’t care. Perhaps loving one man so blindly, so foolishly was stupid. Maybe he was a fool. But he couldn’t help it. In fact, he didn’t think he had a choice in the matter. He never had. He would rather break and repair and try again with Sungjong, as many times as required, than find someone else.

So he had made up his mind to forgive Sungjong, for everything. As long as he knew his love was true.    

“Shouldn’t we go out and check up on Mi?” Sungjong nudged him lightly.

Myungsoo only hummed as he pulled the younger closer to him, their skins brushing against each other’s, triggering his senses.

“We deserve it.”

“We deserve to lock ourselves in our room and not care about our baby?”

Our baby – it didn’t go unnoticed but he decided not to bring it up. Now that Sungjong had accepted the baby as a part of their family, there was nothing more he could ask for.

“That’s not what this is,” Myungsoo smiled at the younger, planting a wet kiss on his collarbone.

“Oh so, is this some quiet time for the two of us?” Sungjong teased, pulling on Myungsoo’s hair as he tried to trail kisses across his chest.

“You were anything but quiet,” Myungsoo whispered against his skin, watching the blush rise on his face with satisfaction.

He was relishing the moment when suddenly a shrill noise interrupted them. Sungjong extended his arm towards the bedside table and switched off his phone, looking disgruntled. Myungsoo looked at him in askance.

“It’s Kihoon hyung or Kibum hyung. They keep calling me since I said I quit.”

This was the first time Myungsoo was hearing about him quitting. It puzzled him. Royals was eagerly lookin for Sungjong – he was their cover boy. There was no way they would fire him for his meltdown. Even with the stunt he had pulled, Sungjong’s value hadn’t decreased in any way. He was just as marketable as he had been.

“Wait, you’re quitting Royals?”

“I’m quitting the whole thing, Myungsoo,” Sungjong replied quietly.

“The whole thing?”

With a sigh, Sungjong rolled onto his side, facing him.

“I can’t be a model anymore, I caused too much trouble. It’s just not who I am. It brings out the worst in me.” His voice was bitter as his finger traced a line against Myungsoo’s upper torso.

The way he spoke, in a calm, determined voice, told him that he had given it significant thought. But that didn’t mean he agreed with him.

“Why would you quit being a model, Sungjong? You’re so good at it. Besides, it’s what you wanted to do.”

“I regret it. I shouldn’t have…I’m not matured enough to make decisions-”

“That’s not true,” Myungsoo cut across him.

He didn’t want his husband fall into the depths of self-doubt and timidity. That was not what he wanted for him. He was talented and hard working – he could achieve so much for himself.

“This is what I want, please don’t try to persuade me otherwise.” There was a sense of pain and remorse in his words that caused his heart to shatter.

Trying to change the mood, he said, “Then will you go back to being Woohyun’s assistant?”

A thin smile sliced his lips.

“Nope, I can’t be bothered to get bossed around again. I’m going to raise Mi, that way I get to boss someone around.”

Even though he laughed, he was touched. Sungjong had considered raising Mi an important enough job to devote his life to it. As much as it pleasured him, he didn’t want the untimely dissolution of Sungjong’s career. He had a lot of potential and it would just go to waste if his current decision held.

“So you’re afraid of making bad decisions?” he asked.

The younger nodded, playing with his fingers and not quite looking at him.

“What if someone was there to help you, guide you?” he suggested.

Sungjong let out a little scoff.

Rolling his eyes, he said, “I can’t trust anyone. Kibum hyung, Kihoon hyung, Minho hyung? Nope, it’s just not meant to be.”

Clearing his throat, he said, “What if it was me?”

Sungjong raised his head to look him in the eyes, his expression confused.

“You?”

“Yes, Sungjong. I want to make you a star. And I promise, you’ll be someone young people will look up to. I’ll be there by your side, every step.”

Just the thought of it excited him. Sungjong was a photographer’s dream, an editor’s dream – his dream. With the perfect model, he could fulfil his dreams. And most importantly, he could show Sungjong his true potential.

“But-”

“No buts. We can do it together, Sungjong, just trust me.” He looked at him hopefully.

Sungjong seemed to consider the idea as he looked into his husband’s earnest eyes. His lips trembled before pulling into a smile.

“If there is a way to make up for my mistakes-”

Myungsoo didn’t let him finish.

“Just give me a chance and you won’t regret it. I am the best at what I do.”

Chuckling, Sungjong buried his head in his chest.

“Well, I didn’t regret marrying you so I just might give you another chance.”

Myungsoo punched the air. He wouldn’t let the younger regret his decision to trust him. In his mind, he could already see Sungjong on the cover of Star Magazine, slaying the runway in Paris, and climbing up the list of top models in the world. At the same time, he would make sure that the younger would have what he wanted – a family, a husband, and a child, friends.

It wasn’t that he was biased, but he was Lee Sungjong’s biggest fan.

"You really think this will work out?" Sungjong whsipered in his ears. He could hear a hint of excitement in his diminished voice. There was no doubt he was just as enthusiastic about the idea, only afraid to show.

"You'll be amazing. I'm sure I will fall in love with you again," he reassured his husband.

"How many times will you fall in love with me?" Sungjong asked, laughing.

"Every time, darling, every time."