Munsoo’s sudden appearance had shaken Myungsoo more than he had expected it to. Maybe, it was not just Munsoo, it was rather the fact that he, his brother and Sungjong had finally been reunited, like a cruel joke played by fate. The love triangle that had been lacking eight years back was now finally complete.

It wasn’t a crime to develop feelings for someone, and Myungsoo knew more than anyone else that you don’t control who you fall in love with, but he had expected more consideration from Munsoo, given that he knew everything, he had seen everything.

He knew was he would have never done the same, never, even if it had killed him. Despite everything, family meant something to him; by the looks of it, Munsoo had decided to let everything else go in exchange for Sungjong.

Watching the two together, intimately, passionately even, had slashed open old wounds. The memories in his brain had been stirred up, which meant a revisit to the moment when he had caught them in the act.

It was like he was 21 all over again, the same emotions, the same tenderness, the same frailty. It felt like he was the embodiment of a different kind of naivety - an innocent adolescent he barely knew now. That moment, when he had seen his brother and Sungjong, had felt surreal. He couldn’t believe it, and he probably wouldn’t have if Sungjong hadn’t started speaking.

He hadn’t spoken a single word, only listened to the younger, trying to make sense of the seemingly foreign words he had uttered. After that, he had gone up to his room and locked himself there, lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling, still trying to process what he had seen and heard, pinching himself now and then in case it was a dream. In fact, he had remained locked up in his room for the next couple of days. He didn’t have the strength to come out and face reality. He was in a state of lucidity where he couldn’t decide or perceive anything; he just felt raw, rabid pain. His parents had checked in on him but he had passed it off as the flu. His parents were busy people anyway, and Myungsoo had always been introverted, so they hadn’t put much thought to it.

The first time he had gotten up from his bed after the incident, he had sat down at his computer table and sent Sungjong an email. The younger didn’t have a cell phone back then and he didn’t have enough courage to call his landline. So he kept on sending emails, asking him what he had done wrong and what could he do to change things. He insisted that he loved him and how he was in pain. Those letters had been heart-wrenching, but his inbox was empty every time he had checked – no reply from the cruel, cruel boy. He had no way of knowing if Sungjong read his letters or just deleted them heartlessly.

The next time he had seen Sungjong was after a whole week. He had been hanging out with Munsoo at their house – Myungsoo couldn’t believe the sight. After everything, his brother had decided that their house was the right place for them to hang out, right in front of his eyes, as if hurting him once wasn’t enough.  Sungjong had pretended like he didn’t even know him; what was left of Myungsoo’s heart had burned down into ashes.

As for Munsoo, he ignored him most of the time. Once when he had confronted him, Munsoo had laughed at him, saying, “Come on hyung, Sungjong was having a laugh. What’s so wrong about it?”

That was the first time he had felt the between him and Sungjong – what was a simple joke for him had meant everything to Myungsoo. Sungjong might have had his laugh but Myungsoo had lost everything.

Ever since then, he had spared his words with Munsoo. It wasn’t exactly anger – he had just wanted to distance himself from his brother. No one had been on his side; he was sure if he had confided in his friends, they would have had a laugh at him for getting punked by a 16-year old and tell him people played pranks all the time. What he couldn’t comprehend was, how could someone play with his feelings?  How cold blooded did someone have to be act like feelings meant nothing?

His love had been no joke. He didn’t know he would have to see such an ugly side of love so young and no matter what he said to himself, he couldn’t console himself or get back to his feet. That was when he had decided that he was too weak for the world.

Slowly, but steadily, he had altered himself, ridding himself of emotions and other weaknesses and learning to focus on work. The first step had been to get away from the house where his broken dreams lived, which Sungjong still visited, acting like nothing had changed.

He had built this new Myungsoo, brick by brick, in order to protect himself. He had taught himself to lock up those painful memories into the deepest crevices of his brain, where he couldn’t access them easily. His armour had been impenetrable, durable, so much so that he had never harvested even the idea that he would meet his heartbreaker again.

But then, Sungjong had come into his life again, making him reconsider his choices and decisions. It was difficult to be confronted with his past but he had made efforts, rendering him capable of sustaining every blow the younger would throw his way. Finally, he had known he was ready to move on and forget the crippling hatred he hosted for Sungjong but, as if to add fire to the flame, Munsoo had returned, claiming that he still wanted Sungjong.

Like a sand castle caught in a gale, parts of him had crumbled. He wasn’t sure what he was so upset about – the fact that his brother was so selfish and had chosen Sungjong over his own brother or the fact that Sungjong had seemed to welcome him with open arms, even after claiming that he was in love with Myungsoo.

Even after he had tried to hold Munsoo back, he had met with Sungjong. It was clear whose side he had picked and by the looks of it, he had indeed lost his number. There had been no phone calls from him, he didn’t even know if Munsoo was in the country or not. Had he gotten back together with Sungjong? If he had…

I shouldn’t care, right?

In the end, it looked like Sungjong had won. He had gotten back his ex-lover, the popular boyfriend he had always been so proud of. In the end, he would have a happy ending and not Myungsoo. So what happened to karma, why wasn’t it working its magic? Why was Myungsoo left in the dust once again, like he didn’t deserve happiness?

I’ll be happy, I have everything one could wish for.

A time would probably come when none of it would matter to him and Sungjong would just be a stranger in a crowd. And Munsoo would be a distant connection. Whether Sungjong ended up with Munsoo or Minho, it didn’t matter to him anymore.

To me, he doesn’t exist.

---

Lunch times were Sungjong’s favorite time at work because he could get away from Woohyun. To be fair though, Woohyun’s behavior had improved; at least he didn’t bring up the nasty rumours about him that he had spread in the first place. So didn’t Taemin and since the top gossipers were out of action, the entire thing had relapsed. Sungjong suspected that it had something to do with Sungyeol – after the apology in the bathroom, he hadn’t met the elder, but if someone could actually shut up Taemin and Woohyun, it had to be their friend, Sungyeol.

He was grateful to the elder and had forgiven him already – at least he had the decency to apologise and try to mend what he had broken.

After what happened with Munsoo and then Myungsoo, he had half a mind not to return to the office. He was afraid of Myungsoo, who had tramped on his heart once again, but he was angry with him as well. It was the first time he had felt rage towards the elder, who had assumed things, not even letting him explain. He had even gone out of his way to try and ensure that Munsoo didn’t contact him anymore. Who did he think he was, trying to dictate other people’s lives?

So he had called up Howon, the Human Resources officer, and asked him tentatively if he could quit. For some reason, the man had asked him if he had been harassed at work, steering the conversation towards his relationship with Minho. That was when he was reminded that he couldn’t give up because Minho was counting on him.

Besides, the harsh reality was that he fresh out of college, with student loan and bills that needed paying. He was young, with no experience, and while he was lucky to have landed a job at this company so quickly, he was sure his luck wouldn’t repeat itself. He needed to work this job at least for a year to get a recommendation certificate that would improve his chances of finding another job. No matter how hard it was for him, he was bound in chains. In the face of practicality, his choices were limited.

Telling the HR officer that everything was alright, he had apologized and confirmed that he would keep his job. He hoped Howon wouldn’t think too much about it; he had sounded very comforting and understanding over the phone, almost as if he had known what he was going through.

But that can’t be right, how would he know?

Skipping the lunch line, he headed to the vending machine. He had decided to skip lunch. Minho hadn’t commented about it but he had noticed that most of the models at the company were skinnier than him. The stylist he had met had tried to tell him to lose weight but Minho had intervened, stopping her before she could give her opinion. It was quite obvious she was less than impressed with his size and the tailor who had taken his measurements had looked skeptical as well. He could understand Minho was looking out for him but if he was going to do this, he wanted to do it right. Minho already had to go through a lot of protests against casting him and he didn’t want to make his job any more difficult.

Fumbling in his pocket for some changes, he heard his phone beep. It was probably Minho, who usually texted him at least 5 times a day. The simple gesture was touching; he had never had someone care about him like that. Until now, the executive editor had done everything to make him comfortable, so that his transition into the new job was as smooth as possible. Whether it was because of his professionalism or his never-ending kindness towards him, he couldn’t tell – it was probably a bit of both. In the end, he was indebted to the man for what he had done for him and he’d do anything to repay him.

He’s my guardian angel.

However, his interest in him as a model had created another question in his mind – did Minho only see him as a potential model or was there something else, something more? After the intimacy they had shared at his office, the line between them had faded so much that he was confused than anything else. What did it mean for them? Minho had said he loved him, but after that, he hadn’t brought it up anymore. Did he think it was obvious or did he not want to talk about it at the office? Had it been a mistake, a spur of the moment decision that he now regretted? If he had indeed made a mistake, he would want to distance himself from him, but the elder had shown no such intention. He was just as warm and sweet and subtly flirtatious as ever.

As for himself, Sungjong didn’t know how to feel about Minho. He didn’t hate him, far from it; he didn’t hate the idea of them being together, but there was nothing solid between them. Besides, he was still trying to sort out his feelings for Myungsoo, trying to forget that his heart had leaned towards the man who hated him to the core.

Munsoo’s sudden appearance and confession made none of it easier either. The two brothers had him all tangled up and even though he was trying to move on from them both, he felt that an invisible rope was holding him back.

Something solid hit his foot. He looked down to find the vitamin water he had paid for had rolled out of the vending machine and landed on his foot. He was about to pick it up but someone else beat him to it. Straightening back up, Sungyeol handed the water bottle to him.

“Thanks,” he muttered, accepting the bottle.

“You’re not having lunch,” Sungyeol observed in a light voice.

Surprised by the non-hostility in his tone, Sungjong deliberated the reply.

“No…I er…”

“Dieting?”

When Sungjong didn’t reply, Sungyeol said, “I wish you wouldn’t skip meals. You have to stay healthy too, you know.”

He didn’t exactly meet his eyes, there was a dull awkwardness between them. After all, if you counted everything that had happened between them, their relationship was hardly friendly. But it was evident that Sungyeol was making efforts to correct his mistakes and it was only fair if Sungjong gave him the chance.

“Thanks. I’ll make sure I don’t overdo it.” He smiled at him, hoping to ease the tension. It worked; the taller man smiled back and his shoulders loosened. They spoke for a couple of minutes, just small talk between co-workers. It was refreshing to hold such a conversation, where he wasn’t on the receiving end of insults or praises – it was platonic, exactly how Sungjong would have imagined having co-workers would be like.

It’s relieving.

“So, if you don’t mind me asking, you and Taemin’s boss…” Sungyeol looked embarrassed, slightly biting the inside of his cheek. He fidgeted with his fingers, and his gaze was apologetic.

Sungjong shook his head.

“It’s a work relationship.”

He looked at him closely to see if the man had believed him. Most people didn’t, but the tall man seemed to have accepted it, nodding slightly. There was no knowing smile or pull on his lips that said that he didn’t believe him.

“I don’t know much about modeling honestly, but if you need anything, I’ll be happy to help.”

That was more than Sungjong could have asked from someone who had been spreading rumours about him a few weeks ago. He concluded that Sungyeol was a decent guy after all; that was more than he could say about the others he worked with.

Smiling warmly, he asked, “Do you know a place I’ll be left alone? I’m not really fond of people.”

Sungyeol straightened up and gestured at him to follow him. He led him to a small room on the other side of the cafeteria. It was empty except for a long table and a few chairs around it. There was whiteboard hanging from one wall.

“Here you go, it used to be a planning room but no one really uses it anymore.”

Thanking him, Sungjong put down the water bottle on the table.

“If you need anyone to talk to…I mean I understand the pressure could be huge, you’re juggling two jobs – if you need any help, you can always ask me, you know.” Sungyeol’s eyes were sincere as he spoke. The younger thanked him again, grateful that they had sorted out their problems. If things worked out, they could even be friends.

Sungyeol was about to leave when he remembered something. “Oh and don’t worry about Woohyun and Taemin, they’ve found a bigger gossip so they’ll lay your ones off for now.”

When Sungjong continued to look confused, the PA said, “Haven’t you heard? The chief got engaged to his girlfriend. I guess we can expect a wedding soon.”

With that, he pushed through the door, leaving Sungjong rooted to the spot. His body was momentarily paralysed and a climatic drumming filled his ears; he couldn’t believe what he had just heard …

It can’t be…

Trembling slightly, he brought out his cellphone and typed in Myungsoo’s name on one of the fashion-world related websites. He clicked on the first news article, which had ‘HOT’ in bold beside it, feeling cold inside his body.

There was a huge picture of Myungsoo with the same girl he had seen him with at the party. They were dressed elegantly and it seemed like they were walking on a red carpet. Tearing his eyes from the picture, he scrolled down, his fingers quivering.

Star Magazine’s Editor-in-Chief, Kim Myungsoo, announces his engagement to Asia’s top model, Park Jiyeon.

A block of ice slid down his throat and settled in his stomach, numbing every bit of his insides. It was a peculiar sensation, like he had just been anaesthetized and he was slowly slipping out of consciousness. His heart sped up, as if his heart was trying to pump blood as fast as it could, before it lost all strength.

Despite the blurring of his vision, he continued reading – he had to know it all.

Earlier today, the fashionable and elegant bachelor, who also happened to be the Chief Editor of Korea’s leading fashion magazine, Star, gave us some exciting news. Kim Myungsoo, 30, who had been described as an ice prince on many occasions had proved that he too can’t resist all temptations. In a joint press release from both sides earlier today, it has been revealed that Park Jiyeon, 29, currently one of the top-rated models, has said yes to Mr. Kim’s proposal. The two have turned their involvement into a real commitment, receiving cheers and applause from friends, family, and fans. Speculations have already begun among the fashion community about the prospect of a wedding and even any future offspring.

An elated Ms. Park told reporters, “It’s like my dreams are coming true. It’s the most special day for me and I had no idea at all. We never spoke about it and he sprung it on me, but I was more than willing to accept him.”

Mr. Kim commented, “We’re both very happy and we’d like to thank all our friends and family for bringing us together.”

The gorgeous duo has been dating for 3 years now and –

The hot tears clouded his vision and he dropped the phone from his hand. It was too much for him.

He’s engaged…and he’s happy.

All of a sudden, it hit him like a freight-train and he was in a coma – a thick protective barrier formed around his brain and the information did not seem to pass through the barrier to be processed. His mind refused to accept the news, even though he had seen the proof.

In a way, he was glad because he didn’t want to deal with this, he wasn’t sure if he could deal with it at all. He had promised to treat Myungsoo like a stranger, forget that he was in love with his boss, but up till now, his plan wasn’t really working.

No, I can’t do this. He’s just my boss, nothing else.

He wanted to be in this coma forever, where he would be blissfully ignorant to anything related with the boss. It would help him to survive, to get through this hailstorm. In his heart, he prayed that he could keep it up until it was all over. And the only way to do it was to give his all to his work and forget everything else. He wanted his mind to be so exhausted that it would not think about anything or anyone else.

I have to get through this, somehow.