Jonghyun was like the sun in a way: always radiant and right in your face even when you’d rather he be anywhere else. He was loud and his presence was large. Lately, however, Jonghyun seemed so… small. It was as if he was trying to recede into himself as far and quietly as he could without anyone realizing. Maybe that’s why Kibum noticed when normally he wouldn’t; it’s difficult to miss the moment when a light so bright burns out.

Jonghyun was sitting across the room on the floor, the guitar he named Key held in his hands as he plucked listlessly at the strings. He was humming something halfheartedly, like he didn’t have enough air in his lungs to do it properly. The stifling feeling of compressing depression was strong enough to have Kibum twitching and shifting restlessly.

“Jjong,” Kibum said as delicately as he could with a voice cracking from distress. “Come here.”

Jonghyun jumped a little, blinking owlishly out of his stupor before setting the guitar down and shuffling over to where Kibum was on the bed. He plopped down with a little bounce and coiled himself like a constrictor around Kibum,

“What’s the matter?” Jonghyun smiled gently, but Kibum could see that it didn’t reach his big puppy eyes.

“I’m not sure,” Kibum pursed his lips, staring intensely at his bedsheets. “I think—I mean… are you not happy being here? Do you want to go home?”

“What?”

Puffing his cheeks out a bit, Kibum looked Jonghyun in his eyes and asked, “You’ve been sad. I don’t normally notice because it’s hard for me to tell when you aren’t crying, but this time I did. So… what’s wrong?”

Jonghyun didn’t answer at first. He just stared at Kibum for a good long minute before sighing in exhaustion and letting his head fall to Kibum’s shoulder.

“No, I don’t want to go home. I don’t fancy getting punched in the face again, thank you very much,” Jonghyun mumbled into the fabric of Kibum’s T-shirt. “It’s just… do you ever feel trapped? Like you’re in a box of every bad decision you ever made and you can’t get out?”

Kibum thought for a moment before saying, “I often feel stuck in my own head. When the symptoms of my mental disorders first took effect it felt like I was screaming on the inside, banging to get out but no one heard. It’s better now, but that took years of therapy. I still have breakdowns every once in a while, and it’s hard to feel okay again after they happen. Is that what you’re feeling now?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Why?”

Jonghyun shrugged.

“Jongseok talks. People at school who I hardly know talk. Most of the time I tell myself that what they say means nothing; they don’t know me, they couldn’t possibly know me? But sometimes it just hurts so much to constantly be living under the scrutiny of others.”

“What do they say?” Kibum’s brows drew low.

“Well,” Jonghyun laughed lethargically. “Jongseok thinks I’m a loathsome freeloader who’s never going to amount to anything. And there are some people at school who treat me like I’m a repulsive pustule just for being the way that I am.”

Humming softly, Kibum smoothed his thumb over the yellowing bruise on Jonghyun’s cheekbone and tilted the boy’s head a bit so he could see his misting eyes.

“Well, I like you,” Kibum pecked Jonghyun’s brow. “So do the rest of the guys. I think that’s enough.”

“Is that so?” Jonghyun snorted, lifting a hand to tap the corner of Kibum’s mouth. “You didn’t even smile when you said that. Your face is always so blank, it feels like you don’t mean it.”

“I do,” Kibum asserted with a huff. “I wouldn’t be here like you with this otherwise. Do you not believe me?”

“I believe you,” Jonghyun pushed his face further into Kibum’s neck, muffling his voice. “Most of the time.”

Wrapping his arms securely around Jonghyun’s shoulders, Kibum laid them both down and tucked Jonghyun’s head under his chin.

“That’s okay. I guess I should tell you more often to get it through that thick skull of yours. But if I do that you have to do something for me.”

“And what would that be?”

Gripping the hair on Jonghyun’s neck tightly, Kibum whispered, “Tell me if you need help. Don’t let this get too bad.”

“Is that istJonghyun tried to joke. Kibum didn’t think it was funny.

“Promise me.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“Promise anyway.”

“…Okay. I promise.”