"It is sometimes a mistake to climb; it is always a mistake never even to make the attempt. If you do not climb, you will not fall. This is true. But is it that bad to fail, that hard to fall?"

Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol.6 : Fables and Reflections

 

Only the squeaking of wheels was heard in the hospital that day. A woman, dressed in white, strolled around the place in her wheelchair, the sick stench of rubbing alcohol invading her nostrills. She wanted to get away. 

 

But she wanted to stay, too.

 

 

It's as if she left something behind.

 

A bitter smile was etched on her face as she looked at her leg, a few broken bones, yes, very minor. 

 

 

And she hated it. Hated that she didn't just die. She dug her nails in her own skin feeling tears well up in her eyes, her heart heavy. 

 

She couldn't take it anymore.

 

Nobody could console her.

 

 

Because they don't understand.

 

 

A dull, dead look was painted in her eyes as she looked at the sky wondering if she could ever breathe again.

 

-

 

"So, how are you today?" The doctor asked her, a worried look in his face. She laughed. Everybody must have thought that she had gone crazy. Nobody trusted her anymore. But how could they, when even she wasn't sure of what was left of her sanity? How could they, when she is paranoid, hysterical, when all she could think of was her?

 

"How are you miss-" the doctor looked at his records for her name. 

 

"Don't mention it." She said half-heartedly. 

 

"We need to know how you are doing." The doctor placed a hand on her shoulder. "There are signs of psychological trauma, and this needs serious attention." He breathed.

 

How am I, you ask? I am broken. I am bent, I am dishevelled, I am crippled but I am not allowed to die. I continue to live here, I continue to breathe, I'll continue to eat, I'll continue to remember everything until I can't anymore! What is it should I feel? What is it do you want me to say?

 

"I'm fine." She said through gritted teeth. "At least that is what you wanted to hear?"

 

"No-"

 

"I'm fine. I'm alright. Now leave me alone. Please." She forcibly turned the wheels of the chair away, not sparing the doctor another glance.

 

 

Now. Now she just had to see her.

 

 

Just once. Even just one last time, she thought as she went to a room.

 

-

Pov of the woman in the wheelchair

 

 

"She looked so beautiful. It's as if she was asleep, huh?" Her mother talked to me, as she brushed strands of hair away from her face. 

 

"But she isn't." I choked out. "I'm stuck here, glued to this chair, and she- she's not asleep."

 

"She is not asleep. I'm sure she is there." 

 

"But why isn't she getting up?" 

 

"Why does she have to continue closing her eyes?"

 

The woman came to me, rubbing my back in soothing circles as tears ran down my eyes.

 

Her mom was like her.

 

"I'll be leaving you two for a while, alright? Go and watch after her."

 

 

She closed the door, its soft click the last thing I hear before the tears start spilling out. I glance at the bedside drawer before pulling out a journal, text written in every page. I smiled.

 

I grabbed my pen, and started writing, hoping she'd wake up. Hoping she'd wake up before I go.

 

-

 

Two months have passed. 

 

 

She is still there.

 

 

I am ready to go.

 

Two months have passed.

 

 

But she stayed as if time stood still.

 

Two months have passed.

 

And I couldn't let go.

 

On the day where autumn leaves fell, and the air smelled crisp, all I could ever knew was the scent of death and smoke, chilling me to the bone. I gave her one last look before heading out the room.

 

I  can't be a burden to her any longer.

-

 POV of the person in comma

 

"Her condition.......not very......" blurred words began entering my head. I felt it splitting, the harsh sounds cracking through my every  being.

 

Days have passed where I have heard nothing but silence.

 

Now, there is sound.

 

"Her leg.........can't."

 

 

 

Now I can hear.

 

 

"It won't be..........isn't much hope left...."

 

 

I desperately try to pry my eyes open. I wanted to see light.

 

 

 

I wanted to see her.

 

 

 

I wanted to wake up.

 

 

 

"She might-"

 

My eyes slowly opened, with people surrounding me, a shocked look in all of their faces. The doctor immediately came to check up on my vitals.

 

Tiffany had tears welling up in her eyes as she hugged me. I was happy beyond relief.

 

 

But she...she is not here.

 

 

Where is she now?

 

"Jessica!" Taeyeon screamed as the doors of the hospital room opened, before she came near me, tears spilling from her amber-colored eyes. 

 

"We were very worried about you" Tiffany started. "The doctor said-"

 

"Hush!" Taeyeon snapped. 

 

"I won't be able to walk again?" I choked out.

 

Taeyeon only managed a small nod.

 

"I get it. " I fake a smile.

 

"I get it already."

 

 

But I don't.

 

"I get that I won't be walking any longer-"

 

"But we can have therapy!" Tiffany interrupted. "It might take a long while, but there is a chance that-"

 

 

"It won't change anything!" I screamed.I've had enough of it. I have had enough of things.

 

Taeyeon came to soothe me, ushering Tiffany outside. Said she needed to talk to me one on one. Now I feel like a jerk.

 

"Do you know where Yuri is, right now?".Taeyeon asked in a tone unfamilliar to me.

 

"I don't know. I don't care."

 

 

"Do you know how long she waited while you were asleep?" 

 

I stayed quiet.

 

"T-two freaking months, Sica!" She wailed. "You know, she regretted it, all of it. You know, she loved you, she loved you an awful lot. I've seen her, I've heard her, in every waking day of my life, how she cried hour by hour on your  bedside, wanting you to just wake up. How could you just give up on that?"

 

"How could you give your life up like it's trash when you loved her too, Sica?" She cried in a desperate tone.

 

 

"You know I- I loved you. And I knew that from the beginning, it was never enough. But can you at least- for yourself?" 

 

 

I swallowed the lump in my throat, my chest heavy.

 

 

"I choose my own life. I decide my own fate. You, her, both have got nothing to do with it. So could you just-please leave me? Be an understanding girlfriend."

 

"I've been far too understanding, Sica." She said turning away from me.  "You've gotta get your together this time. You know we'll help you...but you've gotta decide."

 

The door shut with a soft click.

 

 

 

I felt something warm and wet on my cheeks.

 

 

And then I realized.

 

 

If Yuri did love me, then where is she now?

 

 

 

Why isn't she here with me?

 

-

 

Two more weeks have passed, Jessica is getting healthier. She had gotten several psychological therapies, her wounds are healing. 

 

 

But she didn't take her therapy sessions for her legs. She didn't want to walk.

 

 

A week before, Taeyeon broke up with her saying "I wasn't capable enough for you." 

 

 

Saying, "I'll be your friend then, if it is what you want."

 

 

Saying, "I'll not leave you alone in this."

 

 

Saying, "We'll get through this together."

 

 

And Jessica found her heart becoming light, as she outstretched her hand to meet Taeyeon's.

 

 

It's as if meeting a new friend.

 

-

 

 One more week had gone. Passed by, without anyone's notice.

 

 

But for her, it felt so painful, so deathly slow.

 

 

Jessica decided to quit writing.

 

 

She dug around the drawers for her journal, wanting to give her dream one last look before it burned to pieces. She caught a page with a small feather as a bookmark. Something she had never done.

 

She wanted to say a lot of things. She wanted to say, I'm sorry I was too late, she wanted to say, I'm sorry I didn't make it in time. She wanted to cry, and beg, and plead, and tell that person to come back. She wanted that person to wake up and be in her arms. She wanted to ask why all of this had happened. She wanted to ask why she had to continue living, knowing that rest has been granted for the other. She wanted to know how long she could last, knowing that the one sleeping beside her might just not be there the next day. She wanted to say all that, yet, when she opened , no words came out. was dry, her mind was blank. Darkness.

 

 

And when the leaves turned red and fell on the streets, she left.

 

 

And so she left, her cowardice showing.

 

 

And so she left, hoping for forgiveness.

 

 

And so she left, hoping her repentance would wake her up.

 

 

Because she knows she ran out of words to say.

 

 

Because she only knew how to apologize.

 

 

 

Because...because I am that person, Sica.

 

 

Because I loved you so much.

 

 

 

Because by the time you have read this, I will be gone.

 

 

Because I want you to be happy.

 

 

Because I wanted you to live free.

 

 

Because I wanted you to be who you are again. To see you like spring in winter, warmth engulfing the cold.

 

 

But I'll probably be late to see it.

 

 

Because all of this, all of this I can't put to words but here-

 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being one step late. I'm sorry for being a few moments early.

 

Jessica cried , tears dripping onto the pages as she thought of everything that had gone wrong.

 

 

Taeyeon entered the room, consoling Jessica, rubbing her back in soothing circles that was unlike Yuri's touch.

 

 

 

Jessica tried to for the words as ached so much before she finally spoke.

 

 

"I want.....I want to be able to walk again"

 

 

 

"H-help...me, Taeyeon."

 

 

It wasn't too late. It is not going to b

 

 

 

 

A.N: ok, everyone, I'm sorry for updating super slow, there has been a lot of projectd and exams lately, amd author has to focus. But here it is, a new chapter! I hope you enjoyed! And hang on tight, this story is about to end.